On Sunday morning the sun was blinding when I drove to church.  I took highway 153 across town , the way I always go.  This Sunday, as I crossed the river, squinting thru my sunglasses, I could see there were orange cones up, blocking one of the lanes of traffic – And I remembered: it was the 5 Bridges Race.  There, in the other southbound lane were runners.  Not just runners- these were marathoners. Atop the bridge was a big sign with a 16 on it.

Compared to them, I’m a novice.  I’ve never run 16 kilometers.  Not even close. In fact, I’ve only completed one 5k before, and it took everything I could muster to cross the finish line of that race.   I slowed my driving a bit as I passed the runners so I could catch a glimpse of what it looked like to race in a marathon.

Some looked strong and vibrant.  Some looked a little weary.  Mostly, they  seemed to glow with determination.  I considered honking my enthusiasm, or rolling down my window to cheer them on, but I thought better of it.  Instead, I just whispered to myself, “Keep going runners, keep going.”  And as I said it, I felt a catch in my throat – and my eyes began to tear up.  I’ve had my moments trying to be a runner, feet pounding pavement, sweat pouring, exhaustion ruling my thoughts.  But that’s not why I identified with those runners so keenly.

Not long ago I had one of those moments, where it felt harder than I was expecting.  While running my own race, I met exhaustion and impossibility at the same intersection. But first,before I tell you more of the encounter, let me be clear: I live a wonderful life, filled with ease and goodness. Compared to how others live in this world, my life is golden.  I’m aware that my troubles could seem small to some, but large to others.  Regardless, every once in a while I have to make the choice again.

I have to choose to keep running.

I can either stay in bed with the covers over my head and hide, or I can be determined to go the next mile.  A few days ago, I almost decided to stay in the bed for a bit.  I’m just telling you the truth.  I was tired, and I was discouraged.  It was a very dark moment for me and I almost didn’t want to be determined anymore.

But, I am so grateful that the Holy Spirit is my coach.  He always comes along side at the right moment.  I felt Him whisper to me, “Keep running, my runner, keep running.”  And I could.   I found something miraculous to be truer than true.  Most everyone who is a runner in the Christian life already knows this.  His grace will extend the length of my race – whether it feels like a 5K, a half or a full marathon.  One foot in front of the other – He applies His strength to each step.  I’ve known this in theory almost my entire life.  But, as I become more aware of my need, it is so empowering to feel his promises fulfilled in real time.

Psalm 36: 5 says, Your mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens;  Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.

Psalm 119: 111-112 says, Your testimonies I have taken as a heritage forever,
For they are the rejoicing of my heart. I have inclined my heart to perform Your statutes
Forever, to the very end.

and one of my favorites, 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

His lovingkindness reaches to the Heavens and back, His grace can fill any void, no matter how cavernous, and His goodness is from everlasting to everlasting.   This is the God who offers the strength, the one who is coaching from the sidelines,  encouraging “Keep going, my dear one, keep going!”

Heavenly Father, Help me to move in your grace and trust in your goodness.  Let me glow with your divine determination, so that I can keep on keepin’ on. All of the glory of a well finished race goes to You!  amen.

My parents have come into town for a visit.  Its a big deal here at our house and we’ve been looking forward to their arrival for quite some time.  I can’t tell you how much I needed them to come.  I can’t tell you because I didn’t know.  I mean, I love them and I love spending time with them. But I didn’t realize just how much it was a necessity for my life.

In just the first 24 hours of them being here, with us, I have experienced so many little tiny joys; happiness I wasn’t expecting.  My life has been cruising by at the speed of light this fall; relaxation and peace have not been present too often.  In these moments with them, spending precious time together, there’s been a sigh of relief, and a pause in the exhaustion. Schedules and stress have been set aside long enough  to enjoy life.

I’m so thankful for a Heavenly Father who knows what I need and sends it my way in such a timely fashion that proves He truly is all-present and all-knowing. More than that,  He cares about even the smallest pieces of my puzzle.  When my life has become too intense, and too out of sorts, He knows exactly how to put the pieces back together for me.

