friends and loved ones

come to me

melodyanndayLeave a comment

It was one of those days.

You know the kind:

where you barely have one moment to yourself, yet you feel completely alone.

oh there’s lots to be done, places to go, people to see, things to do, decisions to make, yet it all feels senseless and stiff.

and there’s a hole that feels inexplicably deep and wide right in the middle of your heart, but nothing on hand to fill it and noone who can sew it up tight…  just emptiness.

Well, maybe you don’t know – it is possible that I’m the only one.

So, as the day was coming to a close, while I was doing the supper dishes and listening to music, the very best possible song came on and lit up my kitchen.  It was as though Abba Father chose to sing this song directly to my heart in a perfectly beautiful and tender tone.  His words to me were  clear, almost like a lullaby a Daddy might whisper to his little daughter; it was so soft and sweet, that all I could do was stand there next to the sink, my hands raised to the Heavens, waiting for His embrace.

And with the words of this song, He reminded me of what I needed to hear most:

“Come To Me”

I am the Lord your God, I go before you now
I stand beside you, I’m all around you
Though you feel I’m far away, I’m closer than your breath
I am with you, more than you know

I am the Lord your peace, no evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind, come into My rest
Oh, let your faith arise, lift up your weary head
I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m everything
Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves
I am your steadfast, so don’t be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you, I’m your faithful strength
I am with you wherever you go

Don’t look to the right or to the left but keep your eyes on Me
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved ooh
I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way
Just come to Me, come to Me, cause I’m all that you need

After those few moments with my Father, my heart was prepared for a new day.   The truth is, every time I draw close to Him, I’m reminded that in the middle of my “every day”, He really is all I need.

And it is in that place I find rest.

 

friends and loved ones

the fiery arrows

melodyanndayLeave a comment

photo

I watched her from the kitchen window, standing in the backyard, her bow in hand, arrows at her side.  She needed to practice shooting for the state meet.  But she was struggling.  Fear had overcome her and she was frozen in place like a statue, her bow arm extended and shaking until she couldn’t hold her arm up any longer…

fiery arrows, shot directly at her heart. 

I had said everything I knew to say and now it was up to her. No amount of logical statements or encouragement from me was going to work.   She would have to find a way to overcome her fear and doubt and shoot the target the way she was accustomed to doing so well.

Her situation was not lost on me.  In new and unexpected ways I’ve recently experienced my own set of fears.   And God help me, I know what it means to worry.  I understand what it feels like to have that uncontrollable urge to run away and hide, attempting to avoid life altogether.  The way my insides can turn to wobbly jello in two seconds flat, or that large knot in the pit of my stomach; I know it all personally.

In so many ways this is becoming a summer of courage for our family.  It seems each  of us individually are finding ourselves in distress or difficulty, some monumental, some probably inconsequential in the long run, but all of us in need of a protector and rescuer.  Fiery arrows of fear and worry and doubt, hurled at us, can only be quenched and averted one way.  With Scripture ignited in our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit we can find the life-giving courage for each of our troubles, and the protection that we need, just like Paul describes in Ephesians 6.

13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Fortunately I have come across just the right resource to help us.  Our Seeds Family Worship CD titled, “Seeds of Courage” is refreshing, and it is renewing our spirits.  We have begun learning the first three passages, and we will continue to learn the rest of the verses over the course of the summer. (You can keep up with the Scripture we are learning this Summer on my Soul Food page, here on the blog.)

I can’t tell you how invigorating and empowering it has been to pick up the Sword of the Spirit and use it.   Praise God for the ongoing work He is performing in our hearts and minds.

************************************************************************************************************

I thought I’d share some excellent news with you!  Emily, my sweet girl-archer, was given the gift of courage last weekend and was able to shoot at the 4-H state archery meet.  I believe our prayer and Scripture memory was just what she needed to shoot without fear.  And out of more than 60 jr archers, she received 9th place.  We are rejoicing and celebrating the results of her first archery competition!

DSC_0114

in my kitchen

Melody’s (new favorite) Muffins

melodyanndayLeave a comment

In 1983, when we were living in Canada, on Maxwell crescent, in London, I remember a culinary revolution.  Or, well, that’s what it seemed like in my mind as a fourth grader.  My mom started the happy habit of baking muffins.  blueberry muffins.  chocolate chip muffins. zucchini muffins.  morning glory muffins, banana muffins and the list goes on and on….

