finding Him in the every day moments of life… Ps. 119: 57-58
This photo, hands down, was my favorite photo of the day. hardy-har-har. My big girl, Nanny and my nephew Miles road the roller coaster last nite. and it was the talk of the evening. There’s just something about the unbridled excitement, the adrenaline rush of riding a roller coaster… it seems reminiscent of my life- well, except much shorter.
I can’t help but think, when I look at this picture to get my hands up and enjoy the ride- ’cause it’ll be over before I know it!
well, I couldn’t choose, so here are three photos from day 4….
There are some things money can’t buy (pictured below)- and then there are some things completely worth every penny (see #2):
1. good times with fun cousins…
2. a hot and de-lish fried bologna sandwich from the Hot Diggity Diner (dad and I both had one…it lends new meaning to the words “full of bologna”)
3. time, with a sweet baby girl who is growing up too fast.
(my apologies for being so late posting the photo from day 3 of our vacation. – the internet connection here was non existent this morning.)
Before there were kids, and diapers and laundry and grocery shopping and grown-up responsibilities galore, there were two little girls. sisters. Marilyn and Melody.
But these days – this is life : husbands and kids, with plenty of craziness to go ’round. And our family vacation is a time to celebrate – memories from the past, the gift of the present, and what is to come. The mountains, the valleys and everything in between: All goodness from a Heavenly Father!
And here we are: crowded together on this bench. a whole lot of happiness.
from left to right: Maggie, Melody, Mackenzie, Isaac, Marilyn, Miles, Max, Emily.
Yesterday, our second day at the beach, was monumental. My sweet boy, with huge proportions of courage, boogie boarded in the ocean. alone. no hand holding. no standing on the edge. With major amounts of vigor he faced the sea by himself – and was quite successful.
and oh the joy of conquering your own worst enemy!
Welcome to the family beach trip in North Myrtle Beach…
Sometimes you just need a good, hardy, belly laugh. And good times, on vacation with family can be just the thing to facilitate…
And so, I give you the first photo of the day from our week away… Enjoy!
Isaac (and Papa), braving the waves last year. (2011)
(originally written June 5, 2010)
My little family and I have been at the beach this week on vacation. Its been quite an excursion, I assure you. Even with three children to keep track of, I have had quite a bit of time to ponder a lot of things. Sand, ocean waves, bright sunshine – all have been medicine for my soul this week.
One of my keenest memories from the trip, I have locked away for the long term. My sweet boy, Isaac and I were out in the waves as the ocean rolled in. There are few things that are more fun than jumping the waves – we were holding on tightly to each other and giggling.
In fact, our giggling bubbled up into peels of laughter. As his little hands gripped my shoulders, I’d jump up and then we would let the waters wash us to shore, all the while just chortling. What a time we had. I’ve promised myself I won’t ever forget it!
After, as we dried off in the sunshine, I thought of this song from my childhood:
What a wonderful change in my life has been wrought,
since Jesus came into my heart,
I have life in my soul for so long I had sought,
since Jesus came into my heart!Since Jesus came into my heart,
since Jesus came into my heart,
floods of joy o’er my soul
like the sea billows roll,
Since Jesus came into my heart!”
This song really means something so different to me tonight. As the sea billows rolled, Isaac and I experienced such Joy! Is this the kind of joy the song was talking about? Are we meant to have Joy that brews in the belly, rupturing into fountains of laughter?
Yes! Yes! and Yes! Often I look to Jesus as healer, comforter – pleading for Him to bring aid in my sorrows and trials. But I do not expect relief to come in that form of true, uninhibited Joy! Sometimes I take myself so seriously that I attempt to keep the waves at bay.
Knowing Jesus, his forgiveness and his salvation, brings joy – the kind that begins in the tips of my toes, flooding my heart and soul, rising all the way to the top of my head.
Psalm 71:23
My lips will shout for joy
when I sing praise to you—
I, whom you have redeemed.
Dear Lord,
Let me live in the joy of your salvation! Let others see that joy bubbling over in my life so that they might know you too.
This is my super-smarty pants girl, Emily! I’m so proud of her!
My palms were sweaty, a lump was in my throat. I’ve never liked test taking, you know. Not once in my scholastic history do I remember saying, “Yes! Its exam week!” or, “I can’t wait to test on this material!” Nope. Not my favorite. Fourteen years ago, I was quite content to be finished with my formal education.
This week, here at the end of our fourth grade year, is the first time that I have done assessment testing with Emily in our home schooling. We began today with the English Grammar and Composition tests. In all sincerity, today’s test taking was much worse than taking a test of my own back in school, because really, the outcome of today’s test was an assessment of my teaching just as much as it was an overview of her knowledge.
gulp.
double gulp.
As she quietly answered questions at the kitchen table, I paced up and down the hall. back and forth. I tried to be patient. I tried to stay out of it. I tried to remain calm. We spent the better part of our day, doing a section and then taking a break; completing another section and breaking again; it was far too long to do continuously.
This evening as I sat down to grade her work, I was pleasantly surprised to find my sweet girl at Mastery Level in almost every area, with the exception of one or two small sections, and she came out on top with roughly a 91%. I couldn’t have been more pleased. She and I hugged and I kissed her on the forehead and hugged her again and told her how proud I was of her efforts and all that she had learned this year. It was a triumphant moment, to be sure!
mastery level. I began to think about those words tonight after she went to bed and I had a few moments to myself. There are so many places in my life where I am learning lessons. I try to absorb God’s Word and then live it… but, no matter what I do, the test comes to try my heart’s status and I don’t pass. Surely I’m not the only one in this place… I know what to do, but the smallest thing comes up and I’m not able to do it.
When dealing with my children, sometimes I find myself void of patience- it is one of the areas where I am regularly tested – and regularly, I fail. Today a situation presented itself. Gulp. It was a test, and I knew it the minute it happened. double gulp. Two of my sweet little people, who will remain nameless, were pushing my buttons with disobedience and disregard for my warnings. But, I was able to maintain a calm and reasonable response. My pitch was not tense, and I spoke from my heart firmly, but with love.
Afterwards, I felt the joy of success and the need to fist bump, or high five someone! But instead, I turned my heart with thankfulness to my Heavenly Father. “Did you see that! Did You?!? I did it! We did it!” And I knew He would have high fived me…Okay, I realize its not mastery level. I’m barely at partial mastery. Certainly not a 91. Definitely not 100. But, its a start. I feel like my heart and mind are beginning to pass the test. And I’m thankful He hasn’t given up on me yet, the slow learner that I am.
good words to remember from Job 23: 10-11
But He knows the way that I take;
When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.
My foot has held fast to His steps;
I have kept His way and not turned aside.
The good news is this: while I want to be the mother, wife, sister, daughter friend that is following Him with my whole heart, He loves me no matter what – imperfections, wrong answers and all. Someday, when all is made right and we are with Him forever, the tests will be done – and there will be no more exams ; only Heaven- the place of total and perfect mastery. and no more gulping.
Heavenly Father, Thank you for the victories today, in the grammar test and on my heart’s test. All success is from you, and I am so grateful for these results today. It has brought so much joy to our family. thank you. amen.
It was delivered last week. Two tons of river rock. The “rock guy” dumped it in our front yard to the left of the driveway, a mountain of tiny smooth stones. Every time I stepped out the front door, the big pile of rocks was staring back at me. All weekend, I avoided making eye contact. My time was coming, but I didn’t want to dwell on it. Not yet.
Well, this morning was my date with those stones. While there was still significant shade and temperatures were low, I got on my boots and gloves, grabbed the shovel and moved the wheelbarrow into place. It was time to transport the rocks to the backyard. Specifically : uphill, to the site of the workshop, which we are preparing to build.
You may not know, but, my husband had a procedure on his hand a few days ago, and so in order to not interfere with healing, the mountain moving work fell directly onto my shoulders. With lumber being ordered recently, and hopefully delivered shortly after we return from the beach, it became clear that the vapor barrier and layer of stones needed to be put in place this week. And I was the one to do it.
It went like this: shovel stones into wheel barrow. push wheel barrow up the hill to the backyard. empty wheel barrow and spread stones. repeat. again and again and again. Many cups of water and lots of sweat later I succumbed to my earthly body and gave up for the morning, with plans to continue the work in the cool of the morning, tomorrow. I felt pretty good about the effort, but realized my inadequacy when I looked out the back window : I didn’t even finish half of the job.
While I was hard at work first thing this morning, I thought about other mountains that had been moved in my life, mountains that were moved on my behalf. I’m a hard worker in the best of senses, but even I know that there have been times when I was powerless to make things happen. Only God could….
There was the mountain that moved when I moved to Tennessee, with a tiny amount of savings and only a very small part time job, and no place to live, that He provided for me. Then there was the time that I was able to purchase my piano, which I never thought I would be able to do. And I can’t forget the moment when I realized I was working my last full time day in the corporate world; I was going home full time to be with my children because the need for that income, which had been a huge mountain, was eliminated. And there are so many, many more accounts of mountains moved.
All of these memories kept me moving, up and down the hill, shoveling, one more time. You see, this whole building a guitar workshop project sometimes feels very daunting. Not just the building process of the shop, but the making guitars business that will follow. I really have no idea how it is all going to work out and a lot of days it seems like a HUMONGOUS mountain that is immovable and impassable. But, as I relived those memories of how God has already moved really big barriers on my behalf over and over again, the wheel barrow wasn’t quite so heavy, the backyard didn’t seem so steep and the work began to pass by quickly…
These words mean something entirely different to me this evening, as I examine the future…
from Matthew 17:20:
for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.
Heavenly Father, You have always been my mountain mover. When I’ve thought there was no way, you have made the way plain, removed obstacles, taken down barriers. Restore the belief in my heart for what is ahead. Give me the faith to keep moving in the right direction. amen.
Many summers ago, at a small little house on King Street in Danville Illinois, I sat out on the sidewalk and “helped” my mom plant lots of tiny flowers. Red and white ones. I believe they were geraniums and petunias. If I close my eyes I can still smell the soil, and feel the mist from the hose. It felt good to get dirty and dig down deep for the sake of all that beauty.
This summer, I am not too far off from doing the same thing, here at my house. The EXACT same thing. I have my dahlias and my rose bushes in the front beds and my begonias and double impatiens on the back deck, some in a planter, some in a hanging basket. But a few weekends ago, I went back to the nursery to find something special for the front porch, to decorate the entry way to our home. I had my basket loaded up, when I found what I really wanted and put it all back. I brought home the red and white “candy striped” petunias – just like the ones Mom planted so long ago. They are perfect, just what I wanted, and so much of what I remembered from childhood. Recently I posted photos of them on Facebook; I couldn’t be happier with them.
Now, my dahlias, which are my beloved flowers from the beginning, have been doing strange things this summer, and I haven’t photographed them as much as years passed. I’m almost embarrassed of them. Why? Well, they are growing up in a winding, vine-like state, rather than up steadfast and tall, like usual. And I’m frustrated. I’ve tried to tie them up, so they’ll grow straight – but they have a mind of their own.
I’m a touch heartbroken because they aren’t what I’d hoped…
My gardening, is only a picture of my own life, to be sure. Fruit that I’d hoped would grow is slow to bloom. Seeds that were planted long, long ago, haven’t produced anything yet. nothing real or significant anyway. Weeds of sin keep popping up that I can’t seem to keep at bay. I feel like my dahlias : unruly and rowdy, sometimes fighting the very stakes of truth my heart has been tied to. Its work; all of this growing and digging down deep in the soil of my heart is pain-staking, back breaking labor.
I can’t help but wonder… Is He heartbroken over my growth? Is He frustrated over my bull headed and stubborn behavior, when I should be obedient and compliant to His will? This week I have had to stop and examine it all; its been challenging to take a fresh account of my heart’s garden. But, do you know what I’ve found in the middle of it all? I have found a glorious place of refreshment- its a promise of beauty in the middle of all this digging around in the dirt, pulling out weeds, and watering…
The beauty is here at the center of this knowledge : God, in His mercy, loves me. And as He gardens my heart, He promises to not give up until the work is done, until my heart is renewed. No matter what, the promise of complete restoration is worth these brief, earthly moments of agony.
4 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) ephesians 2:4&5
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6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; philippians 1:6.
Do I already know these words? In my head, yes. But sometimes, no, a lot of times, my heart forgets. I feel so alive knowing, that even when I’m not what I would like to be, He comes to my heart’s garden bringing promises of love and affection, mercy and forgiveness. And His love will continue until the end of time. Someday my heart will be perfection. Until then, we’ll keep gardening…
Its that time of year. The strawberries at a local farm are coming in strong. I know because I was blessed with eight quarts yesterday morning. My mother and father in law made the drive yesterday and picked up enough for a small army – I was one of the happy recipients. And oh, are they sweet. There is nothing as good as a fresh, locally grown strawberry.
Well, unless you’re eating a fresh strawberry that you just picked yourself.
How do I know this, you might wonder… Well, I’ll tell you. In the summer of 1982 I was visiting my grandparents who lived on the rolling hills and plains of Iowa. On their property they had large gardens, which happened to have a big portion of one of the plots designated for strawberries. rows and rows of strawberries.
In the morning before it would get too hot, (which isn’t really possible at the end of June in Iowa- it was always hot…) my great grandmother (GG, we called her) would send us out with our buckets to pick berries that had become ripe. I must confess I didn’t enjoy it – it was hot, sticky, uncomfortable and dirty. I didn’t fully understand it then, but I can look back with such appreciation now. Those were the most incredible, tasty, berries – better than any you could buy.
Some things in life require significant amounts of discomfort, patience and effort, but in the end – those have the highest reward.
I compare this thought with my own life now. Too often, I want the easy, painless road. I pray for God’s will to be mine, but, “please let Your way for me be the one without sorrow.” I forget that to be like Christ is to take up my cross, to join with Him in suffering.
Daily I am bombarded with this world’s way of thinking. The easy life is the “sweet life.” My way right away. If I’m honest, its what I long for. I want to focus on Scriptures that promise joy and happiness and overlook the ones that require commitment, loyalty, long-suffering.
But there is truth to my strawberry principle : Berries that are served over ice cream because my hands harvested them in the heat of the day are so much juicier and delightful than berries bought at the store. Likewise, healing for one person who has known significant pain and illness is so much more gratifying, even inspiring, than the health of another who has been well all along. True joy is savored the most when it follows a period of suffering.
From James 1:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
Heavenly Father, What a promise You have made for those who love You! Blessings will follow the trials. Help me to be steadfast to the end, whatever the trial may be, so that I may taste the sweetness of your lovingkindness.
(written in May of 2010)
daily portion 