Today I went to church for the final Christmas program rehearsal.  From 9 til noon.  I’m playing keys mostly – so it was fairly enjoyable.  I love worshipping with Christmas carols – singing about Jesus’ arrival here on earth so long ago.  Normally it puts me in the Christmas spirit.

But by the time we arrived home, I was completely and utterly irritated.  Why?  Because things were not perfect at the practice.  I am a perfectionist – and things at the rehearsal were less than well – perfect.  It was the decorations, or lack thereof.  It was the sound system and the problematic mix in my monitor.  It was the last minute change in songs.  Slowly  I felt myself morphing into Scrooge, from the tips of my toes right up to the hairs on my head – and it wasn’t pretty.

But thank goodness for facebook friends on the other side of the world.

Before leaving for the rehearsal I had updated everyone on where I was heading.  When I came home there were several comments on my status… including one from a friend (who used to worship here at our church, but now lives very far away) who unknowingly said, “So jealous!  Enjoy!”

Immediate perspective – like a splash of cold water on my hot and frustrated heart.

My friend lives in a country that will not celebrate Christmas.  She will not be able to sing Christmas carols full voice with fellow believers.  There is no program or choir to sing in, let alone decorations or monitors or new songs to learn last minute.  No she and her husband will worship Jesus on His birthday most likely in a much different setting, making my current situation seem golden.

I find myself contemplating my place, here on this side of the world – and I know my heart needs an adjustment.  I am surrounded by goodness and positive circumstances, living a life of ease, without worry or significant trials. And still I find excuses to remain negative, critical and ungrateful.  God help me!

But there is good news : Jesus came.  He arrived more than 2000 years ago, on the other side of the world.  His love and forgiveness stretch out, encompassing this whole wide earth.  And these gifts are for everyone – for me and my family – and for my friend who is all of those thousands of miles away.

“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, concerning the Word of life— the life was manifested, and we have seen, and bear witness, and declare to you that eternal life which was with the Father and was manifested to us— that which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ.  And these things we write to you that your joy may be full… If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  1 John 1:1-4; 1:9

These words of forgiveness and fellowship are so beautiful to me in the midst of this Christmas season.  And they are not just for me and mine here on this side of the world  – but they are for all who repent and believe.

Heavenly Father,

Forgive my selfish and sinful heart.  Help me to live in the light of your fellowship this Advent Season.  Let my life be a reflection of your forgiveness and love.  amen.

I tell you,  the inside of our home is glowing.  We love colorful Christmas lights and we hang them everywhere.  They are even strung along the ceiling of our living room.  Sometimes I like to turn off all of the regular lighting in the room and just sit in the soft warmth of the Christmas lights.

This morning  we began our day with the lights shining, an advent reading, some cinnamon rolls and a game of Hide the Thimble…  It was an exciting start to our advent celebrations and we had a wonderful time.  I love this time of year.  So full of hope and life!

But there is a shadow in the corner of my heart today that does not feel full of life or hope. I received word last night that a friend who has been ill for many years, is headed back to the hospital for what seems like the millionth time for a surgical consult.  On her behalf, I prayed last night in the night. – But I find myself cold, a bit lonely and discouraged this morning. Where is her hope?  and why am I so full of doubt?

Like me, she is a believer, so I know she has a “hope” – but was does that even mean?  That sounds like such empty church lingo right now.  I need a sincere word from my Heavenly Father to be able reconcile what is going on in my heart right now.

And I found it in the first Advent reading of the season…

Jesus said, “I am the the light of the world.  If you follow me you won’t be stumbling in the darkness because you will have the light that leads to life.”  John 8: 12

During this advent season there is more reason to hope than ever, because I know that Jesus, the hope of all mankind – and our reason for living or dying – came all those years ago.  With his arrival He brought hope, peace, healing and ultimate salvation to this earth- His coming brought redemption for the whole world.

And a small light begins to glimmer in the depths of my heart…

With these words from Scripture I am reminded of this:  No matter what happens with my friend’s health, or what my earthly status is, in finding Jesus, the light of the world, I have Eternal Life. I don’t have to stumble around in the shadows anymore. What an amazing promise to have – in times of crisis, in sickness, in financial loss, in emotional turmoil.