Muffins were all the rage, especially healthy muffins with substitutionary ingredients like apple sauce instead of oil and oat bran instead of so much all purpose flour.  My Mom embraced this new trend whole-heartedly.  And so did we, especially if there were chocolate chips in her creations.

I do remember one incident where Mom made orange muffins without butter.  They were supposed to have butter, but she left it out on accident.  Mom is typically a pro when it comes to multi-tasking, but on that busy day the muffins fell thru the cracks and the butter was left out of the batter.   Never has there been a more terrible, awful baked good than those orange muffins without butter.  But, I digress…

Well, as I have been working at changing some of my personality in the kitchen, I have been looking for ways to bake and cook that are healthier.  And there are a myriad of  healthy choices when it comes to muffins.  I have been pinning recipes, and bookmarking other options in hopes of finding something to bake.

Today, without warning, I came across the perfect muffin recipe and within moments of reading it, I was in my kitchen pulling out utensils and finding ingredients.  And this is what I baked:

DSC_0076

The kids love them.  I loved them as well, especially while they were still warm with a little pat of butter.  These muffins did not have butter in them either, but they were not supposed to.    Since my taste-testers wanted seconds immediately, I figure the recipe might be worth sharing with you…  (My Children are no respecter of baked goods.  They’ve been known to stare down other muffins before and refuse to eat them.)

I got this recipe from Pioneer Woman’s website, but I edited it and made it my own, so we’ll call them:

Melody’s new favorite Muffins.  (I know, I know – super creative title, right?)

Instructions:

  • 1 cup Whole Wheat Flour
  • 1/2 cup All-purpose Flour
  • 1/4 cup 7-grain cereal (similar to other dry cereals, includes flax, oat bran and other grains)
  • 1 cup Regular Oats
  • 1/2 cup Packed Brown Sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon Salt
  • 1 teaspoon Baking Soda
  • 2 teaspoons Baking Powder
  • 3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chunks
  • 1 cup Buttermilk
  • 1 whole Egg
  • 1 whole Banana, Peeled And Mashed With A Fork
  • 1/2 cup Applesauce
  • 1/4 cup Molasses
  • Extra Buttermilk As Needed For Thinning

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 350 F. Thoroughly grease a 12-count muffin pan, or use muffin cup liners.

In a large bowl, combine flours, 7-grain cereal, oats, brown sugar, salt, baking soda, baking powder and chocolate chunks. Stir together until combined.

In a separate bowl, mix together the buttermilk, egg, banana, applesauce and molasses.

Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients, stirring until it just barely comes together. Batter should be wet and sticky; if needed, splash in a couple extra tablespoons of buttermilk.

Scoop 1/4 cup helpings into the muffin cups and bake for 16-18 minutes, or until deep golden brown.

Serve warm with softened butter.  yum.

Hope you enjoy them!

a bit of history · who knows?

Take your Meds

melodyannday4 Comments

I stood in my bathroom staring at the tube of gel in my hand.  It read, “Targretin.”  And it was not a new brand of toothpaste I was contemplating, I can tell you that much.

Michael came in to check on me, after a fair amount of time had passed.   I hadn’t applied the gel yet… I hadn’t even opened it.   The cap was still screwed on, tightly in place.

As we stood there with the silence hovering around us, I realized something:

The reason opening the gel and applying it was so difficult was, there was a mental hurdle I needed to clear.   If I unscrewed the top, and squeezed out the medicine and spread it on, it meant one thing.  To use this gel meant I needed it…  I had to acknowledge this one thing: I have lymphoma.

And as much as this medicine was the first line of defense and the initial means to possible healing and recovery, it also was  the first time I had to truly admit my sickness.

I preferred denial – and this tube of gel I was holding in my hand was keeping me from it.

Needless to say, my husband (who did I mention is a patient saint?)  helped me through it and I am in treatment now, applying the gel four times a day.  It appears to be working,  which brings so much hope.

As I’ve thought about the situation since, I’ve realized how much I was living out my spiritual life in a similar way.  How often avoid reading Scripture or applying God’s Word!  And why?  Because to pick up God’s Word and read, means one thing:  I have to acknowledge my sin-sick heart.  To hold His Word up like a mirror to my life brings the realization of who I am.  Ugh!

Oh how easy it would be to live in denial of my true condition!

But, there is good news.  There is one sure cure for my heart. The very same Scripture that points out the disease and the ugliness of my heart, also offers the very medicine my heart needs:  forgiveness, healing and peace and other innumerable, immeasurable gifts from His Spirit.   There is blessing for those who are hearers and doers:

James 1 says this:

22 But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; 24 for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was.25 But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

Thank you Heavenly Father, for all of the good gifts that I find in your Word.  Help me to continually look at myself in the mirror of your Words, and engage in the healing and forgiveness that you offer.  Keep me applying the medicine of Your Word, so that instead of denial, I’m living in the center of your will, forgiven and healed.  amen.

********************************************************************

One of my favorite songs, by Andrew Peterson is “All You’ll Ever Need” – and I thought I’d share it here today…   I’m realizing daily just how much I need Him more than anything else!

The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow’s oil
It’s enough to pay the price to set you free
It can fill up every jar and every heart that ever beat
When it’s all you have it’s all you’ll ever need

The blood of Jesus, it is like the leper’s river
Running humble with a power you cannot see
Seven times go under, let the water wash you clean
Only go down to the Jordan and believe
Only go down in the Jordan and believe

And I need it, I need it, the closer that I grow
The more I come to know how much I need it

The blood of Jesus it is like Elijah’s fire
Falling on the altar of your faith
All the wisdom of the world could never conjure up a spark
But no power of Hell could ever quench this flame
No power of Hell could ever touch this flame

And I need it, I need it, the closer that I grow
The more I come to know how much I need the blood of Jesus

The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow’s oil
When it’s all you have it’s all you’ll ever need

friends and loved ones · in my kitchen

after a long absence from my kitchen….

melodyannday1 Comment

DSC_0055

DSC_0046

So, this weekend my very bestest friend of 22 years came to visit me for her birthday.  And it was wonderful. I’ll be honest:  We didn’t really do a whole lot.  A lot of chilling out and relaxing is what went on for the majority of the weekend.  Oh and talking.  lots of talking and catching up.

However, I did bake a birthday cake.  I haven’t been baking much lately, so it was a lot of fun to get back to my Kitchen-Aid and my oven. Needless to say, I enjoyed making her cake immensely.

Since she had made the long journey from Utah, I decided my cake needed to be equally epic.  And it was!   I let my guest choose from a long list of delectable options, and she chose well!

On this Monday morning I’m going to taunt you with the recipe and the photos.  Because I can.

DSC_0057

Mint Chocolate Chip Cake  (this recipe is from the blog Shugary Sweets.)

FOR THE CAKE:

1/2 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 1/2 cup flour
9 Tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup brewed coffee, cooled
1/2 cup milk

FOR THE FROSTING:

1 cup butter, softened
8 cup powdered sugar
1/2 tsp peppermint extract
1/2 cup milk plus 2 Tbsp
11 oz dark chocolate chunks (62%cacao) or mini chocolate chips
1/8 tsp green food coloring gel

FOR THE GANACHE:

3/4 cup heavy cream
1 1/2 cup semisweet chocolate morsels
1/4 tsp peppermint extract

1. In medium bowl, sift cocoa with flour, salt, baking soda and baking powder. Set aside. In measuring cup, mix coffee and milk together. Set aside.

2. In mixer, beat butter and sugar for about 5 minutes until smooth. Beat in eggs one at a time. Slowly add in dry ingredients alternating with the coffee/milk blend (about 3 additions of each).

3. Pour cake batter into two prepared pans (two 9inch cake pans lined with parchment paper and then greased and floured). Bake in a 350 degree oven for about 25 minutes. Remove and allow to cool about 10 minutes before removing from pans. Cool completely before frosting.

4. For frosting, in food processor, pulse dark chocolate until small bits (not powder)! Set aside.

5. In mixer, beat butter, powdered sugar and milk (slowly add the milk, you may not need it all) for 3-5 minutes, until smooth and creamy. Add in extract and food coloring gel. Mix until fully blended. Add more milk if necessary to desired consistency. Fold in chopped dark chocolate or chocolate chips.

