Category: who knows?

because not everything fits perfectly

who knows?

Old Friend…

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(originally written December 2009)

It was 7:45 pm, December 1st – the first day of advent. Although I planned otherwise, it was a hectic day and my head was spinning. I finally finished the dinner dishes and rescued Mackenzie, who was crying in her crib. Why does it seem like the closer I get to Christmas all sanity and calm disappears?

I picked her up and walked into the living room. The Christmas tree called out to me to come and sit for a while. I couldn’t resist, so I sat near the tree with Mackenzie and rocked for a while. Ahhhhhh … this was the relaxation I was looking for. Almost on cue my sweet little baby stopped crying, mesmerized by the tree.

There is something about our Christmas tree in the evening with its twinkling lights and its happy decorations; when I sit nearby, its warmth wraps around my heart like a blanket. Each ornament brings memories to mind. Its almost like having a conversation with an old friend.

I see an ornament from a family vacation. It’s a glass alligator from Hilton Head. One is a gift from friends commemorating our wedding anniversary in 1999. Several are reminders of my children’s birth. Most of our ornaments have distinct moments and faces connected to them, etched in my memory. But there is one on display with a special place in my heart.

It is a pearly-white, half-globe made of china with a tiny white crèche scene sculpted inside. It hangs in a place where I gaze at it frequently over the holiday season. When I look at this small piece of beauty I think of Jesus, God incarnate, coming into being here on earth. Tranquility begins to settle in around me….

At holiday time we often sing songs of peace with words of hope for serenity like “Peace on earth, good will to men” And I wonder what does this mean? In the midst of the hustle and bustle of life, where is this peace? Where is my “All is calm, all is bright?”

I’m reminded of my tiny, favorite ornament and what it pictures. Christ coming to earth. There is a brief Scripture passage that says:

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace…”

I realize in this sacred quietness there is nothing else but Him. He is the peace I’m craving. His act of coming to earth, His death on the cross and resurrection brings life everlasting. This is the peace offered to all of mankind. Its not just peace from war, violence or social injustice although I’m sure that is a part of His ultimate plan. It’s a sweetness in the midst of chaos that can calm my heart. It is a balm to my anxious and weary soul.

Peace, peace, wonderful peace,

Coming down from the Father above.

Sweep over my spirit forever I pray,

In fathomless billows of love.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to enjoy this peaceful moment with an old friend…

md

who knows?

Its Not the Thought that Counts…

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Recently my husband, Emily and I were on our way to Emily’s first piano recital. When we pulled off highway 27 onto the exit ramp towards the piano teacher’s house there was a young man standing by his car. My husband and I both thought the same thing – that’s too bad! But Michael actually stopped and asked him if he needed help.

Now, I personally was thinking, “We have somewhere to be. We don’t have time to help this stranger!” But my husband, he dropped Emily and I off at the recital and hurried back to help the guy. Michael arrived back, just in time to hear Emily play her pieces on the program. He taught Emily and I that day-

Its not the thought that counts.

Often I’ve said this phrase : “Its the thought that counts”. It makes people feel better. When a friend says she meant to send birthday wishes but forgot – that’s what I tell her. If my daughter colors a picture but decides not to give it to me after all, I might tell her “that’s okay – its the thought that counts.”

Last night we arrived home from being out all day and we were tired. Our Saturday was booked solid with activity. When we pulled into our driveway, there, across the street were our new neighbors moving into their house. Michael and I have been talking about what to do when they arrived – how to reach out to them and now we were confronted with a decision. I wanted to have warm fuzzy thoughts and conversations about how to get to know them, while snuggled up under a blanket with a nice cup of hot chocolate. But my dear husband taught me again.

Its not the thought that counts.

Michael got on his old work clothes and walked across the street to meet our neighbors. He helped them work and unload their furniture, beds and boxes until they were ready to stop for the night.

When Jesus was here, on earth, he was a great teacher. There’s no doubt that He gave us a lot to think about with things that He said in parables and lessons. But, he didn’t stop there. He acted. In love, He went about healing the lame, giving sight to the blind, feeding the hungry. He cared for those in need. He asks us to follow his example and do the same.

