Category: who knows?

because not everything fits perfectly

who knows?

Good Friday…

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There are moments when I sit down to write here, on daily portion, and I can’t.  Today, on this Good Friday, it is one of those times.There is a lot that I could say this morning, I suppose, but it all feels useless – like a distraction.

All I can do is reflect on Words from Scripture.  Oh how I want them to penetrate my heart.  He died for me, for my sin.    Somehow I cannot fully comprehend His sacrifice.  I’m not sure I ever will.

from John 19:

1 Then Pilate took Jesus and had him flogged. 2 The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe 3 and went up to him again and again, saying, “Hail, king of the Jews!” And they slapped him in the face.

 4 Once more Pilate came out and said to the Jews gathered there, “Look, I am bringing him out to you to let you know that I find no basis for a charge against him.” 5 When Jesus came out wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe, Pilate said to them, “Here is the man!”

 6 As soon as the chief priests and their officials saw him, they shouted, “Crucify! Crucify!”

*****

17 Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha). 18 There they crucified him, and with him two others—one on each side and Jesus in the middle.

 19 Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross. It read: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS. 

***************

28 Later, knowing that everything had now been finished, and so that Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.” 29 A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. 30 When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

*************

I am overwhelmed and completely broken at the knowledge of His sacrifice. and my heart is grateful that Friday doesn’t last forever.
a bit of history · it's a runner's world... · who knows?

The Shackles

melodyannday6 Comments

(I’ve exchanged my shackles, for these running shoes…)

None of you (and I’m confident saying that) were there the first time I ran a kilometer.  1000 very long meters.  I know that none of  you were there because it was during my gym class in grade two.   The event is engraved onto my memory.

It wasn’t eventful because I finished first, or because it was an epic moment where I realized I was going to be a runner.  No.  I remember it because I hated it.  At the time, I had exercised induced asthma and couldn’t quite manage extensive cardiovascular activity.  As my class ran around the block, I tried – but, it was a struggle.  By the time I finished everyone else had already gone inside- well, except the P.E teacher who was waiting for me.

I’ve gone through fits and starts of attempting to be an athlete… volleyball in high school, I tried swimming in college.  But all in all, the task of doing much above vigorous walking has been difficult.   For quite some time I  carried an inhaler with me, and there was a point where I needed it daily.  As an adult, I’ve settled into a sedentary lifestyle and so, I haven’t used an inhaler for asthma recently. I’m not proud of the fact, its just the way it has been for me.  Like a big heavy set of ankle weights strapped on… that asthma diagnosis has held me hostage.  I was shackled.

Until recently.

A year ago I realized I wasn’t going to be able to lose anymore of the baby weight I had gained in my pregnancies without working out.  We have an elliptical in our family room, so I began exercising.  Initially my effort couldn’t really be described as anything other than delicate.  I didn’t want to push too hard for fear of the unknown. What would happen?  I’ve had enough asthmatic episodes to know I didn’t want to have one without meds on hand.

In January, I made the commitment to train and try to run in a 5K with a group of friends.  Several times I have wondered what in the world I was thinking.  But honestly I came to realize something Friday when I was running at the track.  A song came on in my earbuds.  If you didn’t listen to Christian contemporary music in the 1990’s, you’ve probably never heard the song by Mary-Mary called, “Shackles.”  One of the phrases says, “You took the shackles off my feet so I could dance…I’ve just gotta praise You, I’ve just gotta praise You!”  And at that moment, when I heard those words, everything within my frame of reference came into alignment- from my grade two running failure to the present.

The Heavenly Father was in the process of taking the shackles off my feet – and I realized:

I CAN RUN!

Now I know what you’re thinking…  Some people would not agree that I’ve been healed of asthma.  They would say that I’ve just outgrown it.  But do you know what I think?  I believe that the God of this Universe created me and this earthly body I’m wearing.  And do you know what? It is an amazing piece of work! There was a time I could not go any distance at all.  But today, for the first time I RAN.  I ran THREE MILES in thirty six minutes.  I give HIM the honor and the glory and the praise for  healing my asthma, so that I can run!  I just have to praise Him!

16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.  Colossians 3:16-17

Thank you Heavenly Father, for being a God who answers prayers, who heals our bodies and makes us complete.    May I never take it for granted.  Let my life always give you the glory for everything I’m able to do.  amen.

it's a runner's world... · who knows?

you won’t believe who I ran into at the park the other day…

melodyannday2 Comments

Well, maybe you will.

