“What do you mean you don’t practice violin when you get home from school?”

It was the question I held in, rather than blurting it out at my friend.  We had been discussing our every day activities, and she was telling me what she did after school.  I sat there in complete shock. It was a defining moment of my year in Mrs. Dawson’s 5th grade class room at North Ridge Elementary School.

Didn’t everyone practice violin and piano before they were allowed to play outside? 

But, it was true.  Not everyone had the same life experiences as I did.  When I looked around at my 5th grade classmates I came to the realization that we were all very different.  Somehow this was my first reality check on the subject.  I was very naive.

As the year passed by I came to understand a very important fact.  Music practice wasn’t the only thing I didn’t have in common with some others.  There were some who had not experienced something else that was very important to me.  Many had not met Jesus.

Oh, maybe they knew who He was, but they hadn’t really chosen to be His follower.  At ten years of age this was very hard to understand.  I had been immersed in church and other religious activities, like Sunday School and AWANA.  But even at that young age, I had made my choice to follow.  I was a practicing believer in Jesus.

Doesn’t everyone believe in Him?

Even now that’s what I find myself asking from the viewpoint of my “totally – immersed -in- church life”.  It becomes so easy to forget that there are many who still don’t know about Him, or who don’t believe in Him.  Me, safely living in my Spirit- saturated existence while they drown in their unbelief, unfamiliar with the loving Savior that I know, struggling for survival.

Every once in a while He brings me back to reality by shining the light of His Son, melting away the fog that clouds my heart.  And I need it because I tend to be content, truthfully sometimes I’m indifferent.  However, as I move through life, I find Him opening my eyes to all of the people – a mom with her young children at the park, the person in front of me in the check out line,  or maybe the other family taking piano lessons after us… all are people I could have the opportunity to meet and get acquainted with.    I hear him whisper to my heart,”Do you suppose they know Me?”  and I wonder at the thought:   Could He use me for His purposes?

He not only can, it is part of His master plan for reaching those who don’t know Him.  In Matthew 28 He commissions all believers:

Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

As different as we all are, as much as we are all individuals made uniquely by Him, there is one way that we are all the same.  Each one of us needs the loving gracious rescue of a Savior.  There is a way for those who don’t know Him yet to meet Him :  I must diligently follow Him, being His hands and feet to those in need, bringing the gospel to those who haven’t heard.  And when the time is right, His Holy Spirit will do the work.

Heavenly Father, Let your light shine through me.  Remind me again and again that there are those around me that don’t know You!  Help me to be brave and intentional about loving them the way You would have me to.   amen.

How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? Romans 10:14

I did not attend Sunday Morning worship at my church downtown today.  My husband took Emily and Isaac, while I stayed home with Mackenzie.  She’s been sick this week, and still had a touch of a fever yesterday, so we didn’t want to put her in the nursery.  Normally I really enjoy going and I’m disappointed when I have to miss.  But, today I decided to be thankful in my situation.

I also decided to worship in my kitchen, while making a homemade apple pie.

Now, in case you think otherwise, I assure you that the two go well together.   My pie baking experience up until now has been very limited.  Today was the first day that I made a pie crust from scratch.  This morning, once I decided that today would be the day, I stepped over the threshold into my kitchen with many thoughts of being incapable.  This new territory made me completely uneasy.

What if my final product was terrible?  After all, I had no idea what I was doing.  I mean, I’ve read books, searched online and seen tons of step-by step photos demonstrating a recipe.  In my head, I had notions of what to do, but my hands had never done any of it.   I mixed up the dough and then put it in the fridge to chill.  Next, I peeled and cored apples for the filling.  It wasn’t easy – a bit labor intensive actually.  But, as I sang to the Lord from my heart, I rolled out the dough and laid it in the pie plate.  There was worship going on in my kitchen as I put the pie together and popped it into the oven.

The pie was baking when I had the realization that making an apple pie is similar to what my own worship should be…  My heavenly Father does not expect perfection in my worship.  In fact, when it comes to motives or performance, He already knows I am not capable of doing it flawlessly.

