In January of 2003, we found ourselves looking for a car, after a terrible car accident while traveling up north.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I’m telling you the truth: I had no idea how in the world we were going to be able to afford anything at all, let alone anything I’d actually want to drive, and do you know what happened?

God gave us the gift of a beautiful, royal blue VW Jetta wagon.  I loved that car, not just because I’d always wanted one – but, because with all of our circumstances added up, it was nothing other than a gift from our Heavenly Father. There is no other explanation.

So, when the spring of 2007 rolled around after Isaac was born, and we realized we needed a bigger vehicle for the four of us – I was heart broken – not because I loved my Jetta – but, because it was hard to give up something that was a love-gift.  But, we took it in to the Honda dealership to trade, and once again – there was a financial miracle far beyond our expectations and we drove away in a new Honda Odyssey.

There’s something about driving your kids around in a car like this day after day.  It is a reliable companion, a cohort on adventure, and a peaceful place for nappers on the way home after a full day of excitement.  My little mini-van was my “get-away car” in less than delightful situations, and my joy ride on a beautiful day.  My kids named her, but I could never remember her name – I just knew she was old faithful to me. She was all of this because God saw fit to give her to us.

A few months back, we began to realize it may be time to let her go.  We began watching and waiting for the right replacement – what fit our budget and what fit the needs of our family. Our dealership of choice was the local Carmax, watching for the right gently used possibilities.    Month after month passed and we watched the “right” cars pass us by, knowing it wasn’t the right time yet.

Finally, last week, we knew the time was right – and we began watching – planning to purchase over the weekend.  Right before our eyes, over the week, we watched as every deal, every car we thought reasonable, disappeared from the website, until Friday night when we looked – there was not one car left that fit the bill.

Even though we have this beautiful track record of God’s provision to look over and call to mind, I was so disappointed.   There was nothing left that we wanted.  How could this be?!?  Should we just settle for something that was not the best, and pay hard-earned money for something that didn’t fit what we needed?

But, let me tell you what happened on Saturday morning!  As we sat at Chickfila for breakfast, Michael pulled up the Carmax app on his phone one more time – and there it was! Brand new, in Chattanooga over night!  Just what we had been hoping for!  It could not have been more right!  Michael immediately put a hold on it, we gobbled down breakfast, sped across town and bought it!

Friends, I cannot tell you the joy in my heart to see Him so clearly provide exactly what we needed, at exactly the right time ; it was a beautiful thing for my heart.  It also made it a tad bit easier to let go of the odyssey, my faithful friend of almost 10 years.  Our prayer is that He will use that ol’ girl to be a faithful friend now to someone who needs her.

We are so thankful for His provision, because we know that all good things come as gifts from Him.     

saying goodbye, to our sweet and faithful friend.

and hello, to our new companion!

the kids were pretty excited!

It has been a fairly uneventful summer for our little family.  Calm days spent at the pool, playing with friends – nothing that would get us out of sorts.  And, I’m grateful for that.

But, there are friends and family in the middle of trial and heartbreak.  My own heart has been heavy with prayer, asking my Heavenly Father to move in these different situations.   When it has almost been too much,  I have searched for comfort – and one of the places I have found my heart can rest is in Psalm 91.

A few of the girls from my family and I have been reading regularly and trying to memorize the whole chapter.  I have to be honest and tell you it has been a test for my heart and mind.  First, I’m not good at memory work, and then, at times it has also been a test for my mind to believe.    But, God is good to supply the gift of faith and my heart is filled because of His goodness.

For all of us, living in this broken world, there is this Psalm. It is an anecdote for the fears and devastation we face.    When I feel I can’t take a moment more, I slip away to these words and hide my heart in the shelter of His promises…

3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler[a]
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
8 Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
12 In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

(a small bit life-giving beauty at my house. )

I sat at the table, facing my computer with my eyes sheltered, my forehead resting on my hands.  Perhaps, if I can’t see it, it isn’t true.   Friends – This is how my life has been going as of late.  I won’t lie that social media, and the speedy pace of all sorts of information wreaks havoc on my tender heart. Some days the best thing I can do is just PUT. IT. AWAY.

Bad news in politics.  Life altering situations for friends.  Frustration in my own personal life – It all piles up in seconds flat and I shut down.

