a bit of history · friends and loved ones

provision on wheels

In January of 2003, we found ourselves looking for a car, after a terrible car accident while traveling up north.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I’m telling you the truth: I had no idea how in the world we were going to be able to afford anything at all, let alone anything I’d actually want to drive, and do you know what happened?

God gave us the gift of a beautiful, royal blue VW Jetta wagon.  I loved that car, not just because I’d always wanted one – but, because with all of our circumstances added up, it was nothing other than a gift from our Heavenly Father. There is no other explanation.

So, when the spring of 2007 rolled around after Isaac was born, and we realized we needed a bigger vehicle for the four of us – I was heart broken – not because I loved my Jetta – but, because it was hard to give up something that was a love-gift.  But, we took it in to the Honda dealership to trade, and once again – there was a financial miracle far beyond our expectations and we drove away in a new Honda Odyssey.

There’s something about driving your kids around in a car like this day after day.  It is a reliable companion, a cohort on adventure, and a peaceful place for nappers on the way home after a full day of excitement.  My little mini-van was my “get-away car” in less than delightful situations, and my joy ride on a beautiful day.  My kids named her, but I could never remember her name – I just knew she was old faithful to me. She was all of this because God saw fit to give her to us.

A few months back, we began to realize it may be time to let her go.  We began watching and waiting for the right replacement – what fit our budget and what fit the needs of our family. Our dealership of choice was the local Carmax, watching for the right gently used possibilities.    Month after month passed and we watched the “right” cars pass us by, knowing it wasn’t the right time yet.

Finally, last week, we knew the time was right – and we began watching – planning to purchase over the weekend.  Right before our eyes, over the week, we watched as every deal, every car we thought reasonable, disappeared from the website, until Friday night when we looked – there was not one car left that fit the bill.

Even though we have this beautiful track record of God’s provision to look over and call to mind, I was so disappointed.   There was nothing left that we wanted.  How could this be?!?  Should we just settle for something that was not the best, and pay hard-earned money for something that didn’t fit what we needed?

But, let me tell you what happened on Saturday morning!  As we sat at Chickfila for breakfast, Michael pulled up the Carmax app on his phone one more time – and there it was! Brand new, in Chattanooga over night!  Just what we had been hoping for!  It could not have been more right!  Michael immediately put a hold on it, we gobbled down breakfast, sped across town and bought it!

Friends, I cannot tell you the joy in my heart to see Him so clearly provide exactly what we needed, at exactly the right time ; it was a beautiful thing for my heart.  It also made it a tad bit easier to let go of the odyssey, my faithful friend of almost 10 years.  Our prayer is that He will use that ol’ girl to be a faithful friend now to someone who needs her.

We are so thankful for His provision, because we know that all good things come as gifts from Him.     

saying goodbye, to our sweet and faithful friend.

and hello, to our new companion!

the kids were pretty excited!

 

a bit of history · friends and loved ones · home schooling

Just Today

My girl is 15.  I don’t really know how that happened so quickly.  It seems like just yesterday we… Well, I don’t need to review all that right now- I’d end up in a puddle of tears and have to stop blogging.  Anyway – I blinked and here we are.

So, we were sitting at the table the other day  doing some school work – and she was finishing up her economics assignment, drawing up a draft of a budget for when she is post-college, working and living on her own.  Now, let me tell you, I don’t like thinking about those things with her.  Not yet!  We can barely stay focused to finish Algebra 1 this year.

But, as we spoke about the future, she really got into it – planned her occupation,  how she’d spend her salary, and many other things.  I could tell, even once we had finished the work, she was still thinking.  Not long after we had moved onto other things, she came back, loaded with questions.

How do we know I can make it to that?  What about…?  And you can fill in the blank – she had so many variables of what might happen and wanted to know what she was supposed to do about it?!?!

I just stared at her like a deer looking into headlights.

I wasn’t speechless because of her questions.  I was speechless because I had asked God the very same thing earlier in the day – except with different variables!     My girl and I are good at asking hard questions, and worrying…

My new prayer journal is pink with tiny, glittery-gold polka-dots.  I had recently picked it up from Target and began writing my requests. I kid you not : That day in my journal I had written a list of circumstances and questions that I could not get my brain to comprehend. From next week, to next school year, to five years from now – I was franticly praying like it was all happening tomorrow.

Completely ironic (or maybe not) is the fact that at the very front of the journal, just days before, I had written a confession to the Lord.  I wrote that I was prepared to wait on Him – and there, in scrolling cursive, I had copied some beloved Scripture.