He alone is capable of peeling back the layer, coring out the seeds of sin. Only His hands can make perfection of my messy attempts…Its the fire of His Holy Spirit that takes my life and refines it to something glorious and beautiful…

But, it is the sacrifice He desires.  He is looking for me to live with a joyful heart, uninhibited, being His imitator the best that I can.  It doesn’t matter if I don’t know how – perfection and confidence are not required. It only matters that I follow. The outcome may only be understood in His eyes. He may be the only one who finds my efforts delicious on His lips. But in the end, shouldn’t that be the only concern anyway?

Paul admonishes this way in Ephesians 5:

¹ Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. ² And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.

How wonderful would it be if my life had the sweet aroma of sacrifice?  An apple pie doesn’t smell half as sweet…

Well, back to the pie.  It turned out quite well, actually.  In my books it was a success because the crust was a bit flaky and the apples were very tender.  My sweet husband has confirmed it should go on the “make it again” list.  Personally, I enjoyed it because it was a unique labor of love.   This morning I was reminded that worship is possible in the kitchen, not just the church Sanctuary.  But, even more importantly, I am relieved knowing that I don’t have to produce the best product.  Rather it is sacrificial living, with a heart fully dedicated to Him that matters.

Its true Sunday morning and every morning.

amen.

We experienced “new” yesterday.  New was in the form of tiny fuzzy chicks and snuggly little baby bunnies.  It was a divine experience.  There is no other explanation as far as I can tell.  I watched my children hold these tiny animals, God’s handiwork, and snapped many, many pictures…

All the while my mind was completely caught up in the theme from Scripture:  Our God is the God of New. Everywhere in His Word, since the fall He has been promising over and over that He will make all things new.  These little creatures are only a picture of the new life He promises.  Typically we revel in this truth around the Easter season – not necessarily during the “in between” of Thanksgiving…

Last night when all of the excitement had subsided and  my little creatures where in bed, I asked the Lord again and again – “How was that experience supposed to change my heart?”  Because I’ve learned one thing (and even this one thing I forget sometimes…) – everything in my life is there for purpose, to instigate change.

This morning, I happened across words from a Psalm that moved my heart.

from Psalm 104:

²⁴ O LORD, how manifold are Your works!
In wisdom You have made them all.
The earth is full of Your possessions—
²⁵ This great and wide sea,
In which are innumerable teeming things,
Living things both small and great.
²⁶ There the ships sail about;
There is that Leviathan
Which You have made to play there.

²⁷ These all wait for You,
That You may give them their food in due season.
²⁸ What You give them they gather in;
You open Your hand, they are filled with good.
²⁹ You hide Your face, they are troubled;
You take away their breath, they die and return to their dust.
³⁰ You send forth Your Spirit, they are created;
And You renew the face of the earth.

There is a book scheduled to arrive on our doorstep tomorrow called “Herein is Love.”  It is a Bible study on the book of Genesis for my Emily and I to work through together.  I didn’t realize when I ordered it how timely it would be, for her heart or for mine.  Here, in this Thanksgiving season, my daughter and I are planning to experience His New.  We will learn of His promises.  Freedom and forgiveness, and all good things generously given from His hand.

Tonight my sweet girl filled out a card for the “thankful jar” and it said:  “I am thankful for the forgiveness Jesus gives me.”  And at that moment when she read the note aloud, my heart and mind simultaneously became aware of this:  there is not a better time of year to experience His New.

While Autumn’s crisp breezes are blowing the leaves from the trees, I am reminded of His promise of redemption.  He will continue the renewing work in my heart and in my children’s hearts too.  In the middle of regular, ordinary life He promises New.  A follower  of  Christ now for more than 25 years, my heart can find fresh beginnings with the touch of His Spirit.  And for His New I will be eternally grateful.  Amen.

I became aware of my choice several years ago.  It was time to decide how to spend my life… I had some help in the choice.  My husband, Michael was a big part of the decision.  Together we came to the conclusion that I should invest my time and energy in staying home to raise and educate our children.

Emily, Isaac and Mackenzie.  They are at the top of my list now days.  I could have done many other things like work in the private sector, in the education field or in church ministry.  His voice was calling and I made the choice.

