days of grace

(My three favorite little people, who offer me more Christ-like grace than I ever thought I needed or deserved.  I love them so!)

Saturday morning I woke up in a panic.  There were not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything that had accumulated on my to-do list, and I knew it.  In fact, I knew it so well, that I had worried about it in my sleep.  And when I woke up that morning, my whole body ached from the tension.

I was a wreck.

In my typical fashion, I lay in bed, and tried to pretend that it was no big deal, until Michael woke up. Noticing that I was tied up in knots, he simply asked, “What’s wrong?”

I dissolved into tears.

I tried to explain what was going on.  There was cleaning and laundry, a myriad of errands, grocery shopping, haircuts, preparation for Sunday, cooking and baking for company that was coming into town, and that’s just the stuff that I didn’t cut from the list.  All of the items on this master list had their own individual lists.

I was on the brink of hyperventilating and smearing snot and tears everywhere, when he said, “Give yourself a little grace, here.”

Well, “Of all the nerve!” I thought to myself, “Doesn’t he know? I’m not the type of gal who needs grace!  Not for my house work! I make lists and I get things done. period.”

grace.  It felt like his suggestion was an insult.

The fact of the matter is this:   In many ways I’ve regularly applied His grace to my heart for other needs, but not like this.  Not as a housewife and the keeper of my home.  I’ve always had the “I am woman, hear me roar!” kind of mindset.   But, at this stage in my life and everything it entails, I have to surrender to grace instead of perfection. We all know perfection is a myth anyway, but often I find it hard to rely on His grace as the gift that it is; often I think of it as a cop-out, or a sign of weakness.

Living within the means of His Grace, requires me to acknowledge my inadequacies:  I am weak.  I cannot make it on my own.   I need this all sufficient grace.

But let me tell you about this Scripture from John 1 that has rolled around in my mind all weekend:

¹⁴ And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. ¹⁵ (John bore witness about him, and cried out, “This was he of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.’”) ¹⁶ For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.

He came to earth full of this very grace that I need.  When I received Him, in His fullness, I received enough grace for myself, and more to give away to others.  Grace, for strength to accomplish what I normally cannot in my own flesh, but also grace to believe that it is okay when I make a mistake, or things don’t turn out the way I planned.

And Saturday, let me tell you, I needed grace upon grace upon grace.   Many items on my lists were checked off.  But, many more were left undone.  My out of town company had clean towels and good food, but the rest of my laundry did not get done.  My house was tidy, but not spic ‘n span clean.

Do you know what happened?  nothing.  My family survived and continues to love me, in spite of my shortcomings.   I’ve realized it is okay to need grace for this very specific place in my life.  He knew I’d need it, that’s why He came, and why He continues to offer it so freely.

Thank you Heavenly Father, for this life that you given me – that your grace flows through all of the moments of my life, and is always enough.  Let my days be grace-filled days, and remind me as your follower, to offer that same grace to others.  amen.