6. Frost first layer of cake, then top it with second layer. Completely frost sides and top of cake.

7. For the ganache, heat 3/4 cup heavy cream in saucepan. Bring just to a boil and remove from heat. Place chocolate chips in a bowl then slowly add in hot cream and extract. Stir until smooth and completely combined. Allow ganache to cool then pour over chocolate cake.

This recipe is totally worth every ounce of effort for your next special occasion, even the occasion of surviving this Monday!

Have a great week everyone!

DSC_0075

DSC_0065

friends and loved ones

Airport kind of excitement

melodyanndayLeave a comment

Airport kind of Excitement…

Today I was at a home school convention in Atlanta Georgia. It took place, at the convention center, which happens to be just outside of the Atlanta airport. As we were walking in to the conference center, huge, jumbo-sized jets were taking off and landing. I couldn’t help but watch.

In a split second I was eight years old again, standing at the gate waiting for my Great Grandmother, GG, to arrive for her spring visit. And I, just like then, had chills of anticipation and expectation run down my spine. Back then I could hardly stand the suspense.

It struck me today that when I see an airplane, descending to an airport I think of only one scenario. Someone on board is sitting anxious in their seat, hoping to deplane and see a loved one or friend- who is probably (these days) waiting just as impatiently at the baggage claim area while they glance every 5 seconds at the ETA screen to see if the correct plane has landed yet. And when it all comes to fruition the reunion is joy laced with unbelievable excitement. That’s what an airplane looks like to me.

It is enjoyable to be the one waiting, the one hoping for someone’s return. I have been in that situation often in my lifetime. Watching. Anticipating. But this weekend I was not that one. I had the opportunity to get away over night and have a few moments of peace. In my life as it exists now, that does not happen often.

While I packed up my things, and loaded the car, I began to think of my husband and children. Even though I hadn’t been away long, a little bit of emotion began to creep in on me. I was looking forward to seeing them, hoping for a few hugs, maybe even a few shouts of “Mama!”

In my life as a believer, I am waiting – hopeful for the return of our Savior. I am the one looking forward to that day. Never before today have I even given a thought to what it must be like for Jesus, waiting to return to His loved ones. I think often about longing for His return – but today I wonder: is His desire even stronger to come back and be with those he created and loves? Is He just as anxious to be reunited with us, His church?

John 14:1-3 gives us just a bit of insight: “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.”

When I returned this afternoon, I was greeted with hugs and kisses and sincere words of, “Mama we missed you.” It was a precious moment that I would not trade for anything. As much as is humanly possible, I love my children. So I know, that the Heavenly Father, whose love is far beyond such human emotion, will be back just as soon as He can for those of us who love Him. He promised.

Until then, I’ll have to wait, just like I’m at the airport. But with even more of that kind of excitement I say, “Even so, come quickly Lord Jesus!”

(Originally written May 1, 2010)

a bit of history · friends and loved ones

til the storm passes

melodyannday1 Comment

There’s a faded childhood memory that I’m trying to revive this morning.  I’m 7, maybe 8 years old, sitting on the pew next to my Mammaw at the Ottumwa Baptist Temple.  She’s just passed out pieces of chewing gum to my sister and I, you know the kind that was square and pink and had juice in the center…

It is a hot summer Sunday evening, but the sanctuary is cool.   I don’t remember much else about the service, but my Pappaw is in the loft and the choir is singing just before the sermon.   My Aunt Brinda is playing the organ, I think and it seems as though my Uncle Larry is directing the choir…  maybe…

The old Mosie Lister song they are singing in four part harmony is the only thing that is clear as a bell in my memory.  I can hear the voices and instruments, like the service just happened yesterday.  I didn’t understand the song back then, not like I do now.

In the dark of the midnight have I oft hid my face
While the storm howls above me and there is no hiding place
Mid the crash of the thunder precious Lord hear my cry
Keep me safe til the storm passes by.

Till the storm passes over till the thunder sounds no more
Till the clouds roll forever from the sky
Hold me fast let me stand in the hollow of thy hand.
Keep me safe till the storm passes by.