My neighbors will never learn of Jesus love for them unless I follow all of these thoughts with Christ – like action. Because in this case its not the thought that counts. Thanks to my husband’s example, the neighbors will get freshly baked cookies tomorrow. Hope they like oatmeal chocolate chip.

md

(written january 24, 2010)

friends and loved ones · who knows?

Sssssshhhhhhhh……

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***I’ve been a little under the weather, so I thought I’d post this today, just to let you know I’m still alive… fresh stuff tomorrow, but for today – something from the archives.***

 

My baby girl is down for her nap.  It was a bit of a rough morning.  She didn’t sleep well last night because she has a bit of a cold.  That means that with my every move today there was a little whimpering shadow behind me.  Bless her heart, she NEEDS this rest.  I need it.

It was hard work, but I finally managed to get her to sleep, in her crib and sneak away on tip toe down the hall.  I’m sure I’ve appeared a bit desperate and freakish to my other children.  If they even open their mouths, I shush them…  No talking…  please…  just be quiet….  PLEASE….  If I can help my sweet little one through a bit of precious quiet time, she will feel SOOOOOOO much better.  I just know it.

Last night, I learned the same lesson for myself.

My heart has been sick. Just a bit achy, I guess.  My emotional status has been unsteady at best and I’m worn out. See, I’m working through a few decisions that Michael and I need to make.  And, while they are small, and may seem insignificant to some, they are important to me.  And the whole situation leaves me completely undone.  Usually when this happens I take it to the Lord.  I really do.  In typical female style, I tell Him every tiny detail…  there is so much to say.

But last night when I finished, I did not feel better.  In fact, after all of my talking and praying and discussion – I was where I began.  And it hurt.  I thought back over the day.  Was there something to consider or take into account that I had left out?  And He gently said to me:

“SSSSHHhhhhhhhhhh.  Let’s just be quiet…”

And in a similar fashion to the way my own little baby fights sleep, I said, “But, I…..”

“No, my sweet girl,  let’s just be quiet together.  No more talking now.  I will take care of it.  You need to rest – If you let me handle it, you will feel so much better.  I promise.”  He spoke the words so sweetly, it wasn’t hard to succumb to His bidding.  His promise was soothing like a gentle massage for my soul.

Sometimes I get so busy, holding out – talking.  And I am a talker.  I have to learn, that often my resolution, my healing comes with peace and quiet.  And, in those times, I can hear His easy whisper, that brings the answer my heart needs.

But it requires silence.

Be still, and know that I am God (from Psalm 46)

I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who is with me, and is ready and willing to speak to my heart, just when I need it.  May I remember to quiet my own heart, so that I can hear him.   Then I will find the fresh peace he offers.

A song from our services yesterday, clearly spoke the word I needed – I was just too busy talking…

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You’re in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak.

I should probably get going… I have plenty to get done before my little shadow wakes up from her nap…

(originally written October 18, 2010)

friends and loved ones · who knows?

could this be how forever feels?

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Last night my baby girl spotted a blue Honda Odyssey.  It was identical to my mom and dad’s.  “Nanny!  Papa! Over there!”  She shouted from inside the restaurant, pointing out the window, with a longing gaze.  She thought for sure my parents had come to Chattanooga.

After spending a week with them she wasn’t quite done ; she was missing them and I could tell.  Our time together had gone by so quickly, none of us were ready to go our separate ways.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

When I was young I used to think of eternity in these uncomfortable, laborious,  hard to quantify terms.  What would it be like?  I didn’t know, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out either.  Forever can have strange connotations, depending on how you’re considering it.

*  *  *  *  *   *   *  *  *

My folks live quite a distance away – and we don’t get to spend time with them regularly.  Holidays and a summer vacation are typically all that the geography allows.  When we do see them it is a happy occasion.  The time passes quickly and the days slip through my grasp  no matter how hard I try to hold on to the hours and minutes.   I get a lump in the pit of stomach when our time together draws to a close.

