I wrote this a few years ago, but what a good reminder for me today…
Yesterday was the final hurrah of 2010 for my piano students. We had a Christmas Recital/Carol Sing-a-long and Cookie party -and it was fabulous. I won’t see most of them again until lessons resume in 2011. I was so proud of each of them and the evening couldn’t have gone better.
I didn’t feel that way about things earlier in the day though. As my morning passed by, I began to panic. Things weren’t coming together the way I had hoped. I couldn’t find the centerpiece I was planning to use. My table cloths were ugly. My children weren’t cooperating, so I was running behind. As I began teaching, I realized I had planned the program wrong and the songs weren’t going to be in the exact order I wanted. The list goes on and on and on. I remember thinking to myself, “Oh great! Now its not going to be perfect! ”
Therein is my problem. I am a perfectionist. A lot of times it doesn’t show – many times I can ignore it. But if I think something will hurt how people perceive me, well then my desire for “spotless and without flaw” takes over. I have a product to sell – its myself – and I need to be perfect, don’t I? Life is, after all about perception, right?
As soon as I finished my lament over the imperfections, I heard a small voice say, “Well, it wasn’t going to be perfect anyway you know.” I was humbled. Even at my very best I know in my heart of hearts its never going to be flawless. And further – I know none of it is where I will find life. Still there are days I find myself selling hard, hoping people will buy into believing the best about me.
Back to the reality of last evening ; as the day rolled on I found myself praying, asking God, “Please help me to let it go. Let me stop worrying about how people see me. Give these families a wonderful Christmas celebration this evening and let our focus be on your Son and His great sacrifice!” It happened. I died. Well, the saleswoman in me did.
It didn’t matter if some people couldn’t get their songs memorized all the way. If the right centerpiece wasn’t on the table, it was still beautiful. When the violins sounded a bit different than I expected, it was still wonderful. Does it mean I didn’t hope for the best? No, it just meant I could let go, knowing that it all belonged to Him.
You may be asking, didn’t you just learn this lesson a few weeks ago? Probably. But last night, the meaning of it came over me differently. I didn’t feel the need to make a pitch to any perspective buyers this morning…and for now that is a good start!
Some thoughts about it from Romans 6:
For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.
amen.
(originally written December 2010)
daily portion 