The thing about traveling with small children is there are always surprises.  Nothing happens the same way twice.  Ever.

We had already been driving 2 1/2 hours, in terrible thunderstorms, when I found myself on the north side of Nashville at 5:30 AM, in the cold, dark, rain, cleaning puke out of my sweet little baby’s car seat.  I was not shocked. Concerned, tired and grossed out – yes.  But not surprised.

It just so happens that not a lot is open at 4:30 AM central time, on New Year’s Day, in the middle of nowhere.  That is why I ended up in a very dirty gas station bathroom, with my baby, Mackenzie – changing her diaper and her clothes and cleaning her up as much as possible.   I felt terrible about the whole situation – my little girl was standing on the cold, icky floor  whimpering – and my mother’s heart was beating fast – wishing I could just blink my eyes and make all of this go away.  But instead, I had a thought.

I sang.  As I tried to get everything done as quickly as possible, I rubbed her back and sang her bed time song, the one that always calms her down.  It worked.  I felt the stress dissipate and she quieted down a bit.  Cradling her in my arms, I whispered the song in her ears, while we watched out the windows and waited for my husband to finish cleaning up the car seat… (He deserves an award for this trip, no doubt!)

Once we were back on the road, with everyone snuggled up under their blankets, my husband continued driving through the sheets of rain, strong gusts of wind and crashes of thunder and lightening.  I haven’t felt that much tension in our car in a long time, just trying to get through the storm.  My heart was racing, praying that God would protect our little car.   And in the middle of the winds and rain, I could hear it.  He sang.

Yes, I could hear the very song that I sing to Mackenzie, resonating in my ears.  Promises of hope and future, assurance of care and protection, reminders of affection and delight for us.  And it was amazing how I felt the tension dissolve into thin air, replaced with peace and calm.

Zephaniah 3:17

The LORD your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.”

This is what I realized, very early on the first morning of 2011: As much as I love my children and whisper words of love to them – even more, the Heavenly Father is with me all the time, rejoicing and singing over me.  And He isn’t just at home, or just in the church building – He really will travel the miles to be with me, protecting me, delighting in me. His word is beautiful and true – ready and available at a moment’s notice – no matter where or when I need it the most.

Thank you Heavenly Father for expressing your love for me so clearly on New Year’s Day.  Thank you for protecting my family and showing us just how much you care for us unconditionally.  What a beautiful way to start the New Year! amen.

Just a few weeks ago, not long after we had finished decorating the Christmas tree, I made a discovery in the living room.  There, about mid-way up the tree, off to the left, all of the candy canes, which originally had been spread out among the branches of the tree, were gathered onto one branch.  All nine of them.

After a few inquiries, I found my son, Isaac to be the organizer.  We had this discussion:

“Isaac, would you like to spread the candy canes back out around the tree?”

“No, mommy, that is not a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“This is how they go- all together- right here.”

“Oh. okay, then.”

And we left it at that.  But, he was right you know.

This morning around 7, I was reminded how right he was.  Standing at my kitchen window, looking out into my back yard I saw an ambulance pull up to an adjacent house, on the street behind ours.  The EMS took a stretcher into their home and they have not come back out yet…

When something like this happens, I immediately wonder, “Do they know Jesus?  Is He their peace right now?  Where have they placed their hope?”  And I have no idea, because I do not know them at all…

You probably were taught the lesson growing up, as I was :  don’t put all of your eggs in one basket.  right?  or for my purposes – don’t put all of the candy canes on one branch.  Regardless – for practical reasons, it does make some sense.  However, in matters of hope and peace, joy and love, my present state or my future, it doesn’t pan out.

Looking out my window, seeing the neighbor’s tragedy I remember – life is fleeting, pain and despair are possible. and there is only one solution. Jesus came, thousands of years ago, so that I would put all of my hope in Him.  He wants me to hang every ounce of it, every bit on Him.

Hebrews 10:22-23 “Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.”

Amid all practical earthly advice, I hope that I never forget where my hope belongs.  I guess all of the candy canes really should go on one branch.  What a great reminder from my son!

A few mornings ago, in the wee hours of the morning, my oldest, Emily came in to snuggle.  She had a bad dream and needed some comfort and a back rub.  I indulged her, of course.  I thought I might get to have a bit more shut eye, but my sweet girl was chatty.

Amid the sleepy conversation, she relived her recent birthday.  We had quite a bash; friends, family, cupcakes, games, balloons, presents and a sea of candy that we are still trying to subdue.  It was just what she had hoped for and was telling me so… and then she asked me,

“Mommy, do you think Jesus is looking forward to his birthday this year?”

She fell back asleep and I was left alone, wide awake to think. And I have to tell you, I’ve been thinking about it ever since.   How does HE want me to celebrate?

What kind of birthday party would He want me to plan? Do I do it up right?  or is He disappointed? Does He like the hustle and bustle?  Does He enjoy all of the blatant commercialism, perpetuated in His name?   I wonder if He is happy with all of the business and fast paced holiday style that ends up leaving Him as an afterthought for a few minutes on Christmas morning?

This morning, I came across a Scripture passage in our advent study, that helped me to organize my thoughts about all of this a little better.  It gave me some perspective on how He might want me to celebrate.

Luke 2: 8-20

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.”

From what I can gather, if I have any hope of doing Christmas right, it will include worshipping and praising God, following the angels lead.  I’ll spread the word to those who don’t know about His coming, like the shepherds.  And the most difficult part for me:  I’ll take time to quietly treasure Him and His goodness in my heart, the way Mary did.

From society’s perspective, that does not sound exciting, does it?  But it sounds wonderful to me…  I think He’s telling me that He wants to celebrate by spending time with those who love Him and by me sharing His love with those who don’t know Him yet.  wow.  If I could just follow this model with my own Christmas plans, our family’s holiday season would be so different.

Dear Jesus,

Help me to make this a birthday you’ll take note of – one that will show you just how much we love you.  Its my prayer that you will be blessed by the party we throw for you this year.

amen.

I’ve performed a fair amount in my time.  I have many piano recitals and competitions under my belt.    I know what it means to feel panicked, with cold, sweaty hands; It was nothing for my legs to be wobbly and my fingers could turn to jelly without a moment’s notice.   If I contemplate some of my performances from days gone by, I can feel my heart begin to pound uncontrollably.

I’m not a soloist – I mean I am, or I was.  That’s what my college degree was all about-  I earned the diploma and it says “Bachelor of Music” in “Piano Performance.”  But, to this day I do not prefer to play alone.

How did it all work out?  Well, I have a mom named Rose.  I can remember her missing only one performance when I was in high school.  And in college she came to many of them as well.   She was a rock – always calm, watching quietly.  But now I know what she was really doing.

Today, I went to my daughter, Emily’s piano recital.  She was very prepared.  I knew she was ready to play, and could play the piece well.  But, as we drove to our piano instructor’s home, I saw familiar signs.  Her stomach hurt.  Her hands were cold.  She couldn’t remember any of the song…  I thought my heart was going to start racing on her behalf.

As we pulled up the driveway, I thought to myself, “Well this is new.  What in the world do I do now that I’m the mama?  It was a miracle when I made it through my own performances… ”  And I tried to think, “What did my mom do?”

Assuming that I am truly like my mother, I did the only thing I knew to do. I did what I’m pretty sure she did all those times in the recital hall.  I prayed.  I prayed hard.  I desperately did not want Emily to have a failure, no matter how small.  Before we got out of the car, I held her little hands (trying to warm them up a bit)  and we prayed together that the Holy Spirit would guide her hands and keep her memory fit.

He did.  It was beautiful.

“And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.”  John 14:13-14

Looking back, I realize a lot of my musical successes can be attributed to the prayers of my mom.  I don’t think I would have made it through my college degree without them.  More than ever I understand a bit better just how much my prayers can change Emily’s life…  His promises are real and undeniable.  He alone deserves the glory for my own successes and my daughter’s too.

I’m so thankful for my mother’s example and hopeful I can follow in her footsteps.  Maybe Emily will be able to follow in mine someday. Like mother, like daughter.

Yesterday morning, my sweet baby, Mackenzie woke up a bit cranky.  She was crying out for me, no happy chattering – she sounded very tired.  It was the culmination of a long and busy weekend for us and I had not spent significant time with her.

When I picked her up, I looked in her face and saw a different girl.  She had changed.  As her mommy, I noticed it right away.  Her eyes were ever so slightly darker -and it seemed like her cheekbones were higher and stronger, elongating her face just a tiny bit.  The outcome – a bit less baby, a bit more little girl.