The older I get, and it is happening even today, the more I treasure time with my loved ones.  So, I’ve been wondering what forever will feel like.  Here on this earth we wait with longing for our Savior’s return, for His redeeming touch.  I can’t help but believe that when He does finally come, we will enjoy each moment in His presence to the fullest, longing for more and more.  No ending to dread.  No calendars or clocks to signal a conclusion.

The more my heart swells with love and affection for my Heavenly Father, and the more I catch quick glimpses of His love for me, I find myself desiring that kind of eternity.  I think His affection for us and our adoration of Him will make time seem to stand still.  I won’t have to try to stop the moments from passing.  Rather it will be a glorious forever and ever and ever with Him.

In the mean time…

13 looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works. (from Titus 2)

a photo from the vacation that could have lasted a lot longer in the Smokey Mountains…

friends and loved ones · who knows?

hide and seek

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We went on a date this evening, my husband and I did.  It was such a treat.  No complaining from the back seat about the restaurant of choice.  No potty breaks, right as our food arrived. The conversation was enlightening and endearing.  I couldn’t have asked for better company.  Michael and I are still the best of friends, even after twelve years and three babies.

So, the cuisine of choice: Chinese.  And we enjoyed some very spicy entrees.  Yum.  Yum. Yum.    At the end of course, there is the infamous fortune cookie, with some proverb or stimulating advice inside.  Dutifully we cracked open our cookies and read our “fortunes” while munching.

Mine first:

Then Michael’s:

There was some serious contrast between the two thoughts.  I typically don’t take these things very seriously, but this time it was so obvious to me, I couldn’t help but think about it for a moment.

Michael and I will complete twelve years of marriage on September 25. Okay, Okay – I know it is just the beginning – it is nothing compared to my parents and grandparents who have been through so much more.  However, I can still testify to this:  over our time together I have seen the realities of both statements.   I can tell you that as we have sought the Lord, looked for His ways to make them our own path, we have found Him to be very real and present in our lives.  He has met our every spiritual and physical need.  It is a promise from the book of Matthew 6:33

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 

The second “fortune” is kind of the antithesis of the first. Let me explain. It is so easy to be swept up in the world’s ideas – “its all up to me”  or “if I believe in me, I can make it happen.” But, I can assure you that when I have made efforts, of my own will and choosing, they have been in vain. If I believe that I am the only architect for my success, then I may be doomed for failure.

When I seek Him and His righteousness, blessings from His hand are revealed.  As I find Him in the secret places, the sweet life He gives is no longer hidden.  This is His promise in Matthew 7:

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

I am so grateful to know from personal experience that this is true.  Time and again I have looked for Him, and He has met me, in my neediness.  It His lovingkindness that has sustained me through it all; any success, any glory belongs to Him.  No good fortune about it, only divine promises fulfilled.

Thank you, God for being a Heavenly Father who wants to be sought after, but is available and ready to be found.

amen

who knows?

salty kiss…

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(my sweet boy, Isaac, hoping to toss a frisbee…)

I took my three children to the park yesterday in the late afternoon. In theory it is still spring. However, yesterday it seemed that summer was here. It was HOT. And by hot, I mean the kind of heat that closes in on you and hovers with no way of escape, and it makes you sweat.

My son, Isaac was not in favor of the warmer temperatures. In fact within 15 minutes he was crying, and at the top of his voice he was sharing with everyone there that he wanted to go home. I tried to distract him, sit in the shade for a bit, swing, slide, water fountain – none of it worked. We all went home, exhausted and damp.

Later in the evening (before his bath I might add), I gave Isaac a kiss on his little forehead. I found my lips tasted salty from the little peck. I was reminded at that moment, that sweat from our pores produces salt. Nothing new here, I learned that in grade school.

I do find it very interesting that God produced our bodies so that when the heat is on we produce salt. Could this be a physical picture of what He hopes for in every believer’s life? It really got me to thinking – when situations get really hot in my life – what do I produce? When I’m under pressure and people are around, does my life produce the salty essence of Christ? Or, do I just stink?

“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other.” (from Mark)

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (from Colossians)

When the temperatures are rising, I should be glowing with His spirit, with His love. As hard as this seems, I hope the hot weather this summer is a reminder for my heart and mind. May my life, my actions be flavored with a seasoning of the Holy Spirit. Let me be salty!

(originally written May 5, 2010)

who knows?

Hurray it’s Friday…

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From John 10:

10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.

Friday : Lately it’s been a day of rejoicing.  A sigh of relief.   Feelings of “Whew! so glad that’s over!” flood my entire house as the week comes to an end.  That’s how I’ve felt, and especially this past week I finished up with a bang!

All of it was small stuff that caused my angst, really – certainly when compared with the rest of the world’s tragedy it was almost nothing – but, for me when everything added up it was enough to push me right to the edge, if not completely over.  I was so ready for the weekend by the time Friday afternoon rolled around…

I was making bread.  It was Melody vs. the bread machine.

round 1- Melody  places all of the ingredients into the bread machine’s bowl, preparing to make a lovely loaf of multi-grain bread.  as she prepares to start the machine into the initial cycle she notices the paddle sitting on the counter.  and since, the dough cannot be mixed or kneaded without the paddle all of the ingredients were dumped into the trash.  bread machine was pronounced the winner of round one.

round 2 – After the children were situated into the proper places for afternoon quiet time, Melody took on the bread machine again – getting out all of the ingredients, placing the paddle in the bowl and measuring ingredients for a second time she hit the start button.  Shortly into the first cycle, the bread machine seemed to mock Melody from the kitchen.  As Melody peered into the window atop the bread machine it was clear bread machine was winning round two.  There was no yeast in the dough.  bread machine was declared winner of round two.

round 3 – Melody dashed around the kitchen, quickly gathering ingredients trying one more time to conquer this bread machine and have fresh bread for the weekend.  She put the paddle in place, added all of the ingredients appropriately and hit the start button.  Three hours later Melody was the winner when she pulled a loaf of piping hot fresh bread from the machine.

Well, this is how my whole week seemed to go.  Barely a victory, living a step ahead of defeat, certainly thrilled for it all to be over.  All weekend I’ve wondered if this is the way I’m supposed to live.  Am I supposed to be so relieved at the end of a week?  Ready for things to end, dreading the looming beginning of a new week?   I don’t think so.

And let me say here – I understand that every victory, over the course of my crazy week, no matter how big or small, I should be grateful to the Heavenly Father and give Him glory.  But there is more to it.  I have come to realize that He is not a God who hopes to barely get me by in a pinch.  He came to give me abundant life.  He died and rose so that I could have a fresh beginning when I need it.  The mercy and grace that He offers are more than enough to bring about His promise for a full life!

Yesterday I went to worship.  In the afternoon when it was done and  I was attempting to savor the songs we sang in my mind, I realized something.  Once again, it is what my Heavenly Father has been trying to teach me for some time.  But I am a slow learning.  I don’t want to live life with a God who can hardly get me to Friday.  No.  I want to live with the glorious thought that I have a God who always has a fresh start for me on Sunday.  Always.  No matter what happens He offers the mercies of a new morning – another beginning.

With this thought in mind, I don’t have to gaze past my week, hoping and longing for Friday.  No,  I can look forward to the coming days and say with a grateful heart, rejoicing “Thank God, it’s Sunday!”

      22 Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

who knows?

Ferris Wheel

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A few weeks back my little family and I went on an excursion to our local amusement park.  It was a beautiful day, a light breeze, not too hot.  The smell of cotton candy was heavy in the air and I kept eyeing the funnel cake stand.  It was sort of a stand off – I won, but only because I was afraid that I might have some problems.  If I decided to ride a few rides, well, its not the sort of thing this digestive system can handle.

But, I digress.  It was truly a beautiful day.  Right up until the end of our afternoon when we got in line to ride the ferris wheel.   Isaac and I had decided to ride the big wheel, so we waited and waited and waited.  Then we waited some more.  Finally, we managed to get into one of the chairs, with the bar fastened across our laps, the ride began.

It wasn’t until we were in the air that I realized there seemed to be a bit of a dilemma.  The young man running the ride was having difficulty getting people on and off the ride.  At first I didn’t notice.  But as we sat at the very top of this huge wheel, which seemed to be at least 5,000 miles in the air, I began to feel a bit of panic.  And then I knew.  I was trapped at the top of this monstrous ride with my 4 year old.