Now, for the most part it is heavenly.  I love my children and I love most of the requirements that come along with being at home full time.  But, every once in a while I begin to feel the burden.  Typically it happens around the conclusion of a weekend – when I look ahead to the very near-sighted future of the coming week and I wonder, “What in the world has happened?  and how did I get here?”  Sometimes my questioning becomes fearful, “How will I accomplish what is necessary? What if I mess up?”  And worse, there are times where I have a pity party, “What if the outcome is unappreciated?  Does anyone notice how hard I work?”

And that is where I found myself last weekend…

I had been a bit under the weather and it took its toll.  There was no desire to keep on keeping on.  I was dwelling on what it would be like to live a different life.  One that didn’t involve my true calling…  Pity is never a true friend, it always leads me down the wrong path and then abandons me.

But thenI read it…thoughts from Scripture that I did not want to think about.

Joshua 24:14-15

¹⁴ “Now therefore, fear the LORD, serve Him in sincerity and in truth, and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the River and in Egypt. Serve the LORD! ¹⁵ And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

This passage of Scripture is taken from the end of a challenge that Joshua made to the Israelites regarding the intentions of their hearts.  Joshua makes it absolutely clear what choice he is making.  Oh!  How I am convicted by these words.  Just as he was saying to them that today is the day to declare your intentions, I began to realize this: Every day is my day of decision.

Regularly I am distracted from the reality of my situation.  I am called to a holy work by my heavenly Father. That doesn’t mean that someone doing something totally different is not involved in a holy work as well.  My occupation is holy because of who is requiring it, not because of what is being done.  Folding socks becomes holy when I understand that it is service to my King. I understand that this idea probably sounds ludicrous to some.

But, when I live my life in service to my family, because that is what He requires, I find joy and strength to meet each need in my home.  Dirty dishes, heaps of laundry, cooking dinner and cleaning toilets; all find grace to be completed. Looking to Him I find such happiness and peace in knowing I am right where I should be, doing exactly what He is hoping for.  There is nothing more satisfying at the end of the day.

So, here it is Monday morning.   Today and every day I must make this choice.  In living and loving and caring for my family, I choose to serve the Lord.

amen.

My sweet family… I am so blessed!

I was sick last week.  My frame of mind became less than realistic.  I wanted to be well.  I wanted to get up and moving. I expected to heal quickly and get things back to normal.  But, my body wasn’t gonna have it. Nope.  I was down for the count.

While I attempted to run my household from the living room couch, my life closed in on me.  Slowly all of my responsibilities, began to hover around my shoulders in a thick fog.  House work, home schooling, responsibilities at church, piano lessons;  all swirling about, mocking my inability to get anything done. All I could do was lie there and be tormented.  My control freak nature reared its ugly head, with manipulation and frustration following closely behind.

Because of last week I realized:  I don’t always believe.

The fog has lifted now and I’ve been pondering it all.  Often when I’m least able to do what is necessary, at the most inopportune times, I attempt to grab the reigns from Him and get control of the situation, even when it is not mine to control.  Which begs the following questions:

What if I actually, really believed that I’m not in control?  How would my life change if I believed HE is in control?

These are some of the things I’ve thought of just today…

If I truly believed He is in control of it all…

I would pray far more often, and more sincerely for His will rather than some of my earthly desires.

In tense or awkward situations, I’d be able to relax and laugh rather than be frustrated.

I could enjoy math with Emily.

my future (and my children’s future) wouldn’t cause me such intense worry.

in my home, disobedient children would be met with love and diligence on my part, rather than anger and impatience.

I would relinquish my obsessive thinking over things that are out of my control, and instead search Scripture for real answers.

my life would be lived with courage rather than fear.

************************************

Here’s the truth:  I am super great at believing theological truths regarding His omnipotence (He is all powerful), His omnipresence (He is everywhere) , and His omniscience (He knows all).  But when the going gets tough, I get going – maybe in His name, maybe not.  My theology flies out the window and I work really hard to get everything in hand.