Here are a few of the pieces of my puzzle I didn’t know had gone missing…  pure joy, my friends, pure joy in the form of good old fashioned family time.

pumpkin cookies, just because…

…because he wanted them.

Old “new” dishes once used at my mom’s table, now serving food on mine.  They make me smile, maybe I’ll be able to tell you why sometime soon.

fresh challah.

reading with Nanny.

park time… usually fun, but fantastic with Nanny and Papa.

Ball, with Papa – I can’t help but love all of these baseball players.

I wish you could have heard the giggles coming from this little girl…

and a good game of Sorry!

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I am reminded that He cares for His children.  These words from Scripture are as true now as the day they were penned.

1Peter 5:7 :  “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

You know, I have a lot to be thankful for.  A Lot.  Most of us do.   Its true that I am supposed to have a heart filled with gratitude all year. But today, on Canadian Thanksgiving,  it’s the beginning of a season when I really try to focus my attitude.  Here, around our house, for the next six weeks or so, my family will try to set our hearts and minds on God’s goodness.

From past experience, I know it is easy to get distracted from the plan, even though it is so simple.  So, we take turns writing things down on small pieces of paper each day and put the thoughts in a jar.   Here were a few of the things my children wrote down today. From Isaac: “I am thankful Nanny and Papa are coming tomorrow.”  From Emily: “I am thankful, most of the time, that I get to do school with Mama.”

Tonight I decided to dwell on some of the things I am thankful for…

Daily mercy from a loving Heavenly Father.  There’s no other way I’d survive.

My Mom and Dad who are coming to visit tomorrow, – they are two of my best friends in the whole world and I can’t wait to hug their necks. 

His consistent goodness, in spite of my failures and shortcomings.  I deserve nothing, and He has given everything. 

Precious family, Michael, Emily, Isaac and Mackenzie – Why the Lord saw fit to bless me with these loved ones, I’ll never understand in this lifetime.

My house, and all of the lovely, comfort-filled things that make it our home – including my king-sized, soft, snuggly bed.  It is one of my very favorite things, and I love to sleep in it!  

Love and Forgiveness working together in my heart to bring freedom; I’m relieved to know I no longer have to achieve.  

School work, house work, music work, workshop building work (out back), Michael’s (Unum) work, kitchen work – all of the kinds of “work” that keep us busy, alive and thriving in so many different ways. Truly, I’m just thankful for a body and spirit that “can do!” 

Friendships near and far, dear ones who bless me generously with love and encouragement when I need it.  

My heart is so full, and I’m just getting started…  There is so much, much more.

**************************************************************************************

Here, at the beginning of this Thanksgiving season, I am reminded of one of my very favorite hymns.  As I read the words, I’m singing it from my heart, to the Giver of every blessing.  Tune my heart, Lord – let me sing a song of Thanksgiving to You!

“Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”

Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of God’s unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I’m come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

I stared at the computer screen, eyes narrowed.  Surely, if I keep looking long enough the email will disappear.  It won’t be there and that’ll be that.  Everything will go back to normal and I won’t have to make the decision.

I blinked and squinted again.

It was still there.  *sigh*   Now what ?

I closed my laptop with a bit of a thud.  Why? Why is someone asking this of me?  Something so far outside of my comfort zone?  My first, mostly human, response?  No.  Absolutely not!  How could they even make a request so ridiculous?  Surely there is someone else better qualified…

These days, I want to do what my Heavenly Father wants me to do, really, I do.  But, sometimes I have a hard time knowing for sure what that is.  In this case, even if I knew for sure it was Him tapping me on the shoulder, I’d still have to run a mile outside my comfort zone in order to agree to it.

And this new thing, it seemed so crazy to me, I was going to have to pray. A lot.

As I tried to let my brain connect with my heart and consider it all, my head felt cloudy. Sinful, proud thoughts intermingled with seemingly holy ideas and desires, all at the same time,  swirling, in a thick, dense fog that wouldn’t clear.  And I begged Him, “Heavenly Father, please ease my confusion…  How can I know?  I. just. don’t. know.”

