From the other end of the house.  I could hear him from the far side, that’s how loud he was crying.  And it wasn’t the “I’m injured” sort of wail.  No.  It was heart-break; that’s what I could hear in the mournful sound my Isaac was making.

As I neared their room, Emily met me in the hall way.  “He can’t find the green ninja,” she explained and I knew this: we were in for a very very long day if we didn’t find it.

He’d looked everywhere, he told me between sobs.  And he was going to keep looking.  It seemed fruitless you know. This little green lego ninja is barely as big as my thumb.  He couldn’t remember where he’d last played with it. The search was like finding a needle in a hay stack.  So many little tiny legos and toys scattered here and there.

“Why did he need that one little toy anyway?  Surely there were others,” I thought.

When I made the suggestion that we end the search and he resume playing with his other ninjas, the red, blue, black and white ones, he fell into heaping pile of wet sobs.  No.  there would be no playing until we found the all-important green ninja.  He was one of a kind.

We continued.  and I don’t think I’ll forget his sound of joy.  From the kitchen I heard it, while I was getting lunch ready.  He had been found in the couch cushions where we had already searched several times over.  “He’s here!  He’s here!  He’s here!  in the couch!  under the pillows!”

He stood there aglow, rejoicing in his discovery.  His love, found again!

I stared at Him and was reminded.  My son, had painted a beautiful picture for me.  His joy, only small-ish in comparison to what the Savior must have felt when He found me.  or any of us who have been found.

I remember the day like it was yesterday.  Covered up in sin, I was only 7 or so – but I knew what I was. And His spirit whispered in my heart so clearly and lovingly, I could not resist Him.  In my need, He found me.

Why did He need me, when there are plenty others already in the fold?

The New Testament relates the story, where the Good Shepherd leaves the 99 just to go find the one sheep who is lost out in the wilderness.  On searching for this one loved one, He finds it – and there is great celebrating.  “This one who was lost, now is found!”  Although there were many in the fold, He loved that one who had gone astray.

This is the promise for all who are lost.  He does not will that any perish – and in our human need, He pursues us relentlessly, tirelessly – with a love that cannot be sidetracked or disheartened.    How he longs to declare everyone found!

Heavenly Father, I am so thankful for this love that sends you searching into the dark night, for that one who is lost.  Thank you for finding me!   Help me to show your love to others who need it too. a.men

Found!

Luke 23 has been open on my desktop today.  The story there is so hard for me to comprehend.  Jesus, in His young adult life was the source of much contention.  Many loved Him.  Many more did not.  He went about doing His Father’s will; and the more that He accomplished, the more the religious leaders hated Him.

Luke 23 is the culmination of all the strife and sin in the world since the beginning of time. The confrontation brings it all to a head…  A big, ugly, blistering head.

Pilate has the soldiers bring Jesus to him and questions Him. When Pilate defers to Herod and nothing is done, he ends up with the decision in his hands.  The crowd overwhelmingly demands “Crucify Him!”  And Pilate gives in.

A man who wasn’t at fault, died an atrocious, shameful death, in the place of all who are or ever have been guilty .  Undeniably it seems like an unfair and unthinkable solution to the conflict.

You’re wondering, why I’m reading the “Easter Story” in the middle of January, aren’t you?   It is hard to explain, but I’ll try.

There are times when all the sinfulness, pain, and hard-heartedness of humanity is overwhelming to me.  My systems are on overload.  Its all I can see sometimes: friends suffering from disease, loved-ones trying to survive insurmountable difficulties.  And then there’s my own obstacles of sin and fear, and doubt.   As it all boils up and festers, like a hot, foul, disgusting mess in my heart – sickening me, disabling me – often it seems like there’s no answer, no help, no healing.

Now, it is true that this story of Christ’s crucifixion is multi-faceted – and I can in no way address all of the theology that surrounds it.  I am no theologian, I promise you that.  However, I can tell you this: There is one answer to the questions surrounding my current confrontation with sin and its devastation.  It is the same answer that has always been- the same as the answer I’ve found in Luke 23.

One death.  Christ’s death.  In those hours on the cross, and the following death – He took on Himself the sin and suffering of the whole world.  It is hard for me to understand most of the time – and so the struggle is ongoing in my heart.  The deeper I come to believe that there is no answer but One, the closer I come to resolution and restoration.   This knowledge is a salve for my weary soul, when I apply it liberally.

from Romans 6:

⁵ For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. ⁶ We know that our old self^[ was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. ⁷ Forone who has died has been set free from sin. ⁸ Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. ⁹ We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.

There is a “Man of Sorrows” – who knows and understands every imaginable pain and suffering I could possibly go through.  And, as I am united together with Him in suffering, there is also a full and robust hope that I will also live eternally with Him someday.

His death (and resurrection that followed) was the only hope then, and it continues to be.  Over and over this week I’ve read these passages and listened to a few meaningful hymns…  Hope rises from the bottoms of my feet, all the way to the top of my head, and the healing of my heart ache begins.  And I find truer, stronger belief in this solution that will end all confrontation, forever.

What a Savior!

Man of Sorrows! what a name
For the Son of God, who came
Ruined sinners to reclaim.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood;
Sealed my pardon with His blood.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Guilty, vile, and helpless we;
Spotless Lamb of God was He;
“Full atonement!” can it be?
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Lifted up was He to die;
“It is finished!” was His cry;
Now in Heav’n exalted high.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

When He comes, our glorious King,
All His ransomed home to bring,
Then anew His song we’ll sing:
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

We spent last week with my parents in Michigan.  Every year we go at some point over the holidays.  And we love it…  especially the cold, the snow, the need for coats and hats, the cups of hot tea and everything else that goes along with being up north.  But there’s one thing that I think my kids love about being in Michigan more than just about anything else (other than seeing their grandparents).

Its the sledding.  They run to the top of the hill in my folks’ back yard and jump aboard a sled, swooshing to the bottom, only to climb the hill.  again and again and again.

Watching them, and how much they enjoy the winter weather, I feel like they are almost northerners.  For just a few fleeting moments I think that.  Its a nice thought for this northern girl who’s been transplanted to the south.

Just think!  These are my little Tennessee hillbillies – Lovin’ the great white north!  Here are a few favorite photos of my “almost michiganders!”

Two thousand twelve began as a sleeper.  It started out a real snoozer, but quickly picked up in pace and excitement.

In years gone by I’ve prayed and asked the Lord to use me, to transform me into His image, for His purposes.  And New Year’s Eve 2011 was no exception – I made the same requests of Him, but His response was completely unexpected.  As I look back over the past twelve months I am simply astounded.  If I had known what I know now, I think that maybe I wouldn’t have prayed my prayer last year quite so sincerely.

But He knew my heart – and plunged me head-long, deeper into Him, His love and His grace.   All along the way there has been a fresh and new sweetness my heart has never known, His presence my constant guide and companion.

And on this journey His goodness abounded:

grace received in great, extraordinary measure.

love and acceptance from dear friends and loved ones.

delightful, new friendships begun; old ones rekindled.

faith and trust revived, requiring large strides of action.

God’s voice, strong and unmistakable; His Words my portion, daily.

a remarkable path set in front of me, I never could have dreamed.

new-found experiences, with His strength to accompany each challenge.

highs and lows felt to my very core, my survival a testament to His unswerving mercy and love. 

My New Year’s prayer is this: that He will increase and I will decrease, that my life will be eclipsed by His greatness, that my love for Him will exceed everything else.     I’m finishing up 2012 here on Daily Portion, the least sleepy of years ever, with this prayer from Ephesians 3.  I know Paul was praying it for the church in Ephesus, but I like to think it is for me too!

¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Happy New Year!  May you find 2013 to be full of Him and His grace.

(originally written April 11, 2011)

I’ve been trying to explain something to Isaac this week.  He refuses to believe me.  We have a repeating conversation, but no matter what I do, he will not be distracted from his core belief.  Isaac is unable to grasp this very important concept : It is not Christmas at Nanny’s all year long.

For some reason over the past week, Isaac was a bit homesick for my mom and dad’s place in Grand Rapids.  He’d say to me, “Can’t we just take a ride to Gran Rabbits (because that’s what my kids call it…) and go sledding at Nanny’s house?”  or “Mommy, at Nanny’s house there is always chocolate cake!”  or “Mommy, but if we go to Papa’s house he will bowl on the wii and beat Nanny and I will get presents and…”  it seems to go on and on…

He knows a place.  and in his heart it doesn’t change.  If only it really were always Christmas at Nanny’s.  (although, I’m sure my mom and dad are relieved that there is not snow for sledding, now in April…)

Well, I’ve been a bit homesick for a place too this week.  Current events in our city have drawn me to think about it a bit more and long to be there, with loved ones and friends who are already there,  in that place where things are always as they should be.  It’s free of death and disease.  No dying. No tears. No sadness.  Only beauty, in the light of our Savior’s love.

