who knows?

driving alone, with someone…

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Tonight I had to make a run to Target for a few things.  It was getting late, so Michael stayed home and put kiddos in bed while I hit the road.  There is nothing more beautiful to this mommy’s weary soul at the end of the day than a quiet ride in my little black van.  alone.

It has become apparent that I should spend more time in my honda by myself.  Driving “alone time” seems to be when I can have clear concise thoughts. I get to listen to the music of my choice and I don’t have to settle any squabbles.  I can think about lesson plans or ponder the day’s events.  Look out, I might even dream about the future for a moment.  Its amazing what can happen when I’m alone.  in my odyssey.

What truly happens is there is space and quiet for me to hear.  Usually He speaks.

Those who aren’t from my neck of the woods won’t know about the intersection of Middle Valley road and Hixson Pike.  For me to get home from Target, I typically take Middle Valley Road.  Tonight,  I was worshipping along with one of my favorite CDs when I prepared to turn off of Hixson Pike onto Middle Valley.

Important information: Once you turn left onto Middle Valley, the double turn lane immediately merges into one lane.  My Christ-like attitude is always tested at this intersection.  always.  And tonight was no different.

As I made the turn, a large Lexus SUV sped along beside me, nearly running me off the road so he could get ahead of me and be first in the single lane.  Of course I gave him a run for his money and sped up.  I even said rather loudly under my breath, “Why does everyone always think they have to be first!?!?” Okay, I yelled.  So much for worshipping.  At least I didn’t have to be careful since the kids weren’t in the car; I was alone after all.  Or so I thought…

“Why do you always feel like you have to be first?”  That’s what He asked me in the quiet of my van.

I heard His question loud and clear – and had plenty of time to think about it.  Something very important hit home while I finished the drive home in silence.  I am the one who always wants to be first.  Selfishness.  My sin nature gets the best of me – and often I don’t even notice.  First in line.  Top of the pile.  Best of the Best.  That’s what I want for me and mine.  Leader of the pack.  In my little black van.

But that is not how believers are supposed to respond to life in the world, according to Scripture.

1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you:  Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.                       (from Romans 12)

and…

1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (from Philippians 2)

Why is this so hard for me?  Why am I the opposite of how these Scriptures suggest I should act as a believer?  I have to say that, I don’t think about it much.  I try to reason it away and make excuses for why its okay to ignore the passages.

It blows me away how he speaks to me, right smack dab in the middle of my journey.  With one question he brings me from unsuspecting, to understanding my sinful behavior. Then He ushers me from repentance to completely forgiven and rejoicing… all of this in my odyssey, when I’m alone, but with someone.

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for continuing the work in my Heart, for noticing when You need to ask me the hard questions.  I’m glad You come along for the ride in my van.  You’re always invited, especially when I think I’m alone. amen.

a bit of history · who knows?

memorabilia pt 2

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Recently, in an unprecedented search through all of the closets in my house, I finally came across my childhood photo album.  I was desperate to find it because I love to remember.  I love to hold people and places and events close to my heart.  You could say I’m a little sentimental… okay, a lot.  I’m completely sentimental.

When I came across the album, after days and weeks of looking, I shed tears of joy and delight that I had found it.  I sat down and paged through the whole book completely, slowly and soaked in the memories of each photo.  I noticed something that I hadn’t thought about for a while.

You see I’ve been married for twelve years now.  My name is Melody Ann Day.  yes.  That is my name. But it hasn’t always been.  My maiden name is Melody Ann Young,  it was mine for 24 years.   Looking through all of those pictures took me back to a different life.

It was a wonderful life.  My childhood was quite nice, filled with a lot of happiness, plenty of goodness, and loving parents.  Fairly picture perfect.  But, I have to tell you, it doesn’t compare to my life now.  I am Melody Day, the wife of a wonderful man, Michael Day.  He gave me his name on September 25, 1999.   And now my life is totally, significantly different.

So, what does this have to do with anything at all?

Well, a long time ago, I was the old me.  I had a name.  The truth?  My name was sinner.  Unbeliever. Lost sheep.   It wasn’t until  I gave my heart and life  to my Heavenly Father, that my name changed.

And now He calls me by a new name.  Daughter.  Beloved. Princess.  Friend.