Psalm 27:13-14

13 I would have lost heart unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
14Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart.  Wait, I say, on the Lord. 

As I reread the words over and over, I was reminded to wait.  One day at a time- JUST TODAY- is where I can keep my focus, and He will care for the rest.  Faithfulness, day to day – patience, day to day, – and He will bring the strength and courage for what comes.

Thank you Heavenly Father, for the promises from your Word, that my girl and I can share.  Help us to hear Your promises and believe!  Let our hearts find strength in You!  Amen.

 

Emily with her Challenge 1 tutor, at a formal event this weekend.
She is growing into a beautiful young woman!

friends and loved ones

tears of unknown origin…

She just sat in my lap, little tears dripping down her chin.  Lips trembling, but nothing to say.  In true Mom fashion I could not just sit – I wanted to know what was all the fuss.  I asked a million questions at first.  But, she wasn’t able to answer – only nod her head.   I had to let her sit and be still and cry a little.

If you know me at all, you know:  I’m not good at quiet.  not at all.  But, I’m learning.  This one, my littlest – she is feisty, but careful with her words and not always quick to use them.

There we sat – while I worried and fretted over what was wrong.  Turns out she was just a little jealous of my time, but she was never actually able to come out and tell me anything.  (Her daddy helped me figure it out later.)

I realized later tonight she and I aren’t all that different.  There have been times that my prayer time has looked a lot like this:  Sitting quietly with the Lord, shedding tears, unable to articulate the burdens of my heart, all the while believing that if I just sit with Him, He’ll know my heart’s needs.

I love my sweet girl – and desperately don’t wish for her to carry on so heavy hearted.  Do you know that after she sat with me, and shed her tears, it was as though her spirits were lifted and she was back to smiles again? Without her saying officially what all the trouble was about, she had let go of that heavy burden…

And this is true of how things work with my Heavenly Father -the heaviness is lifted, when I go to Him, even if I can’t voice a thing.  He is able to carry it, even if I can’t fully explain it.   He knows exactly what I need when I don’t comprehend it yet.    His invitation is always open – I  forget sometimes… But, there is so much peace and calm for my heart when I take Him up on the offer.

Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  

1 Peter 5: 7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

 

 

 

 

 

friends and loved ones · in my kitchen

I’ve finally made a decision…

People have been asking; you may have been wondering.  I was too, you know.  Sometimes,  on less significant choices (chocolate or red velvet? strawberry or blueberry?), I am terribly indecisive.  This time it took even longer than usual to make my decision.  I mean, I wanted it to be just right.

Ends up that I had to ask my sister.  She’s good at this kind of thing.  I mean, she’s GOOD.  So, I texted for her help.  (If you can’t ask your big sister, who can you ask?)

What in the world should I call my little, on-the-side, cake baking business?   And, without hesitating, (seriously, it was seconds) she texted:

More Cake, Please. 

And it was done.  There could not be a better title for this small little adventure I’m on.

Eventually there might be a website and other fun stuff!  But, for now, you can follow all the crazy cake baking nonsense (and other general kitchen and foodie shenanigans) on Instagram at:   mor3cakeplease

That is all for now.  Just thought you might want to know.

 

img_5342

 

friends and loved ones · who knows?

December tornado

img_5102It’s been a little busy around here.  Okay, truthfully, its been frantic.  There’s not a lot of room for quietness or serenity on the holiday musician’s calendar.  Add to it Emily’s exam schedule and end of semester home schooling activities, a husband’s high work demands, some baking and gift lists to fulfill, and, well you get the picture…  The stress is enough to make this mama’s heart crack into a million pieces.

It isn’t just that busyness for me.  Recently I finished another round of treatment.  Listen, it isn’t that big of a deal, really.  It isn’t.  There is so much worse that could be happening in my little family’s life.  Except that at the end of 16 weeks, I do feel like I’m an emotional disaster, loosing my mind at the busiest time of year.  (It is certainly why you don’t hear much from me here, on the blog.)   Definitely not what I imagine when I plan our Advent season.

So, the other day, as I was standing in my kitchen, making lists for baking supplies and outlining what I would bake when, I had a moment.  It isn’t that kind of thing you want anyone to see – it could also be described as a meltdown, involving lots of tears and tissues.  It all started because I couldn’t find a recipe…   then, everything (and I do mean every possible emotion) came swirling around me.  All of the emotion and stress of the past weeks just came loose like a tornado.

Am I the only experiencing a wild, unexpected storm in December? 

Then, like an angel of mercy, this music played on my speakers.  A sweet piano student had given me the Christmas record by Fernando Ortega.  At just the right moment, I heard these words, that slowed the raging storm in my heart and mind to a peaceful calm that only HE can give:

Jesus, King of angels, Heaven’s light
Shine Your face upon this house tonight
Let no evil come into my dreams
Light of Heaven keep me in Your peace

Remind me how You made dark spirits flee
And spoke Your power to the raging sea
And spoke Your mercy to a sinful man
Remind me Jesus, this is what I am

The universe is vast beyond the stars
But You are mindful when the sparrow falls
And mindful of the anxious thoughts
That find me, surround me and bind me

With all my heart I love You, Sovereign Lord
Tomorrow let me love You even more
And rise to speak the goodness of Your name
Until I close my eyes and sleep again

Jesus, King of angels, Heaven’s light
Hold my hand and keep me through this night

In a strange sort of way, I’ve come to believe that Advent is the most wonderful time of year to experience an anxious heart and stress.  Because, it is right now in the middle of all the holiday ridiculousness, my heart can bring into focus the truest story of Christmas!  The Prince of Peace, Jesus, was born as a tiny baby and came to earth to bring the very peace I need.

From the beginning of time He knew that He was coming to bring peace, even to me, standing in my “December-baking-decorating – list making -holiday-busy- kitchen.”  While I can’t fathom it, my heart is settled and quiet, resting in the very peace He has given to me.  I pray you will find that same rest and peace for your heart this Advent season.

friends and loved ones · who knows?

in need of a happy ending

It was Saturday.  Not just any old Saturday, either.  It was the day of one of my very favorite events of the year: my children’s choir was to ring the bells at a Salvation Army red kettle at a local grocery store and sing Christmas carols.

Friday night I was PUMPED.

Saturday morning I woke up sick as a dog.  And I mean the kind of sickness where you find yourself worshiping the god of the porcelain bowl – which I did many times before realizing I was NOT going to ring any bells or sing Christmas carols.  I made the right phone calls to cancel the event and fell back asleep for several hours.

When I woke up, I was bummed.  I had a lingering headache and heartache.  I was SAD.

What is a girl to do laying in bed with nowhere to go and no energy for anything except think about the unfortunate situation?  I turned on the tv for distraction.  I could hardly bear to watch anything that might exasperate my poor frame of mind.  My heart was lonely and cold; it needed a little warmth.

Hallmark Christmas movies almost hit the spot as I lay there half asleep-half watching the girl fall in love with the guy while everyone sings “Silent Night.” That about covers the theme of every Christmas Hallmark special, right?  Always culminating in a happy ending.  Always.  You can count on it like clockwork.  And sometimes it can help your heart.

Do you know what I realized later, when I was feeling better and in my right mind?  There is a very true story, significantly better than any Hallmark movie ever dreamed of being.   It is the story of Advent. That is what I truly needed- that Saturday, and every day for that matter.  It is the one narrative that brings all of the joy, peace and comfort needed to  warm my heart and soul.

from Luke 2:

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Luke 2 does not simply tell a nice story of a baby being born.  Yes, Jesus, came to earth – the Godhead incarnate!  It is an amazing, miraculous story of love and sacrifice that we as believers cherish and celebrate.

But, this passage from Luke presents the story of a God who makes promises and keeps them.  From early in the Old Testament, since the fall of man, He promised He would send a better King, a better sacrifice- a Redeemer and Savior.  And that is exactly what He did.  In Luke 2, God kept His promise.   There is nothing more hopeful than this : He is a promise-keeping God.  He will come again.  And when He does, He will redeem every story with His perfect ending.  When Jesus comes again to reign, that perfect ending? It will really just be a beautiful beginning of life with Him!

 

 

friends and loved ones · music, my true love

joy, for all people, not just the children

It isn’t advent yet, I realize that.  But, as a children’s choir director I’ve been thinking about Christmas music for a few months, and singing it with children for several weeks.   It was just two weeks ago I began singing a song with some of my favorite kids at church, in preparation for our church’s Christmas program.

The song is taken directly  from Luke 2:

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,  “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.”

 

I can barely keep the tears from falling every time I hear them sing these words : “Joy that will be for all people!” No matter how confidently they sing, as a grown-up it doesn’t seem so easy sometimes….

