I recently came across this photo, and remembered this blog entry from 2 years ago.  I didn’t realize that I actually had caught the sunset in a photo… such a special moment that I treasure, my Grandma B, holding Mackenzie at age 1.  

(originally written July of 2010… )

My little family of 5 recently made the road trip to Grand Rapids Michigan to visit my parents. But we didn’t stop there, we continued on to the Georgetown Ontario area for a family reunion. It was a journey of epic proportions and we all are slowly recovering.

On returning to our little house here, I’ve been able to reflect on our trip. There were so many moments filled with emotion and wonder, I wish I could find a way to put them in a capsule and keep them for the days when I need them. But there is no way to make those special times tangible and so I know the memories will fade over time.

One of the reasons we really made the trip was for my grandparents. They hadn’t met Mackenzie yet and while they do have more than 25 great grandchildren, I really wanted them to meet all of my children. This is not an easy task because they live in Huntsville, north of Toronto which is very very very far from Chattanooga.

It seems that one isolated incident from our trip has carved a place in my heart and I will not forget it soon. We had arrived at my Aunt Sharon’s home in the evening and just finished sharing a delicious meal – my grandparents, my uncle Harv and Aunt Sharon were there as well as cousins Brent and Stefanie. As I stood at the sink with my Aunt working on the dishes, she commented on the sunset which we could see out her kitchen window. It was beautiful, reaching across the sky for miles – hot shades of gold, fuschia and tangerine.

By this time, my parents had arrived and were sitting in the family room, within view. My mom and dad were chatting with grandpa and grandma, who happened to be holding Mackenzie. Briefly there was a catch in my throat because I know that the chances of us all being together again before Heaven are very slim. We were 4 generations all in the same house – and I was blessed to see it happen.

Like a slow motion picture, I saw my precious Mackenzie, at her sunrise – bright and full of life. I saw myself in the noon day heat – hot and hazy with that big ball of fire high over head. My parents were into the late afternoon now, a bit of shade, maybe even rest once in a while. My grandparents were now living at sunset.

Eventually their sun will set, most likely sooner than later. And even though I’ve known this as long as I’ve been able to understand matters of life and death, its still hard. They have lived full lives and have blessed so many. They are an inspiration to each of us and yet the future is a struggle for me at times.

But, from God’s word there is encouragement that lifts my spirit. There will be a day when the sun will not set. Each of us who know Him will live as eternal beings in the presence of a Holy God. Truly, this is the hope that gives me peace, for now, and for the future.

“The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.” (Isaiah 60:19)

I’m hoping to make it back to my Aunt Sharon’s for another sunset by her kitchen sink. In the meantime I will look forward to the land of no sunrises or sunsets where I will live in the bright light of a risen Savior. Until Then…

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a path that’s winding always upward
This troubled world is not my final home.

But until then my heart will go on singing
Until then with joy I’ll carry on
Until the day my eyes behold my Saviour
Until the day God calls me home.

The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they’re borrowed for a while
And things of earth that cause this heart to tremble
Remember there will only bring a smile.

This morning my son begged for scrambled eggs.  I indulged him, because, well, I like eggs too.  But, as I got his breakfast and everyone else’s ready – I found myself not sitting down to eat my own eggs.  I’d warm mine in the microwave – and then, “Mom, I need some juice.”  oh right…  let me get that.  Followed by, “Mom can I have some fruit, too?” oops, hit the reheat button again… and so on, and so on.

When I finally sat down with my eggs and coffee, my eggs were not warm – and they were a bit tough. Definitely not a beautiful culinary experience – but, that doesn’t bother me near like it used to…   This is my life as I know it right now.

Motherhood is a balancing act.  It is learning to walk the tightrope between teaching independence and serving.  I struggle – I lose my balance -leaning far to the right, then far to the left – I fall off completely sometimes…  Am I doing too much for them, too little? I mostly have no idea.

However,  often I find myself leaning towards the self-centered side of motherhood – looking for my rights, searching to have my needs met, rather than serving my children in love.  Yep – that’s how I roll.  I find ways to rationalize or excuse myself from service. I’m sinful.

Where are my fresh, hot eggs?

Later this morning while I finished up the breakfast dishes, I thought about my lukewarm, chewy eggs.

And I realized what I need to remember right now, just a few days away from mother’s day.  On a day when our culture wants me to believe I should be served, I should be pampered, I should be given gifts – I have to recall the truth:  being a mother doesn’t deserve any of these things.

Okay, so I know that sounds harsh, but it is real.

As a follower of Christ, I’m called to be sacrificial, to love, to disciple, whether or not I’m a mother.  And in reality, I’m only able fulfill these good works because of the way that Christ has loved me, because of His immense sacrifice.  That love and sacrifice activates the same in me.  If I am a successful mama to my sweet children, I deserve nothing.  If I am successful, it is because of the goodness He has brought about in my life, enabling me to follow His example.  Truthfully, He deserves the glory on Mother’s Day, if there’s any to be given on my count.

On this Mother’s Day, I will give thanks and celebrate the work that He continues in my life.    May it be so, on every day, not just Mother’s Day!

One of my favorite passages from Ephesians 2, reminds me of His gracious work:

2 And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, 2 in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, 3 among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.

4 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly placesin Christ Jesus, 7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

(Remembering our friend today, who left this world a year ago- I feel sure he has been making heavenly music ever since.)

A friend called last night and said to come on over.  We’ll hit up a few tunes for posterity’s sake.  And it’ll be fun. like old times. He can’t say it quite like that these days, but I feel sure that’s what he meant.

So, Michael and I said of course.  But later, while I was trying to fall asleep, I found myself captivated by fear.  That I wouldn’t play well.  And that my poor playing, would indeed be trapped for all earthly time, captured on a record… I can’t forget my husband’s advice:  Just soak it in.  enjoy it.  remember it.

There’s something that happens when you hit that certain”niche” with fellow musicians –  it is unexplainable, and intangible, but, oh. so. real.  It doesn’t happen often, but when it comes about, you can feel it in your soul, and you realize you don’t want to ever miss playing with those folks, if you can keep from it.

That’s how Michael and I feel about this fella who called for us to come play in the studio today.

We sang and played, our hearts soaring above the noise of it all.  You could not pay me any amount of money to trade our time together this afternoon.

 Life is short, no matter how long it turns out to be.  The Heavenly Father has every day numbered for each of us .  But, it doesn’t make it easier, the not knowing how many days that actually is.  I do find great peace in this knowledge:  The Giver of All Life has given me this earthly music, as just a foretaste, an appetizer of what is to come.  Hard times come and go – but there is an eternity waiting – everlasting days without fear, only the most beautiful music we will ever know.  And there we will play and sing to our hearts’ content, worshiping The One who has composed and  orchestrated it all.

(originally posted on February 11, 2014)