That old life doesn’t hold a candle to my new life in Christ.  I’m a daughter of the Heavenly Father. Loved by the God of the Universe.  A princess, an heir to a heavenly throne.  Friend of the only one who is forever faithful… What an amazing transformation! And, while the name change happened years ago, there is no way to express or explain how this love, this peace, this joy knows no end.  There is no measurable height or depth: each day, more and more He abounds.

From Titus 3:

3 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

These are remarkable words, from His book, laid out for my own reminiscing, meant to be treasured and held close to my heart…  It will do me well to remember them above all else : I am His, but it is not because of anything I’ve done.  Rather, I have a new name, a new hope and future.  Its a  new life because of His love, His mercy, His grace.

who knows?

watching the weight…

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Well, here I am again.  It seems like a never ending struggle.  I’m using an old, new tool…

weight watchers.

This time I’m doing it at home, on line.  Its so much more convenient this way.  No meetings.  No publicly humiliating weigh-ins.  Just me, my computer and the scales.  I prefer it this way, really.   I can do my weigh-in unfettered by unnecessary clothing items, first thing in the morning before I’ve eaten any breakfast…  It’s my way of setting aside the extra weight.

I’ve had success with weight watchers before…  But after three babies I find myself needing to work at loosing more weight.  again.  Its hard work, there is no doubt, but well worth it.   It requires careful eating habits and exercise.

Oh. Is that all?

Being the mother of three young children is much easier without carrying around the extra pounds.   I’m looking forward to not being winded after chasing Mackenzie up and down the yard.  There is something to be said for playing hard at the park with my kiddos without being so red-faced and out of breath that on-lookers wonder if they should call paramedics…   Yes.  I want to be fit and healthy again.

Whenever I begin down this path, watching the weight that is hindering my earthly body, I’m challenged to look at other weight.  Daily, I walk around encumbered  with “stuff.”   I carry with me worries, struggles, burdens, heartache, bad habits and any other number of intangible, but terribly heavy weights.

Why do I lug these things around?  Well, its simple.  Its just like my physical weight.  The longer I carry it all around, the more I forget what it is like to be without it.   Sometimes it seems comfortable to haul it with me.  Sometimes it seems easier than the work it will take to set it down.

Hebrews 12:1-2 encourages us this way:

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Let it go.  Lay it down.  Take it off.  Get rid of it.  Put it away.  Dump it.

Hebrews doesn’t say that its a cinch.  It doesn’t say its no trouble.  It doesn’t say once you do it, its all done.     Instead it warns me: it says that sin can easily get the best of us, so I have to be vigilant.  But, it says that Jesus endured the cross, He finished His race. And because of that work on the cross, that means I can have victory too; if I patiently run, if I can somehow get rid of all of the junk I’m carrying around.  Really its similar to my physical journey of weight-loss. It requires consistent habits of spending time with the Lord, exercising my walk with Him and consuming Scripture rather than the world’s junk.

Heavenly Father, Help me to be a weight watcher.  Give me the strength to find and set aside these burdens that fetter my heart, keeping me from running the race that is ahead.  Allow me to lay them down so that my journey is everything that you have intended for me.  And, if You will, help me each day as I continue my weight-loss program, physically and spiritually.  I know that you desire success for me in both ways.  Thank you for being so good to me.

amen.

friends and loved ones · home schooling

The Orchard…

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Not long ago my husband and I altered our life’s path. Emily was 5. We had to make a decision about how to embark on her education. It was at that time that we knew we wanted to entwine our family values and beliefs with her education. For us that meant one thing. Home schooling.

Emily began second grade this fall. As the school year was approaching, my husband and I had a time of evaluation. How did we want our daughter to progress this year? And what did we envision for her long-term. I talked about science and math, reading and language arts. Then Michael told me, “I would like for her to be a little Jesus.”

It took some time for me to wrap my brain around what that meant. I realized it was about fruit. yes, big, fat, juicy fruits. Scripture talks about fruit and is very clear – people will know us as believers by seeing our fruit.

Well, I decided to survey my own garden. My daughter would be looking at my fruit, as she began to grow her own. As I walked through the orchard of my own heart I saw some large beautiful fruit, lovely and tasty. But as I searched through my garden I found that something was missing. Apparently I had chopped my patience tree down altogether. It probably wasn’t growing its fruit quickly enough.

I had secretly known this was a problem – my patience had grown thin over the previous school year. I was unable to allow my children the luxury of their own timing. Things needed to be done quickly and on a tight schedule. I was anxious, maybe even irritable if my children did not do things within my time frame.