Here is an even bigger and more wonderful truth : I don’t need to get anything in hand … its already in His hands.  every bit of it.  And no matter what I do, I can’t change that fact.  I can live an abundant life, the life that He promises, finding rest in His hands.  I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who will walk with me, teaching me these tough lessons, drawing me closer to belief and ultimately to surrender.

So. To answer my question, what if I believed?  If I believed, I would surrender.  

And to that end I pray. Let it be so, in my heart Lord, let it be.

amen

This past week has been crazy.  Sickness attacked my house – and I spent a lot of time cooped up- doors closed, shades drawn. Early in the week we had fevers, head colds and a stomach virus – whew!  It was rough.  And it was dark.  I found myself a bit sleepless at night time and very weary during the daytime. At one point I found myself conducting our learning from the couch.

Somewhere in the middle of trying to get better, my heart took an ungrateful dip.  Here, this close to our Thanksgiving season beginning, I could not see my blessings staring me in the face.    But I found the right medicine for what was ailing me.

I stood on the deck of my in-law’s home after dinner. watching. My father in-law, Johnny got out his lawn tractor with the wagon hitched up- and my children rode and rode and laughed and rode some more.  My husband snapped photos while I looked on the scene. Slowly it began to happen…  the fresh evening air… my children’s laughter…  God’s goodness swirling all around me.  My heart began to warm in His presence.  His love for me, shown in tangible ways, restoring my soul like a healing balm – right there in the back yard.

Why am I so surprised to find healing for my body and soul when I reclaim my heart with gratefulness?

We begin to celebrate the Thanksgiving season this weekend – from Canadian Thanksgiving in October to American Thanksgiving in November.  There is no better time to rehearse over and over again God’s goodness to us, cultivating the strength and health of a grateful heart.  And that is just what I intend to do!  For me and for my family!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Praise Him all creatures here below.

Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts.

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

AMEN

I heard the words again and again yesterday afternoon.  My son and daughter were in the shallow end of the pool at our hotel, here in the Smokies.  Emily was trying to teach Isaac how to float on his back.  She had her arms extended under his torso – and with her support he was desperately trying to lie flat on top of the water.

But he could not.

And she kept saying to him,  “Relax, buddy!  Lie down!  Just let me help you!  You can do this if you let me help you.”  He’d almost lie back in her arms, but then sit back up again and the whole routine would start over.  I’m not sure what the specific reasons were on his part, but it never happened.  Isaac did not float on his back in the pool yesterday.  Not on his own.  Not with help.  Not at all.

The thing about floating for the first time is, its nice to know someone’s arms are underneath while you’re trying to learn how.  This knowledge is the first step towards success.

There were moments where it was almost comical watching Isaac in the struggle.  It would have been truly funny if  Isaac didn’t remind me of someone…  hmmmmm….  who is he like again?  oh yeah.  That would be me.

When learning to float you can’t just know that someone’s arms are there to make the rescue if necessary, you also have to trust that they are able and will step in when needed.

Oh, I have so much in common with my son.  I wish I could tell you that I lead a relaxed life – that I know and trust the everlasting arms that are underneath me.  But – just as I begin to lie back and find myself almost at ease, I sit back up – prepared to intervene on my own behalf.   I think by jumping in and taking control that I am doing some good.  But the reality is I’m not living the life He intended – the one where I rely on Him fully  to take care of every situation for my good.  It slips from my grasp every time I try to too hard to manipulate my circumstances.

If I listen closely, I hear similar words to the ones my daughter was saying to Isaac:

from Deuteronomy 33:

²⁷ The eternal God is your refuge,
And underneath are the everlasting arms;

Heavenly Father, Help me learn to trust you more.  In each situation, bring to mind that Your arms are cradling me and that you are the most reliable, trustworthy solution than my own plans and ideas.  Thank you for your everlasting arms of refuge.  amen.

It is so good to know that I do not need to try to do this life alone.  That I really can relax already! Whatever it is, I can do it with His help.

I heard the call early Friday morning.  It was deafening – like a full drum and bugle corp were standing in my bedroom.  The sound of the call washed over me and for a few minutes my ears were ringing…

RETREAT!