The darkness in the corners of my heart is eradicated by a bright and shining hope.

Life has a glow that begins with the Advent season, remembering the birth of Christ and his redemptive work here on earth.  There is no better hope than finding life in Christ.

May those who are in the cold shadows find warmth in the glow of the Savior, this Christmas.

(Its been a busy weekend here, celebrating my sweet Emily’s 9th birthday – so, I’m posting some thoughts from the Christmas season last year… )

The Hiding Place…

My daughter discovered it this morning. The giant ornament. Its a red and green striped ball about 12 inches around and it sits out at my mom and dad’s house every Christmas. Sometimes it appears on the dining room table, sometimes on the coffee table in the living room. But its always a part of the holiday decorations.

There’s more to this ornament than meets the eye. I’ve known it all along and I suppose I thought my daughter knew too – but she didn’t. Secretly its a candy dish. The small gold hanger on the ornament is also a handle that pulls the top of the ornament off and inside there are M&M’s. Always.

As the events of our day unfolded, I watched my daughter from a distance. She was circling the perimeter of the large ornament. It occurred to me then that she was not sure of what was inside. M&M’s are a favorite candy, so her discovery would be cause for unbridled enthusiasm, I was sure. When she finally lifted the lid, she grabbed a handful of the red and green candies and ran over to me. Like a Pirate who had just found the buried treasure she said, “MOMMY! There are M&M’s in that ornament!” When I confessed to knowing, she demanded why I had kept the secret from her…

I can’t help but be reminded of my own response to the Heavenly Father sometimes. When I find that special portion of Scripture that is especially tantalizing, I have been known to ask, “Why have you been hiding this from me? Why didn’t you show this to me sooner?” But in my heart of hearts I know, He has not been hiding it from me. Instead, He has been waiting for me to search a little harder, in His Word. He anticipates my delight in the surprises He has prepared for me.

The Psalmist had this to say about the precepts of The Lord:

“The ordinances of the LORD are sure

and altogether righteous.

They are more precious than gold,

than much pure gold;

they are sweeter than honey,

than honey from the comb.”

There are times when God’s word truly is sweeter to me than any bakery confection, tastier than even the finest freshly harvested honey. There is nothing better in my heart and on my mind than His word directly applied to my “sweet tooth.” I’m hoping to have a few quiet moments soon and enjoy His word in a fresh way over the coming week.

Maybe I’ll have a few M&M’s while I read… if there are any left!

md

(originally written December 19, 2009)

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching.  Well, for me, its already passed because we celebrated initially with the Canadians back in October – but, the American Thanksgiving is still to come, just three days away.

Over the past couple of weeks, between Thanksgivings, I’ve been thinking on all the things that I’m grateful for.  I even made a top ten list, that ended up having eleven things on it.  But, as I continue my journey of thankfulness this season, my heart has become full.  I find myself dwelling on it in my spare time.  Its like I’m marinating in a fine wine of beautiful memories and heightened senses…     God has moved me to a new place of remembering and enjoying what He has given to me.

What exactly is it I’m thinking about?  I’ve been contemplating how rich I really am…

It’s the smell of fresh baked bread in my oven.  A hug from my Isaac first thing in the morning.  The view from my kitchen window that frames the autumn beauty in my backyard.  It’s the lump in my throat whenever I have to leave my precious Emily anywhere.  The joy I feel standing at my cooktop, making bolognese sauce.

And there’s more.

The way it feels for Mackenzie’s baby soft cheek to brush against my face.  My husband’s voice over the phone. Laughter with friends.  Cookies in the oven – and bright faces waiting for them.  Anticipating that last mile on the trip home.  The embrace of a sweet friend.  Worshipping full voice in the driver’s seat while I’m running errands.

but wait…

It is a morning conversation with my Father.  the sweeping relief that accompanies forgiveness.  delight in sensing His presence, when I least expect it.  the glow that comes from knowing He loves me, He sings and whirls at the thought of me.