My green thumb has never been that great. I talked to God about it, since He is the one who makes all things grow. I told him I couldn’t seem to get my patience to grow or bloom. And He said to me, “Melody, I am the gardener of your soul. You cannot grow this fruit alone – it is the Holy Spirit in you that will produce it.” I asked Him to try planting the seeds of patience in my heart again, I thought my heart was fertile soil. He asked, “You know this will take time, it will not be on your schedule? I may have to dig out some weeds, I may have to do some pruning. It might be painful…”

I knew it was the beginning of a new journey. As He began this process of raising up new fruit in my heart, I would have to rely on Him. I was his garden. And, while I need to be faithful, I also need to let Him grow these fruits in my daughter’s heart too. He is the master gardener of our souls.

There are so many Scriptures about fruit, about God’s work in our lives – they keep sprouting up in my mind. But this one encourages my heart today in a deeply rooted kind of way. It has taken hold and will not be ‘dug up’ – Ephesians 1:11-12 ” In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.” Regardless of the state of my green thumb, He promises this: He will work in my garden and my daughters – and all believers. In order to bring glory to Himself, His fruit will grow to be big, fat and juicy in our hearts.

Our family orchard has been planted. Some of the trees are older, producing large vibrant fruit. Some are small tiny saplings that need a bit of time before there will be blossoms. But we take it one day at a time. And we are thankful for each moment that God is at work in our lives.

Philippians 2:13 For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

md

(written November 26, 2009)

a bit of history · friends and loved ones

memorabilia

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I’ve spent many hours over the last several weeks, digging through closets, tearing up storage spaces looking for something important. Not long ago, in a conversation with my mom I realized I didn’t know where it was and panicked.  It’s the childhood photo album my mom put together for me.   There are 1000 memories in there, and I couldn’t afford to lose them.

Tonight I found it.  In my children’s bedroom closet.  What a relief.  As soon as my kiddos were in bed, I took a long, slow walk down memory lane.  It seems the photos transport me in time and I’m there once again.  Of course, some are more significant than others…

There’s my fifth birthday party, complete with my little best friend,  a new Powder Puff, pink Big wheel and  a cherry chip cake, my favorite.  I can taste that cake.  right now.  The cake was special; there were coins wrapped in foil, hidden and baked inside, like a treasure hunt!  What a wonderful place that five year old birthday is…

Another  photo catches my eye.  Its my first voyage on the Maid of the Mist.  The Maid of the Mist is the name of the boat ride at Niagara Falls that takes you right up close to the bottom of the Falls.  The rain coats wreaked.  I can’t tell you what they smelled like, but I remember the odor well.  At any rate, the boat gets so close to the falling water that the roar of the water landing in that great basin is deafening.    I might be eight in the picture, standing there with my family, like a little drowned rat, at the end of the ride.  Its something I will never forget.

But, there is a piece of paper in the album that holds a significant place in my heart.  Its a letter hand written from my great grandma, “GG.”  The body of the letter is written in rhyming couplet form, written in August 1984. My favorite portion of the letter are these four lines:

I hope you have time to write to me,

I wish you were here like you used to be.

I love you a bushel and a peck,

Fifty kisses and a hug around the neck.

This was her way of expressing that she missed me.  That she loved me.  As I read it tonight, I shed a few tears.  The memories are so poignant that I can hear her laughter.  I can remember the last time we spoke over the phone on my birthday just before she passed.  I can feel that hug around the neck she’s promising.  She left this earth for heaven quite a few years ago, but  I still miss her so much.  Its a pain in my heart that I don’t think will ever go away until I see her in Heaven someday.

Her expression of love in this special letter, reminds me of another love letter.   Memories from my recent spiritual history, of my Savior’s love for me, come rushing in…

This is from a time when I felt like I was being eaten alive by the events of the day, but He said this to me:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.(Lamentations 3:22-23)

And this one from a morning when I needed emergency back up to make it through the day:

The bolts of your gates will be iron and bronze, and your strength will equal your days. “There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides across the heavens to help you and on the clouds in his majesty. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. (Deuteronomy 33:25-27)

But there is one that fills me and warms my heart, radiating all through my being.  When I need it, it reminds me to think on His love for me:

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:17-19)

All of these favorite Scriptures – all of this spiritual memorabilia is tangible evidence of His love for me and how good He has been to me.  His letters, that have so much meaning for me, are His way of loving me, for now.  More than ever I look forward to seeing my Savior’s face someday.