It just so happened that I heard the words to an old hymn that I hadn’t heard in a long time, and as the lyrics went through my mind, I sang them like a prayer from the bottom of my heart…

Search me, O God,
And know my heart today;
Try me, O Savior,
Know my thoughts, I pray.
See if there be
Some wicked way in me;
Cleanse me from every sin
And set me free.

I praise Thee, Lord,
For cleansing me from sin;
Fulfill Thy Word,
And make me pure within.
Fill me with fire
Where once I burned with shame;
Grant my desire
To magnify Thy Name.

Lord, take my life,
And make it wholly Thine;
Fill my poor heart
With Thy great love divine.
Take all my will,
My passion, self and pride;
I now surrender, Lord
In me abide.

It was a simple prayer, requesting forgiveness, offering to surrender again. And within moments, literally it was moments, the Son began to shine on my heart, burning the fog away that had settled.  And I knew.  I knew what He wanted me to do.

Can you believe that ever since I agreed to do this thing that I never thought someone would ask me to do, I have had unimaginable peace?  Actually, its been an incredible and unrelenting peace. Because I know He’s the one asking, I also know He will be the one to give the grace, sufficient enough to help me do the work.  No longer is it just a nice thought, or pleasant platitude for me; it’s an amazing promise that I am watching Him fulfill in my heart daily.

2Corinthians 12:8-10 is still true today.  I’m reading it again this morning and believing it more than ever!

⁸ Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.⁹ And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Today is a day to celebrate love.  Michael and I have been married 13 years today. thirteen.  I keep saying it over and over again because it sounds like a lot and I can’t figure out where the time has gone.  I know, I know. Everyone says that at some point in their life, but I’m serious.  Where did the hours, days and weeks go?

At any rate, on September 25th, 1999, I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world, marrying the man of my dreams.  Winsomely handsome, cunningly smart, and over the top talented but best of all, he thought I was worth giving the time of day.

The week before the wedding, my plans didn’t seem to be working out quite like I’d hoped.  A friend was coming in to town to be the organist for the wedding.  A few days before the big day, we went into the sanctuary to check things out and the organ didn’t work.  the organ. did. not. work.  This was a huge deal for this musician’s wedding. It put a full-out heart attack in motion.

I thought for sure that was the worst thing that could happen, until we couldn’t find the cake lady.  That’s right. We had hired her in the spring, but by September,  she had disappeared. She was not answering her phone – that’s never a good sign.   On the Thursday before the wedding, you would have found me in my parent’s hotel room dissolved into a puddle of tears.   But my dad, he took a drive to the backside of Lookout mountain, Rising Fawn to be exact – hunting down the missing cake lady.   While he was gone, I vaguely remember my Aunt Deborah trying to make me feel better with a bit of humor, suggesting that she could do wonders in her room with the microwave and a few brownie mixes…  it just didn’t seem funny at the time.

A bride’s nightmare: no cake. no organ.

But, in the history of the biggest failed weddings ever, mine isn’t listed.    The church rented a working organ for my friend to play.  And my dad, he searched out the cake lady’s whereabouts.  On the day of the nuptials, a gorgeous and incredibly delicious cake was prepared and delivered.   Everything worked out perfectly, and the day was one of the best of my life.  Friends and family abounded, celebrating our love with us and I don’t think it could have been better.

Truthfully, even if things weren’t perfect, I can look back and say it wouldn’t have mattered.  Good luck and earthly perfection are not the goals. They never have been.  Our journey has been far from storybook perfection. But, somewhere along the way, I have begun to understand this : We are made one, completed by His love. Truly perfected love, that comes later, when all things are redeemed.  For now, Michael and I are just humans, huddled together, hiding inside His lovingkindness and mercy – and for our marriage, that is the best place we can be.  Neither of us is perfect, but each of us is forgiven, prepared to love and forgive each other.

So, I guess we’re not lucky at thirteen years – just blessed.  completely, wonderfully, and amazingly blessed. Our journey is just getting started.  May there be thirteen and thirteen and thirteen more…

 

You could have blown me over with a feather. I don’t think we could have been more surprised on Wednesday evening.  While I was at choir practice, Michael sent a text to me with the photo above.  Apparently the inspector had been to our property to give the workshop an inspection earlier in the day. Completely unexpectedly.  When Michael went out back to check on things after all the rain, there, hanging in plain view was the tag.

The Result: passed.

It was settled. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  And the relief swept in like a crisp and cool breath of fresh air.  The workshop can be finished without concern.  And now, we can keep moving towards the intended task.

I can’t tell you how good it feels to know this is taken care of.  We’ve had  a few late nights thinking and, dare I say, worrying if everything had been accounted for, wondering if we would have unexpected costs or labor before we could move ahead.  Until we had that ticket in hand, there was no way of knowing for sure.

All of this talk about passing inspections has reminded me of something, well a few things actually.

John 8:36   Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.

Romans 8:1&2  There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. ² For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. 

Titus 3:4-6  But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit,  whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior,

These portions of Scripture say something I need to hear: I am free, without condemnation. Of course, this is no accomplishment of my own.  Even though I don’t deserve it, by His mercy, I have been regenerated and I have been given his righteousness.  Oh the relief that accompanies this knowledge!  Fears are put to rest once and for all.  Joy is set into perpetual motion.

Tonight I am praising the Lord for His absolute, undoubtable promise. When my Heavenly Father looks at me and inspects my heart, I can have this confidence now and always:  I pass.

Last January I posted a recipe for beautiful pumpkin cinnamon sugar doughnut muffins.  I thought they were the best thing to ever come out of my oven.  Until yesterday.

What’s one tiny smidgeon better? Pumpkin Poppers.

These little babies, are little bites of moist and sweet divine goodness. They are the perfect reminder for your tastes buds what autumn should taste like. I could not stop eating them and my children devoured them.  (confession:  I ate four.  Yes, Mom, I accounted for them in my calorie count. )  Okay, but seriously, they were so good I hardly had time to get a photo.

I was going to wait a little while, until the weather was more fall-ish, but I am not one for patience in these matters.  So, I’m posting the recipe for you today.    Prepare yourself. You’ll probably consume so many that you may end up eating only carrots and celery for dinner.

Pumpkin Poppers

Ingredients:

• 1 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 tsp. baking powder
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp. nutmeg
• 1/2 tsp. allspice
• 1/8 tsp. ground cloves
• 1/3 cup vegetable oil
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup pumpkin
• 1/2 cup milk

For Coating

• 1 stick unsalted butter, melted
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 2 tbsp. cinnamon

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350 F and spray mini muffin tins with non-stick cooking spray.

Combine flour, baking powder, salt, and spices in a bowl and whisk until combine.

In another bowl, mix oil, brown sugar, egg, vanilla, pumpkin, and milk.  Pour in flour mixture and mix until just combined.  Fill mini muffin tins until almost full and bake 10-12 minutes.

Melt butter in small bowl.  Mix sugar and cinnamon in a separate small bowl.  After popper cool for a few minutes, dip them in the butter and roll them in the sugar mixture.

Enjoy!

(This recipe is taken from Domestically Speaking)

Really, I don’t do this often…  But, today I just can not help it.   As my morning begins,  I’ve been thinking over this old hymn by John Newton.  The words seem to sink into my heart so deep that I’m held captive.    Literally, I keep singing it over and over again…   A Joyful slave to these thoughts, I begin this Monday morning:

“Let us Love and Sing and Wonder”

Let us love and sing and wonder,
Let us praise the Savior’s Name!
He has hushed the law’s loud thunder,
He has quenched Mount Sinai’s flame.
He has washed us with His blood,
He has brought us nigh to God.

Let us love the Lord Who bought us,
Pitied us when enemies,
Called us by His grace, and taught us,
Gave us ears and gave us eyes:
He has washed us with His blood,
He presents our souls to God.

Let us sing, though fierce temptation
Threaten hard to bear us down!
For the Lord, our strong Salvation,
Holds in view the conqueror’s crown:
He Who washed us with His blood
Soon will bring us home to God.

Let us wonder; grace and justice
Join and point to mercy’s store;
When through grace in Christ our trust is,
Justice smiles and asks no more:
He Who washed us with His blood
Has secured our way to God.