Beads of perspiration began to  trickle down the back of my neck.  I tried to keep normal  conversation going with my sweet little boy.  But, you can only point out the paddle boats on the lake so many times.  He finally looked at me and said with a very calm voice, “Mommy, I’m ready to get off now,”  at which he began to try to stand up in the seat and climb off.  I grabbed him tightly around the waist and said, “No, no honey – we’ll just be up here a bit longer!  Why don’t you just snuggle up to me?”  His face said it all… There was no way he wanted to “snuggle” with a sweaty, panicked, crazy mommy…

We both wanted to get off the ride.

There are times when this is a familiar feeling to me.  Take this week for instance.  Its been a bit crazy around my house.  The days have been long because my sweetheart has been working super long hours.  As each day rolls into evening, the natives grow restless and they gang up on me.  By seven o’clock I start wandering my house aimlessly, thinking, “I did not sign up for this.  I am not a single mom, but I sure feel like one.”

Its not that different from how I feel sometimes as a believer.  There are times where Jesus calls me to do things.  Uncomfortable things.  Sometimes he asks me to love someone who hasn’t been kind to me.  Often he wants me to do the right thing when no one else does it.  It could be as simple as writing a blog about my own personal walk with Christ and possibly embarrassing myself …  And at the end of the day, when its all piled up together and I feel like I just got of that crazy whirly ma jig kind of ride at the amusement park and I may puke – I think, “I didn’t sign up for this.  Did I?”

But I did.  And there’s no getting off this ride.  I chose to follow Christ and there is no turning back.  Not now.  Not ever.

I love what Jesus said to his disciples in Matthew 11. They were worn out from their journey with Him.   And this is the promise He made to them (and I believe He is saying it to me, too…)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Even when the ride gets a little rough and I think I might wanna get off, He promises that as I take up His yoke and learn from Him, there will be rest.  A little rest with Him, will get me through the weeks like this one!

There’s one thing I can promise you…  I doubt you will find me wondering about getting off the ferris wheel anytime soon.  That’s one ride I won’t be riding… well, unless Mackenzie wants to…

md

(originally written September 17, 2010)

in my kitchen · who knows?

The new cheap, its not so easy…

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I found myself in a mad dash to the grocery store today. I normally don’t do the weekly store run on Sunday afternoon. But, its been a busy weekend and since our fellowship group was not meeting tonight, I thought I’d get it done. No husband. No kids. Just me and the groceries.

Now, I am a planner. I have a menu for the week, I have a grocery list – I always peruse the weekly ad and I take coupons. I do not go to our neighborhood Publix for my grocery run without any pieces of this puzzle in place.

Except for today.

My excursion began to unravel when I realized my coupons were still at home. I was standing in front of the buy one get one bins, feeling a bit giddy with excitement because I had a coupon for one of these fabulous items. Not only was I going to get two for the price of one, my coupon would get me a discount on top of that. What a steal! Well it would have been a steal if I had remembered my coupons. ( I must have set them down on the counter instead of putting them in my purse…)

As I walked through the store I relived the glory days. Not long ago I could squeeze a whole week’s worth of groceries in under $75. Anything more and I was splurging on non-essentials. Today there was a sign near the goldfish (a staple at my house) labeled to try to trick me into thinking they were on sale. Two dollars and twenty nine cents! I remember when they were a dollar sixty nine. I was not fooled. That is not cheap! Anxiety began to rise in my chest. I had a sinking feeling that my grocery bill was going to be gargantuan. A budget buster and nothing less. For some reason as our economy changes and the prices of groceries rise, I am frustrated. Why can’t I buy my groceries for $75 anymore? I felt like pitching a fit and breaking out in uncontrollable sobbing all at once – right there in the freezer aisle.

Back in the seventy five dollar days – that’s when Michael and I made a huge life changing decision. We decided to be a one income family. I came home from working in the corporate world to be a housewife and a mom. It has been one of the best decisions we ever made and I wouldn’t take it back for anything! But, as anyone who has made this choice knows, there are sacrifices involved. One of those sacrifices is eating at home more. This is where my “budget – menu – coupon puzzle” comes into play. I take great pride in making sure all the pieces fit together just right so that we eat well while staying within the budget.