I had no idea just how wonderful finding that old photo album would be, its earthly memories, with heavenly prospects strengthen, revive and heal my heart and soul.   Thank you Heavenly Father for this precious, beautiful gift.

friends and loved ones

devil of a memory

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The conversation went something like this: “I am a good mom.  I AM a good mom.  I am a good mom.” This was what I told myself over and over earlier today. Yep.   Me, myself and I were having a little chat after something awful happened.  I’ll just come right out with it.

I dropped Mackenzie.

*sigh*

On her face.  Her teeth came in contact with the hardwood floor in the hallway.  After many (many, many) tears and wailing and blood I was able to see that it looked as though her top two middle teeth had retreated back up into her gums.

“I am a good mom.  I am a good mom.”

My interpersonal discussion is really only preparation for tonight.  This is how I know it will go. Something bad happens.  Then, when I try to lay my head on my pillow and get some rest, the accuser will appear.  He has a memory like no one else.

And as he whispers, I usually buy into it hook, line and sinker.  It begins with the events of the day, the regretful ones.  And then, he works his way chronologically through my history, reminding me of all of my unfortunate happenings.  all of them.   Even if I’ve been forgiven.  Even if they weren’t my fault.  It really gets in the way of sleeping.

That’s how he works though.  I’ve been warned haven’t I?

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. (from 1 Peter 5)

He’s ready and waiting to devour me – and all believers for that matter.  But, Jesus says that I don’t have to believe the accuser.  I don’t have to listen to him.  I can give my anxiety to HIM and believe what God’s Word says about the situation instead…

Psalm 103:11-13

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,  so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

One of the beautiful things about my love relationship with the Heavenly Father : He does not look on me and see my wrong doings.  They have been removed and He does not dwell on them.  His eyes see me with love and compassion, no matter what is in my past.

If I could just grasp this, I wouldn’t be so tempted to listen to the “deceiver” when he shows up in my bedroom at two in the morning rehearsing his memory in my ears. If I could really understand this level of forgiveness, I’d believe that I don’t have to answer to the liar and his historical account of my wrong doings.

Heavenly Father, Please help me.  You are the only One who can.  Let me live submerged in your forgiveness.  And may that forgiveness give me the power to turn a deaf ear to the devil and his lies.  I know this is Your will for me and the only hope for my heart.  Thank you for your forgiveness that knows no boundaries.  I am so grateful.  amen

a bit of history · friends and loved ones

at Publix, in training…

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The strangest thing happened this morning.  I went to Publix for my Saturday grocery run.  Just like normal.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  It was a lovely peaceful morning as I walked through the doors, coffee from Panera in one hand, grocery list in the other.

I took my time,  wandering through the store gathering the items on my list.  I examined produce, searched for Michael’s favorite coffee and discovered boneless skinless chicken breasts on sale.  The deli counter  was calling my name, so I stopped by for my new favorite – Boar’s Head lacy Swiss cheese- exactly a third of a pound, thinly sliced.  All in all it was turning out to be a blissful experience.

When I had finished cruising through the frozen section and the dairy cases, I headed to the checkout.  Now, at Publix they are very friendly.  There is someone waiting to check each item, and another clerk waiting to bag your groceries.  Their service is amazing.  It just so happens that the young woman who was my cashier also is a friend of mine.  She is always so kind and when I see her there, we usually catch up a bit.

As my groceries were being bagged she happened to mention she’d been enjoying reading my blog.  I was so flattered and told her thank you – that I was enjoying writing these days.  I’m sure I blushed a million shades of red.  By this time, there were others waiting, so I had to scoot on out of the way.   Well, a young women was ready and waiting to help me to my car with my groceries.  Did I mention Publix is my favorite?