Let us praise, and join the chorus
Of the saints enthroned on high;
Here they trusted Him before us,
Now their praises fill the sky:
“Thou hast washed us with Your blood;
Thou art worthy, Lamb of God!”

Two years ago, yesterday I begged and pleaded.  I hemmed and hawed and hesitated.  Surely, this wasn’t the right path.  “Please Lord, isn’t there another way for me to be obedient…  other than this?”  After all, I wanted to be sure there wasn’t a different option, one more palatable for everyone, mostly me.  What could I possibly have to say that anyone would want to read? Now or ever for that matter?

Two years ago, today I clicked the publish button for the first time, here on Daily Portion.

Two years.

When I began, I wasn’t sure I could keep it up for two weeks.  But, He has given me sufficient grace to continue what He’s called me to do: Write honestly about my experiences with Him.

Oh my, what a strange and wonderful, unthinkable but incredibly profound journey  of obedience it has been.  My Savior has led me to new places of honesty in my heart and soul.  And He’s kept me thinking about the reality of His grace more than ever before.   Most of my posts are an exercise in humility, exposing me for who I truly am – a faltering believer, constantly asking forgiveness, but desperately wanting to be more like Jesus.

How many times the Lord has placed an idea for my blog post on my heart, I’ve typed it up and realized how much I don’t want to be truthful about who I am…  and I plead for a way out, “Please Lord, really?  Do I have to tell everyone on the world wide web about my struggles and my sin?”  Not once has He let me off the hook.

But, somewhere, in all of the words I’ve typed and the Scripture I’ve read and shared here, I have to believe that Daily Portion is a safe place…  One where fellow believers can be reminded of these two things : first, He is in our midst ready to be found in the smallest nooks and crannies of our lives.  And second, we can bear the dark places a bit better knowing that we are not alone, that there are others sharing in the struggle.

So, Happy Anniversary to Daily Portion and to all of you who read!   Its my prayer that this coming year of writing will be another year of learning to obey Him and love Him more than ever.

Melody Day.

At three years old, my sweet baby Mackenzie was still clinging to the only life she knew.  Life with her bappie.  (and in case you aren’t clear, bappie was my daughter’s loving term for her pacifier.) Not long ago I began restricting her access to it, only for nap time and bed time and emergencies that involved major meltdowns in public or injury.  Which, okay, as I type the words I realize she had her bappie more often than not.

Two weekends ago it all came to an end.  Bappie was lost, never to be found again.  It was dramatic.  There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.  literally.  I wasn’t sure we would survive loosing something that brought so much security.

Long story, short: We survived.  She doesn’t request it.  She doesn’t cry over it.  In fact, without it she has become the most sassy, robust, chatty and happy little preschooler I could have every imagined. (I had no idea she had so much to say without that bappie in the way.)  Why?  I suppose it is because she is no longer relying on something she didn’t need in the first place.

And that makes me think.

How much satisfaction and peace and joy am I missing because I’m searching for and holding closely the things I don’t need?  Things. stuff.  junk.  I count on them.  I find security in my surroundings; I look for my contentment in the things that I don’t really need. If I don’t get my way or I don’t get what I want I find myself in a similar situation, like my daughters: held hostage, in total anguish and agony over things I never needed to begin with.  And that is a self-made prison.

But, I read excellent news this morning.  There is freedom, given by the only One who I truly do need. And that one is Jesus Christ, The Lord.

Here are the words that I just read from Psalm 146:

Praise the Lord, O my soul!
² While I live I will praise the Lord;
I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

³ Do not put your trust in princes,
Nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help.
⁴ His spirit departs, he returns to his earth;
In that very day his plans perish.

⁵ Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help,
Whose hope is in the Lord his God,
⁶ Who made heaven and earth,
The sea, and all that is in them;
Who keeps truth forever,
⁷ Who executes justice for the oppressed,
Who gives food to the hungry.
The Lord gives freedom to the prisoners.

⁸ The Lord opens the eyes of the blind;
The Lord raises those who are bowed down;
The Lord loves the righteous.
⁹ The Lord watches over the strangers;
He relieves the fatherless and widow;
But the way of the wicked He turns upside down.

¹⁰ The Lord shall reign forever—
Your God, O Zion, to all generations.