(My lovely kiddos pictured on our first day at a new co-op – Oh, don’t we look super happy! )

Its a mental picture of sorts I have – it describes how our school year is going.  We are about 6 or 7 weeks in to our academics for the 2017-18 year, and I have to tell you about it:

You know that little kid on the playground who is too small to keep up, but is always trying hard, scrambling along just behind everyone?

That’s me.

I’m that little kid shouting, “Wait for me guys, wait for me!”    Almost always a day late and dollar short.

Assignments late for a new co-op teacher?  Check.  Forget an extra appointment, even though its been on the calendar for months.  You betcha.  Trying to remember new passwords and order the right stuff for the right class but getting it ALL WRONG.  Absolutely.

I was looking back thru my journal and found an entry from August where I wrote out all of the “new” things implicated in the upcoming school year -and really it was sort of a prayer asking the Lord for help.  When I got to writing it all out it became clear just how much our year was going to be different from the last – and the whole thing was a little (okay, a lot) scary.  It looked like this:

new school year.  Help
new co-op.  Help
new choir.  Help
new friends and relationships.  Help
new technology.  Help
new requirements.  Help
new classrooms.  Help
new schedules.  Help
new books, teachers, expectations.  help help help!
new expenses, new emotions. HELP!

So, I tried to encourage myself with these words:  New is good.  New is hard.  New stretches.  New is healthy.

It worked just a little.  But then, I thought about the real way to homeschool.  I learned this way back in the early days, but I always forget.  My heart is prone to wander from the truth.

I know beyond any doubt that homeschooling, this year, is what God has for our family.  And with this knowledge I can homeschool using the three Rs.  You may not know them…

Remember.  Remember His faithfulness – that He already has done big things and He will continue to accomplish through me what He has called us to do.  

Rely.  Once I get around to remembering (which is more difficult than one might think) I need to rely on that faithfulness – rely on His goodness, His mercy, His provision.  HE will do it. 

Rest.  I can calm down in the middle of all the “new” that we are experiencing.  Even if I feel like we can’t catch up, even if I feel like nothing is going the way I’ve planned, I can rest in HIM.  He is the author of this story, not me.  I can let my heart remain in HIM.  

“I am the vine and you are the branches.  He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”

I walked into the room, bringing a wave, no, a tsunami of tension with me.  She wasn’t facing me, standing at the table looking over her teaching materials, and I thought momentarily I might catch her off guard.  “Mrs. Jones,” I said, my voice lightly trembling, “I’m Emily’s mom and I… uh… we …” She whirled around, and stopped me with a gracious warmth in her voice.

“Everything’s going to be alright.  Everything’s going to be just fine,” she said.  

I can still hear those words rolling off her lips.  Her eyes were shining brightly with the light of Jesus and she knew exactly what to say.  All of my worries and anxious thoughts were defused in just one moment.   It was a moment I will never forget.

That day was our first day of school in 2016, and Emily was nervous.  But I… I had taken up that nervous-ness right along with her.  All summer, I had coasted along confidently, happily believing we had made the best plans for Emily’s first year of high school. But, as the first day closed in, we both became less and less confident.

Some years are different than others for me in how and what I plan for our school work, but always, and I do mean always, I reach an anxious point.  And at that point, I pray frantic prayers to the Lord for help and wisdom and peace because I know that I can’t do this BIG thing He’s called me to do without His help.

Last year, He used Mrs. Jones to help calm my heart. (And by the way, we had a fantastic year – thanks to the goodness of the Lord!)   School starts tomorrow, but this year, we don’t have a Mrs. Jones.  And so, I’m remembering, His goodness – but also her words and her heart.

Because He is at the heart of our home school, I am confident:

Everything’s going to be alright.  Everything’s going to be just fine.  

And to everyone starting school, at home, or in christian, public or private classrooms – I pray you will live confidently believing :   He who promises to finish the good work He started, will be faithful!   Have a great year!!

“Let’s bake cookies, you know the oatmeal chocolate chip ones? Those are my favorite.  and we can take them to the pool on Friday to share. and lemonade – let’s make lemonade too.” That’s what she said yesterday when we were talking about our week and making a few plans.

I was a bit proud.

There’s one thing I know for sure: I’ve been baking cookies to share ever since she can remember.  It is as normal as laundry or cleaning around here and it shows in her idea.  My girl is starting to think like me.

So, we set out to bake together tonight.  And I found myself huddled with her around the mixer.  Trying desperately to let her navigate, I kept giving unnecessary instruction.  She’s been with me long enough to know how to bake cookies.

But, I’m not good at letting go.    I have this unreasonable expectation of perfection in the kitchen;  cookies should turn out a very certain way…

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I’m sitting here waiting for the cookies to cool and I’m reminded of Scripture from Deuteronomy 11.