And this is where it happened.  the strange part…

Hold on. I h]ave to explain something first.  In my life, long ago, my sister and I spent a lot of time with my Aunt.  We called her Aunt Betsy – she was the sister of my grandma. I loved going to her house because she always made delicious things to eat – especially these soft, warm little chocolate chip cookies.  Sometimes we even stayed over night.   One time my sister shoved me right out of the double bed we were sharing… but that’s for another blog post…

At any rate there is something very important you need to know about Aunt Betsy.  Even when I was young at 8 or 9 – I recall her talking about the Lord.  All the time.  To everyone.  Everything was about Him.  It was very curious to me back then and I remember thinking it was so unusual.  She had a gentle spirit about her and she spoke kind, uplifting words. When I got a bit older I would wonder how that happens?  How does someone end up talking about the Lord all the time? And I wished it would happen to me…

But, its never really happened to me.  I’m not able to talk about the Lord freely in front of people, unless I’m sure they want to talk about Him too…  And I have a lot of fabulous excuses, but all they do is create as many holes in my testimony as my new favorite lacy swiss cheese…  I’ve questioned what’s wrong with me.

Back to the unusual part of my morning.  The young girl who was helping me to my van asked, “So, you’re a writer?  what do you write about?”  And…. it happened!  For the first time ever!  I did not know this girl.  I had no idea if she wanted to talk about Jesus.  But we did.  I told her about His work in my heart and how I share it on my blog so that others could know about Him too.  And we talked about it for a few minutes – she didn’t seem to have the typical “church lingo” down…  Unbelievable.  I wasn’t nervous.  I wasn’t uneasy.  The words just rolled off my tongue like it was meant to be.

And it was.  What I’ve learned from Scripture and my sweet Aunt Betsy’s example is this: The more I think about Him, and the more I talk to Him, the more He fills me up to overflowing.  And the more that happen, the more He will spill out onto those around me…

Ephesians 3:

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

As I begin to understand His love,  I experience His fullness and then, and only then He can do immeasurable, amazing things!  Not the least of things, my experience today.  Its amazing that I’m 35 and today, it all began.  I started my training, at Publix.

amen.

a bit of history

Valentine’s Day…

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Today was not your ordinary Valentines day.  No, not by any stretch of the imagination.  I along with my husband’s family was able to speak long distance to some of our French family who live 2 hours outside of Paris.

Not long ago, around Thanksgiving, we were privileged to find out that my husband’s dad, Johnny, had “long-lost” relatives in France.  The story itself is so long and complicated it could be considered an epic, so I’m not inclined to give details at this point.  However, at the end of the long tale is a family reunited.

Many times, since the discovery, my daughter Emily has said to me, “Mommy, I just don’t feel like I have relatives in France.”  And I would say to her, “Me either, Em, me either.”  Its interesting because I have experience in these realms.  I have always had relatives at a distance – in Canada, out west – many loved ones far away.  But – I have been to their homes, I have eaten meals with them, shared a holiday.  In a tangible way I have experienced their presence and, if needed, I can call to mind their essence at a moments notice.

This video chat was to be our first experience of face to face, tangible moments together with our new found family.  We were to meet our cousin and her three sons for the first time.  The discussion went so many different directions; from pocket knives, to gas prices; from relatives who have gone on to Heaven, to babies due any day.  It was really quite exciting to see this new relationship unfold.

Towards the end of the chat Maud said something to Johnny I will never forget.   She said, “I am so glad that you have accepted me.  It is so good to know that you love me.”   I chocked back a sob and tears welled up in my eyes.  I realized something at that moment.   For so long she had been searching for family.  On discovering us, her American family – she was also discovering love.

There are times in my life when I am not sure that I know what it means to be loved.  I have experienced the love of a Heavenly Father in tangible and surreal ways.  But still, there are times when He seems absent or very very far away.   I don’t “feel” Him. I know that if I take a moment and think on Him, his presence becomes real. His Holy Spirit wraps love around my heart and binds me to himself once again.

If our cousin Maud knows the love of her Heavenly Father, she has not made it clear.   But, I am pleased that God in His sovereign mercy chose to bring us together as a family.   Just as we have begun to “feel” like we have family in France – maybe someday she and her loved ones will come to know and experience the love of a Heavenly Father.

What if someday I’m able to sit down with my children and share the whole epic tale of how a family that was divided was reunited, joined together in God’s time and for His purposes!?   Now that would be an incredible love story to tell!  Maybe it wasn’t such an unusual way to spend Valentine’s Day after all.

(originally written February 14, 2010 – also, this piece was my first work ever published – Valentine’s Day 2011)

friends and loved ones · who knows?

Saturday morning blues

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It was a rough Saturday morning for my son, Isaac.   We had been to Chick-fil-a for breakfast and were heading out for a few errands.  first on the list: Target.

