dumpster delivery

September 26, 2014 melodyanndayLeave a comment

For our fifteenth anniversary my husband rented a dumpster. This is not a bad thing; don’t think ugly thoughts about Michael. I had requested it, so he was indulging me.

The thing is – in our fifteen years together we haven’t moved in the last thirteen years. We haven’t purged closets, or the garage, or our storage areas. I mean, I’ve taken clothes and toys to good will from time to time, but I’ve never really cleaned out.

The problem is : We have collected stuff. Stuff we don’t need. Stuff we don’t want. We’ve kept broken stuff, used up stuff and stuff that we just don’t like anymore. fifteen years of stuff. And we were full to the brim.

The dumpster was delivered last Friday and all weekend we dumpstered. We sorted, piled, and organized bits and pieces of stuff to keep and after that we began pitching. All day Saturday and Sunday we threw away stuff. It was terribly hard work.

And it felt good. – We begin year sixteen of marriage free from the bondage of all that stuff!

I realized that there is nothing better than clean and organized closets. Items put in their place are refreshing and appealing, rather than overwhelming and controlling. I can’t even explain how good it feels to not be afraid or embarrassed of those closets and their contents anymore. Only the good stuff fills our storage spaces now.

So, Sunday evening when our dumpstering had come to a close I had time to think it all over. This messy situation isn’t too far from the story of my heart.

Although I am a believer, there are times when I collect my sinful fears, thoughts, emotions and desires – and I keep it all hidden in the dark places of my heart. Hard stuff, that I’d rather conceal than choose to look at and purge. Ugliness I’d rather be filled with, than confront honestly. And that’s just what the Deceiver wants me to think – that it is better and easier and more comfortable to keep it under wraps than to deal with it. That there is no true deliverance only emptiness. And there are a multitude of ungodly reasons to believe him.

But, what is the real truth? from Hebrews 12:

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

The Holy Spirit whispers to us, calls us, begs us to pull out that sin ; bring it into the light of day and then give it to the one who sacrificed enough to eliminate it permanently. Sins lurking in my heart are meant to be dealt with. I don’t have to reconcile with them – I need to get rid of them! That is His will for me : to live eyes wide open to the truth, empty of my sinful self, delivered from that sin, and filled with His goodness by His grace and mercy !

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

There’s a song I’ve heard – a prayer of deliverance. I’m moved to repentance every time I hear it.

From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me O God

From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

From the fear of serving others
From the fear of death or trial
From the fear of humility
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
No, I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

a bit of history · friends and loved ones

Fifteen!

September 25, 2014 melodyanndayLeave a comment

There are many miracles that happen daily in this world. But, today, the best miracle of all is LOVE, marked by the occasion of a 15 year anniversary.

Today Michael and I celebrate fifteen years of marriage. Fifteen years of God’s gracious favor given to us. Fifteen years of digging deep. Fifteen years of “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you.”

Any time two people can come together, and survive 15 years of that togetherness, for the sake of love – it is miraculous.

Frankly, I’m grateful he’s survived me – I wouldn’t want to live life without him – but anyone who has put up with me this long, deserves saint-hood. and that is the truth.

Happy Anniversary, my love! Here’s to another 15, and many more!

friends and loved ones

love, the answer

September 17, 2014 melodyanndayLeave a comment

There’s a small journal in my purse most days. I’ve been carrying it around with me now for the better part of 2014. because I’m forgetful. Friends tell me things, troubles and struggles and I want to sincerely pray for them. Seriously, if I don’t write it down, I can’t remember.

I don’t tell you to puff myself up or anything. No – I tell you because I took a long look at the list recently. There are answered prayers – a lot of them, and for that I am so grateful to our Heavenly Father. But then, there is a lot that remains – brokenness, hopelessness, darkness. Many sleepless nights and anxious days are represented in my little journal. It is hard for me to read what I’ve written in my journal sometimes, let alone pray, without doubting.

just being honest here.

Last night I went to a concert where the artist, Andrew Peterson, finished with one last number. And I wept thru the entire song. Actually, I ugly cried. Though I’ve heard the song many, many times, I realized something in my heart, not just my head.

