(my sweet baby girl, now four years old! and I ask myself the obligatory question, “Where has the time gone?” After looking over some of her birthday photos, I was reminded of my first blog post ever, more than 3 1/2 years ago. I thought I’d share it with you today… )
Well its 5:26 in the morning, I’ve just finished feeding Mackenzie. It was sweet this morning – she sort of whispered and cooed to me and stopped to smile at me a lot. As I put her back in her bed I had a haunting thought – How in the world am I going to remember this moment five years from now. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to seal the time away in my long term memory – I’m not sure it worked.
I thought about my other sweet babies and wondered – how am I going to remember the special moments – when Isaac puts his little arms around my neck and says “I wuv you mommy” – or like last night Emily had a victory, scoring her first soccer goal of the season. She turned to me and gave me the big double thumbs up- it was so cute and I was the proudest mommy ever at a soccer game!!
I can’t help but have a bit of remorse – why didn’t I work out a plan? Why didn’t I know I’d want to remember more? I should have taken into account my forgetfulness a bit sooner…
My great grandmother was probably my favorite grandparent – We called her GG. She was amazing. She was very sharp – she always had her wits about her til she passed away at the age of 90. She did the crossword in the newspaper every day and I remember thinking how smart she must be. GG passed along a love for many important things like lightening storms and sunsets (we’d watch them from her front porch on a hot summer night in Ottumwa). There were snowballs, the hostess kind, that were a highly favored snack at GG’s house. And there were many other wonderful things. But there was poetry with GG.
Yes, my GG started reading poetry and memorizing it with my sister and me when we were very young. There was a special poem we would read by Longfellow called “The Children’s Hour.” (the book is on my shelf in the living room now…)
I actually thought of the poem this morning, while I snuggled Mackenzie a bit longer than usual. The last verse rolled through my mind, as I was sitting with my sweet baby doll and it dawned on me. All along I had thought this poem was a sweet reminder of how much she loved my sister and I. But now I realize this was a pledge of remembering, promising to hold each memory close to her heart. And maybe not each exact memory but the intangible feeling of it perhaps, the way it feels in the deepest part of your heart. I find myself making the pledge to my own children this morning with the last stanza of the poem:
“I have you fast in my fortress,
and I will not let you depart.
But put you down in the dungeon,
In the round tower of my heart.
And there I will keep you forever,
Yes, forever and a day,
Til the walls shall crumble in ruin,
and moulder in dust away.”
Thank you GG for helping me get my plan together.
md
(very first blog entry written November 17, 2009)
(Christmas 2009)
daily portion 