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I’ve been wondering this Monday morning…

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Really, I don’t do this often…  But, today I just can not help it.   As my morning begins,  I’ve been thinking over this old hymn by John Newton.  The words seem to sink into my heart so deep that I’m held captive.    Literally, I keep singing it over and over again…   A Joyful slave to these thoughts, I begin this Monday morning:

“Let us Love and Sing and Wonder”

Let us love and sing and wonder,
Let us praise the Savior’s Name!
He has hushed the law’s loud thunder,
He has quenched Mount Sinai’s flame.
He has washed us with His blood,
He has brought us nigh to God.

Let us love the Lord Who bought us,
Pitied us when enemies,
Called us by His grace, and taught us,
Gave us ears and gave us eyes:
He has washed us with His blood,
He presents our souls to God.

Let us sing, though fierce temptation
Threaten hard to bear us down!
For the Lord, our strong Salvation,
Holds in view the conqueror’s crown:
He Who washed us with His blood
Soon will bring us home to God.

Let us wonder; grace and justice
Join and point to mercy’s store;
When through grace in Christ our trust is,
Justice smiles and asks no more:
He Who washed us with His blood
Has secured our way to God.

Let us praise, and join the chorus
Of the saints enthroned on high;
Here they trusted Him before us,
Now their praises fill the sky:
“Thou hast washed us with Your blood;
Thou art worthy, Lamb of God!”

Amen and amen.
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Happy Anniversary…

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Two years ago, yesterday I begged and pleaded.  I hemmed and hawed and hesitated.  Surely, this wasn’t the right path.  “Please Lord, isn’t there another way for me to be obedient…  other than this?”  After all, I wanted to be sure there wasn’t a different option, one more palatable for everyone, mostly me.  What could I possibly have to say that anyone would want to read? Now or ever for that matter?

Two years ago, today I clicked the publish button for the first time, here on Daily Portion.

Two years.

When I began, I wasn’t sure I could keep it up for two weeks.  But, He has given me sufficient grace to continue what He’s called me to do: Write honestly about my experiences with Him.

Oh my, what a strange and wonderful, unthinkable but incredibly profound journey  of obedience it has been.  My Savior has led me to new places of honesty in my heart and soul.  And He’s kept me thinking about the reality of His grace more than ever before.   Most of my posts are an exercise in humility, exposing me for who I truly am – a faltering believer, constantly asking forgiveness, but desperately wanting to be more like Jesus.

How many times the Lord has placed an idea for my blog post on my heart, I’ve typed it up and realized how much I don’t want to be truthful about who I am…  and I plead for a way out, “Please Lord, really?  Do I have to tell everyone on the world wide web about my struggles and my sin?”  Not once has He let me off the hook.

But, somewhere, in all of the words I’ve typed and the Scripture I’ve read and shared here, I have to believe that Daily Portion is a safe place…  One where fellow believers can be reminded of these two things : first, He is in our midst ready to be found in the smallest nooks and crannies of our lives.  And second, we can bear the dark places a bit better knowing that we are not alone, that there are others sharing in the struggle.

So, Happy Anniversary to Daily Portion and to all of you who read!   Its my prayer that this coming year of writing will be another year of learning to obey Him and love Him more than ever.

Melody Day.

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passie prison

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At three years old, my sweet baby Mackenzie was still clinging to the only life she knew.  Life with her bappie.  (and in case you aren’t clear, bappie was my daughter’s loving term for her pacifier.) Not long ago I began restricting her access to it, only for nap time and bed time and emergencies that involved major meltdowns in public or injury.  Which, okay, as I type the words I realize she had her bappie more often than not.

Two weekends ago it all came to an end.  Bappie was lost, never to be found again.  It was dramatic.  There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.  literally.  I wasn’t sure we would survive loosing something that brought so much security.

Long story, short: We survived.  She doesn’t request it.  She doesn’t cry over it.  In fact, without it she has become the most sassy, robust, chatty and happy little preschooler I could have every imagined. (I had no idea she had so much to say without that bappie in the way.)  Why?  I suppose it is because she is no longer relying on something she didn’t need in the first place.

And that makes me think.

How much satisfaction and peace and joy am I missing because I’m searching for and holding closely the things I don’t need?  Things. stuff.  junk.  I count on them.  I find security in my surroundings; I look for my contentment in the things that I don’t really need. If I don’t get my way or I don’t get what I want I find myself in a similar situation, like my daughters: held hostage, in total anguish and agony over things I never needed to begin with.  And that is a self-made prison.

But, I read excellent news this morning.  There is freedom, given by the only One who I truly do need. And that one is Jesus Christ, The Lord.

