crossing borders

As a young child my family lived for a time in London, Ontario.  I was an American Canadian – or maybe a Canadian American – I’m not sure – but regardless, I lived with my American dad and Canadian mum there in London.  Even after we moved back to the states, traveling back and forth across the border was a normal occurrence for us – no biggie.

I do remember, however, one trip pretty clearly.  It was, shall we say, memorable.

Mum and us girls were traveling together to visit family.  We pulled up to the little booth where the border agent sat.  He asked to see our paper work.  And that was when it happened.  My Mum handed  him the wrong green card for herself – which resulted in being held over at the border for quite some time.  While another customs officer asked my dear Mum the same questions over and over again, for which she had no answer, we thought for sure we’d never make it to our destination.  That one loan agent had the power to keep us out.

Eventually we were sent on our way.   whew.

So, you’ll understand why I struggled to identify with a newer contemporary songs that makes the request, “Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders…”  The first several times I heard it, I just could not relate.  “What does it mean?” I’d question – and  I could not sing it because I did not understand what I was asking.

A few weeks ago, I finally got it.

In a moment of crisis, I found myself praying for one of my children, and I’ll be honest with you – I was praying for my will.  I knew what was best – I’ve been planning it out since they were born.  period.   And that’s when I understood (because He whispered it to me…)  “I can not answer these prayers for your loved one; you’ve created all these walls of expectations and demands.”       Meaning:  If you’d trust ME, you would be able to follow me freely, and surrender your will to mine.

I had been thinking of borders as lines that define by keeping the unwanted out.  But really, in this case, the song was talking about setting something free by removing such boundaries.     Oh if I could really believe this :  Jesus is not a Savior I should keep on the outside of my own will and my human expectations!   Truly, He is the Savior who died to knock down all of my prideful, selfish notions – even wipe them out completely- in order that I would trust Him fully, only.

So, I asked Him :  Cross all borders into my heart. Lead me to a new place of rest and trust and  freedom.

I believe it may be happening.  But, I’ve been reading words like these to remind me to trust the work He is doing in my heart.

from Psalm 37: