Well friends, our summer is just about over.  I know, I know – I’ve probably already belabored the point. On Monday we went to the pool for the last time.  We were the only family there – just us and the lifeguards.  As we dried off, I glanced at Em who was a tad bit teary.  My sweet girl has it rough being so much like her Mama.  She has loved this time and keeps making me promise over and over that we will get a pool pass again next year.

I find myself sandwiched between happiness and sadness.  New books for our school year should arrive at any moment. And yet, I am reluctant to say goodbye to summer and all of its relaxation and pool time and fewer commitments.   What else can we squeeze in to make this the best summer holidays ever, before Labor Day Weekend comes to a close?  Surely there’s one more thing…

I know in my heart this is just a part of the cycles and seasons that make up life – but, sometimes they rush by before I can fully wake up to them…

But here we are at the precipice of school life and text books,  brightly colored autumn leaves and crockpot applesauce, once again.  With a glance over the shoulder at the towels and the sunscreen, we toss a wave goodbye and step out into the excitement and newness of 5th grade and 1st grade, a new job for me, new friends to be made and everything else we don’t even know about yet.  The season holds great promise.

In life there cannot be beginnings without endings, nor endings without fresh beginnings.  This fact in and of itself is the best and worst of life –  the highs and lows of “hold on tight” and “let go”, goodbyes and hellos, joys and sadness – they all mix together like a sweet and sour, fizzy elixir.  It makes my lips pucker. I squint my eyes hard and swallow it down because it tastes so good, and burns all at the same time.

The beauty of it all is that the summer of 2012 has been wonderful. a true delight.  We have enjoyed it thoroughly.  While no summer in the future will be just like it, we take pleasure believing that there is more ; hopeful we’ll come again, when summer is new and our Heavenly Father will take care to plan something glorious.

So, for now, this means so long summer with warm goodbyes, without regret.  We will return another time with hearty and happy hellos.

I keep thinking that this is ultimately the life that He planned for us, isn’t it? A circle of startings and finishings that bring us into accordance with His will – that His timing  and orchestrating are supreme?  He is ever leading my sweet family, pulling us towards Himself, His grace and the fullness of life in Him, reminding us to live now in the moment He has provided, trusting and unafraid of the beginnings and endings He gives.

With all of these thoughts swirling around me, I am reminded of one centering, slowing thought:  I am the daughter of the author and finisher of faith.  My history is written by the Alpha and Omega who controls the beginning and ending of all time…   Thank you Heavenly Father for these words:

from Revelation 1:

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End,” says the Lord, “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.”

I baked cookies today with the help of a little munchkin.  These are cookies that are familiar; I’ve made them a couple of times now.  I didn’t tell you about them right away because I kept thinking I’d find something wrong – like they’d bake up poorly in the humidity, or they’d be crispy one time instead of nice and soft and chewy.

But do you know what?  They are Perfect with a capital P.  You can not mess up these gems.  I love them with a whole-heart kind of love.  So, I figured I couldn’t hold out on you any longer.  This is a must-have recipe for your collection. They are real beauties with big flavor, a soft but chewy texture, and they are so simple to make at a moments’ notice.

You know what they say, right?  Do not put off to tomorrow what you can do today.  I feel that is true, and most certainly about cookies.   With that in mind, read this recipe and make your plans to bake these.  soon.  very soon.

Over the Top Reese’s Peanut Butter Cookies

3/4 cup butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup peanut butter
2 large eggs
2 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 1/2 cups flour
1 1/2 cups milk chocolate chips
32 mini Reese’s peanut butter cups, each cut into 4 pieces

1. Mix the ingredients down to the vanilla.  Add soda, salt & flour. Fold in chocolate chips.

2. Using an ice cream scoop, scoop dough (these are big cookies!). Place 6 scoops of dough on ungreased cookie sheets.  use your hand & slightly flatten each scoop of dough.  Bake for 12 minutes at 350.

3.  Remove cookies from oven & lightly press 8 cut up pieces of the Reese’s peanut butter cups over the top of each cookie.  Return to the oven for 2 more minutes.  Cool on baking sheet for 2 minutes before placing on cooling rack.

Makes about 30 cookies – if you do a very generous heaping tablespoon but, fewer cookies if you really want them to be huge and use the ice-cream scoop portions.

Note: I used a full package of Ghiradelli dark chocolate morsels today plus a half a package of semi-sweet morsels. I’ve made them before with the Reese’s pb cups and it is really decadent. In place of the Reese’s pb cups, you could also use mini or regular M & M’s. – If you’re just doing chips and morsels, and not special candy the third step isn’t really necessary – you can mix in the chocolate and bake for about 13-14 minutes.

(My sister gave me this recipe, and I do not know where she found it – So, I cannot give credit where credit is due.  Just to clarify, this is not “my” recipe. As soon as I know the origin, I will be sure to note it here.)

It’s Monday morning.  Early morning.  There are three kiddos still asleep in their beds (well, one is actually asleep in my bed) and I think I sorta like it this way.  These days I’m trying to be a morning person so that I’m up and at ’em, ready for my kids when they wake up.