Here are the words that I just read from Psalm 146:

1 Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord, O my soul!
2 While I live I will praise the Lord;
I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

3 Do not put your trust in princes,
Nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help.
4 His spirit departs, he returns to his earth;
In that very day his plans perish.

5 Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help,
Whose hope is in the Lord his God,
6 Who made heaven and earth,
The sea, and all that is in them;
Who keeps truth forever,
7 Who executes justice for the oppressed,
Who gives food to the hungry.
The Lord gives freedom to the prisoners.

8 The Lord opens the eyes of the blind;
The Lord raises those who are bowed down;
The Lord loves the righteous.
9 The Lord watches over the strangers;
He relieves the fatherless and widow;
But the way of the wicked He turns upside down.

10 The Lord shall reign forever—
Your God, O Zion, to all generations.

Praise the Lord!

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Heavenly Father, Thank you for these promises of freedom in you.  I am still learning that the most abundant life, my security, my peace, my hope comes only from you.  I want to know it with my whole heart.  Please keep reminding me!  amen.

friends and loved ones

how to trust…

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…that’s what I’m learning.  I’m the wife of a man who works in the corporate world as a consultant.  But recently, I find myself in this strange, strange world.  Its a place of complete uneasiness and self insufficiency.  I have no idea what to do with myself other than say, “Yes, honey.”   and “What can I do for you?  What do you need?” “Can I get you some water?”  “Don’t you want to come down from there and hire someone to do this?”  (Okay, I haven’t actually asked him the last question.)

Truthfully, I cringe.  I cringe a lot.

Every time I hear the saw blade circle, every time I watch Michael climb the ladder to heights unknown, I close my eyes and breathe a prayer for safety and protection.  and miracles.  “Please don’t let my husband get hurt.”  That’s what I find myself saying every time he gets outside working on the project.

Is that the brush of angel’s wings I hear in my backyard?

In my head I know that God is in the business of being the protector and the healer, so we are in good hands, right?

Of course, of course.

But, when it comes time to actually do the trusting – I feel myself faltering just a bit.  Today I’ve realized there is a stark contrast to what has been my emotional reality and where my heart needs to be. I have to let these things go on so that I’ll learn to trust more.  I mean, if all my husband does is ride to work each day and sit at a desk, sure that takes a little bit of trust.  However, watching him work on his workshop doing things like: hanging from the roof, standing at the edge of the peak, or leaning way too far away from the ladder while balancing at a height that is unmentionable – all of this takes new levels of trust for me.

I MUST trust in this truth : God himself has come down from on high to this earth in order that He can keep us in His hands.  And is there a better place to be, than inside His care?  No.  Today I feel this answer more keenly than I ever have before.   I am so grateful for this lesson in trust, no matter how uncomfortable it is.

Especially since I have a son, who appears to follow in his daddy’s footsteps.  No fear.  at all. *sigh*  I’m destined to keep learning how to trust, more and more.

friends and loved ones

the best way to celebrate…

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It was Michael’s birthday today.  And, while I did not get photos of all of the shenanigans and goings-on here at our house, this is how my hubby, a newly-turned-37-year-old, thought he should celebrate…

Chase a dream….

and get closer to catching it.

hang out with a new, best friend,

and some other special people too.

Put out a few fires,

but not before making a wish or two.

and indulge.  a lot.

Happy Birthday, Michael!  I’m so glad for the years we’ve shared so far- and I can’t wait to see what the coming year holds for us!

who knows?

poser

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On highway 27, headed towards downtown, just as you reach the Signal Mountain Boulevard exit, if you look up and to your left, you’ll see it.  Not long ago, it was a hill, full of greenery and trees, with an apartment complex nestled in behind it.  But now, due to construction and extensive tree removal, the hill is almost completely bare and the apartment complex is exposed to the brazen, unrelenting world of traffic below.  I say almost bare, because there is one thing left standing.

It is almost a tree.  But, not really. It is a cell tower that was made to look as though it was a part of the once lush greenery that surrounded it.  What you see now, when you drive down 27, and look up towards that hill is a really tall cell tower, standing alone, with fake greenery adorning only the highest point, but no other greenery of any kind around it.

It is ridiculous looking standing there trying to be a tree.  However the irony is not lost on me.  The very tree limbs that were attached to make the tower look as though it fit in its surroundings, now make the tall giant look foolish, with everything else green completely stripped away.

Over the past six months, whenever I pass that spot on the highway I have wondered.  What camouflage am I hiding behind?  Who am I trying to be, in order to fit in or earn acceptance?   More often than not, I end the day and realize I have been working; working so hard to be all the things I don’t have to be.  Striving for perfection, laboring for others positive opinion, and trying, trying, trying… And the harder I try, the more I’m exhausted and  look just plain foolish.