Friday morning, 10:30 AM, I loaded my beautiful children into my mini van and we headed out for the park.  I was planning a run and they were planning to play.  It was a lovely, sunny morning.  Slightly windy, with a chilly bite, but none the less, it was perfect running and playing weather.

We pulled into the parking lot, the kids hopped out and were on their way and I prepared for my run.  Physically, I knew my body could do it.  Mentally, its all so new, my mind was not so sure.  But, there was no turning back – I had week 7 day 2 pulled up of the “Couch to 5K” app on my phone; the phone was strapped onto my arm and my earbuds were plugged in ready to go.  All I had to do was tap “go” on the screen and my warm-up walk would begin. Today was set for a five minute walk, followed by a 26 minute run, and then a five minute cool down.

Just as I was about to finish stretching and take off, who showed up at the park but the dissenting  duo, doubt and discouragement.  seriously.  How do they always know when to show up?   How?

I began my warm-up, walking at a steady pace.  and they were stepping along behind me, in my shadow,

the dissenters: Psssst… you know you’ll never finish this, right?  Not today… you should probably plan to walk part of the way. 

Hmmm…Just a few words from them and I found myself considering a walk break, and I hadn’t even started running yet.

me (in my most convincing voice) : Oh yes, I can finish.  I’m so ready and I really want this!

The buzzer went off and my “couch to 5K” app told me to start running. I inhaled deeply and got started. But, doubt and discouragement weren’t far behind.  They would pop out from behind a bush or park bench with something negative to say…

the dissenters : Aren’t you ready to walk yet?  Your legs have to be burning.  I bet your feet are numb. You’ll probably end up with a heart attack or something and leave your children motherless…

At the five minute marker of what I hoped to be a twenty six minute run, I felt my courage beginning to melt away.  But, my legs kept pushing and my running playlist was pounding in my ears, propelling me forward.

me:  I really thought I was ready.  really…  I did…  

the dissenters: well, who do you think you are?  a runner?

But before I could even begin to respond, HE stepped in and illuminated the darkness of doubt and discouragement on my path.   And He said,

She’s my daughter (Galatians 3:26).  She’s courageous (Joshua 1:9).  She’s strong (Psalm 27:1).  She’s a woman of God (1Peter 2:9).  She’s a fighter (1 Timothy 6:12). And yes, by My might and by My power, she is a runner (2Corinthians 4:7-10).

And with that, doubt and discouragement, ran with their tails between their legs, leaving me to run in peace.

Hearing these truths from God’s word while I ran, I realized He meant them to be life giving, not just when I’ve tied my running shoes on, but for every day, for every situation.  I can live by His power, a strong believer, finishing the course He’s set before me, living a faithful life.

Thank you Heavenly Father for meeting me at the park the other day, for being my defender and my deliverer and for loving me…  I couldn’t have gone running without you!  I can’t be the runner you’ve called me to be unless you show up to be my strength every day.  amen.

it's a runner's world... · who knows?

courage on fire…

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Over the past month I’ve been on a journey through the program, “Couch 2 Five K,” which I renamed, for my own purposes, “Courage to 5K.”  And it has taken every ounce of courage I have in my body to continue on this journey.

Today was week 7 day 2 on the plan.  I had to workout indoors on my machine because it is too cold for running outdoors at the park.  Well, let me rephrase that.  I do not own cold weather workout clothing, so it is too cold to run outdoors in shorts and a tank.

I pulled up the app on my phone and made sure my “running” playlist was selected for my listening distraction, er, I mean enjoyment.  I scanned the schedule for week 7 day 2.   It read: walk for a 5 minute warm up .  run for 26 minutes.  walk for a 5 minute cool down.   I took a deep breath, stepped on my machine and hit the start button.

The music began pumping thru my earbuds and I started moving.  The five minute warm up passed like it was five seconds. The app buzzed and C25K’s voice said, “Run for twenty-six minutes.” It was time to go for it.  Twenty-six minutes of running pleasure.  another deep breath.

It was the most I’ve tried to accomplish. ever.  Six minutes and two songs passed. I was doing just fine.  Up until the thirteen minute mark, things were normal, nothing out of the ordinary.  When C25K said, “You are halfway done,” something happened.  Something remarkable.  I was strong.  My legs were moving because I wanted to run, not because I was forcing them to keep going.  Shoulders back, arms pumping, I was prepared to go the distance. I had my eyes on the prize.  I wanted to hear my app say, “You have completed twenty six minutes of running.”  Nothing was going to stop me.

