I’m sitting here typing at my kitchen table, breakfast dishes littered here and there, half -done coloring pages (courtesy of mackenzie), medicine bottles scattered around, and clorox wipes… And of course, in the very middle of it all, is my wooden centerpiece of Jesus carrying the cross.
It is March 31 and we are almost halfway thru Lent, to the Resurrection.
I’ve not written in a week. Mostly because I’ve been unable – due to the most ungodly, disgusting, wretched stomach bug I’ve ever met. And between myself and my kiddos, my house and my life in general feel completely out of sorts. But, at least I finally have a few coherent words to put together today.
When I was talking to the Lord early this morning, I had a few things to say. I told Him how I felt about all of it. You see, I was angry. For many reasons, too many to mention here, this stomach bug has been awful to bear and also terribly inconvenient, in this space on our calendar. Now my personal agenda is all messed up.
Why should we have to deal with so much? *arms folded across chest*
And when I was done, I sat there knowing I needed to change my selfish, faithless thinking. My heart needed to regroup. But how?
As I sit here now, staring at Jesus holding the cross, the one only He could carry, I’m terribly embarrassed. A picture of sorrow and sacrifice boldly looking me in the face. And I realize I know nothing about suffering.
My heart’s reversal came as I read this just now: Jesus is praying in the Garden –
Luke 22: 41-44 He walked away, about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened Him. He prayed more fervently, and He was in such agony of spirit that His sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood.
Jesus’ example of surrender to the Father’s will is amazing to me. Such a severe future – and yet, he prayed and was strengthened.
I gaze at the image of Jesus and his cross a bit longer. It’s not that His surrender was without struggle or cost. No, indeed He suffered a tragic and horrific death. But, with the price He paid, He purchased a gift. His resurrection brought about eternal life for all. This gift is the robust hope that we have, by grace; through each of our own struggles and pains, we know that there is hope : Hope of God’s Kingdom coming to earth. Hope of God’s love surpassing all of our trials. Hope that death is ended…
Thinking about my current trials and suffering, they seem so mild and insignificant compared to His.
My heart finds peace in this knowledge: His will in my life is to bring all of the bits and pieces of my story into His complete story – Once I understand this, I realize whatever happens, my surrender to His will brings surreal comfort and peace. And truly – I cannot regret the situation I find myself in, but rather grateful that I’m able to be hopeful in Him.
daily portion 