So, it came down to this: He thought we would leave him alone.
That was the reason for all of Isaac’s wailing and tears and crying and coming out of his room over and over again, even when the clock said it was way passed his bed time. My Isaac, my sweet, sweet boy would not be consoled. Not by my hugs and kisses, or my words… nothing. worked.
Just that afternoon he’d been swinging at his Grandmama’s without a care in the world. And now? Fears terrorized his heart without a way of stopping, it seemed.
It was late at this point. very late. We were planning to leave at 4 in the morning to head north to Nanny and Papa’s house. But there was no rest for this weary, worry-worn little boy. And no sleep for any of us.
I held him in my lap on the floor of his room, my arms around him tight, and I said, “Isaac I would never load up the car and go away and leave you here. Never. I promise.” And he nodded, but his whole body shook, quite terrified. “But what if I don’t hear you call when it is time to go? What if I stay asleep?” I promised him over and over, that it wouldn’t work out that way. That I love him too much to leave him alone.
But it can be hard to believe the truth when you’re in the full swing of fear…
As I pulled him close a little longer, trying to steady his furiously pounding heart, I realized that there were stretches of 2013, when I was pushed to and fro in unbelief…
Christmas time is when we remember that Jesus was sent to us as a gift; He arrived on this earth in response to the prophecies of the Old Testament – and we sing carols that rehearse, “Emmanuel, God with us” and how He came so long ago. We say, “Even so come, Lord Jesus”
Really, in my heart I say it like my boy, begging like I’m afraid He’s forgotten me altogether : Like this whole world is lurching forward into the gloom and darkness and my Heavenly Father is breaking his promise, completely forgetting all about us… “Don’t forget me! Don’t forget me! Please!”
But, as I let my cheek rest against my boy’s and snuggle him as close as I could, the truth of my Heavenly Father’s love warmed my heart and slowed us both to a calm. What can be done but learn from my own son’s mistaken thoughts and recall God’s love? He has not forgotten me or left me alone. His plan is sure, I just don’t quite understand it sometimes, the same way that Isaac is too immature to fully understand my love for him.
Deuteronomy 7 gives a wonderful and steadfast promise:
9 Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.
Well, true to my word, we got up early at 4:30 the next morning. I woke Isaac and Emily and Mackenzie – and we loaded up the van and headed north. You know, as a parent I am totally fallible and able to break my promises to my children. But God’s love is unfathomable, immeasurable, completely trustworthy – and He can’t lie or break His Word. He is with me even now, by the unbroken promise of the Holy Spirit’s presence. I only need to live by faith in His love for me.
This is the truth that keeps me secure : The sureness of His love is my stay. I have not been left alone.
daily portion 