As I approached the twenty two minute mark, music came on that propelled me even farther, harder.  And I chose to run as hard as I could for the final four minutes.  My legs ached, sweat trickled down my back and my breathing was a bit labored.  It took perseverance like I’d never known before, but nothing else mattered. I was on fire.  Everything that was a weight to me before, had been incinerated in the presence of a fiery courage.  amazing.

After  the cool down, I had a few moments to catch my breath and think about what happened.  I found myself in a new place of prayer and submission, with these words from Philippians 3 in mind:

7 But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. 8 Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith;10 that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, 11 if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

The Holy Spirit truly used running to speak to me. loudly.   Running with the end goal in mind is so much like what the Christian life should look like.  “forgetting the past,”  “pressing toward the prize,” “conforming to His likeness.”  It all takes courage.  And it requires a letting go;  its a blatant disregard for all of the things that I used to care about because they don’t matter to the cause of Christ.  When I choose to live with that kind of courage, that’s when there is a promise of victory at the finish line.  

Heavenly Father, Keep my eyes on the finish line and the calling you have placed on my life.  Help me to be determined to complete the course with courage.  Give me the faith to pursue your will with strength.  I want to hear You say that I’ve finished well at the end of the run. amen.

(I thought I should be completely clear, in an effort to not be disingenuous – when I am working out indoors, it is on an elliptical on the “hill” setting to resemble what I know it feels like running out side as much as possible.  but, I don’t know what verb to use for that – ellipticalling?  I have no idea – regardless – the victory over the couch, the courage to workout is still there. )

a bit of history · who knows?

finger worship…

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I am a pianist by trade. I play the piano. I teach it. I love it. For a long time growing up it was my life. Everything revolved around sitting on the bench at the keys. It was my first love. It was also my first real idol.

The more I practiced, the more I gained power, the more it shaped who I was, the better I became at playing, the more I practiced… you can see the cycle. I loved playing and I loved being good at it.

My parents raised me in church. Almost literally. And so, from an early age, as they realized my talent, they tried to teach me that I should use this gift for Him. He had blessed my fingers and I should play for Him in return.

Giving my idol to Him was complicated.

Wrapped around this beautiful gift He had given me, entwined with my fingers was pride, a haughty and power-hungry spirit. He wanted me to worship Him with my fingers. I was just worshipping my fingers.

As I grew as a believer, I became more and more aware of my sinful heart. I was able to lay down my love for the instrument and my prowess in exchange for my love of Him. The process was long and arduous, but over time I have learned to love Him more than the piano. Well, most days, anyway. Admittedly, It is ongoing.

All of this is a brief history that brings me to today. Over time I have become so aware of my responsibility to lay my gift at His feet, to play for His glory that I forgot something. I have not been thankful. I have been obliged, but not thankful.

For the first time in a long time all of that changed. Today I played in worship services. As my fingers passionately ran across the keys, my heart was full. I played things that the Holy Spirit ordained, right from my tips and I was completely out of control – only under His control. As I felt His anointing wash over me, I was glad. Glad that my fingers were worshiping, playing music from my heart to His. It was almost more than I could stand.

There have been times when I have used worship for my own purposes. However, today I was able to play and I was thankful. The journey has been long, but I can finally use something He has given me, something I love so much to show how much more I love Him. And I told Him, right there on the bench.

“Thank you for letting me worship this way. It is more than I could have ever hoped for...”

There is an old Dennis Jernigan that makes my heart swell every time I hear it, but in particular today it brings me to a new level of thankfulness. –

For all that you’ve done I will thank you.

For all that you’re going to do.

For all that you’ve promised and all that you are

is all that has carried me through!

Jesus I thank you.

He has brought me a mighty long way, to a new place of freedom in Him! I can’t wait to see where else this journey will carry me! Thank you Heavenly Father for letting my fingers worship!

(originally written August, 2010)

friends and loved ones · who knows?

even the bappie won’t do…

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It was nap time.  She was supposed to be asleep.  But, it was day three of illness ; everything was undone and out of order.  From behind her door I heard whimpering.  I went in and found her laying under her covers, with big wide eyes, full of tears…  her little fever-blistered lips were whispering, “Mommy I want you.”

That was my cue.

I scooped her up and cradled her in my arms, rocking her.  She held her bappie (otherwise known to the rest of the world as a pacifier) in her little fingers that were covered in sores,  her blanky nearby.  But, all she said was, “Mommy, I want you.”  She was in the kind of pain that her bappie and blanky could not comfort – and friends, that is rare.  We sat there on the bed for a while, and I held her gently in the quiet, stroking her soft golden hair.

There are times when even the bappie won’t do.

Often she says she needs me, but its only because she wants something- like goldfish or a different book or toy.  And there are times like this one, where she wants me.  She knows that she’s desperate for the comfort that only mommy gives.

I can honestly tell you that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  In moments of dissatisfaction or impatience I call out to my Heavenly Father, “Give me what I want!”  or “Help me out here!”  And, even in my selfishness, He is faithful to give strength and assistance – not always exactly what I want, but He is a merciful Father who has never abandoned me.

But  I think that sometimes He moves in especially close during the difficult, all-encompassing, heart-breaking  trials so that He’s ready; ready for when I come to the realization that I’m desperate for Him. And when that happens, when I call for Him, “I need you, Daddy,”  He is there to hold me close in His arms.

I suppose what He really desires is that I’ll set aside everything else.  That is so hard.  I am super good at reading books, listening to helpful webcasts, searching online – and those things are helpful.  But in all honesty, those articles and paragraphs of information and websites are meaningless in comparison to my Heavenly Father’s comfort and care.

and these are His thoughts, words He ordained:

Deuteronomy 33:27

27 The eternal God is your refuge,
And underneath are the everlasting arms;

Psalm 94:18-19

18 If I say, “My foot slips,”
Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up.
19 In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.

He’s just waiting for me to remember : all that other stuff just won’t do…

who knows?

It’s that moment when…

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a rainbow is hung directly in view.

And there is this realization:  The beauty of it isn’t just a pretty reminder of God’s promises.  It is the physical outworking of them. The sun shining brightly at the point of the storm: that is when He planned to paint the sky with His colors.

His reminder is tangible : His promises are good, even when the darkest clouds are hanging over head.  And often I see Him best, just then.  Hues of His faithfulness, His mercy and grace, His love ; all ablaze in the sky, when I need to seem them the very most.

It’s that moment when His covenant with me is fresh and renewed in my heart- completely sufficient for the days ahead.  

He’s reminding me:

All things work together for good. Romans 8:28

He will never leave me or forsake me. Deuteronomy 31:6

He will finish the work He’s begun.Philippians 1:6

There is hope alone in Him.  Psalm 31:24

I am cherished. 1John 4:19

I am forgiven. Ephesians 1:7

I am His daughter. Galatians 3:26

It’s that moment when it all breaks through from my mind to my heart, and I become thankful.   Thankful for a Heavenly Father who is a promise keeping God, who is still on His throne and takes pleasure in surprising me with these moments… moments of love and grace.

amen.

who knows?

the slow dawning of 2012

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I spent the first day of 2012 in the car.  From 4:45 AM until 6:00 PM, I was in our Honda mini van; sometimes sleepy, sometimes pensive, sometimes antsy…  Not my favorite way to ring in the New Year.

So, there I was, riding across the state of Michigan, headed south on I-69, in the pitch black dark of night.  As time passed and it seemed as though morning would never arrive, I began to picture the sunrise.  In southern Michigan it is very flat – and when you look from east to west there is a full panoramic view of the horizon.  I had it all planned out.  This morning would be the perfect morning for a fully a-blaze sunrise – across the sky, in honor of the New Year.

I whispered my idea to the heavenly Father.

As we passed into Indiana, my hopes did not come to pass.  Well, only mildly.  There, in the east, a small patch of heaven was revealed where the clouds briefly parted horizontally.  A modest pink shone through.   The smallest swatch of color.  What a let down.

I prepared myself for a year of disappointment.

We drove and we drove.  Michigan to Tennessee.  I had a lot of time to consider why or why not the sunrise was so unworthy of my attention… why it was such a let down…

We drove on.  more and more miles through gusts of wind at 40 mph and sweeping rain, with deep dark clouds surrounding us, we pressed on.  I thought about my life, and the many dark clouds that hover around the future. Personal concerns that probably wouldn’t matter much to you, but they are a big deal to me.  Family changes.  Life altering decisions.  Hopes and Dreams.  Sometimes I believe I only need the hope of a sunrise.

As the day passed, slowly the the clouds were plucked away like big puffs of cotton across a bright blue sky. I began to sense His presence…  By the time we reached our home, the sky was completely clear and we saw a beautiful sunset of pastel watercolors – strokes of pinks and lavenders, yellows and oranges…  so much of His glory to behold at the end of the day.

It is so easy for me to question a God who assembles the dawning of a day and even a year with claps of thunder and crashing lightening.  How am I supposed to see His glory in the darkness?   Where is my hope for 2012?  I would love to begin this year with a heart that is filled with expectation, rather than dread.

And this is what I learned on New Year’s Day.  Glorious hope is not only displayed in a sunrise, but it is also in the raging storms.   He alone conducts the symphony of thunderstorm, just as much as He paints the sunrise and sunset with the stroke of His hand.  His majesty reigns supreme.  What good would a God be who could only do one or the other?  There is an amazing amount of hope that swells in my soul, knowing I have a heavenly Father who is the creator of all.

Here are two separate Scriptures that I have been thinking over, reveling in, yesterday and today…  I need these words for 2012:

from Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

and

from Romans 15:13 – Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

It has been a slow dawning of my heart’s New Year, but, I am very hopeful! He IS my only hope for 2012.

amen

a bit of history · friends and loved ones · who knows?

Light for the journey…

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Once again, Michael and I have made an epic journey.  Well, its epic for us anyway.  A few days back we loaded our children into our little mini van and made the commitment, no turning back, to drive for 15 hours to Grand Rapids Michigan. Its big.  Its exhausting. Its surreal.

Typically we leave at 3 AM.  Personally, its an unbelievable departure time for this night owl.  Along about 6:30, it is still really dark and I’m ready to head back to bed.  But we make the promise each time we head out on the road trip to help keep each other awake.  A few more gulps of Starbuck’s espresso double shots, some good music and we manage to keep on trucking.

Michael drives the first six hours, that’s how we always roll – and I drive the second leg of the trip after we eat breakfast at Cracker Barrel just outside of Louisville, Kentucky.  This year was no different.

One rule that hasn’t changed since we began doing these trips is this :  whoever drives gets to pick the tunes. So, I picked out Chris Tomlin’s Glory in the Highest to help keep things festive.  As I listened, I was moved by the song, “Light of the World,” sung by Matt Redman.  “Jesus, full of grace and truth, shine on us…”

How I needed to hear those words!

Recently someone asked me a difficult question.  A gut wrenching question.  “How far does God’s grace cover us when we make foolish decisions?”  A friend was making choices that seemed so far from the truth I’ve come to know.  And I wrestled.  I tossed and turned at night.   I was sick to my stomach…

Jesus, by His grace and truth, is the LIGHT of the world.  He illuminates the darkest, furthest, corners, eliminating doubts and fears, undoing the devil’s plans for destruction and evil.

As I drove my part of the trip, I came to understand something so true for my friend’s life and my own as well.  Jesus, the son of God did not come to earth, shining brightly, offering himself as a gift, so that I would have to earn that same gift with my actions.

How far does God’s grace extend?  It extends as far as His Son’s bright light shines.   We cannot undo it.  We cannot deserve it.  He has revealed Himself to us with the brightest glory and no one can diminish it.   His grace and truth will never be extinguished.

As I traveled along I-69 outside of Indianapolis, I knew once again, Jesus  will bring glory to himself, shining His light of truth onto the dimmest places on my path. And the tears came-  tears of joy for this holy, indescribable, unspeakable gift- for the Word who became flesh, full of grace and truth.

He is the Light for my Journey.

amen.

********************************

These are the words, by Chris Tomlin, that I heard while driving.   Praise God, for this light that shines!

Oh Jesus, son of God, so full of grace and truth
The Father’s saving word, so wonderful are You
The angels longed to see and prophets searched to find
The glory we have seen revealed

You shone upon the Earth but who will understand?
You came unto Your own but who will recognize?
Your birth was prophesied, for You were the Messiah
Who came and walked upon the Earth

Your glory we have seen, the one and only King
And now You’re living in our hearts

Light of the world, light of the world
Light of the world, You shine upon us
Light of the world, light of the world
Light of the world, You shine upon us

In You all things were made and nothing without You
In Heaven and on Earth all things are held in You
And yet You became flesh, living as one of us
Under the shadow of the cross

Where, through the blood You shed
You have made peace again
Peace for the world that God so loves

Light of the world, light of the world
Light of the world, You shine upon us
Light of the world, light of the world
Light of the world, You shine upon us

And yet You became flesh, living as one of us
Under the shadow of the cross

Where, through the blood you shed
You have made peace again
Peace for the world that God so loves

friends and loved ones · who knows?

comfort and joy

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They go together, you know. comfort and joy. They do at our house this year, especially.  I want to tell you a little story, mostly because its pretty much all I’ve been able to think about.  It probably won’t be that big of a deal to you.  In fact, it is likely that you won’t find it too interesting.  And that is a bit unfortunate, since normally I  like for my blog to be interesting to more people than just me.

Still, I’m compelled.  This is the story of how I found a tiny bit of Comfort and Joy this advent season.

It all began several years ago when my husband came home during the Christmas season and told me about the Advent Conspiracy.  We knew we wanted to change how we viewed the birth of Christ.  But we didn’t know how.  We wanted to give meaningful gifts. And we wanted our gaze to focus on Him through all of the celebrating.

This part of my story is really uncomfortable, but it is unavoidable.  Its the presents.  I love giving presents.  I love getting presents.  But for the last few years it all has felt completely unreasonable. How much stuff does one family need?  And – why should I get so much, in the name of celebrating Jesus’ birthday?  Those were two questions that kept nagging at me, making me completely uncomfortable.  “That’s the way we’ve always done it.”  Was not a good enough answer anymore.

Deep down in my heart of hearts I knew something was missing.

This year as the planning began, the gift lists grew long, and I felt the desire to make a more concerted  effort to change the mode of gift giving.  I wanted to find a way to make things different.  And truly, this is complicated to explain, but ultimately it all happened one evening.

I was sitting on my living room couch in the peace, with very quiet Christmas music playing, the tree’s lights were lit and  I was reflecting on what I might need to put on a Christmas list – for grandparents who were hoping for ideas of what to give as gifts.  As I scrolled across different websites, page after page of unnecessary stuff, things that I knew would not bring true joy, my fingers sped me along to a website that changed my perspective.

Do you know what happened?  I realized something wasn’t missing from my Christmas lists.  Someone was missing.

What website had I come across?  Samaritan’s Purse.   There I found some items on Jesus’ Wish List.  As I read the items I wept.  I mean, what was I thinking?  How can I possibly think I need new stuff for my kitchen, when feeding starving children is one of the items on His list?  There’s a family hoping for warm blankets on His list, while I’m debating if I’d like a new duvet cover…

I tried to wrap my brain around what I was seeing.  And I realized this: all this time, through all these Christmases past, I believed I should give to others with joy, because He brought us joy when He came to earth as a baby.  He gave a big gift, so we should do the same.  And in one way that is partly true.  But, it seems that my heart will find true joy when I give the biggest gifts to Him.

So, we made the lists, and we checked them twice. I wanted to be sure that we were giving to Jesus first and foremost.  Christmas is His birthday and I wanted to figure out how to give Him the best gifts.   I left the Samaritan’s Purse website and went over to Compassion International.

I thought I knew what needed to be done, but I was completely unprepared.

Slowly I perused the lists that were there.  Name upon name, face after face ; children needing families to care for them, hoping for someone to choose them to be sponsored.   I closed my laptop and let the tears flow. and how they flowed.   So many little ones living in desperate need.

“Whatever you do to the least of these, you do unto me…”

Jesus asks in Scripture clearly for us to care for the fatherless, the widows – to feed the hungry and clothe the poor.  This is what is on His list.  When I choose to give to them, I’m giving to Him.

I felt it happening.  His list was becoming my list.

I opened my laptop again and began to search the names and faces.  And there she was, just the second page back on the list.  Her big dark eyes looked back at me.  She lives in Ghana – and she had been waiting for a sponsor for quite some time.  As I read her name, my heart leapt with joy and new she was the one.

This year the biggest gift under our tree is for Jesus, and her name is Comfort.  And now, Comfort is loved by the Day family.  These are true gifts of Christmas joy – and I can’t tell you how remarkable it all is.   My heart is so full, I can hardly stand it.  It is exactly what has been missing from our Christmases past.

Comfort.  and Joy.

Heavenly Father, Help me to find new and fresh ways to celebrate Jesus’ birthday this Christmas.   May I find this joy and comfort You have given, the most satisfying gifts of all.  amen