For a few more minutes I waited, head under the covers.  Could it be true?  Was it time?  And I rehearsed in my mind, the date, Friday, September 23rd…  It was true.  and it was time.  maybe there was hope.I threw the covers back, hopped out of bed and pulled out my list, scanning every detail – there was a lot to be done on my countdown over the course of the day.  But, in just 24 hours it would begin.

retreat.

My parents had invited us, Michael and I and our little family, to get away with them in the Smokies for the week.  When we made the plans more than six months earlier there was no way I could have known.  Only God knows these kinds of details in advance. And He is the kind of God who makes way for our salvation long before we even begin to sense the need.

Oh, how I needed this get-away.  The summer had proven to be more demanding physically, spiritually and emotionally – far more than I could have imagined.  And now, here, just six weeks into our school year I could feel myself slipping.  I was loosing all traction in the daily battle…

retreat.  I needed to pull back from the front lines.

Often I plead for mercy, and He is with me when I’m in the middle of life.  He brings strength and wisdom for the days when I know that I alone am not enough.  And I promise, I’m never enough on my own – as a mom, wife, teacher, sister, pianist, baker, care-giver- the list is endless.  But He is my provider.

This time, as we followed the windy roads towards the mountains, I found myself asking Him to come with me to the quiet.  He has been a mighty warrior by my side in the middle of conflict.  But, He is the sweetest of companions in times of rest too.

I used to believe that I was being a wimp if I didn’t press through the exhaustion; that I should rely more fully on Him and that would make me a better follower, a stronger fighter.  But, its not true.  No doubt, there are times for drawing the battle lines and pushing through to victory, following His lead.  However, there are times when He sounds the call for rest, but sometimes I don’t hear because I’m too busy in the fight.

There are Scriptures that talk of victory and triumph by His power.  But there are also promises for this:

stillness, knowing He is God. (Psalm 46:10)

burdens made light. (Matthew 11:30)

He, himself rested.  (Genesis 2:3)

rest by still waters, restoration of my soul. (Psalm 23)

rest for all who labor (Matthew 11:28)

and there are many, many more.

These are the words He has been whispering, here on our get-away.  He is true to His word, restoring my soul, trading my weariness for strength.  I am so grateful He sounded the call for “retreat!”

Thank you Heavenly Father for this earthly rest, for the work you are performing on my heart, even now.  Let me live in the peace and joy that you provide.  amen.

Times of relaxation are always good.  Finding peace in the middle of His creation is always better.

He brings hope and healing, it is pure calm here in the midst of this breath-taking beauty.  And there’s no mistaking it.  He is here with His creation sustaining all life, even my weary soul.

I sing the mighty power of God, that made the mountains rise,
[or I sing th’almighty power of God…]
That spread the flowing seas abroad, and built the lofty skies.
I sing the wisdom that ordained the sun to rule the day;
The moon shines full at God’s command, and all the stars obey.

I sing the goodness of the Lord, who filled the earth with food,
Who formed the creatures through the Word, and then pronounced them good.
Lord, how Thy wonders are displayed, where’er I turn my eye,
If I survey the ground I tread, or gaze upon the sky.

There’s not a plant or flower below, but makes Thy glories known,
And clouds arise, and tempests blow, by order from Thy throne;
While all that borrows life from Thee is ever in Thy care;
And everywhere that man can be, Thou, God art present there.

Well, today.  It was a long day.  exhausting.  And because of the lingering horror, here at the end of my day, I realized I need to spend my evening thinking on more of the happinesses – the good things that God has given…  In spite of the difficult times, the frustrating moments,  all of it is from His hand. Understanding His unsurpassed goodness is the road to true happiness…   So, that is where my focus is tonight : His goodness, taking tangible form, right here in the middle of my life.

Happiness is:

a middle of the day camp-out, complete with sleeping bags and giggles.

candles, just a symbol of celebrating another year of life with my sweetheart…

our dining room table, organized for learning good times….

fingers, making music to my ears.

ice cream.  do I need to say more?

nothing feels as good as finishing a project together…