I know she can’t be a baby forever, but still, I was heartbroken for a moment.  The reality is, my children are growing and changing and truly it is a miracle. Its a gift from the Heavenly Father for me, their mama to watch it all transpire.  He must know what a joy it is to watch His own children grow.

This afternoon I’ve taken a few moments to contemplate this…

I know that He sees all; that He knows everything and that He is present at all times.  So does He see?  Does He take note of my progress?  Is it obvious to Him that my heart is changing into one of a mature believer? My heart’s desire is to bear His image.  But sometimes it feels like an impossible task.   When I wake up in the morning, calling out to Him, do I look different?  Or do I still have my baby face?

The truth is: I don’t know.  I mean, sometimes my heart is so deceived that I think my actions are sincere when they really aren’t.  Often I attempt to do things by His power, but end up snatching the task back and doing it on my own.   Is there any remedy for my sinful heart? Will I ever be more like my Heavenly Father?

While I can’t predict the exact future of how it will all take place, I do know the answer.  It is a resounding YES!  There are so many Scriptures of promise regarding my struggle, I can be sure that He is not indifferent to my insecurity.

Ps 92 1-3   It is good to praise the LORD
and make music to your name, O Most High,
proclaiming your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,

2 Cor. 3:18And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Phil. 1:5-7 … being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Phil. 2:13 …  for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

And that’s just the beginning…  Verse after verse confirms : He is a loving and faithful God, who gave us His Holy Spirit in order to conform us into His image, a glorious and spotless being – and He promises to finish what He has begun.

Heavenly Father – Thank you for continuing the work in my heart.  It is so comforting to know that You love me and have no plans to give up on me any time soon.  I can live with confidence knowing that someday this baby face of mine will be transformed and I will be made into Your likeness.  What a glorious day that will be for all who believe!

amen.

md

Tonight was the Christmas program at our church.  I played the piano for a good portion of the numbers.  Oh, did I have fun!  It seems as though the life I live these days doesn’t allow for a lot of accompanying or choral work – and those are things I used to thrive on.

I was surprised, no shocked, on the way home when my sweet husband pulled out his iphone and showed me video of me, playing “Gesu Bambino” while my friend, Gretchen sang.  I had no idea that he had captured the moments on his phone.  No idea.

I don’t remember ever watching myself play the piano.  Not recently, anyway.  As I previewed my accompanying, I was emotional.  The song had been so beautiful that I was completely enraptured while playing – it was truly a gift that I won’t forget anytime soon.

It would be easy for me, after this evening’s program, to fall into a trap that is regularly set for me by the Deceiver…  “As soon as I can find a way, I’m going to get back to the things I love – playing the piano, accompanying, performing… just as soon as I get my life back.  Just as soon as I don’t have to… change dirty diapers or teach or clean the house or laundry or taxi my kids around town or… ”   The list goes on and on.

There is no doubt, that my musical gift is a talent on loan from the Heavenly Father.  Certainly, I should use it for Him and for His glory.  I feel certain that there is nothing wrong with enjoying the ability He has given me.  But, as a believer – its not about waiting for this to be over so I can get back to my plans.  Rather, its about giving my life up altogether.  In fact its death.

As I learn to die to myself, I find His priorities in place of mine.  His will takes precedence – which leads to a life of service, a life that gives rather than receives.  For me personally that means being a stay at home mom, rather than the career I once thought I’d have as a musician. But, in choosing His plan, I have found freedom and joy on the path that He has placed in front of me. Its in dying to my own desires that I have found true life in Christ.

He set the premier example many many years ago when He came to earth as a precious baby, prepared to live sacrificially.  What a Savior…

from Jesu Bambino:

“Again the heart with rapture glows
To greet the holy night
That gave the world its Christmas Rose
Its King of Love and Light.

Let ev’ry voice acclaim His name
The grateful chorus swell
From paradise to earth He came
That we with Him might dwell.

O come let us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
Christ the Lord.”

Lord Jesus, Thank you for coming to earth.  Thank you for giving up your life, so that I could find mine.  Keep my heart focused on the blessing and peace that comes from remaining in You.

amen.

Matthew 16: 24-26

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ²⁵ For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. ²⁶ What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?