Hit the rewind button with me… back to the moment, just before I

got the text from him, “flu type A positive”

and before I drove all five of us in our unusually quiet mini van, half asleep to the doctor’s express clinic

and before saying, “brush teeth, get your shoes and your coats on it is COLD outside this morning,”

prior to rubbing peppermint and coconut oils with “On Guard” all over the soles of my little people’s feet,

and we stripped off our jammies and put on our clothes much earlier than normal,

and the quick juice and frozen waffles and a few bites of banana and maybe some yogurt for everyone’s breakfast

before the hot shower, and the scrubbing clean,

before reading the temp 102.8

and before hearing his cough sounding ugly,

and right before my feet touched the floor, there was that moment.

That moment where anxiety pinched me.  hard.  and I winced.

after all, “what if…?” (it is the question I’m good at asking myself until I’m half crazy)

And there I laid still waiting, because fear likes to hold me hostage sometimes.

But there – in those breathless seconds He spoke peace.  Blessings of peace and calm to my very soul, because He knows me well.  He whispered, “My child, you are going where I’ve already made the way plain.  You and your family belong to me.  Healing comes from my hand, and whatever comes I will care for you and your dear ones.”

These are the true blessings of life.  Not material wealth or contentment from great gain, or happiness with self-serving circumstances.  No – at this early morning hour I was reminded that the true blessings are the gifts that He gives to me so that I’ll scoot right up close to Him.  In those blessings I find Him anew; all that He is and all that He has promised.

That humbling moment, when He said, “Let’s do everything together today.”

I find myself blessed by the Creator of the Universe.

md

Her name was Faithful.  Faithful Angel.  A lovely and delicate, glowing china figurine, she illuminated the darkness of our bedroom at night, sitting on the small table between our two beds.  Faithfully.  Mercifully.  She kept the fears of two little girls at bay each night.  We adored her.

Each evening as the sun drifted below the horizon, she gently lit the passage way to peaceful slumber. Days and weeks passed and it became apparent we could not go to sleep without her.  Our precious, twinkling night-light had become a necessity.  No more sleeping in strange and unfamiliar dark rooms for us. Vacations, trips to visit family, moves to new houses – Faithful Angel was packed up carefully and transported along with the rest of our belongings. always.

And then there was the fateful day.  I don’t recall how it all came about.  I just remember sadness. terrible sadness. Faithful Angel fell to the floor from the bed side table and her little angel body broke into pieces. Great big tears slipped down the cheeks of two devastated little girls.  My sister and I did not know what to do without her.  Certainly there would be no rest.

unless…

My mother, the Operating Room nurse, used her vast array of skills to do surgery on our precious angel.  She put Faithful back together again, carefully, with a steady hand. By bedtime, there Faithful Angel sat between the heads of our beds, in one piece.  It seems like she had a new hole in the top of her head as a result of the trauma, but she still worked quite well.  Thank goodness for the warm glow of our Faithful Angel.

How little did I know back then!  It was just a foretaste of adulthood for me.  Continually, days and nights pass, darkness and light – and now, more than ever I am grateful for The Light that accompanies me on this journey.  My Savior, Jesus, the light of the world, the morning star;  He is my companion when I walk through the shadows of night.  His light brings comfort and peace, sweetly shining for all who call Him Lord.  And the deeper the darkness, the brighter His light shines.

from John 8:

¹² Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

His words remind me of a hymn we used to sing in sunday school:

The Light of the World is Jesus

The whole world was lost
In the darkness of sin,
The Light of the world is Jesus!
Like sunshine at noonday,
His glory shone in.
The Light of the world is Jesus!

Come to the light, ’tis shining for thee;
Sweetly the light has dawned upon me.
Once I was blind, but now I can see:
The Light of the world is Jesus!

No darkness have we
Who in Jesus abide;
The Light of the world is Jesus!
We walk in the light
When we follow our Guide!
The Light of the world is Jesus!

Heavenly Father, Thank you for this blessed gift of light, in the life of your son Jesus.  How faithfully He shines for all who are walking this dark earth.  May I never walk without Him! amen.

This post is dedicated to my mom, Rose Young, who taught me to look for the true Light of the World, Jesus Christ.  Thank you, mom.  

My mom, A.K.A “Nanny,” with my three children, Mackenzie, Isaac and Emily.  9/26/11

Its the day after a trip to Vanderbilt.  It has been a week packed with activity, so I’m happy to sit down and prop my feet up with a cup of tea while I write for a few moments.

Its New Country Roses, the china pattern, that is, my new cup I’m sipping from.  and it is pink.  with lovely roses and gold gilds the edges of the cup and saucer.  It is a new gift from my husband, with a promise attached.

Eleven months ago we began a pretty daunting journey.  And I’ll tell you the truth here:  I wasn’t sure I could make it.  I didn’t know God’s plan.  There are days now when I’m sure I do, and days when I’m convinced I don’t.  One thing I do know?  This journey has kept me humbly relying on the Lord.

Yesterday we stopped at the mall to stretch our legs before we headed home.  And I kept saying to Michael, “I need a marker for today.- something that says we made it!  The first leg of the journey is done!”  That’s not to say we don’t have a hundred more roads to go, it just means we’ve made it this far.  And I need to take notice, for the days when I forget how far we’ve come.

So, while I was staring at the sale rack of Tommy Hilfiger shirts from last season, Michael texted me to come to the home department.  He said he had selected a marker for me. Of course, I didn’t know if he was joking or not, because that’s just how Michael is.  I had no idea what to expect.

You know this about me, maybe:  I collect tea cups with their saucers from family and friends.  Kind of like a hall of fame in my kitchen.  Women who have gone on before me – who have done amazing things, mostly unnoticed, serving their families, their churches, their communities and best of all, Jesus.  One special set is my own Grandma Brubacher’s – the pattern, Old Country Roses.

Anyway, there he stood by the display – Old Country roses, scattered around with the New Country Roses in between.  I swallowed back my tears, because of course I understood right away.    He had chosen a marker.  The perfect reminder:  Not only have we made it, there is much more grace for the coming journey, for every need.  It is the perfect cup to add to my collection.

I’m grateful to the point of bursting for all that the Heavenly Father continues to do in my heart.  May His love and mercy overflow to every part of my life – and maybe even splash onto yours!  That is my prayer for this coming year!

*     *     *     *     *      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Okay, friends!  Here is the update for you on the situation as I know it:

Yesterday we saw my doctor at Vanderbilt.  He was very positive about the general prospect of how well my lesions are healing and about my prognosis.  I was bummed to find out I need to complete another round of steroid treatments for eight weeks.  They generally just leave me in a bit of a fog.   But, after that, if everything looks fairly good, I don’t need to back to see him for another year.

My next appointment is next January.

Of course, there is always this problem that I can get more spots at any time, and there’s no secure preventative treatment at this point.  But, for now, all is well and there do not appear to be any more spots brewing.

I would only ask that you pray that my two current smaller persistent spots respond to this treatment.  And that my fog and skin discomfort will be minimal.

Thank you my dear friends!  You give me so much courage.  I take heart knowing so many loved ones are praying for me!

love, Melody.