Over the course of the summer my children and I have been listening thru the entire  Chronicles of Narnia. An all-time favorite for me, my heart becomes so wrapped up tightly in hope that I feel like I might burst when I hear what C.S. Lewis writes.  Truly, it is an anecdote for my plight.

Today, in the car, we finished the final book, “The Last Battle,” and I found myself thinking of all the parallels I find with our world today.  But one of the most beautiful things I heard, was at the very end, as Lewis uses the end of his story to describe eternity.

“And as He spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion;  but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them.  And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after.  But for them it was only the beginning of the real story.  All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page:  now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read:  which goes on for ever:  in which every chapter is better than the one before.”  

Lewis’ words dug deep into the soft places of my heart and I realized something:  In comparison with what is in store, the beauty of eternity with our Savior and all that is to come (which is impossible for us to even fathom), all of this junk that paralyzes me – my frustrations and pain, the heart ache of friends, the sickness and tragedy all around –  it is a tiny little nothing.  It has complete insignificance in light of the coming goodness of eternity.

from 2Corinthians 4: 16-18- So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.   

When I think of that complete, unending joy, love, and peace that we will know forever, I’m undone and at the same time I’m rescued. Someday all these earthly heartaches that seemed to have checkered a lifetime, will seem like a simple moment.

With these thoughts, I feel as though He has lifted my head from my hands, and focused my eyes heavenward.  amen.

from Psalm 3:2-4  Many are saying of my soul, there is no salvation for him in God. Selah. But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,  my glory, and the lifter of my head.  I cried aloud to the Lord,  and he answered me from his holy hill.

I am officially a mom with three kids who can swim in the deep end.   Last week my youngest jumped in, off the diving board into the deep end, with no floaty – and that made it official!

We have spent many summers at the pool – since Mackenzie was 3, we have been dedicated.  Friends ask me in April, “What are your plans for the summer?” and without hesitation I reply, “We are going to the pool.”  When they persist with questions like, are you doing and fun field trips?  Are you setting up park play days for your kids with friends?  My answer remains: You will find us at the pool.

I love to be in the cool water all season long.  Not much can keep me away – and, truly, my dedication has paid off.  My kids love the pool too!   We haven’t done official swim lessons, but all three kids are confident, like fish, and maneuver around the water without difficulty.

It hasn’t always been this way.  Four years ago, being at the pool was work.  I had to be on alert the whole time we were poolside, constantly counting my three’s heads.  No reading a book or browsing a Southern Living.  No conversing with friends.  Vigilance was called for every minute.  Don’t get me wrong!  I loved it! We’d make trains, we’d spin and dunk and jump in from the edge.  We’d race from one side to the other.  I really do love playing at the pool with my babies.

But now, I am in a new place of freedom.  I’m not so necessary.  Oh, I get the occasional “Mama, watch this!”  and that kind of thing, but they don’t need me to catch them when they jump in.  They don’t need me to teach them to float.  They are pretty independent on most levels.  Don’t get me wrong!  I’m still watching.  If something were to happen, I’m ready to jump in at a moment’s notice.   I suppose “counting heads”  will always be a part of this mama’s life.

This week, Isaac jumped into a different deep end. He went to his first week-long day camp, where he knew no one and was unsure of who his counselor would be, or his surroundings.  Sunday night he was uneasy, but we talked it over – and he woke up rarin’ to go and quite excited.   Monday morning he jumped right in! He’s never done anything of the sort before – but he managed and with confidence, too.    In fact, he’s really surprised me at how well he did.  I am so happy to see the young man he’s becoming!

For this Mom, I know I’m always going to be watching from the sidelines – cheering my kids on – ready to help when they need me!  I love being a part of this crazy, cool cycle : new experience, learn, grow, repeat.     It brings my heart incredible joy to see them become more independent and become the amazing people God created them to be!

But, what’s better – I’m learning and growing too!   In each situation, as I learn to trust Him more, my understanding of His care for me deepens. No matter what, He is with me in the deep end!  I hope that as I remember just how much He loves me, I can demonstrate that and remind my children of that truth too!

below: Isaac jumping in the deep end, his first morning at drop-off!  – and I promise, he was happy!  🙂