18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

You know, I’ve read this over and over this evening. While the Lord is asking for obedience from His people – He isn’t saying, “Look here, teach your children all of this, and they will go do it perfectly on the first try.”

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A few weeks ago my girl went thru assessment testing.  I was a little nervous about what her scores would be.  For the most part I’ve been her only teacher here at home, overseeing all of her education.  Are we on track?  Are we behind?  Have I done a worthwhile job?  All of these questions would haunt me when I was trying to fall asleep at night…

Well, the time came and I sent her into the testing – she had to go it alone and come up with the answers (obviously).  No help from me, other than what I had taught her over the last eight years.

Here’s the thing:  we got her scores today and she is absolutely on track – even ahead on several subjects.  I would like you to think it is because she’s had a fantastic teacher.  But it isn’t. Faithfully we did the work, learning each step of the way.  And when it was time she was successful.   Was it perfect?  Nope- we have some work to do.  But, that’s okay!

As I see  my girl grow into a young adult, who makes good choices, who thinks clearly even when it is difficult and who loves Jesus- I can see that He is working in her.  Maybe that’s partly because we’ve tried to be obedient to settle His words in her heart… or maybe it is because He is having mercy on us.

Sin and mistakes and poor decisions are probably in her future – I know they are a part of my growing up.  But, I’m confident that she belongs to Him.  And I can see that it might be okay to let go just a little bit, let her spread her wings, do things on her own- baking or test taking or any other number of things –  and become the young woman He is creating.

On Sunday night it hit me hard.  one more day.  Just one more day of summer. no more “freedom – sunshine and happiness – pool time – ice-cream – sleeping late” kinds of days.  They are over.  done.  Only “alarm clocks to set -schedules to follow -school work to complete – never-ending schedule- gotta keep moving” kinds of days instead.

It always feels to soon when we are getting ready for the academic year to begin- summer is never long enough. Not to mention – there are three children to teach this year – and three sets of curriculum to work thru, and three checklists to check off – which does seem VERY overwhelming.

But, there are no brakes on the calendar, time marches on and we had to carry on with it. So, school officially began at our house on Tuesday.

Here’s where I normally would post photos of our first day of school, complete with smiling faces, but my computer is giving me troubles – so, unfortunately, not too many photos.  I can tell you that our first day involved fresh pads of paper, newly sharpened pencils, unused erasers, shelves and shelves of books that were especially ordered for each child, and plenty of positive reinforcement. (otherwise known as : peanut butter M&M’s and starburst.)

And I had music playing: it keeps me calm+ in forward motion= two very important items for the teacher’s first day of school.

I listened to one of my favorites several times – and it was such a good reminder, keeping my emotions in check and feeling less helpless.  When I heard the lyrics, I became confident: everything was under control, specifically HIS control, and I could rest.   These are the best kinds of moments at the beginning of the school year – the ones where HE is at the center, my steadfast anchor.

Here are the words:

Come To Me

Last evening while I was finishing up the dinner dishes,  my hubby sat down at the dining room table with my kiddos – with one of his favorite books and a stack of plain white paper.

Airplanes.  paper airplanes.  They started looking at a page, with just the right design, examining the folds, reading and following the directions, preparing for the outdoors.    Carefully they created.  In the meantime, Michael was explaining how it would work.  To them, this was serious fun.  To me, it was learning in progress.

The plan:  1. make stellar, sky-worthy planes.  2. fly them from the deck of the shop out back. 3. gather planes from the yard.  4. repeat.

Out the back door, down the steps they scrambled, across the yard, and up the steps of Michael’s workshop, ready for aviation success.

Now, it was quite a breezy evening down in our part of the valley.  and I had a feeling things may go differently than they planned.   Who doesn’t know that a tiny piece of white paper sailing across the sky has no control over the winds from Heaven?  And, you certainly can’t sail against them.  Their only option: surrender.

I grabbed my camera, and caught the project in action.  And even as I snapped shots of these little planes being whisked wherever the swirls of breeze wished, I had a few thoughts.

I’ve been spending a few weeks now, the feeble little piece of human being that I am, trying to gain control of the winds that are altering my life’s path.  I’ve thrashed against the winds blowing, trying to make things different, even though they are completely out of my control.

As uncomfortable as it is,  I’m reminded of these words from  Job 23: 9-10.

When He works on the left hand, I cannot behold Him;
When He turns to the right hand, I cannot see Him.
But He knows the way that I take;
When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.

What is necessary for me?  total surrender.

The same God, who is in control of the winds, has set His flight plan for me. and I need to set my course to blow peacefully along those currents, rather than trying to fly against them.  Though I can’t seem Him, I can trust His way.  Surely, I should know this by now, shouldn’t I?

Just like those little white paper airplanes working overtime against the breezes in our backyard last night, all that flapping I’ve been doing is meaningless.