More often than not recently its become complicated. We need expensive items like formula and diapers and other things that can throw the balance out of whack. And I’m anxious over it. Why you ask? Well, I was asking myself the same thing in the check out line. The cart ahead of mine was full, so I had a moment of self examination.

I am anxious because it is out of my control. Even if I have all of the pieces of my puzzle in place I can’t make things be the price I need them to be to make my budget. I can’t make the milk stay at $3.19 a gallon and I can’t foresee if the price of ground beef is going to be 5.00 a pound this week. But as I think about it, there’s more.

I can’t control if my husband will get a raise. Really I can’t be absolutely sure that he will keep his job. With the state of our economy no amount of human financial planning can bring peace of mind. And here is where the rubber meets the road – (right as I’m beginning to load my groceries on the conveyor belt. ) – I’m anxious because I’m not able to control all the things that God has promised he’s going to take care of.

He told us not to worry over “stuff” in Matthew 6:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

I pushed the cart to my car and the groceries didn’t feel like lead anymore. The chance of groceries getting cheaper is pretty slim, But no matter how difficult it gets to make the pieces of my grocery shopping puzzle fit together – I know God’s still in control of providing my family’s needs. Maybe next week will be easier if I remember this before I go…

Now, where did I set those coupons? : )

md

(written November 23, 2009)

md

in my kitchen · who knows?

don’t be afraid to flash it…

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Nourished kitchen.  That’s where I found myself  today.  It is a food and cooking/ health and wellness sort of website that gives lots of  tips and pointers for the kitchen.  I like that kind of thing.  I really do.  So, I read.

Today was a competition for viewers. Specifically there were photos submitted of the interiors of peoples’ refrigerators. The competition was called “Flash Your Fridge” rewarding people for the beautiful insides of their ice boxes, all sparkly clean and tidy.  And oh my – it was stunning.  You have never seen such spotless, sterile, but used refrigerators.  Mine has not looked like that since, well since the day we purchased it.

At any rate, in the pictures, they were bright white inside.  Not a drop or stain in sight.  Neatly stacked, color coded containers, with pretty and colorful looking left overs inside them, heavenly- fresh produce in the crisper drawers and drinks in matching dispensers and bottles.  Unreal.  My frigidaire looks nothing like those pictures I saw today.

Typically my appliance looks like organized chaos – probably an all too realistic picture of my life these days.  It is a complicated maze of  sippy cups, takeout containers containing  leftovers and mismatched rubbermaid containers and lids.  But, it is not dirty;  I promise it is not a harbor for mold or other grossness. (It is here, at this point that I would love to share a story about moldy pudding that my mom found at the back of the fridge when I was in grade two…  it had green fuzz.  But I will save that anecdote for another time.)

I would never, ever in a million years “flash my fridge” for the whole world wide web to see. Not ever.

As I skimmed through the pictures, my heart began race.  I actually became flushed and embarrassed at the thought of exposing my fridge’s insides.  Why can’t my insides look like everyone else’s?  When the question is applied to my situation regarding my kitchen appliances it sounds silly.  But, really, it is a question I ask a lot about myself, a creation of God’s own hand.   Regularly I wish away my own uniqueness.

I know that there are a lot of things that God is changing in me.  He is at work in my life and I feel it daily. However, there are also things about me that He loves, that He created especially when He made me:  my sense of humor, my likes and dislikes, my personality, my abilities, my very heart and soul. Even though I’ve been told the truth my whole life, so often these are the parts of me that I am quick to try to hide.  I am prepared to keep the doors closed to my heart so that people won’t see who I really am. Trying to be like everyone else, or to hide who I really am is so difficult and ultimately futile….

from the Message, Psalm 139:

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.

God’s Word is clear; He made me.  I am a beautiful creation, specifically designed to be unlike anyone else. This thought is so refreshing to me.  What a relief! I don’t have to be ashamed.  I am who He wanted me to be. With this knowledge I can live bravely, calmly and more sure of myself, which is what I believe He intended all along.