backing out

There we sat chatting, my friend and I, in my living room, enjoying our visit.  Never noticing…

I take that back. I noticed a sign, something smelled burnt, like a candle had been blown out.  But, that’s not unusual at my house.

And then there was my baby girl daughter who came over to me to say the table cloth was sticky… Again, very usual, with spilled juice and jelly sliding off of toast commonly adorning our table… But it wasn’t until I stood up and turned to look towards the table in the dining room that I understood.

My daughter had caught her coloring paper on fire in a tea light candle, (the reason for the burnt smell) and it had melted a hole in the table cloth (hence her “sticky” description of the table)

Be assured that by this time the fire was already out, and the table was easily cleaned up. It wasn’t a terrible mess.  There was no call to 911 or anything. Baby girl wasn’t remotely singed, or even concerned really.

begin mental rehearsal here:  I am a good mother.  I am a good mother.  I am a good mother… etc.  etc.

The fact is, no matter what I do or how much I love my family, and regardless of the perfect moments, there are days when I’d like to back out.  After this day in particular, I had to ask, “Lord, really?  Are you sure this is what You called me to do? Because, I’m not good at it. ”  On days like today I question the wisdom of a God who would call me to do this work, when clearly, I’m absolutely not capable.

But there is true beauty in His merciful and loving answers and such with such grace He ministers those answers to me, all the while I’ve shifted into reverse.

In my outright fear of failure, fear of mistakes, fear of missing the correct choices – He spoke to me so clearly from a children’s book I’ve been reading with my little people.  The words rang out like a bell from my very own voice, and they’ve been resonating thru my mind and following me throughout my home ever since.

May I share this brief passage with you?  It is from a simple advent book called, “Jotham’s Journey.”  At this point in the story Jotham is a ten year old boy, alone, hurt, and scared out of his mind… when a special rescuer comes to his aid.

* * * * *

“There, there, little one.  Be at peace,” the stranger said softly (to Jotham). Seeing the smile on the man’s face, Jotham calmed a little and stopped struggling.  There was a bright glow around the man’s head, and his face beamed with kindness.  “I heard you calling the name of Jehovah,” he said gently.  “And so I came.”

Sometimes the fears we have are imagined, and sometimes they are real.  Sometimes we are caught in situations over which we have no control, and sometimes we cause those situations ourselves.  But God’s word to Israel and to us is always the same: “Do not fear; I will help you.”

* * * * * *

always the same.  I will help you. 

Once again, He has taken the time to remind me, it is okay to keep moving forward in this work He’s called me to.  God, My Heavenly Father is here to help when I call. I don’t need to fear because He is a good father.  In fact, He has made the only way to find help, thru Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  Otherwise, it is impossible for me to be a good mother on my own.  Really, I can apply these thoughts not just to motherhood, but to every piece of my life.  He is present.  He will help.   No backing out, just relying on Him and the promise of His provision for the journey.