As the Holy Spirit strips away all of my unnecessary efforts, exposing me for the poser that I am,  He is also so good to revive my heart and soul. God’s Word is so clear.  I don’t have be all of the things I’m not.

I can rest.

Matthew 11 quotes my Savior this way:

28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

and from Ephesians 2:

8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast.

There is so much relief in these verses.  His gift, my escape, means no more efforts to be who I’m not, only who He desires me to be.  Whew.

Thank you Heavenly Father for this rest that only You can give.  I can relax inside your mercy and goodness this morning.  and I am beyond grateful.  amen.

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A new song I’ve been listening to has words that remind me regularly of this truth.

Rest Easy….

You are not alone
I will always be with you
Even to the end

You don’t have to work so hard
You can rest easy
You don’t have to prove yourself
You’re already mine
You don’t have to hide your heart
I already love you
I hold it in mine
So you can rest easy

Do not be afraid
Nothing, nothing in the world
Can come between us now

You work so hard to wear yourself down
And you’re running like a rodeo clown
You’re smiling like you’re scared to death
You’re out of faith and all out of breath
You’re so afraid you’ve got nowhere left to go

Well, you are not alone
I will always be with you

** Text from Andrew Peterson’s album, “Light for the Lost Boy.” ****

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home schooling

handwriting and other homeschooling nightmares

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I think its an understatement to say that I have been learning a lot while endeavoring to teach my children at home this year.  Its amazing how the Lord has been a part of every detail, intervening with creative ideas and solutions, with understanding.  I have been truly blessed to see His hand moving on behalf of my children.

Even with this knowledge, there is one subject I have been dreading. Instead of times of prayer and relinquishing control over it (like most godly mothers would do) I’ve been living in fear.  I stay awake at night thinking about it, feeling completely  inadequate :  It’s handwriting for Isaac.  I’ve had terrible dreams where I wake up in a cold sweat, thinking Isaac is about to start high school, completely unable to write the alphabet because I didn’t teach him how to hold his writing utensil properly.

I can tell you why I’m nervous.  Its my first experience teaching the beginning stages of handwriting.  Emily was in preschool at this point, and learned how to hold her pencil from her teacher.  (as I say this out loud, I know it sounds silly,  really, I do…)  I just seem to have limited ideas on how to get the process started.

Well, Its November and here we are. I’ve chosen the procrastination route.  Isaac has not done any handwriting yet.  And its not that I don’t have the materials, I do.  But instead, we’ve painted, we’ve colored, we know our letters- we’ve even made them out of play doh.  There has not been a pencil within a 2 foot radius of his learning space.

Interestingly enough, Isaac brought his paper home from Sunday School this past weekend.  It was a coloring sheet with minimal coloring on the front.  Instead on the back were lots of letters that he was trying to write.  And he said to me, “Mommy, I need to write letters.  I want to write my name.”

Could our learning time for Monday morning have a more clear mandate? no.

So, Monday morning arrived and I pulled out the Write ‘n Wipe tracing cards with the special marker.  Isaac sat for probably 30 minutes, tracing carefully – which is a long time in a four and half yr old boy’s world.  Tuesday morning, the same, except he said to me, “Mommy its time to write my name.”  We went over the letters in his name.  And he did it.  Just like that.  His face was shining with excitement.  I couldn’t have been more proud of him.  And I had almost nothing to do with it.

Sitting here on my bed this morning, I’m reminded of a Scripture,

Luke 3:4-6

‘Prepare the way for the Lord,
make straight paths for him.
Every valley shall be filled in,
every mountain and hill made low.
The crooked roads shall become straight,
the rough ways smooth.
And all people will see God’s salvation.’

As I make way for the King of Glory in our home, He makes the crooked paths straight.  The valleys aren’t so deep and impossible.  The mountains aren’t so high and impassable.  I don’t need to hold on to my fears, no matter how difficult the subject.

Heavenly Father, Thank you for miraculously working through my weaknesses.  May I never forget the care and love you have shown to us during the learning process this year, so far.  Thank you for my three precious children and the gift of teaching them at home.

amen.

(originally written in November of 2010)

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Isaiah 55

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Our school year begins officially today.  We’ve been phasing in, doing bits and pieces over the last two weeks.  But today is the day.

initiate deep breathing exercises now.  long.  deep.  breaths.

As I prepared curriculum, and thought and prayed. and prayed some more… I realized that I am not enough to teach my children.  Every year, as we launch into the sea of learning and books and memory work, I come to terms with this understanding.  Its not a new concept- I just regularly need the refresher course.  And this year, just like each one before, He graciously answered my prayers with words from Scripture.