Over the last week, post-election,  I see many friends and acquaintances who seem to have forgotten that joy.  So much fear, so much sadness, so much anger and confusion – but joy is nowhere to be found.

What is this joy the angel promised that was for all people?

Well, it is not joy because of my stuff or my great health, or because life is going my way, or because the right person was elected, or because my circumstances are perfect.

No.  It is Joy because Jesus fulfilled the promise.  He came to earth as a small baby.  He lived a perfect life – and He died and rose in order to give me His righteousness, and eternal life.  Joy because He’s made me free.  Joy because He keeps His promises.  Joy because He will come again!  Joy because these gifts are truly for all who believe in Him!

It is this Joy, in the person of Jesus, that meets the heart of each person, full tilt, bringing with it, His peace.   I’m thankful for these children in my choir who can sing, reminding me of this truth.       May we all find our joy and peace renewed this Advent season, so that we too can sing with confidence, “Joy that will be for all people!”

 

 

friends and loved ones

praying for my scout

Two weekends ago my boys left on a cub scout camping trip – headed to the wilderness.  Okay, not really the wilderness!  It was Skymont, the regional Tennessee Scout camp.   The only reason I refer to it as wilderness is because there was no… (cue scary music here)…  cell service.

It was my boys’  first getaway of this nature and Isaac was beyond excited. Of course this means it was my first stay-at-home weekend of this nature and as a mama. I was not quite as excited.  In fact, I can’t remember being separated from my boys for more than a short period of time without being able to communicate.

I’m not sure I really knew what this would feel like until they had been gone a few hours.  Dark hours approached on Friday evening and I realized I wasn’t going to hear from them.   No update texts from Michael on their progress or activities.   I didn’t even know if they had managed to get their dinner cooked or their tent set up. No goodnights or over-the-phone hugs and kisses at bed time.   I had no way of knowing if they were okay.

Let me stop here and say that of course they were okay!  They were with hundreds of experienced scouts and dads.  All was well.  But, in the absence of communication I became a bit uneasy.

Friday night as my head hit the pillow, I realized my only option was to pray.  Praying for protection, health, safety, provision, endurance, and a good night’s rest at their little campsite: my only option.

It is important you know that I have only been camping once as an adult.  The Holiday Inn is as rough or rustic as it gets for me.  This means I actually had no idea what all was going on over the weekend of scout camp – and it also means, I really had no idea how to pray for my boys.  As Friday night turned into the wee hours of Saturday morning, I prayed more.

What if Isaac or Michael got hurt?  What if Isaac wasn’t having a good time? What if I didn’t remember to pack everything they needed?

What if?

What if?

What if?

Saturday rolled along, and I promise you that the more I realized I wasn’t going to hear from them at all, the more I prayed.  It is the closest I’ve ever come to considering what it is like to pray without ceasing.  Saturday came to a close and I had this thought…

Why is it that I don’t pray like this all the time?

After all, it is an illusion to believe I’m controlling things just because my people are in close proximity.  Unfortunately, it seems that I don’t feel the need to pray as much when my kids are nearby and I think I’m in control.   Why is prayer my last resort?   I need to have a heart that prays for my family and friends whether they are at arms length or hundreds of miles away.  Only the Heavenly Father, who hears those prayers, is the One who guards their way and provides for their needs.

By Sunday afternoon my boys were home, and I realized just how much the Heavenly Father had orchestrated their weekend.  His love for them, in the form of this campout, could not have been more clear.  His plans are far greater than mine- always! His plan for me was great, too – I learned how to pray for my cub scout! And there’s nothing I’d rather do!

img_4527

img_4524

img_4528

 

friends and loved ones · who knows?

not finished yet…

On Friday a new garage door was installed at our house.  I’ve been very excited about the new door arriving.  We’ve been looking forward to replacing the door for a long time.  It was OLD.  And It creaked and moaned every time we used it.  For the last month or so, I’ve actually worried that it might fall down, right out of the ceiling.

When the installer arrived, I opened our garage. As he walked in, the garage door made all of its tired noises and he said, “This is a terrible door.”  And all I could do was nod.  There was nothing else to be said.   The process of putting up the garage door turned out to be a little more complicated than expected and it took him quite a while.  Once he was finished and gone, I went outside to look over the door.

Now, I have to tell you, in case you don’t know:  Our house is currently brown cedar siding and brown brick.  Because we have painted Michael’s shop in the backyard from a palette of blues, we are also planning to side the house (maybe in the next year or two?)  and paint it from the same palette.  So, based on what we know is going to happen in the future, we chose a white garage door.

