This afternoon I sat at beautiful Baldwin grand, in the Marr Chapel on Signal Mountain, prepared to play for a funeral.

Just this week, leading up to the event, a lot had happened.  Michael turned 40.  My folks moved here from Michigan, a family member had surgery – and then this:  a close friend of the family, Michael’s life-long neighbor, passed on to glory.

So, you’ll understand when I tell you that I arrived at the chapel, with quite a bit of emotion churning on my insides.     I was stepping off a roller coaster, just in time to sit at the keys and play.

But, I was blessed as the moments passed and the congregation arrived,  not just to play, but to worship.  Many old hymns flowed from my fingertips, just the way I imagine Ray would have enjoyed, and my heart swelled praising God; the same God who just days ago welcomed Ray home.

Life moves forward, faster, beyond my control, every day. And sometimes I’m not sure how to keep up.  I suppose it is just a new stage of life I’m entering, but it all feels new and the future seems a bit uncertain.    But, no matter what comes, there is one thing that is more important than everything else.  It is Jesus.   He is the one I must cling to;  He is the one who was in the beginning, and He will meet me at the end.     All else pales in comparison.

My friend, Michael (not to be confused with my hubby) sang a song that is still resonating in my mind.  I’ve known the words for quite some time, but truly, they meant so much more to me today.   I welcomed the opportunity to slow down, rest in the truth of this prayer and make it my own…

Give Me Jesus

from 2Corinthians 3:

You are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read by all men; clearly you are an epistle of Christ, ministered by us, written not with ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of flesh, that is, of the heart.

I read this passage a lot last week – with the desire to write about it.  I love how Paul gave such a clear picture – that the Corinthians were to being a living epistle of Christ- not just in word as Paul taught them, but in deed.

And every time I sat down to put my thoughts in writing, you know what I realized?

Last week was full of my very own personal examples how NOT to be a living epistle.  seriously.  I won’t even begin a list because I failed big time.  As a Momma, Teacher, Musician, Runner, you name it – I blew it!  And that’s too depressing for everyone to read.

Truly, I find myself at the beginning of this week, grateful for His grace and for a Monday morning that gives me a fresh start.

At any rate, there is one place I can look and see the example that Paul describes. I can see it right out my kitchen window, in my backyard.

remember this?

That’s our workshop.  My husband’s been in the process of building it for three years, with the help of his dad.  Over the last two weekends drywall has been going up inside.  This. is. big.  He is on the home stretch and we are closer than ever to guitars being made.  right here.  on Logger lane.

His patience, dedication, perseverance, and wisdom over time is remarkable.  And – shall I say it?  I believe it is the result of the Holy Spirit in him, giving him every ability, whether physical, emotional, mental, financial – everything necessary to continue, even when he’s been discouraged or defeated.

The longer we move forward in this journey, the more I see my husband and this shop as a living and breathing picture of God at work! He is calling, equipping and producing at every step.  And someday, hopefully soon, music will be played on guitars my husband has made-  an authentic, living epistle to the glory of God!

And here’s my trip down memory lane…

While we were in Denver, we received word about tragedy.  Tragedy in a friend’s life.  Tragedy in our home town. Tragedy in a young couple’s marriage.  Tragedy about a young women’s health.  Tragedy of a death in the family.  Over the course of just a few days, life became heavy.  It was the kind of heavy that weighs a heart down to the pit – and even with our knowledge, it was hard to raise my eyes above those circumstances.

On a day trip with friends we took time to drive out to the “Garden of the gods” in Colorado Springs.  The experience could not have been more valuable.   As I walked the paths and took in the view – the expansive valleys and the mammoth rocks –  my gaze was moved.    I couldn’t help but look towards the God of the Heavens and earth.

I realized there’s a reason that He is referred to as “higher” in Scripture.  His ways are higher.  He is the Rock that is “higher than I.”  Look, I can show you the reality of Who He Is – and it is just a tiny example of His greatness…

The very God who created this with His hands, is the one who orchestrates my life, my future, and every detail of His Great Story. These photos remind me that I can find refuge in His arms – that He reigns above all of the painful circumstances of this life.  Lifting my eyes, I find the calm and rest I crave.  And His magnificence makes my troubles seem small.

This morning I woke, with this beautiful mountain view.  And do you know what?  What I really want is to be near my home, and see my mountains and hug the necks of my people.  Because, in case you didn’t hear – a young man used bullets to tear apart homes and hearts – and tried to destroy our hope and our courage.

Here I sit staring at these mountains, in disbelief, and I realize – what I really need, is the God who made these, and the mountains just a few miles from my home;  He is the God who promises refuge in trouble, strength in trials, peace in the struggle.   He is mighty to save.

So, I’ve been reading Psalm 61 this morning, with a heart that desperately wants to believe and rest…

3 For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
4 I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah

5 For You, O God, have heard my vows;
You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.
6 You will prolong the king’s life,
His years as many generations.
7 He shall abide before God forever.
Oh, prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him!

I’ve been thinking… Maybe its more accurate to say,  I’m not just longing for Chattanooga, my home.  This tragedy brings a deeper longing in my heart for eternal things, for Heaven where we will be with Him forever.

Oh to be Home.