I could recount all of the way these verses are true from last year’s events.  Emily’s math.  Isaac’s reading and printing.  It seems like small stuff, I know. But, as I teach my children, I need His mercy and understanding so that I communicate with the right words, buffered with lovingkindness.  What He offers me on this education journey is more than enough life and sustenance.  Truly it is plenty for all who hunger and thirst for Him.  There is knowledge and wisdom that only He can impart – and He ministers joy and peace along the way.  I may not understand everything necessary for my children’s education, and our road may take unexpected twists and turns this year.  But, that is okay.  His way is perfect.

A few of my favorite portions from Isaiah 55:

1Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a ruler and commander of the peoples.
5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.”

6 Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

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8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

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12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

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snickerdoodles on a Saturday

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Well,   I decided to make good on yesterday’s promise and bake some Snickerdoodles first thing this morning.  We have many things happening around here, so I thought it would be a good diversion for my little people.  Turns out it was a good idea.

First, I mixed the dough – and made a small error with the cinnamon, which I will tell you about in a moment – and then my cute, little, pj-clad, helpers did the rest.

Emily carefully rolled the dough into balls.

Isaac rolled the balls in the sugar and placed them on the sheet ; he excelled at organizing them just so.

Mackenzie showed up at the end for the photo shoot, but she was cute enough, so we let her into the action for the last little bit of dough.

Now. I realize, that this is the second cookie recipe I’ve posted this week. and it may seem a bit over the top to bake cookies twice. in one week.  Okay, it is over the top, but once I found my mom’s old Snickerdoodle recipe, and re-read my post from yesterday, I just could NOT resist.  It was very necessary.

So, here you are.  It is The Best Snickerdoodle recipe I’ve ever used.  Forgive me if I’m a bit opinionated on the topic, but I’ve tried many Snickerdoodle recipes in my day.  With fall just around the corner, tuck this dandy one away for later.  You won’t regret it, whenever you make them.  I promise.

Snickerdoodles

Ingredients:
1 cup crisco ( I did half butter, half crisco)
1 1/2 cup sugar 2 tbsp
2 eggs
2 3/4 cups sifted flour
2 tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon (mix  with the extra 2 tbsp of sugar for rolling the dough balls) I accidentally added the cinnamon to the dough, so I only used a bit in the sugar mixture – but, it was very yummy that way.

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350
Cream the wet ingredients together. Then combine the dry and add to the wet.  Chill the dough thoroughly – I did for an hour or so.
Roll into balls (the size of sm walnut)
Then, roll the balls in mix of cinnamon and sugar
Bake on an ungreased cookie sheet for 8-10 min.

ENJOY!

a bit of history · in my kitchen

Snickerdoodles…

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Its that time of year.  The sun is shining, the sky is blue, there is a cool breeze blowing and the leaves are beginning to show signs of color.  You may think I’m going to say its fall.  And these are the signs of fall’s arrival.  But much more importantly : its time to bake.

Inexplicably it seems that almost every piece of my personal history has a particular cookie tied to it.  I don’t know how it happened really. It may be my sweet tooth developed because of where I come from, or maybe I recall things this way because of my sweet tooth…   its unclear which came first.  At any rate…

My love for cookies is true blue.  But, at this time of year my taste buds begin to hunt for particular flavors.  This morning when I woke up, I knew it was time for the beautiful cookie of fall.    A light puff of cinnamon and sugar goodness, that melts in your mouth.

I remember the first time I got to help make the cookies with my mom.  It was autumn… I couldn’t have been more than 6.  And for some reason it seems like she was cooking apple sauce on the stove top.  Warm applesauce from the dutch oven and fresh cookies from the oven. This is the aroma of heaven.  She decided we should foray into the world of baking – and off we went. Snickerdoodles.    I was given the chore of rolling the small balls of dough in the cinnamon sugar before setting them on the baking sheet.  They turned out perfectly… at least as far as I can recall.

This weekend I’m planning to make Snickerdoodles with my daughter because, well I think its the right thing to do.  I bought special fall colored sugars to make them beautiful.  There is no special occasion – only the togetherness with my girl.  I have no idea if it will be memorable for her, the way my first cookie baking experience was with my mom.  More important than whether Emily remembers the cookies, or if they were perfect, I’m hoping its the time together she will not forget.

Somehow as this fall begins, I am impressed again that its my loved ones that matter the most.  Precious memories of time with friends and family will be my heart’s delight in the seasons to come – not stuff, not accomplishments.

Scripture talks about this a bit in Matthew 6:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. “

Its simple, but true: Loving those  He has given to me is one of the best treasures I can store up in Heaven.  In the days ahead it may be my fortune.  For now, it is Snickerdoodles with my sweet girl. Someday those cookies may even be like gold…

(written originally October 15, 2010)