Jesus, Himself – love embodied to the world – is the real and true response to every entry in my journal. Sometimes it is easier to expect simple, physical or earthly comfort as the answer. But really, at the end of every crushing blow and series of horrible events – there is Jesus. He is love eternal. And I don’t believe there is a more thorough or better answer that is promised to every prayer request ever uttered.

Friends, I give you these words. May your heart be encouraged as mine was.

After the last tear falls…

After the last tear falls, after the last secret’s told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves and the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that’s just too hard

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

After the last disgrace, after the last lie to save some face
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
After the last dirty politician, after the last meal down at the mission
After the last lonely night in prison

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is oceans and oceans of love and love again
We’ll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we’ll look back on these tears as old tales

‘Cause after the last plan fails, after the last siren wails
After the last young husband sails off to join the war
After the last, this marriage is over
After the last young girl’s innocence is stolen
After the last years of silence that won’t let a heart open

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

‘Cause after the last tear falls there is love

friends and loved ones

drive by affections

September 7, 2014 melodyanndayLeave a comment

We noticed it again this morning when we drove by, Emily and I did. And of course, we laughed. We always do when we pass it. What is it that brings on a full belly laugh?

There’s an on-ramp that we drive regularly to get onto highway 153 near our house. The cement barrier that we face, as we come full circle, has a lot of spray painted messages. Probably the most prominent, which we noticed more than a year ago, was a declaration of love:

I LOVE YOU STEPH!

That’s what it said. It wasn’t until about six months ago, it became even more noticeable when it was changed to:
I LOVED YOU STEPH!

Oh the difference that one letter made.

Emily and I have a dramatic scene we’ve imagined many times over, where the young betrayed and distraught lover sneaks out under cover of night to change his message.

And we giggle about it every time we pass it.

In the back of my mind it resonates with me, though. When it comes to loving others the way the Heavenly Father loves me, I am not steadfast in heart or mind. I am completely fickle, unreliable, just like young love can be. It is a part of the human condition, I suppose. With one passing moment, deep, solid, eternal affections are swept away by earthly joys and sorrows. I am frivolous, hopelessly possessed it seems, by the here and now.

But, here is the truth. There is a recurring theme in the Old Testament : the people of Israel would sin against God – love Him one minute, reject Him the next. And still, He loved them, faithfully reminding them of His promise : He would send an ultimate sacrifice that would show His love for them.

In Jeremiah 31, He reminds the Israelites of the steadfastness of His love again– and they are words that I too can rely on – words of His perfect, promised affection. and they are no laughing matter.

I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

Heavenly Father, I am barely able to comprehend this love you bestow. May I learn to love others with this same love I’ve received : No drive by love. No past-tense affection. Only your love, fully mine to give away.

friends and loved ones · home schooling

How to start the school year right…

September 3, 2014 melodyanndayLeave a comment

On Sunday night it hit me hard. one more day. Just one more day of summer. no more “freedom – sunshine and happiness – pool time – ice-cream – sleeping late” kinds of days. They are over. done. Only “alarm clocks to set -schedules to follow -school work to complete – never-ending schedule- gotta keep moving” kinds of days instead.

It always feels to soon when we are getting ready for the academic year to begin- summer is never long enough. Not to mention – there are three children to teach this year – and three sets of curriculum to work thru, and three checklists to check off – which does seem VERY overwhelming.

But, there are no brakes on the calendar, time marches on and we had to carry on with it. So, school officially began at our house on Tuesday.

Here’s where I normally would post photos of our first day of school, complete with smiling faces, but my computer is giving me troubles – so, unfortunately, not too many photos. I can tell you that our first day involved fresh pads of paper, newly sharpened pencils, unused erasers, shelves and shelves of books that were especially ordered for each child, and plenty of positive reinforcement. (otherwise known as : peanut butter M&M’s and starburst.)

And I had music playing: it keeps me calm+ in forward motion= two very important items for the teacher’s first day of school.