That’s right – the door is white, surrounded completely by brown.

As I stood in our driveway I had this overwhelming desire to put a sign in the yard that said, “Not finished yet.”    I don’t want folks to think this is the final look we’re going for – there’s more to come!  But I didn’t do it.

It is true that I need that sign, and not just outside my house.   Personally, as a believer, I am a work in progress – and I’m nowhere near the finish – God is still at work.  Worse, it seems to be taking a LONG time.  Unending home remodeling projects have nothing on my heart’s renovations!

What I do know is that He is at work!  Sometimes it is really painful – sometimes it is a joy.   But it is happening!   The thing is, often what’s going on in my life can seem unusual or awkward because I don’t see the outcome.   In my own human imaginations it is hard to figure out what the current crisis is about, until it is over.

But,  I can wait with confidence. He has planned the renovations from beginning to end –  He promises He won’t quit until the work in my life is complete. And, guess what? Even as I am in process, I can give grace to others, knowing that their hearts are under contract too.

Philippians 1: 6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 2: 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

So, when you come to my house for a visit, and it looks a little unusual    from the ongoing projects, maybe we can agree to remember- we are all not finished yet!  

friends and loved ones · who knows?

Oh me of little faith!

DSC00462

(The cutest little picture of “ready – not ready for back to school”!  Oh these two, I love them so!)

Last spring, I felt it coming.  change.  It was hanging in the air around my home like a thick unwanted fog that made decisions difficult to bring into focus.  Moving forward almost impossible.

You probably know my oldest daughter has moved into high school this year.  She’s a freshman, doing really, really well – and it is so exciting.  All is well on that front.   But the road from last spring to now – well, that wasn’t so easy.

When homeschooling, there are important plans to be made each year.  While I try not to make these every day choices on our journey too monumental, it doesn’t change how it feels:  enormous.  That’s how it felt last spring when I was trying to figure out how to help Emily embark well into her high school career.   And that was just the beginning.  What about music lessons for Isaac?  What about gymnastics, or soccer for Mackenzie?  Cub scouts?  The list of questions went on a mile long.

My work schedule does necessitate that we stay together for academics.  Whether its a co-op, or classical conversations, we need to be away from home one day a week and no more, at least for this school year.  So, on these terms – I put out a “fleece” (if you will) to see what God had for us.

As it turns out, it seemed God was pointing us to a Monday community of Classical Conversations that meets across town. You would think I was Gideon, how I kept setting out tests – “Are you sure it is this, God?”  oh.  okay.  Wait, “Are you really sure?”     You see, I wasn’t totally looking forward to starting my crew at a completely new community with complete strangers and different curriculum and all the other stuff that comes with change.  But, with each of my tests, He just kept pointing me in the direction of “change” and “new” and “uncomfortable.”

sigh.

As the summer passed I became increasingly uneasy that I had made a huge error in my plans.  I can’t tell you how many times I thought about backing out, even though I’d had so many clear answers from heaven, in response to my many fleeces.

One of my prayers over the summer was that all of my children would find a place to build strong friendships.  I prayed this especially for my Isaac, who needs some friends to do “boy stuff” with, since he is with us girls all day long, all week long.

The week before our CC community began Isaac went to cub scouts on Monday night and met some new boys; he made a friend named Gaston.  Several times over the week I heard Isaac mention Gaston, and plans to hang out with him the coming week at cub scouts on Monday night.

On the next Monday morning  we drove across town to our new CC community for the first time with anxious hearts.  We were heading to a new place, with new classrooms, new tutors,  new faces and names to remember.  You won’t believe who was sitting in Isaac’s class!  Gaston!  I thought Isaac was going to cry from excitement and relief.

I left his classroom with a few tears welling up, realizing that there are so many little moments like that this year, here at the beginning of our school year!  The God of the universe is in control of the tiniest details, right down to making sure my son had a friend on his first day of CC.   I couldn’t have pulled all of this together the way He has orchestrated it if I’d had years to plan it!

Sometimes my faith is tiny.  Sometimes I just don’t believe He’s had time to note the specifics of my situation.  But, I’m glad my level of faith does not correspond to how well my Heavenly Father cares for me and my little family.  He holds us close no matter what.

I love how the Message reads in this passage from Colossians 1:

15-18 We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God’s original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment.