Its valentine’s day weekend.  I had the privilege of going on a date with my wonderful husband.  Oh, don’t worry.  What I’m about to share will not make you blush.  I’m not the type to kiss and tell.  But, I can brag on my man, just a little.

For our date we went to a favorite spot for dinner, the same restaurant we went to on our first date and the evening we were engaged.  After having crab cakes, my favorite, he took me shopping.  And, even though I tried to subvert his attention to getting something new for him, he was not diverted.  We shopped and he stood by while I tried on clothes, all the while telling me how beautiful I looked… and he suggested more stores, and there were chocolates and a stop at Target….  The list goes on and on! My husband took an entire evening, carefully planned, to show me how special I am to him and how much he loves me.

How do I know its love?  Not because of all the stuff.  Seriously, its not because of that, although its nice and all. It takes true love for a guy to survive shopping with a gal like me, make no mistake about it.  And my man fits the bill… When I think of the Corinthians description of love, and Michael’s actions, they are very similar:

from 1 Corinthians 13:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Look, anybody can make flowery statements of affection. But it takes a real lover to stand outside the dressing room of an indecisive woman; Encouraging her, not counting how many things she’s already tried on, complimenting when something looks well, searching for the right size when the millionth pair of pants still doesn’t fit.  That pretty well covers it, doesn’t it?

That’s why Paul, before explaining true love, says very clearly  that all the talk in the world means nothing without action:

(1 Corinthians 13: 1-3) If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

I am so grateful to be learning how to truly love and be loved.  My husband is such a rare gift; he’s a man who is striving to love me with a Christ like love.  It makes me long to love better and deeper. Thank you Lord for a beautiful Valentine’s Day.

There’s a light on in the house across the street. The house has been empty for a year. But, the realtor sign is down today. It appears that we are about to have new neighbors.

Just over a year ago, the day after Christmas, we looked out our window to see our neighbors loading up a moving van. Michael went across the street to give them a hand. We found out that due to the unfavorable economic climate, the husband had lost his job and the house was in for-closure.

I don’t actually remember meeting them for the first time when they moved in three years earlier. It was a bit of a stretch getting acquainted because we were from such different backgrounds. But, we made some effort to get to know them. It was the typical neighborly stuff – waving from the driveway, kids playing together, stopping to chat after mowing the grass. Definitely nothing out of the ordinary.

And that’s the problem. We discussed several times the fact that it seemed our neighbors needed Jesus. There was no evidence that they knew Him at all. We tossed around a few Ideas of how to get to know them a bit better, but we never really did much about it. I felt sure that they had been put in our paths for a specific purpose but I dragged my feet. And I made excuses.

I was good at ‘legitimate’ excuses. I had to teach piano lessons. My pregnancy kept me feeling lousy, so I didn’t really want to be social. Emily’s home schooling was a priority. The husband, who was a truck driver, was consistently home on Sunday mornings. But, we had obligations at church.

I remember watching them from my living room window as they moved out of their house. I could feel my heart sinking to the bottom of my stomach. Opportunity had passed. Our friends were leaving and we had done nothing to truly show them Jesus. I cried hot tears that day. My disobedience was hard to resolve in my heart, even after begging for God’s forgiveness.

Recently I read the story of Jonah to my daughter and thoughts of our old neighbors came flooding back. They were my Nineveh. God had moved in my heart and I ignored Him. No, I didn’t flee to anywhere. But, I disobeyed – just like Jonah did. When God asked me to go to my neighbors – I went to church instead. I’ve asked myself a lot since then – What good is going to church, if you can’t stay home one Sunday morning and share Jesus over a cup of coffee with a neighbor who doesn’t know Him?

Now days I pray regularly for our neighbors. We have lost touch with them. But, I ask God to send a reliable believer to them who will give them Jesus in a very real way. And I pray for God to give me another opportunity. And as I look out across the street at the light in our neighbor’s house it appears that maybe He has…

md

(written January 16, 2010)

I am a mom by calling, by vocation and I guess because of physical attributes.  I have three small children who call me mommy.  They call me by my name hundreds of times a day.  I love my babies.  They are a huge part of my life.

And by that I mean, they are my life.  A lot of my longings and desires in life right now revolve around fulfilling my calling, becoming better at the job and well, just living up to my name.  That’s the truth.

So – I pray about it a lot.  I ask God for crazy things.  I utter things in my prayer life I never would have imagined when I was single.  Sometimes He tells me no.  Sometimes He asks me to wait a while, because I’m not ready.  And sometimes He says yes.

This weekend He said yes.  Three times.  (probably more, these are just the things that stand out…) He answered and gave me the desires of my heart three times.  I’m about to tell you some very small, but intimate details of my life and how He answered…

Food.  We struggle at the table.  My children are picky eaters.  They are stubborn picky eaters. and sometimes I give up.  I have no idea how in the world to get my kids to enjoy broccoli, cantaloupe and other delicious foods.  They are hard headed so I give in and let them eat whatever.  I’m not proud of it, but I do.  Well, recently I’ve been trying to make smart decisions and just give it to the Lord.  Do you know what happened?  Isaac did something amazing.  At breakfast on Saturday morning my sweet boy ate hot Oat Bran cereal for breakfast, (without being force fed) promising to eat it again, it was his favorite…  And if you don’t believe that is a miracle sent directly from Heaven, you’ll have to come over for a meal at our house some time.

Education.  I teach my children at home.  More than anything I want them to enjoy Jesus, by learning to read Scripture.  I want them to be able to enter into worship, understanding how to read the text for themselves, whether at home or at church.  But sometimes reading is a struggle for my oldest.  Not because she can’t, but because she doesn’t always enjoy it.  Today in worship services, I sat next to my precious girl during one of the responsive Scripture readings and for the first time she read it out loud with a full voice, clearly with pleasure.  My heart was full right to the point of bursting – and I think I may have felt my Heavenly Father smile.

Endurance and rest.  A good night’s rest is not to be underestimated.  My youngest is going on twenty one months old.  Every time we get into a pattern of solid sleep habits something happens to undo it. My sweet baby doll was sick last week and so our schedule was off course.  Michael and I have been miserable without a full night’s sleep, pushing through in the most difficult of moments without rest.  Finally – for the past two nights we have seen our sweet little Mackenzie get some rest.  And so did we all.  I was thankful for the grace to get through it all, and for the sleep in the end.

In my world as a mother, I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who sees the smallest desires of my heart – like a good night’s sleep – and He answers.  He graciously steps in and says, “I see your heart, I know your need and I want that for you too…”

“3 Trust in the LORD and do good;  dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. ⁴ Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;  trust in him and he will do this”  Proverbs 37:3-5

The truth from God’s word, correctly portrayed here, is this : when my heart’s desires mirror His desires, then my requests are aligned with His will and, He is able to answer my requests in the affirmative.   Typically what messes up this plan is my inability to except His will.

This weekend, I am so thankful to find a Heavenly father who is interested the smallest of needs, and is prepared to answer.  He is able to calm my heart letting me know,  His will is good and it is the answer to my hopes and dreams…

Typically from the driver’s seat of my Honda Odyssey, I can look into a little drop down mirror and see three little faces looking back at me.  Emily, Isaac and Mackenzie are in my view at a moment’s notice if I need to check on them.  I love looking back to see what they are up to.

Today I drove my van alone, without passengers.  Those three little seats were empty.  I took a moment to look back over my week with them and found myself grateful.  What was in my rear view mirror?  I’ll tell you.

There were sleepless nights.  Fevers and tylenol.  Runny noses.  Whining and whimpering.  lots of juice and pedia-lite.  Puke. Vicks vapor rub and humidifiers.  A trip to the pediatrician.  More sleepless nights and impromptu naps at the wrong time.  But God’s grace was rich and full, allowing me to fulfill my calling as a mommy.  And we’ve come to experience healing from the Great Physician.

When I gaze into my rear view mirror, able to see things after the fact, I have to come face to face with the truth.  My reality is  I’m not always great at being the mommy He wants me to be. I don’t always take advantage of the stamina or endurance He offers.  Sometimes, halfway through a week like mine, I start looking for an escape, wishing I had a different calling.  Its not because I don’t love my children.  No – I love them with my whole being.  But, its because I tend to forget about the joy….

They say hind sight is 20/20.  As last week comes into focus for me, what I see now is: quiet moments snuggling my sweet babies. tenderly caring for my children when they desperately needed a gentle touch.  Singing softly in their ears, whispering my love.  Wiping tears from feverish cheeks.  Rocking in the middle of a long night, seeking rest for their weary souls.  Its crystal clear as I review the week that I was merely a conduit, being the touch of Jesus to my children. And that gives me such joy…

There is a particular joy that comes when I manage to live a totally abandoned life inside His calling.  Its not happiness.  Its not fun or personal enjoyment.  Its joy, knowing He’s fulfilling a work in me, by His grace, because He’s asked me to. And that was last week for me.  When I was able to let go of the things that don’t matter, I could focus on being the mom that He wanted me to be.  Now I can look back and see the blessing. I can give Him glory for the grace that He gave  me for each moment of each day. And I can praise Him for using my physical touch to be His healing hand.

Hebrews 12:1-3 sums it up well.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Thank you Heavenly Father for the joy that comes with living for You and your purposes.  and thank you for calling me to be a mother to my three precious children.  May I never look into my rearview mirror  with regret, but always with peace knowing I lived abandoned to your will.  amen.