I listened to one of my favorites several times – and it was such a good reminder, keeping my emotions in check and feeling less helpless. When I heard the lyrics, I became confident: everything was under control, specifically HIS control, and I could rest. These are the best kinds of moments at the beginning of the school year – the ones where HE is at the center, my steadfast anchor.

Here are the words:

Come To Me

I am the Lord your God, I go before you now
I stand beside you, I’m all around you
Though you feel I’m far away, I’m closer than your breath
I am with you, more than you know

I am the Lord your peace, no evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind, come into My rest
Oh, let your faith arise, lift up your weary head
I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m everything
Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves
I am your steadfast, so don’t be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you, I’m your faithful strength
I am with you wherever you go

Don’t look to the right or to the left but keep your eyes on Me
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved ooh
I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way
Just come to Me, come to Me, cause I’m all that you need

a bit of history · friends and loved ones · Uncategorized

high expectations

August 25, 2014August 25, 2014 melodyanndayLeave a comment

Last weekend I spent time with my hubby. On the roof of his workshop. (almost 20 feet off the ground. gulp.) And on a ladder. up high. It wasn’t a bad thing, I suppose. But, I don’t like heights. I wasn’t expecting to conquer this particular fear, not last Saturday anyway.

Life is full of expectations that are often compromised by surprises.

What I’ve come to realize is that it is easier when lofty expectations aren’t met, or when surprises happen if they are completely surrounded and cushioned by grace and trust –

Grace to those who are full of surprises (like my sweet hubby). and trust in my Heavenly Father who is providential in every tiny detail of my life, regardless of my expectations. These two gifts, grace and trust, allow me to climb higher, experience growth and live fuller, with new perspective.

Perspectives like this one: sunset from the rooftops, with my hubby:

And these words in Ephesians 1 confirm, a life of trust in Him, in all things, is a beautiful thing:

11 In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, 12 that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory. 13 In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, 14 who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory.

friends and loved ones · Uncategorized

how July flew by…

July 29, 2014 melodyanndayLeave a comment

Friends, my family is approaching the finish line of the Marathon known as July. What an adventure, a busy, busy adventure its been!

It began with Isaac’s birthday, and continued with Michael and I making a trip to Denver. There was time spent with our french family who were visiting the states, Vacation Bible School at our church, Michael’s gig in Columbus, and a new puppy…

Don’t be fooled, there is still laundry to deal with. And suitcases to be put away and photos to go thru. But, this week, as July comes to a close, we are celebrating by chilling out.

Here are a few (totally out of order) photos of all the fun…

a bit of history · friends and loved ones

holding it together

July 18, 2014 melodyanndayLeave a comment

This is how it came to be that I really and truly began to believe, in a deeper way, that He’s there. You probably have a similar story of sorts, but this is mine:

In the spring of 2013 I was diagnosed with a rare form of lymphoma. (read: “melody’s a complete weirdo to have this kind of illness”) At one of the first appointments where I was told of the possible diagnosis, the Nurse Practitioner told me that the pathologist, who had caught the strange cell formations in my first biopsy and insisted that another be done and sent away to be reviewed by a specialist, claimed to know me. Her name was Emmi.

I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out who this Emmi was, asking people if they knew who she was, or for help guessing how she knew me. The only connection that she had mentioned to my N.P. was the piano. I finally gave up, and thought, “Someday I’ll know who it was that saved my life…” I guess I figured I’d know in Heaven.

Not long ago, (more than a year later) I was at a group piano lesson with my daughter Emily. When she finished playing and the other boy was to take a turn, he asked that we wait for his mom, she was running late, but she’d be here in a few minutes. And Emily’s teacher said, “Oh of course, we can wait for Emmi…”

And at that moment, I realized this was the connection I’d been looking for.

Breathless, I sat there. Two and two were coming together, and I could not believe what I was hearing. I was completely startled by what I heard and I could barely think. My heart and mind swirled together with emotions which eventually spilled down my cheeks on the drive home.

It was Emmi, a fellow “piano mom” who insisted to my physician that she knew who I was (even though I hadn’t remembered her name) and pushed them to have a second biopsy completed and evaluated by a leading pathologist in the field. I have often wondered what would have happened if they hadn’t determined my diagnosis.