Trouble is, no amount of working out on my elliptical or long hot showers at 5:45 in the morning can really prepare me.    Of course, the opposite is true as well. Monday’s don’t look much better if I sleep in; my kids begin our week running the show with me desperately trying to catch up.  What I’ve found out over the last two weeks is this: No matter night owl or early bird, the only thing that keeps me, that holds me together is my time with Jesus.  Its true on Monday, and every other day of the week.

So, as I sit here and sip my coffee, a light and cool breeze blowing in from my back deck, I pray.  I pray that He will make this, a beautiful Monday, exactly into what He ordained it to be.  And that I will be a willing vessel…

Heavenly Father,  my Rock, my Help,

I praise you for this day that you have made.  I hand it over to you as the rightful owner. Loosen my grip from the day’s events – orchestrate our coming and going as you see fit.

Let my heart be filled with joy and thanksgiving, knowing that every gift comes from your hand.  I am a humble recipient of the grace you so freely give.

Help me to teach my children in loving kindness, with wisdom and mercy.  Tie my tongue when it is loose with anger or mean-ness. I want to speak with words of truth and grace.  Fill my mind with knowledge to share that comes only from You.  I am only as creative  in my teaching and parenting as You the Grand Creator help me to be.  Make my heart a conduit so that Your love flows out, filling them to over flowing.

Give me the desire to do your will, even if it requires sacrifice.   Above all else, my heart longs to be whatever You choose for me to be.   Sometimes the idea scares me – that I’m not in control of my future, that it might require discomfort- but the reality is : I know that You are good and I can rest in your care, because it is far better than anything I can choose or plan.

There is nothing more empowering than the knowledge that I can do All things by your strength.  It fills my heart with confidence and peace.  And there doesn’t seem to be a better way to begin this Monday.

It is by the power of your name, I pray this prayer today.

amen.  and amen.

from 1John 3:

¹⁸ My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. ¹⁹ And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. ²⁰ For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. ²¹ Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. ²² And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.²³ And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment.

Well friends, we are back to school this week.  At least, half days for now, which in truth is the beauty of home schooling.  We can take things at our own pace.  Yesterday we began with our memory work, serious piano practice, math and a new and improved chore list.  It was a refreshing start.  In fact, we had a really great day.  Truthfully there have been years when I couldn’t say that, so I was relieved at the end of the day.

You can only imagine that as I relived the day late in the evening, my humility left the room.   Surely the rest of the year would go so well, with my incredible teaching skills, my creativity genius and my general awesomeness…

oh dear.

But the truth is, a few words from Scripture brought me back to an appropriate reality.  And I am thankful for them.  I may tattoo the passage on my forehead so I can see the words in the mirror when I am admiring myself a little too much…

Here they are, from Jeremiah 9:

Thus says the Lord:

23 “Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom,
Let not the mighty man glory in his might,
Nor let the rich man glory in his riches;
²⁴ But let him who glories glory in this,
That he understands and knows Me,
That I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth.
For in these I delight,” says the Lord.

And that is all I have for today!  Back to reality: a busy day ahead of learning, swimming, piano lessons and much, much more!  Happy Tuesday to you all!

This summer has brought many new experiences for me…  not the least of which revolve around a building project in our back yard.  My husband, Michael, is building a workshop where he hopes to begin building custom guitars.  I suppose, if you’ve read my blog you know a bit about it already.

I’m learning to trust in a completely different way – trust in God’s provision, His plan, His mercy.  The things I’ve read about and sung about at church my whole life, I am now living in a truly surreal, and unexpected way.  I didn’t realize I would meet Him this way, this summer, in my backyard-turned construction zone.

There were the holes, which I wrote about a while ago.  That was at the beginning of the whole ordeal.

There was the two ton mountain of river rock, which I moved shovel by shovel.

And then, there was another lesson…  I should probably tell you the story…

We were roughly two months into the project when Michael ordered materials that we needed to continue with our progress.  At the time, being inexperienced as we were, we had no idea there would be setbacks, dilemmas to be solved and bad weather.  A month later, I stood with Michael at the counter, where we had ordered the materials.  and we hoped, we almost begged for mercy.  I’ve never felt quite so helpless.

The young girl, who stood looking at us didn’t know.  She didn’t know the money at stake or all of the details running through our minds.  But we needed the store to hold our materials just a bit longer.  PLEASE.  We would be ready for them soon, just not yet.  All our hopes pinned on this young girl’s touch of a button – yes or no.

I thought about it, afterwards – How often am I merciless?  Not knowing someone’s situation, or their heart? I make choices, I judge – and with one word, change their life or their hope with one sweeping yes or no.  Looking back, I can think of so many times when my heart was completely void of any mercy.   If I’m going to be Christ-like, I need to be full of compassion and mercy to those around me.  Whether I think I know the whole story or not, I need to give the very mercy I’ve received from the Heavenly Father himself.   He is merciful even when I don’t deserve it, even though He knows each and every one of the reasons why He shouldn’t be.   If His mercy is  rich, then I am the daughter of a millionaire – and as a result I have more than enough to give away.

Well, the girl at the counter chose yes.   Everything came together, at just the right time.   Materials were delivered when we needed them and not a day before.   And now – there are walls going up.  and a roof to follow soon.

Every time I look out my kitchen window on the workshop that is going I up, I think of this verse from Ephesians 2:4-5

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)

Today it is too chilly to go to the pool.  and I am bummed.  Surely summer, with its sleeping in and lazy days, isn’t over yet!  Why did it rush by so quickly?  We were just getting started…

The truth is, initially I felt a twinge of guilt because we didn’t have anything amazing planned, no fabulous- spectacular vacations, or world travels.  Just bugspray and sunscreen, swimsuits and pool passes.  Oh, we went for a quick trip to the beach the first week of our summer break, but after that – it was all home – all simpleness.

Turns out that was the best thing for us.  No hurry. No busy summer camp schedule.  Just me and my kiddos playing and swimming and playing and swimming some more.  I have learned about my children so much more than I thought possible.  And it has been a revival for this Mama’s heart.

Here’s the good stuff:

Holding Isaac’s hand whenever we walked somewhere, while he’s still good for it.

Cousin time at the beach.  always fun.  always.

our time at the pool, because they needed mama to be the engine when we played train with our noodles, and I loved every minute of being needed that way.

Swinging at Grandmama’s house – the smiles on that swing are always the best.

Early morning snuggles, watching Peppa Pig with Mackenzie, because she was always “up and at ’em” long before everyone else.

Spending time with my sweet girl, Emily, who is growing up way too fast – trying to lock away each memory in my heart.

A few rainy afternoons, but a very special one when I made cookies with Isaac.  I will never forget that hour with him.

One or two not-too-hot early mornings on the back deck, Mackenzie at the sandbox, while I relaxed with my cup of coffee.  not much more perfect than that.

and a thousand more memories…  I can’t even put them all down.

Thank you Lord, for such a wonderful summer holiday.  I’m almost ready for fall now.  almost.

So I’m up early, pretending that I’m a morning person.  My cup of coffee is nearby, and I’m enjoying the space and time to think.  School starts soon for us, here at home.  And this year, as I prepare for what’s coming I seem to require more quiet thoughtfulness- which is hard to come by once my children are on the scene, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

As I think about what I need to accomplish, what books are left to purchase, how to organize our time and all of our supplies, the schedules, the lesson plans – I’m left slightly overwhelmed, and a tiny bit undone.  No matter what books I read, no matter who I get advice from – my home school is my own, our situation is unique.  There is no manual on how to do what needs to be done for my children.

Except this one thing.  I found it this morning, again.  It is the compass for my heart and mind: which way to go and what to do next.   John 15 says this:

1 I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. ² Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. ³ You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. ⁴ Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

⁵ “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. ⁶ If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. ⁷ If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. ⁸ By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.

I’ve been in a tailspin this week.  Full on, out of control, round and round and round: I was helpless, with no brakes.

Yesterday, when I couldn’t even begin for a third day to write on the blog, and I didn’t feel like my children were manageable, and my dirty laundry had completely come into a life of its own, and the cooking and cleaning had come to a complete halt, and my baby girl still refused to sit on the potty, and my husband had some difficult changes in his building plans, and all of my home schooling plans felt tiny and insignificant and ridiculous….  that was when I decided to sit down and think.  and pray.

And I asked Him to help me reign it all in.  “Lord, what has happened here?  Why am I in this condition?”

I hit the replay button.  As I reviewed my week, I paused over a particular conversation.

I spoke with a friend.  A friend who has a huge mountain.  It is enormous.  It is not a, “Get some rest and it will be better in the morning,” kind of mountain.  No.  It is a “until eternity” kind of struggle, unless our Heavenly Father intervenes.  And in the middle of the conversation, I asked this friend, who has more on their shoulders than I could ever bear, “But, what about God’s grace?  Is it not enough, for you to apply daily to keep going?”

The answer from my friend?  No.

I felt smothered.  I could not breathe.  The life was sucked away as I tried to comprehend the thought.  The conversation took its toll on me, and those few moments were the catalyst…

Heavenly Father, If Your grace is not enough, how in the world am I supposed to make it through all of my life’s craziness, my shortcomings, my own humanity?   How do I dare to live without your grace?

As soon as I began the questions, these words from Scripture began the resuscitation, giving life to my very being:

⁹ And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Once again, it becomes crystal clear – and my spinning comes to a slow down – God’s grace is MORE than enough.  As I acknowledge my neediness and my complete dependence on Him, His grace swells to fill in the gap at my point of need. It is limitless! Even while I’m typing these thoughts, the brakes are on and my heart is soothed…

His grace applied to my heart and mind, preparing me for life – the laundry pile seems do-able, my kids don’t seem so far from my control, the cooking and cleaning might be fun again, our home-schooling plans are back on track and the potty-training? Well, He’ll cross that bridge with us when we get there, I’m sure of it.

Thank you Heavenly Father, for tenderly guiding me, for leading me through these valleys, and giving the grace to keep going.  Help me to remember Your Grace is sufficient- in every moment, for every step.   Thank you for being absolutely, positively, beyond question, ENOUGH.  Please help my friend to, once again find this same grace for life.  amen.