On Friday morning when my kiddos and I were picking up breakfast at Chick fil a, I happened to see something in the drive-thru line that took me back in my memory probably 23 years.   What was it?   It was a Honda Odyssey, with a really large extension ladder strapped to the roof.  In the back we could see tools and supplies.  The man driving was clearly planning to do some construction work.

With one glance at that van, I was 16 again, standing in the driveway with my dad.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I didn’t have my orange  ’69 pinto yet, and so I depended on my parents’ vehicles to get me where I needed to go.  At the time, my dad was self employed doing a wide variety of small construction projects for people.

Unfortunately, at 16 I did not care one iota that my dad was working hard to provide for us.   In my tiny, selfish teenager world, all I cared about was, well, me.   And so, there in the driveway, I was begging my dad to please unload the back of his station wagon of all of his tools and supplies so that I didn’t have to carry them around town with me.  Obviously, driving a car with tools in the back was humiliating.  But, my dad didn’t unload the car.  He said to me with a bit of frustration, “Melody, It’s my work car!”  and he went inside.

That was it.  He offered no explanation, and I didn’t deserve one.  That day I had to drive my dad’s work car in all of it’s glory.  But, I wasn’t nice about it.  My focus was on me and my reputation instead of the bigger picture.

That year when my dad had found himself between pastoral positions, he worked so hard to provide for us.  Long, grueling hours of back-breaking work.  He was helping people, sometimes senior citizens, or others who might not be able to afford a “big-time” contractor to do the work.  What he was doing was good.  What he was doing was very valuable.  It was my expectation that was inappropriate  in the situation.

As an adult, I find myself  still living life this way.  I let His world and His will shrink to insignificant status, and I let my own desires get enormous.  Simply – when the Heavenly Father doesn’t answer a request the way I think He should, I question His goodness.  If He is not doing things my way, I question: Is He still good?  What if I’m embarrassed by His response to my request?

Sometimes I’m not privy to His entire big picture.  But that doesn’t matter – and He isn’t obligated to me.  What is required is my faith in Him.   I can be absolutely confident, my Heavenly Father is always doing good, bringing His Great Story to pass in the World.  That may not be the same as me getting my way. But He is always at work, and it is always right, just and perfect.

That was its name.  It was gawdy orange with black leather interior.  Yes, my first car was an orange 69 Ford Pinto.  It did not have power steering or power brakes or a working radio.  But it did have a horn that sounded like a tug boat’s.  I drove it with pride. sometimes.

I remember the day my dad pulled up in front of the house in my new ride.  I had just passed the test and had my license. finally.  He had told my sister and I that he had found the perfect little car for us at a family friend’s used car lot.  We were ecstatic! What would it be?  A little honda, a cute mazda? Maybe a super fun volkswagon?

I’ll never forget the look on my dad’s face when he pulled into the driveway.  or my sister’s.

From my parents’ perspective there were good things about a bright orange 69 Ford Pinto.    We couldn’t go fast;  pedal to the metal and the car was going 45.  maybe.  We couldn’t hide or sneak around town; no one misses an orange pinto, I promise you.  We couldn’t leave the city limits; the car was just not reliable enough.  Keep in mind that my home town of Bowling Green, Ohio might have been four square miles.

I remember calling my dad for assistance one day.  My muffler had fallen off.  I had picked it up from the side of the road and brought it home.  Dad reattached it with a hanger and some sort of adhesive.  nice.  I think we repeated this particular pattern several times.

From my perspective there were terrible things about the car.  We couldn’t go fast ; pedal to the metal and the car was going 45.  maybe.  We couldn’t hide or sneak around town; no one misses an orange pinto, I promise you. We couldn’t leave the city limits; the car was just not reliable enough.  Keep in mind that my home town might have been four square miles.   hmmmmmm…..   sound familiar?

Well, did I learn to drive?  Yes.  Did I have little fender benders in my parents’ nicer vehicles?  No.  Did I grow a thick skin because of my friends’ teasing?  For sure.  Am I stronger now because of it? Absolutely.   Can I see now that this was the best little car for me at the time?  Yes.  Was it hard to understand way back then?  You better believe it.

The very things I found detrimental, it turned out they were for my good.

After all this time, I’m still learning this lesson.  There are things in my life that I’m not sure I like.  Not sin, not moral dilemmas – just situations, stuff.  And I look at my Heavenly Father and say, “Why?  I do not understand this!”  From His perspective there is definite purpose.  But my point of view is clouded at best.

It’s in these moments of questions and insecurity that I have to look at Him and say, “Okay.  I trust You.  I don’t get it.  But, I’m okay with it.”  In this case, that is all I know to do.   If my dad, who loved me so much, did what he knew was best in giving me my first car…  how much more is the Heavenly Father going to take care of things?

In Romans 8 :28 (along with many other places in Scripture) He promises that at the heart of his plan His will is for my good:

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Thank you Heavenly Father for your constant care and protection.  Even when I don’t get it, when I lack understanding, You’ve already planned it all.  It’s so good to know you are a loving Father, prepared to give me what is best.  Amen.

From Luke 12:  “Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life^[b]? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”

(originally written on February 23, 2011.)

It wasn’t that long ago, (and I’ve been thinking about it ever since) that we saw a group of women at the park where my children play.  They were a group of women, brought to the park in a white van, who were fulfilling community service to the county. Wearing fluorescent vests while cleaning, picking up trash and the like.

One young woman, with her head hung low, walked past us and as she did, I caught a glimpse of writing that read:

I AM A DRUNK DRIVER.

Ah.

No longer does the brightly colored vest bring enough humiliation.  There must be more shame in big black letters.

And I’ve thought about her and how much we are a like.

Okay, I’m not a drunk driver.  But, I’ve got a long list of past sins and failures.  The only difference is that no one is expecting me to announce them, engraved on the back of a loudly colored vest.

greedy. dishonest. selfish. ungrateful. discontent. controlling. unloving. unkind. unjust.   oh, my list is long.

While I’m very familiar with my shortcomings, there’s one thing I’m acquainted with even more.   These words I do wear:

I AM FORGIVEN.

I don’t have to own that sinful pedigree which is rightfully mine.  Regardless of how often I come up short, no matter how unable I am to live a righteous and holy life in my own strength:  My Heavenly Father forgives.  And He gives to me the righteousness of His son, Jesus.   No humiliation or shaming required.

from Colossians 1:

18 And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent.19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.  21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, 22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,

 

Thank you, Jesus.  You are the giver of life, love and forgiveness. By your sacrifice You have set me free.  You have removed my vest of shame and clothed me in your righteousness.  I am grateful for such mercy.

amen.