Now, our children know the rule.  “No begging.”  They learn it as soon as the know how to ask.  Its simple.  Don’t whine the whole time we’re in a store requesting candy, toys, movies, wii games.  Just don’t do it.  You would be amazed how hard it is for a four year old to follow this Day family statute.

Isaac couldn’t do it.  As we walked the aisles, he began a low murmur, “please, mommy.  I need a toy.” As the situation escalated, I realized we were not going to be able to finish our shopping.  We left the store with Isaac sobbing, wailing, and in tears.  He was just sure that he needed something. anything.  but he didn’t.

I know because I am the mom.

I knew it was about to get worse for Isaac before it got better.  Michael and I were headed home, kids in tow, with a secret plan.  We had discussed a toy purge in the play room for Saturday morning once we had finished the errands.  Well, you can imagine Isaac’s response when he realized, not only did he not get what he was hoping for at Target, we were also going to get rid of some of our less-played-with toys and give them to a local charity.  He couldn’t handle it.  You would have thought I was the meanest mom in the world.  He didn’t know it was for his best.

But I was sure of it, because I’m the mom.

What Isaac didn’t know was that his dad and I had purchased a cool present for him to give him on Valentine’s day.  What Isaac didn’t realize was that we were just trying teach him how to make room in his life so that he could enjoy a blessing.  Hmmmm…. I need to think about this for a moment….

Sometimes in crisis, I look to my Heavenly Father and whine and cry because I just don’t understand. I don’t trust Him enough, that He has blessing, in His hands, ready to pour onto my life. But, I want my way.  I fail to see things from His perspective.  How often I refuse to let go of my own will and make room for His will, which is always  the best option.  I refuse even when He’s promised blessing…

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”  Ephesians 1: 3-6

Of course, I suppose I should be the example, since I’m the mom…  Maybe in the future Isaac and I can avoid the Saturday morning blues together…

Heavenly Father, Help me to learn this lesson.  Remind me to let go of my way and my ideals so that You can work in my life.  Don’t let me miss the blessings that you have for me because of my own stubborn behavior.  Thank you for forgiving me and graciously tending to my heart.  Please don’t stop now!  amen.

who knows?

driver’s seat…

melodyannday1 Comment

I am, these days, a home schooling mom by trade.  Part of the home school mom job description is that you drive a mini van or larger vehicle.  I’ve never been one to enjoy driving a big car…  And when we decided to buy our Honda Odyssey, I just wasn’t sure about the whole thing.

But, I knew we needed to have more space, especially with three kids – if we ever wanted to comfortably make trips to visit my parents, we needed the larger car.  So, I learned.  Admittedly, in the beginning, I was no good at it.

I felt like I was steering a huge ocean going vessel.  It was so awkward parking or making tight turns. But, I’ve learned.  And to my credit – I haven’t scratched the car once, due to a mistake while driving.   Yep, I’m comfortable in the driver’s seat these days.  In fact the other day, we had to drop off a baby sitter. Her driveway is the kind that, in days gone by, I would have been afraid of, but not anymore.  I’ve got it all under control!

Until I arrive at my in-laws home.

Michael’s parents home sits at the bottom of a fairly steep driveway on Signal Mountain.  It curves just enough that  I cannot confidently back out, without assistance.  And by assistance I mean I have to ask Michael’s dad for help.   These days when I arrive for a visit, he often asks for my keys and turns my van around for me without any discussion.

I find my confidence unraveling even as I talk about it.  The truth is, its what needs to happen more in my heart.  I would love for everyone, including myself to believe that I am the master of my destiny, that I’m the captain,  large and in charge, no doubt!

But Jesus says no.  He says, “Give me the wheel and let me turn this ship around.”  Slowly, I’m learning it doesn’t need discussion.  I did say slowly, didn’t I?  Just about the moment I start thinking, “Wow! I’m really getting this whole driver’s seat thing…”   He reminds me, “This is too big for you.  You don’t even begin to know what you’re doing!  Let me do it!”

And how can I argue?  He really is the one who can handle it all!  So, day by day I try to give Him the keys… hopefully avoiding any major collisions that I might cause.  In exchange, each day He gives the grace I need to do just that!

Oh Lord!  Let this be my prayer today…

Psalm 25: 4-6

4 Show me your ways, LORD,
teach me your paths.
5 Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.