letting go

“Let’s bake cookies, you know the oatmeal chocolate chip ones? Those are my favorite.  and we can take them to the pool on Friday to share. and lemonade – let’s make lemonade too.” That’s what she said yesterday when we were talking about our week and making a few plans.

I was a bit proud.

There’s one thing I know for sure: I’ve been baking cookies to share ever since she can remember.  It is as normal as laundry or cleaning around here and it shows in her idea.  My girl is starting to think like me.

So, we set out to bake together tonight.  And I found myself huddled with her around the mixer.  Trying desperately to let her navigate, I kept giving unnecessary instruction.  She’s been with me long enough to know how to bake cookies.

But, I’m not good at letting go.    I have this unreasonable expectation of perfection in the kitchen;  cookies should turn out a very certain way…

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I’m sitting here waiting for the cookies to cool and I’m reminded of Scripture from Deuteronomy 11.

18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

You know, I’ve read this over and over this evening. While the Lord is asking for obedience from His people – He isn’t saying, “Look here, teach your children all of this, and they will go do it perfectly on the first try.”

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A few weeks ago my girl went thru assessment testing.  I was a little nervous about what her scores would be.  For the most part I’ve been her only teacher here at home, overseeing all of her education.  Are we on track?  Are we behind?  Have I done a worthwhile job?  All of these questions would haunt me when I was trying to fall asleep at night…

Well, the time came and I sent her into the testing – she had to go it alone and come up with the answers (obviously).  No help from me, other than what I had taught her over the last eight years.

Here’s the thing:  we got her scores today and she is absolutely on track – even ahead on several subjects.  I would like you to think it is because she’s had a fantastic teacher.  But it isn’t. Faithfully we did the work, learning each step of the way.  And when it was time she was successful.   Was it perfect?  Nope- we have some work to do.  But, that’s okay!

As I see  my girl grow into a young adult, who makes good choices, who thinks clearly even when it is difficult and who loves Jesus- I can see that He is working in her.  Maybe that’s partly because we’ve tried to be obedient to settle His words in her heart… or maybe it is because He is having mercy on us.

Sin and mistakes and poor decisions are probably in her future – I know they are a part of my growing up.  But, I’m confident that she belongs to Him.  And I can see that it might be okay to let go just a little bit, let her spread her wings, do things on her own- baking or test taking or any other number of things –  and become the young woman He is creating.