Tomorrow’s the day we drive to Vanderbilt. Just like last year. I suppose we’ll go again next year too. It’s time for a check up.
My attitude towards “my lymphoma” (I call it that in order to own it, I guess) has changed a lot since I was diagnosed two years ago. Initially I felt like it was consuming me, maybe like it was going to swallow me whole. But, once I finished the previous round of treatment last spring, I let it all sort of drift into oblivion. I didn’t think about it very often, except to try to maintain a healthy lifestyle, which is beneficial for my immune system. Even after switching to a new physician and seeing him as well as a nutritionist regularly to help me with getting healthy, “my lymphoma” was really in my periphery. Nothing to think over too much.
Except now.
I will visit the physician at Vanderbilt who specializes in the kind of lymphoma I have. We’ll chat. He’ll do a body scan under this special light probably and all the interns will come in and ooh and aahh over me and the fact that I’m an anomaly. Yep. freak show.
And at the end of the appointment I find out what’s next.
Except I already know.
Well, not in a medical sense. In fact, I’m a tiny bit concerned that there is a new lesion forming. So, who knows what will happen? But, I can tell you what will happen once I leave.
I’ll shed a few tears for the sheer emotion of it all, relieved that it is over, and content that I can mostly go back to my normal, maybe a few weeks of treatment, or maybe not.
But, I will choose to acknowledge what a gift this appointment is.
You see, every year I have the privilege to examine my life by means of this trip to Vanderbilt. I have the opportunity to view my life thru a different lens. When I come to grips with the reality that my tomorrows are truly counted out by His hand, it changes how I take on the day. He is in control, and I am not. I can be fully at rest in His hand, relying on his supreme goodness.
But next to this knowledge, there’s this: Each year I get to recalibrate. This trip helps me focus- deciding what in my life is a priority and what is not. I’m faced with the fact that I don’t know how many more years there are in my journey. The reminder is invaluable.
But truly, isn’t that the reality for all of us? I suppose the only difference is that I’m reminded more poignantly than some.
Heavenly Father, I’m grateful for this yearly adjustment. Keep my heart and mind focused on You and your Goodness. Let me praise you more and more all year long! amen.
daily portion 