It seems that I may be one of the wealthiest women in the world…

And that’s just the beginning, the start of my list – every item a gift from my Heavenly Father.  As I continue this earthly life, with the grace that comes from Christ Jesus – I pray that I will remain grateful for the smallest of moments that make my life so rich.

Ephesians 5: 19-20 “Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord,  always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

My daughter and husband enjoy watching Storm Chasers.  In fact, I’m sitting here with Em watching the most recent episode, via DVR, for the third time this weekend.  Its a documentary style show where scientists chase tornados and film it.  We’re watching the storm unfold as I type.  She likes natural science a lot and tries to figure out the how’s and why’s of a tornado – its almost like a game for her.

It does bring up questions that aren’t so fun… Especially late at night.  Regularly I am peppered with queries like, “Mommy, will there be a storm tonight?”  or “Could a tornado hit our house?”  and my favorite, “Mommy, would God let a storm hurt us?”  Of course, I try to give her comforting answers, as any mom would do.  But, I don’t usually have a solid answer for her – because I don’t know.

I, myself am a storm chaser.  Hard to believe, but true.  Often I chase hypothetical storms – typically they are storms of my own making.  “What if one of my children gets sick?” “What if I get cancer?”  “What if the market crashes and the country goes into a deep depression and we can’t afford basic necessities and we lose our house and have to move in with my in-laws and… and… and…” Suddenly I’ve got a real storm brewing – all of the thoughts swirling and whirling around in my brain.  Even I can get sucked into an unruly game of “what if “.

When I find myself in the middle of one of these full blown storms, hypothetical or otherwise, I am reminded of a similar situation from Scripture.

Matthew 8:23-27

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”

He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

No matter what – He is in control.  He has the answer.  He knows the future. He holds everything in the palm of His hand.  When things happen beyond my understanding, when storms brew creating towering vortexes of doubt and fear, my response can be peace.  And, in the eye of that same storm, I can be sure that He loves me and He will care for me and my family.  Knowing that the winds and waves obey Him is more than enough to calm my heart.

The final answer to all of my questions in the What if game is:  JESUS.

amen

(originally written May 2010)

Recently my young family visited the local Panera on a Saturday evening.  My husband and I with our three children were hungry after a long day, and it just sounded good.  Now, there is a lot that goes on when you take three children to any eating establishment, and this particular evening was no exception.

Between return trips to the restroom and the drink fountain, I learned something.  We sat at the table, myself and my daughter on one side of the table, my husband and my son on the opposite side, with Mackenzie in a high chair at the head of the table.

There is nothing as complicated as feeding a one year old at a restaurant while they are discovering the joys of table food, especially if there are only two bottom middle teeth involved in the discovery process.  As I tried to feed Mackenzie her very healthy chicken and vegetables, she fed herself little bits and pieces of things that all of us would give her from our plates.  A bit of cheese, a crumb of a bagel, some of the apple from my salad, a sip from my husband’s straw and she was absolutely beside herself.

She was so excited, and so interested in those little tidbits, she would not look at me.  Her mouth would open and she would eat the food from the spoon, but she was constantly looking elsewhere for something to please her.  At one point, (still unwilling to turn her head towards me and the healthy stuff) when my husband got up to get a refill of his drink she cried out, “na na, dada, na na, dada!” because she didn’t want the sweet tea to leave her reach.

As I heard her cry, I realized just how much my daughter and I have in common.  Truthfully, I worship, I read Scripture, I pray and meditate on His word. These are the healthy things that fulfill the deep needs of my heart – that will give me strength for life.  Still, in my humanity, I’m always looking in my periphery for other things to satisfy.  And when I see worldly things fading, that used to give me pleasure, I am devastated.   I try to hold them in my clutches, but in the end they always slip away, leaving emptiness.

Time and again I’m reminded that the only satisfaction on this earth comes from our Heavenly Father because of His love and sacrifice for us.    Anything else bringing momentary happiness is a mirage.  Vanity. Unworthy of our attention.  It seems this is a lesson I will keep learning over and over.

There’s an old hymn my dad used to sing, and it rolls through my mind regularly, when I start looking for earthly trappings to meet the needs that only our Heavenly Father can.

Satisfied

All my life I had a longing

For a drink from some clear spring,

That I hoped would quench the burning

Of the thirst I felt within.

Hallelujah! I have found Him

Whom my soul so long has craved!

Jesus satisfies my longings,

Through His blood I now am saved.

Feeding on the husks around me,

Till my strength was almost gone,

Longed my soul for something better,

Only still to hunger on.

Poor I was, and sought for riches,

Something that would satisfy,

But the dust I gathered round me

Only mocked my soul’s sad cry.

Well of water, ever springing,

Bread of life so rich and free,

Untold wealth that never faileth,

My Redeemer is to me.

Ps 63:4-5

“I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. ”

Thank you heavenly Father for being all that I need.  And thank you for my little Mackenzie, who helped me remember this once again.

This is a special poem written for the blog today in honor of my sweet little baby passing the 18 month marker.  (I’ve also added my favorite pictures of her from the past months…)   What a blessing that the Lord chose to add her to our family!  I think every mom who reads this can appreciate my sentiments!  ; )

18 Months…

Is it really possible,

the time has come and gone?

It seems like only yesterday

we brought our baby home.

 

One of our three, it is not new

how the time has flown right past.

Still, in the end I can not tell

how to make each moment last.

 

Her sparkly eyes, sweet little voice

tiny hand in mine divine,

will only be a memory

to cherish in my mind.

 

So soon she’ll be a little girl,

not long after a young belle.

The moments one by one I’ll recount.

I’ve memorized them well.

 

For now I count the blessings,

like the soft curls upon her head,

thankful to our Heavenly Father

She now sleeps all night in her own bed.

 

Children are a gift from the Lord;  they are a reward from him.  Psalm 127: 3

On this beautiful Sunday I’ve been feeling grumpy.  Michael has been gone for an hour because he is playing bass for worship this morning.  I love the fact that my husband is willing to make the sacrifice. However I am not so thrilled with my obligation to then get my beautiful children ready and out the door to church alone.

I think I could write a whole Dr. Seus-ish book about it:

“Getting kids ready for church by myself causes a fit.

I do not like it  no, not one little bit.”

My rhyme could go on and on – but I won’t bore you.

Today I decided to turn my attention away from the grumpies and think on things that I am thankful for.  This usually changes my attitude almost instantly.  In the words of one of my favorite hymns, “Here I raise my Ebenezer…”  And that is exactly what I’m going to do.  I am going to write down (instead of my ill-advised, sour-puss, Dr.Seus poem) what God has done for me and hopefully move to a place of gratitude!

I am thankful :

*for a wonderful, incredibly talented, loving, mind-reading husband – who also happens to be good at doing laundry.

*for three beautiful children who remind me of God’s love on a daily basis.

*for parents (and in laws too) who regularly and lovingly invest in our family.

*for a family tree that has the rich soil of God’s grace at its roots and the fruit of His Spirit blooming from the  branches.

*for my home and everything earthly that I could possibly need,  provided by my  generous Heavenly Father.

*for the gift of music that has permeated my life and my home my entire 35 years – there is no joy like it.

*for the power of forgiveness and restoration that has been demonstrated to me by those who know me best and still love me. (especially my sister…)

*for friendships near and far that on many days are a life line for my sanity and proper behavior…

*for an english teacher,  who a long time ago taught me the value of good grammar and made me memorize a large portion of Romans 6.  I was forever changed.

*for a great grandmother who lived a life unlike anyone else I know, and instilled in me the love of poetry, laughter, and big gaudy jewelry (a la Miss Leila).

*for the hope of Eternal Life, extravagantly purchased by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I am blessed…  after all of that there is no doubt, even if I do have to get ready for church once in a while without my partner in crime.   I finish with words from a hymn, a beautiful reminder of the true goodness and grace that flows down from the Heavenly Father to all who receive Him.

“Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”

Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of God’s unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I’m come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.