friends and loved ones

one tiny word makes all the difference

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Here is a Scripture that I learned when I was a child.  I’ve known these words for close to 30 years:

from Proverbs 3:
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;  6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Today I’ve been struggling to trust.  Its over something remarkably small.  Tomorrow my sweet husband is probably going to have a small procedure done on his hand to remove a piece of glass that was left behind after a car accident that happened to us 10 years ago now.

That means that all day today I have made it my responsibility to obsess about every possible thing that could go wrong.  After all, what in the world would we do if….?

Because he has guitar playing, guitar making hands. Hands that enjoy working outside.  Hands that hold our children.  Hands that hold mine.    Hands that we all NEED.

My breath catches in my throat, I can’t swallow, and tears burn…

But, it was while I had a moment alone this evening after a day of self imposed worry,  I heard Him say to me, “Trust.”  And with that one word, the Scripture above posed front and center in my mind.  I whispered the words out loud, “Trust in the Lord with ALL…”  and I stopped short.

ALL.

not most.

not some.

ALL.

“Oh Heavenly Father, why is this so hard?   and it isn’t even my hand…”

and He said, again, “Trust.”

Because He is working in all of it, every bit and piece of my life. Whether it is pain or healing, glory or despair- He is using it all.  And it is His plan that is best, not mine.  I just wish He wouldn’t hit so close to home.   But, He knows  just how to get right to the heart of the matter.  Lipservice and head knowledge mean absolutely nothing if I don’t fully trust Him – with ALL of my heart.

Tomorrow brings a new journey of trust… Thank you Heavenly Father for walking this road with me, and for being a God that I can fully trust with my whole heart.  amen.

friends and loved ones · who knows?

the golden door…

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If you were to travel down one of the short streets in Middle Valley, you would come across a house, the first house on the right to be exact.  And there you would see a small split foyer home with a newly painted bright yellow front door.  My front door.  We finished the project a few weeks ago, but I still find myself staring at it.  No one’s front door in this neighborhood is as pretty as mine, that’s what I tell myself.

Truthfully, we recently made the decision to stay here at our house, and do some things to really make it our own, rather than moving.  Our split foyer needed some curb appeal; the door was just the first effort towards making the outside more visually pleasing and inviting, maybe even hospitable.

Well, I’ve been thinking about the door.  I have been ever since we began considering changing it.  Scripture pictures Jesus knocking at a door, patiently waiting for those who are not yet believers to acknowledge Him.  He is no respecter of doors, beautiful or otherwise.  He died and rose again for all,  not just the folks who have pretty golden doors.

More to the point,  I’m challenged to really believe that He offers forgiveness to everyone here, in my neighborhood.  Everyone. Not just the loveliest ones.  Its so easy to believe that He’s forgiven me, because I have solid moral values and I’m taking good care of my family and I home school and my house is (fairly) clean – and the list goes on and on…  Here, in my part of town, not everyone lives this same way.

There’s the house a street or two over with really tall grass and a maroon front door that is dirty and looks like it may fall off the hinges any day.  Another house where there were gun shots a few weeks ago; that door is dark blue and had the glass broken out for a while.  And another home where there appears to be stuff piled everywhere, so much so that is billowing out from their garage, into the driveway.  I can’t even tell what the color of their door is.   Its easy for me to dismiss these in their un-lovely state.

But Jesus, He knocks at every door with the promises of forgiveness and everlasting life.  He stands at the door, because to Him,  ALL doors are golden:

20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.  (from Revelation 3)

What if every time I catch myself admiring my own door,  I remember to gaze at the doors of the homes nearby the way Jesus does?  No distinctions, only  seeing with His eyes of love and praying with a heart for His redeeming work to be done.

Heavenly Father, As you continue the work in our hearts, will you make us a part of your plan to draw others to yourself? Please take our golden door and use it as you see fit; we long to be hospitable and inviting, even loving to those around us.  Help me to remember that every door is a golden one.   amen.

friends and loved ones

loaves and fish…

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my precious ones…

It was just this afternoon that I sat down with my two younger children to read a story.  I love story time with them, especially if we’re going to read from one of my favorite books: The Jesus Storybook Bible.

Mackenzie usually will run for “her” Bible and bring it to me for us to share.  Normally everyone loves to hear a story or two, and I tend to leave them begging for more.  Today was different…

We had not been able to get the wiggles out earlier in the day.  No one could share the page turning responsibilities.  Neither child could be quiet to save their life – and they were unable to sit still at all.  Normally, they snuggle up close, sharing my lap…  Unfortunately story time turned into a shouting and wrestling match and I heard myself yelling above the frey, SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET SO I CAN READ THIS STORY ABOUT JESUS!

Nice. It was NOT one of my finer moments as a mother, I assure you.

In fear and trembling, they sat quietly as I read the story to them of how Jesus fed thousands with just five loaves and two fish.  And there, at the end of the passage, there were words that moved my heart.  It was as if someone had penned them with me in mind. Let me share them with you:

Well, Jesus did many miracles like this.  Things people thought couldn’t happen, that weren’t natural.  But it was the most natural thing in all the world.  It’s what God had been doing from the beginning, of course.  Taking the nothing and making it everything.  Taking the emptiness and filling it up.  Taking the darkness and making it light.

This is how God works in my heart, through words simple enough for a child.  As I read these thoughts out loud, with the same lips that had just spewed frustration and impatience all over my children, I realized something important.  Only a God who can take nothing and make it something, who takes dark and makes it light, and who can feed 5,000 is going to be able to change my heart.  He is the only one who can continue this work of patience-growing…  taking my frustration and turning it to understanding and love…

It seems the work in my heart is so unnatural.  And it is.  He is the only one who can remove the sin and grow His fruit…  It feels like it is as monumental and miraculous as feeding 5,000 with such a tiny amount of food.  But there is hope for my heart;  He is THE MOST capable  God.

Heavenly Father, Will you take this heart and do the unusual and unlikely?  Fill me with your love to overflowing. Help me learn in these moments how to let your love and your goodness erupt and remove this ugly selfishness and impatience.  Please, take the darkness and make it light. amen.

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It was a mere 4 years ago…

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Yes, that’s right.  Four years ago, that Michael and I felt led to give away the majority of our baby “stuff.”  And by majority, I mean – clothes, supplies, stroller, car seat, maternity clothes – almost all of what we had, with the exception of our crib and changing table was donated.  Either we gave it to friends in need, to Good will, or some of it even went to an orphanage in Africa via some friends who were visiting missionaries.

Yep.  almost all of it. gone.

It was three years and 9 months ago that we found out that we were going to have a baby.

Oh my, were we surprised.

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The first three or four months of the pregnancy passed and I was sick as I could be.  It was so much like my experiences with Isaac, I was absolutely positive that it was going to be a boy.  In fact, I had even picked out boy bedding, and a few boy clothes.  There were only boy names on our list, not one girl name.

When it was time for the ultrasound, there was no doubt.  A girl.

Oh my, were we surprised.

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Three years ago today, May 13th, I went for my 36 week check up.  I had dropped my sweet children off at their grandmama’s house. For some weird reason I prepared their overnight bag to leave there for whenever the baby came (because the plan was for them to stay there whenever I went into labor)…  It seemed a little early, and I felt a little insane, even over the top doing it. But, all Mama’s do crazy things when they are 36 weeks pregnant, right?

I went off to my appointment and did all of the regular rigamarole for my checkup…. When the doctor came in and took a look at my chart, he glanced up at me and said, “I think we’ll make you an appointment for tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?  You want me to come back for another visit tomorrow?” – and he said, “Nope.  We’re gonna deliver this baby tomorrow.”

Oh my, were we surprised!

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But, God who is omniscient, and loving and wise – was not surprised.  And my mother’s heart was calmed by the very fact that it is impossible to catch Him off guard.  He’s the one who plans everything – and controls it all.

“For I know the thoughts I have towards you…”

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It was three years ago, on May 14th, that I was induced, several weeks early.  My nursery at home was a little bit ready.  I didn’t have a car seat or a stroller ready and waiting… As parents for the third time around, Michael and I were taking the relaxed approach.   Fortunately I had returned those few boy things, and there were tiny little girl clothes and blankets ready for her arrival.

I went into labor and delivered my precious Mackenzie within 5 hours, start to finish, and she was healthy, and lovely and wonderful… I still remember that fresh baby smell, those first moments holding her close when she was so new. And although many were praying us through the whole process and I knew I was in His hands, Oh my, were we surprised!

No matter how many times I relive those moments, I am still stunned by his goodness.  A beautiful, sweet baby girl – came into this world, into our care to nurture and love.  It is goodness I don’t deserve. But humble and proud all at the same time, I took the mantle of “mama” for the third time.

There have been many surprises since – at least for me – but they do not shock Him. And as a Mother to three blessings, Emily, Isaac and Mackenzie, I am grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who walks with me every step and gives wisdom and grace for every moment.

Happy 3rd Birthday Mackenzie Georgia Day!  We love you so very, very much!

a bit of history · friends and loved ones

The Dance of Unspeakable Joy…

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(my sweet girl, light on her feet!)

In the spring of 1993, I was a senior in high school. I was preparing to graduate. But graduation was the farthest thing from my mind. As spring came into full bloom and May drew closer, there was one thing and one thing only that I was thinking about and that was Prom. And I, I was a Baptist pastor’s daughter.

In case you don’t know what that means, I’ll tell you: most Baptists don’t dance. I had a very tall hurdle in front of me. I wanted to go to the prom so badly that I begged, I pleaded, and I bargained with my dad. Finally he acquiesced. I could go to the prom, on one condition: I had to lay low… I was absolutely not to make a big deal of this. We didn’t want the deacons finding out, right?

On the evening of the dance, I donned a beautiful bright pink taffeta dress, I hopped into my date’s freshly washed shiny red Toyota and we were off to have fun and be as inconspicuous as possible. And oh, did we have fun!

I didn’t realize until the following morning that I had been unsuccessful with the “inconspicuous” part of the plan. There on the very front page of my hometown’s Sunday morning newspaper was a picture of me, arm in arm with my date, large as life in our fancy prom duds, our names in the caption box below.

So much for incognito…

Twenty years later, I can laugh about the story with my parents. Sort of.  But, I still feel the details of the story like it was yesterday; my face flushes several shades of bright red and my pulse races to new heights.

Back then I was so nervous to see my dad’s reaction! I wanted to hide the Sunday paper, but that was futile since I was sure that all of the deacons got the Sunday paper. There was one thing that had been impressed on me long before that day, but now it was stuck permanently to me like glue : dancing is wrong. Except, its not. At least, that’s what I’ve learned since then.

Actually, it was only a few weeks ago that I realized just how right dancing can be.

My children and I were sitting at the breakfast table, getting ready to start our school day. The atmosphere was a bit heavy because of a few things going on in our family; a sick friend was in genuine need, an uncle of mine had passed away recently, and of course there were all of the other frustrations and plain old junk that happens. We were life-less while we sat munching our cereal, completely weighed down by it all.

Instead of beginning our day with the usual memory work that goes with our home school curriculum, I decided to put on our CD of Scripture songs by Seeds Family Worship. We started bee-bopping at the table, singing along. Songs from Matthew and Jeremiah and Isaiah, were ringing out with truths we needed to hear like, “Ask and it will be given to you,” and “Call to me and I’ll answer,” and “Do not fear for I am with you.”

We’d heard these tunes before, but they were new that morning. And then something indescribable happened. There was this unexpected, blissful freedom lifting us right out of our seats and propelling our bodies into movement. Singing along was just not enough.  Before I knew it we were up dancing and giggling and jumping right out of our sorrows.

Now, I’m sure we looked funny. As you can imagine, I am not a dancer in a groovy, “Oooh! That girl’s got moves,” kind of way. But, we were moved by the exciting truths from God’s Word – and when that happened, there was such a release of joy right in our living room!

Should I be surprised? In Ecclesiastes, it says there is a time for mourning, but also for dancing. Psalm 30 talks about how HE is able to turn our mourning into dancing. It makes so much sense to me as I think about it now: when I begin to meditate on the power of His promises, the burdens are lifted and my feet really do become light.

I’m so thankful for a Heavenly Father who inspires new dance moves at a moment’s notice, just when I need to “get moving” with a new attitude! The life He gives really does turn sadness into a dance of unspeakable joy!


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happy mother’s day…

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I’m not one to struggle at finding words.  Usually I am verbose, I’ll admit.  But today, as I look at the wealth around me I am at a loss to express how blessed I truly am.  I have a lovely home, an incredible, loving husband.  And I have these three babies, who call me Mama.  My heart absolutely could not be more full.  Really, I deserve none of it!

It is my prayer that I will become more like the Proverbs 31 woman this year.  May the Lord continue His work in my heart!

25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Whether you have a mom to celebrate, or you are being celebrated as a mother, I hope you have a wonderful day.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love,
Melody.

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the sticky stuff of life

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When it comes to my kitchen life, there’s a list.  I’ve never written it down.  I’ve never spoken about it or told anyone – but, none-the-less – there’s this list, in my head.  It is a bucket list of sorts; things I hope to learn to do in the kitchen.  Like, how to bake fresh bread or how to make a scratch pie crust – those are things I’ve checked off my list recently.  The more I cross off, the more I add.

Today, I conquered one of the items.  homemade strawberry jam.

I’ve been gathering the supplies and perusing recipes all spring.  I had the fruit a while back, but ended up using the berries for something else.  But, Monday morning, my mother-in-law, arrived on my doorstep with a half-flat of strawberries from Tidwell’s. (she knew of my hopes for jam) And so, I plotted and planned for just the right moment to convert those delicious little fresh morsels into gooey, sweet, spreadable, but not -too- runny jam.  lovely.

I did it this afternoon.

As I looked at the recipe, I knew I was, at best, going to get a little messy- but there was a good possibility that I may get really sticky.  There was the mashing of all the cleaned and hulled berries, then measuring and scooping them into the pot – boiling them with a lot of sugar and pectin, then ladling all of the red, beautiful glossy goodness into the small jars.

Well, it was messy.  and it was very, very, very sticky.  I didn’t realize exactly how all of the timing would work, until I got into it.  Eventually all of it made it into the jars.  But, in the middle of the jam making process, as I crushed the produce and stirred the boiling liquid, I had a few moments of clarity :this process of making jam, was a lot like my life…

All of the mashing and pressing and boiling, hoping for something sweet to turn out in the end.  Often, I look at how things are going – the pressure, the heat, the work that God is doing from the inside out – and for the life of me, I can’t imagine how I’m going to end up anything but a hot mess.

How many times have I tried to hop out of the pot and get cleaned up, so that I could proceed with my own purposes?   Learning how to be patient, how to love,  how to be more like Him…  I would never choose the pain and suffering that goes along with these. not on my own…

But, He promises.  All of this boiling in a pot of trials and hardships, all of this beating to a pulp, down into nothing but mash is for my good…  That is when His heart comes through and I find His sweetness to be so strong.  There may be times that are sticky.  There may be times that  life comes to a rolling boil.  But in the end, it is all a part of the plan for my heart to turn out just right, for my good and for His glory.  The truth of this reality is quite amazing!

These are good words from Job 23 for me to remember.  After all, Job’s situation was much worse than mine…

9 He works on the left hand, I cannot behold Him;
When He turns to the right hand, I cannot see Him.
10 But He knows the way that I take;
When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.
11 My foot has held fast to His steps;
I have kept His way and not turned aside.
12 I have not departed from the commandment of His lips;
I have treasured the words of His mouth
More than my necessary food.

Thank you Heavenly Father.    While I have a hard time comprehending the why and how, I know that all of this that you are doing in my life is for good!  And someday, all of this sticky, crazy mess will taste sweet. amen.

friends and loved ones · in my kitchen

a bit of monkey business, as usual

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Sometimes there is just no way around it.  Today was one of those days, thankfully.  We had friends over who knew it too…  So, this was a good day for a lot of excellent monkey business.  I am thankful for days when God’s provision and goodness comes to my home in the form of friendship.  And He seems to know just when I need it.

When I found out our friends were coming over I decided to practice something new on them.  It’s important to know that when these dear people come to our house, or we go to theirs, it is not unusual to experience fun and laughter and food, not necessarily in that order; and if they come to my home, there is usually (always) dessert. This is not shocking, I know.

Well,  monkey business, should always involve cake.  I just made my mind up about this today.  In this case, it is especially true because the new recipe I made was a banana cake, with brown butter frosting that was absolutely divine, possibly Heaven sent.  And I will share it with you, because you need monkey business at your house, too.  I’m sure of it.

(I feel confident my friend, Reina will be absolutely thrilled I am sharing this photo with all of you…  )

Here is the recipe, so you can get on with some monkey business of your own!

Monkey Squares:
1 ½ cups sugar
1 cup sour cream
½ cup butter, softened
2 eggs
1 ¾ cups (3 or 4) ripe bananas, mashed
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
¾ teaspoon salt
½ cup chopped walnuts

 Heat oven to 375 degrees. Grease and flour 10×15 jelly roll pan. Beat first four ingredients until creamy. Blend in bananas and vanilla one minute. Add dry ingredients and blend one minute. Stir in nuts and spread in pan. Bake 20 to 25 minutes until golden brown. Cool and frost with Browned Butter Frosting (recipe below).
Browned Butter Frosting

½ cup butter
4 cups powdered sugar
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla
about 3 tablespoons milk or half and half

Heat butter in saucepan over medium heat past the melting point until it boiling, and a delicate brown. Remove from the heat and immediately add the remaining ingredients. This should be thicker than a glaze and thinner than frosting. Using a spatula smooth over the top of the Monkey Squares immediately. The frosting will be easier to spread once it’s on the warm bread.
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Thank you Heavenly Father for precious friends and delicious Monkey cake!
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the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen…

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It was along about Friday morning I became concerned.  Maybe I wouldn’t see it again for a while, my daughter’s smile, that is.  I’d spent all week long out of pocket; no time for cooking, for laundry, for blogging, for working out…  Only medicine and comfort levels, a touch of worry, but mostly searching for that smile.  That was all.

On Friday morning I had to leave for a conference, and my sweet girl was left without her mama.  So, I drove and I thought and I thought some more.  I was heart sick that she was not better yet.  And her little mouth wasn’t healing as quickly as I had anticipated.

You know, as a mother, I can handle if I’m not well.  I can manage if my hubby is ill.  But, my babies – no.  It is not okay with me.  I began to question my Heavenly Father.  Because that is what I do, when I don’t agree with His timing or His plan.  “How can you do this to my girl? And why aren’t you making her body heal quickly?” And there are no answers for these questions this side of Heaven.  Only He has the specific answers.

I realized as I drove to Atlanta that there could be many reasons for this brief trial with my girl…  The foremost reason in my mind  became very clear.  If nothing else, this hardship was exposing my doubt in the goodness of my Heavenly Father.  The moment things do not go my way, I question.  It is embarrassing how it seems immediate.  How fickle I am.  How human!

Yesterday I read a quote that said something along these lines:  My definition of good is anything that benefits me.  God’s definition of good is anything that makes me more like Jesus.   whoa.  These words brought me to my knees.  Oh Lord, let me embrace this short time of difficulty with patience and endurance and belief.

Here are words that are moving me closer to His heart, with belief:

26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.  28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 

There is One who knows and is moving on my behalf, for my good, which is always His purpose.  After dwelling on this passage, my heart began to endorse His will, over mine. His wisdom, over my earthly knowledge and His timing over my schedule.

Today, it appeared, for the first time in a week.  I can’t tell you how happy I was to see it.  I’m so grateful that we are finally on the mend.   Her mouth, and my heart, both.

Thank you Heavenly Father for the work you continue to do in my heart.  Let me be willing to accept every effort, willing to change my heart and mind.  amen.

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what promise?

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I stepped out the front door and walked down the stairs, slightly relieved to be out of the house this morning, if only to water the flowers for a few minutes.  It was a little thick inside.  intense.  and I needed air.

Right-y tight-y, lefty loos-ey…  I had to remind myself how to get the water running from our new faucet at the front of the house. I forever have to remind myself of things I should already know…   I pulled the hose out and began spraying. I’ve been waiting you know, for some flowers to bloom.  Its life-learning : practicing patience, and I’m not doing too well.  My dahlias have been keeping in a tightly packed, brightly colored secret for weeks now.  You know how a watched pot never boils?  Well, a watched bud never blossoms.

At any rate, as I sprayed, I reviewed the week and the coming weekend.  The pressure was mounting on my heart and in my mind as I watered my knock-outs…  they’ve already blossomed a lot.  nothing new here…  I’ve been trying to get my sweet girl better from her oral surgery so that I can go to Atlanta for an overnight trip to the Georgia Home School convention.  And, frankly I’d like to take just a bit of peace of mind with me as I go…  so I can think and plan for the coming year, so I can be refreshed by the time away…  Is that too much to ask?

humanly speaking, maybe.

I kept spraying.  And then, it happened – a faint tiny rainbow…  light showers, combined with rays of sunshine thru the trees and there it was.

My breath caught in my chest,  “Is that for me?”

and of course it was…  because He’s always reminding me, thru His Word, thru His creation – He is a faithful, merciful, promise-keeping God.    It began when He made a covenant with Noah, and with Abraham, and for generations following, He made promises – and He’s in the business of keeping them.  all of them…

I moved down the yard to the bed where my blueberry bushes and my dahlias are…  and I couldn’t help but feel tears well up…  There, was a Dahlia bud, almost ready to crack open.  But, it was very unique because of its size. It was humongous – and by that I mean it is the biggest, heartiest, soon-to-be blossom of a Dahlia I have ever seen, almost the size of a baseball.  I am telling you the truth.  And, here it was, glistening, soaking up the spray, in my bed.

Immediately, I was confronted by my own unbelief…  The same God, who made covenant with Noah and Abraham, is the same God who causes the sun to rise, the earth to turn, the seasons to change, and all things to grow and bloom; He is the same God who has made promises to me:

promise for His presence and protection – from Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

promise for healing  from Isaiah 53:5 : But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.

promise for provision  from Philippians 4:19 : And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

promise for peace  from Isaiah 26:3 : You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.

promise for wisdom – from Psalm 111:10 – The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.  His praise endures forever.

Right there in my small flower garden, was His reminder that He intended to continue keeping His Word.  With an early morning rainbow and a small plant, laid here, in this bed of dahlias, He was growing my faith.  I knew I could take my quick over-night trip, with all of these promises tucked deeply into my heart once again, right where they should be.

Thank you Heavenly Father for your mercies that are new and fresh every day and for bringing me face to face with them in ways I never imagined. You are an amazing, creative and loving God.  amen.