Many times satan tells me there is no need to try
for there is no end of sorrow theres no hope by and by
But I know Thou art with me and tomorrow I’ll rise
Where the storms never darken the skies

When the long night has ended and the storms come no more
Let me stand in Thy pressence on that bright peaceful shore.
In that land where the tempest never comes Lord may I
Dwell with Thee till the storm passes by.

Ah.  The storm.  There have been several lately.  I won’t list them all – some are my own personal storms.  But, others close to me are going through difficult, even horrific struggles.  If it weren’t for the knowledge and truth behind this song, there would be no comfort.  no hope.  no peace.

I love these words from Psalm 57:

1 Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me,  for my soul takes refuge in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge  until destruction passes by.
2 I will cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me.
3 He will send from heaven and save me;

Because I know my Heavenly Father, I have no doubt that what He has promised is absolutely sure.  He will keep me in the hollow of His hand until the storm has passed.   And I look forward to the day which He has promised, with great hope and anticipation, when the final storm has passed and we are with Him forever.

Uncategorized

whenever I am afraid…

melodyanndayLeave a comment

DSC_0605

Shrieks of terror, that’s what pierced my ears from the other side of the park.  There was no doubt in my mind. Without laying eyes on him, I knew it was my sweet boy, Isaac.  I’m the mama.  I just know these things.

And I recognized that scream.  He had seen a carpenter bee.

I made my way over to him on the swings as quickly as I could, in order to keep from frightening all of the children at the park.  I stayed there with him, and pushed him on the swing for a few moments.    He desperately wanted to leave the park, but I had no intention of letting his fear win the battle.

The funny thing is, really, there is absolutely no reason to be afraid of a carpenter bee.

After witnessing the event, my sweet friend, who had been there at the park walking with me, made a suggestion to help with Isaac’s fear.  Why not role play?  Pretend we see the bees at the park and then act out how we want to respond.  I thought that seemed like an excellent idea.

Today Isaac and I acted out the “bees at the park” scenario.  It went fairly well, and I think Isaac even thought it was fun.  At the end of our role playing I said,  “Isaac, please remember, Jesus doesn’t want us to be afraid of bees.  He promises He is with us and we can trust Him; there is no reason to be fearful.”

And then we learned a verse as our “no fear” mantra.   We chanted it a bunch, over and over again.

Psalm 56:3  Whenever I am afraid,   I will trust in You.

When we were finished, I continued to think. The whole thing stung just a bit.  I’ve wanted to run away screaming from a few things in my own life.   Why?  Because I’ve forgotten.  Regardless of what happens, whether we’re talking large carpenter bees or sickness or hardship:  When I am fearful, I can trust Him.

And because I remain the forgetful one, who desperately wants to believe, I need this mantra just as much as my sweet boy does.   Believing He is trustworthy and speaking the scripture out loud completely disables the fear.

Remembering Who He is reminds me I have nothing worthy of fearing in the first place.  

A phrase from one of my favorite worship songs ministered to my heart in a fresh way today:

No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me.
From life’s first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I stand.

a bit of history

the promised song

melodyanndayLeave a comment

Do not fear;
Zion, let not your hands be weak.
The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.  Zephaniah 3:16-17

I’m a light sleeper.  My husband snores.  Its not a good combo, these days.  I do everything imaginable to block out sound, short of these “never hear anything ever, not even a jackhammer in the hallway” ear plugs my mother in law gave me. I would love to wear them, but unfortunately, there would be no one to help my sweet Mackenzie in the night if she cried out; Michael sleeping solidly without earplugs and me with the earplugs – it just isn’t a good plan.

A few weeks ago, I found myself in bed one night desperately trying to fall asleep.  I was tossing and turning, I was wide awake and yes, I confess I was worrying.

You know, I’ve always been good at worrying.  Combine that with a need to control every last step of my life’s path and you’ve got me:  a woman with little to no sleep some nights.

Well,  on that night a while back, I had this moment where I remembered these verses from  Zephaniah.  I had just been reading them – and, not by coincidence my Uncle Don had just reminded me of them as well – “he will quiet you, he will sing over you…”  And I called out,

“Can you help me quiet down?  All the noise in my head is so loud, I can’t hear what you’re singing.”