But, God didn’t wonder, He designed every nuance of my story, all of it, in advance.

I came to realize that, indeed, He isn’t just present, aloof, sitting by idly. Through His providence and power, He is perfectly holding all of the pieces of His Great story in place. His hands hold my world together.

When I read these words later, they seemed so new and real:

Colossians 1:17 He himself is before all things and all things are held together in him.

What comfort to know that every detail, no matter how far beyond my control, was planned and prepared by Him before the world began, even this small little thing of a woman who would help to save my life.

Thank you, Heavenly Father.

a bit of history · friends and loved ones

Laughter, my son

July 6, 2014 melodyannday1 Comment

It wasn’t funny when we arrived at the hospital on July 6, 2006. There was a bit of anxiety hanging in the little room where we waited. The baby boy needed to come today, the doctor had decided.

And when the nurse came to tell us, I’d have to stay in that same room to be induced, a room which was fully equipped, but felt more like a closet, no one chuckled.

From start to finish, four hours and forty minutes which were a roller coaster of feelings and emotions; I did not giggle.

When it was time, and the nurse called for the doctor because we knew IT WAS TIME, he came in and said, “There’s no way its time. That baby hasn’t even dropped yet.”

But, with two quick pushes, Isaac surprised us all. There was my healthy baby boy. Peace and joy, with fresh-baby-sweetness were all rolled up in that bundle. I remember in those moments how we all laughed.

And he hasn’t stopped making us laugh since.

With a tender heart and a contagious smile, you’ve brought so much joy to us. I’m glad God gave you to our family!

We love you, Isaac! happy eighth birthday!

a bit of history · friends and loved ones

a list: things I loved about my trip to Canada

June 29, 2014July 1, 2014 melodyanndayLeave a comment

I’ve been away from home for a few days, visiting my grandparents in Strathroy, Ontario. Because I lived there as a child and I don’t always remember things as they actually were, I’m always surprised when I visit: These old stomping grounds still hold a piece of my heart. Anyway – I really enjoyed my time up north and thought I’d share a list about my trip…

10. I like crossing the border, especially when the wait with customs isn’t too long. It’s sort of magical – it feels different the minute you step over. Yes, Canada and the U.S. are two very different places.

9. The biscuits. I LOVE Peek Freans. There are lots of different types of cookies to have with your tea – but there is nothing better than these.

8. My Grandparents: I rarely see them. This time I was alone, without my hubby and kiddos, so I was able to spend a little time with them undistracted. And that was special.

7. Mark and Amy. My cousin and his wife are way above par when it comes to hospitality – and I got to stay two nights with them. Vitamix smoothies in the morning and mojitos with fresh mint in the evenings, and lots of good conversation and laughter in between! (this is a photo of me and Amy… sorry, Mark! forgot to snap your photo!)

6. The cream buns. This is extra special and will probably get its own separate blog post, but – Amy, who has taken the time to learn how to make Grandma’s Cream buns, taught me how to make them this week. And I can’t wait to make them on my own at home for a special occasion.

5. These guys. I got to be with my parents. I haven’t had this much time, just me and my folks, in a really long time – and it was amazing to get to be together. My heart needed that.

4. My extended Brubacher family. I love who I am and where I come from ; these Brubachers are a part of me. We are big and loud – and being together is so much fun. I was able to connect with so many people that I love and it was wonderful! (This photo is all of the cousins with their spouses – some of my favorite people on the planet are in this photo. Only my sister, my cousins Ang, Dave and their spouses are missing, oh, and Michael.)

3. Grandma, Celebrating 90. Living far away I rarely get to be there for the little things, let alone the big deals. I’m so grateful I was able to be there for my Grandma’s birthday celebration. It was a very special day.

2. And there’s this. I presented the completed, printed and published family cookbook to Grandma, which is dedicated to her. What a broad spectrum of emotions! I was beyond elated to share it with everyone, completely relieved that we had delivered such a beautiful book, but, a tiny bit sad because my partner in crime, Ang, couldn’t be there to celebrate.