Oh Beautiful Winter, how I love you!  

You know, under all that fluffy, white snow is dead grass.  Beneath all of the cold, not much can thrive. This is a time of hibernation and many living things are in deep sleep.  

and yet, there is a true beauty.

As I look on, a lady- in-waiting, I know there is new life coming.  He has promised it is so.

There are times I find my heart mid-winter.  It would be a bleak winter if I didn’t know His truth.  There are seasons when the old needs to die, so that something new can be birthed. Often death must happen for that something new to fully bloom in my heart.  

I find refreshment, here, in this wintry place of peace and quiet – because I believe His promise of spring.

So, it came down to this:  He thought we would leave him alone.

That was the reason for all of Isaac’s wailing and tears and crying and coming out of his room over and over again, even when the clock said it was way passed his bed time.    My Isaac, my sweet, sweet boy would not be consoled.  Not by my hugs and kisses, or my words…  nothing. worked.

Just that afternoon he’d been swinging at his Grandmama’s without a care in the world.  And now?  Fears terrorized his heart without a way of stopping, it seemed.

It was late at this point.  very late.  We were planning to leave at 4 in the morning to head north to Nanny and Papa’s house.  But there was no rest for this weary, worry-worn little boy.  And no sleep for any of us.

I held him in my lap on the floor of his room, my arms around him tight, and I said, “Isaac I would never load up the car and go away and leave you here.  Never.  I promise.”  And he nodded, but his whole body shook, quite terrified.  “But what if I don’t hear you call when it is time to go?  What if I stay asleep?”  I promised him over and over, that it wouldn’t work out that way.  That I love him too much to leave him alone.

But it can be hard to believe the truth when you’re in the full swing of fear…

As I pulled him close a little longer, trying to steady his furiously pounding heart, I realized that there were stretches of 2013,  when I was pushed to and fro in unbelief…

Christmas time is when we remember that Jesus was sent to us as a gift; He arrived on this earth in response to the prophecies of the Old Testament – and we sing carols that rehearse, “Emmanuel, God with us”  and how He came so long ago. We say, “Even so come, Lord Jesus”

Really, in my heart I say it like my boy, begging like I’m afraid He’s forgotten me altogether : Like this whole world is lurching forward into the gloom and darkness and my Heavenly Father is breaking his promise, completely forgetting all about us…   “Don’t forget me!  Don’t forget me!  Please!”

But, as I let my cheek rest against my boy’s and snuggle him as close as I could, the truth of my Heavenly Father’s love warmed my heart and slowed us both to a calm.  What can be done but learn from my own son’s mistaken thoughts and recall God’s love?  He has not forgotten me or left me alone. His plan is sure, I just don’t quite understand it sometimes, the same way that Isaac is too immature to fully understand my love for him.

Deuteronomy 7 gives a wonderful and steadfast promise:

⁹ Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.

Well, true to my word, we got up early at 4:30 the next morning.  I woke Isaac and Emily and Mackenzie – and we loaded up the van and headed north.  You know, as a parent I am totally fallible and able to break my promises to my children.  But God’s love is unfathomable, immeasurable, completely trustworthy – and He can’t lie or break His Word.  He is with me even now, by the unbroken promise of the Holy Spirit’s presence.  I only need to live by faith in His love for me.

This is the truth that keeps me secure : The sureness of His love is my stay. I have not been left alone.

Word in the Farmer’s Almanac is that we’re going to have a pretty cold, even snowy winter.  I’m not really sure what that means for Chattanooga, TN – but my children are pumped.

Because my children have visited winter in Grand Rapids, Michigan every year, they seem to think they know and understand what it is.  And they want a bigger piece of the action, here at home.  I wouldn’t mind it either.  Sledding, snowballs, and frigid temperatures that require significant amounts of hot chocolate.  No, I wouldn’t mind a good bit of snow at all this time around.

There is something unexpectedly refreshing and calming about tiny, perfect, white, icicle wonders falling from the sky.  Every time I look out the window and see little flakes drifting down, creating a fluffy blanket, I am quieted.  It is unusual, I know, but still, I am hopeful for such a winter snow, many times over this season.

Really, I could use some serious quiet right now, after a noisy, clamoring time of anxiety, stress and craziness.  Especially in this season, the hushed life is welcome in my home.

I’ve been reflecting on all of this, and remembering a song called, “Winter Snow” – and these are the words, full of meaning for me this year:

Its the first day of Advent.

My year has been a crazy one.  I feel like I’ve lost track of whole months.  And truthfully, the Advent Season, December and  Christmastime has snuck up on me like a gigantic flashing neon sign. Despite its obvious place on the calendar, I find myself completely unprepared.  December’s days are packed, with events and gatherings,  shopping and baking.

I’ve been dreading the possibility of sitting by my tree the day after Christmas, realizing it is all over, a really blurry memory that I didn’t even have time to take it in. And this thought leaves my cold, almost lifeless.

But, here’s what happened yesterday.  and again today.  I decided to NOT put up all the Christmas decorations.  not yet.  Yesterday would have normally been the perfect day for it, but I opted out. I was searching for a way that my head and heart could catch up with the calendar.

And this is what I did.  I got out my nativity scene. It was the only decoration I wanted to see.

Sitting here in my living room, looking at the figurine of Mary holding the baby Jesus, there is a warmth that surrounds me and fills me.  This is the only true reason to celebrate Christmas:  Jesus, the hope of all mankind, took on a cloak of human flesh, fulfilling prophecies and bringing promise for the nations.

Here, with the lights low, sitting in my rocking chair, I’m reminded of the greatest gift to earth.  Wrapped in a blanket, held in His mother arms, I rehearse just a few of the wonderful things he brought to us : peace, joy, love, forgiveness, mercy and so much more.   As I focus my heart on Him, I realize I have all I need to make my Christmastime complete.    My heart slows, my mind clears and I find Him at the center.

This is what I need.  This is all I need.

What an amazing way to begin the Advent season!  Jesus first.

amen.