I haven’t actually been there, but I know about it…God’s word promises He has prepared it for all those who believe in Him.  In fact, we can know that far above all earthly things, one thing is sure: Heaven.

¹ “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. ² In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. (from John 14)

and from Hebrews 11…

¹⁴ For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. ¹⁵ And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. ¹⁶ But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.

and the best of all (that’s just my opinion of course) from Revelation 21:

3 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of Godis with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

What amazing promises from God’s Word.  They are compelling, life giving and full of a robust hope. There is more…  far more… and it will always be so in Heaven.

So, I ask you Heavenly Father, Can’t we just head on up to your place now?  I hear its lovely all year round…  I have sweet memories all tied up in dear ones who are already there.  And even though I haven’t been there yet, it seems familiar…  it seems like home.

I’ve got all the time in the world this morning to sit and think.  I’m right here next to sweet boy, Isaac, who is sick with his second round of a tummy bug…  And while I pause for a moment by my favorite Christmas decoration, I have plenty to consider, from just a few days ago…

* * * * * * * *

I tried not to let my jaw drop wide open.  Michael and I stared at our friend in disbelief.  “She’s not coming back.  She’s gone,” he said about his wife of 17 years, the mother of his three children.  My heart jumped up, into my throat, making it difficult to speak, but I offered the best heart-felt words I could muster.

How does this happen?  How does love and commitment get up and walk out the front door and a wife and mother follow?  leaving behind the very ones she gave birth to, and the man she made a vow with saying, “forever”?  I don’t understand.  And I can’t fix it.  And I can’t get my heart to come down out of my throat.

* * * * * * *

Sometimes the beauty of the season can lift my spirits. But, today its not the tree, or my candy cane garland,

or my new favorite ornament,

or my special snowman lantern that lift my spirits – although they are all special to me and are lovely.

* * * * * * * * * *

Every time I think of that moment with our friend, and the many many other stories that make up the lives of the loved ones around us, I think and weep and pray and still I can’t make sense of any of it.  There is so much darkness.  so much grief and loss. so much sickness. And there is no answer.  but one.   There’s only One who can make all of this mess right.   And that is what brings a flicker of true hope, mid all of the glimmering lights.

Thousands of years ago He came, born in a cattle stall, bringing with Him the promise of salvation.  And now?  Now we wait for Him to return with the promise of the redemption of all things, making all things new.    He is our only hope, this Jesus.  and so we wait.  I wait, with my heart half-lodged in my throat – partly aching, but partly full of belief and hope again.

More than ever the simple words of this song, seem to be a plea from the depths of my spirit.  Come soon, Jesus.  You are the only one who can bring healing for this world.

Father enthroned on high,
Holy, holy
Ancient, eternal Light,
Hear our prayer.

Lord, save us from the dark
Of our striving,
Faithless and troubled hearts
Weighed down.

Come, oh Redeemer, come,
Grant us mercy.
Come, oh Redeemer, come,
Grant us peace.

Years and years had passed.  Prophetic words had been spoken, but none had come true.  Not yet.

The people of Israel had been waiting.  Waiting for the Messiah.  But all that had happened was nothing.  Days.  weeks.  months.  years.  and still – what did they have to show for it?  Nada.

They sang songs, and prayed prayers, asking the God of the Universe to come and be the Emmanuel He had promised He would be.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *

I’ve been trying to write these words for a few days now.  Its Advent after all. I should be writing about peace and hope and joy – and I’ve had nothing to say.  But, I’ve been waiting.  Praying.  Asking for Him to come, in some form or another, and bring some hope with Him.  a bit of tangible hope.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *

On that night that we’ve all heard about, when the angels sang and the shepherds ran and Mary labored hard, there was reward for all of the waiting.  It was unexpected, but there He was.  A newborn babe, fresh from the womb, prepared to bring hope to the world.

And for those who believed, it was hope that overflowed the heart.  It was pure Joy that required shouting and singing but could not be explained.

*   *   *   *   *   *  *

It came shockingly, like bolt of lightening from a clear blue sky.  Few words via text, but none that needed explaining.  “tests show no new growth.  tumor shrinking.”  Its a brief reprieve for a dear friend,  but for my waiting heart it is a flood of hope.  tangible evidence.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *

Emmanuel.  Born to set His people free.  then and now.  from sin.  from disease and sickness.  from depression.  Freedom to experience the fullest life in Him.

*  *  *   *   *   *  *

Thank you Heavenly Father for this healthy dose of hope you have given.  I am free to live fully alive in You. Thank you for reminding me.  amen.