And in a very strange turn of events for me, this chronic worrier who has never thought to cry out for help this way in the middle of the night, He answered my plea.  Peace flooded the room.  And when I say peace, I mean every negative thought, every difficult question in my head, all of the loud noise of worry that my mind was trying to contain, it was all washed away in His presence.

For the first time in my life the Prince of Peace overcame my darkness and He kept His promise:  He did quiet me with His love song in the night.

I woke up many times in the night, and every time my mind tried to remember all of my fears, all I could hear was the same song echoing in my ears.  It was as if He sat right beside my bed singing to me all night long, just in case I woke up.  I’ve tried to remember the tune or the words, but to no avail.  All I can remember is this: He loves me, He is with me and He’s singing.

He’s always singing when I need it.

There was something so powerfuland life changing for me with this experience.  I’m not saying I don’t have fears anymore.  Sure, of course, I do.  Most people do.  But, knowing that my Heavenly Father, the God and Creator of this Universe, cares for me gives me so much courage and confidence.

Thank you Heavenly Father that you are this promise keeping God.  I’m so grateful that I could hear your song when I needed it so much. Help me to always be listening for You.   amen.

a bit of history

Can I get a witness?

melodyanndayLeave a comment

photoMarch 2013 was (and I think I will always remember it this way) the longest month of my life ever.   It feels like a year has passed. maybe two.

On the afternoon of February 19th I spent a great deal of time reading Scripture and praying alone in my bedroom.  I had received very difficult news about my health, and I was waiting.  waiting for further results – and in the midst of the delay, I was searching.  Searching for hope and peace.

In my typical fashion, I searched for comfort in the Scriptures that I know well.  I began with Isaiah 43…  Who wouldn’t?

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

I love this passage,even beyond these first verses in the chapter because He claims to be “your Savior” and “the LORD your God”  many times over.   He promises I won’t drown in the rising current, and I won’t get burned by the fiery trial…

But, I confess to you I had never read much beyond these first verses.  On February 19th, I read beyond to these words:

Bring My sons from afar,
And My daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 Everyone who is called by My name,
Whom I have created for My glory;
I have formed him, yes, I have made him.”

8 Bring out the blind people who have eyes,
And the deaf who have ears.
9 Let all the nations be gathered together,
And let the people be assembled.
Who among them can declare this,
And show us former things?
Let them bring out their witnesses, that they may be justified;
Or let them hear and say, “It is truth.”
10 “You are My witnesses,” says the Lord,

This is what I gathered in those quiet moments:  If you were blind and can see now, or if you were deaf, but can hear now – come out and be my witnesses.  And in the stillness, I heard Him calmly say…  “How about you?  Do you want to be My witness?”

I closed my Scriptures and said, “No.  I want to be healthy.”

I don’t feel guilty about it because even Jesus asked that His cup of suffering be taken from Him, right?

But, not long after I read this portion:

“And My servant whom I have chosen,
That you may know and believe Me,
And understand that I am He.
Before Me there was no God formed,
Nor shall there be after Me.
11 I, even I, am the Lord,
And besides Me there is no savior.
12 I have declared and saved,
I have proclaimed,
And there was no foreign god among you;
Therefore you are My witnesses,”
Says the Lord, “that I am God.
13 Indeed before the day was, I am He;
And there is no one who can deliver out of My hand;
I work, and who will reverse it?”

He was asking gently, “I’m choosing you.  Won’t you be my witness?”

In that moment, I said yes, but honestly its a slow and tentative surrender.  His daily acquisition has been calm and peaceful…  And I can say now, (at least today) without reservation, or hesitation that I want to be His witness.

My realization? To be an authentic witness my experiences of Him have to be first hand.  With my own eyes, my own heart, mind and body I have to see Him at work.  To be His faithful witness,  I  have to step into the valley allowing Him to be my one true Savior, walking with me, delivering me. To be His witness I have to speak up when His salvation is at work, to testify of Who He is.

Let me be that witness now:  He has completely consumed my thoughts, when I’m awake in the long day or the sleepless night.  Daily, no hourly, He saves me from my own worst imaginations and nightmares, whispering His promises in my ear and singing His songs to my heart.  While I wait for His complete healing, there is another healing of my heart and mind in progress.

He is the LORD and beside Him there is no other Savior.

May He continue to give me the strength to be His witness on this journey.  amen.