Take your Meds

I stood in my bathroom staring at the tube of gel in my hand.  It read, “Targretin.”  And it was not a new brand of toothpaste I was contemplating, I can tell you that much.

Michael came in to check on me, after a fair amount of time had passed.   I hadn’t applied the gel yet… I hadn’t even opened it.   The cap was still screwed on, tightly in place.

As we stood there with the silence hovering around us, I realized something:

The reason opening the gel and applying it was so difficult was, there was a mental hurdle I needed to clear.   If I unscrewed the top, and squeezed out the medicine and spread it on, it meant one thing.  To use this gel meant I needed it…  I had to acknowledge this one thing: I have lymphoma.

And as much as this medicine was the first line of defense and the initial means to possible healing and recovery, it also was  the first time I had to truly admit my sickness.

I preferred denial – and this tube of gel I was holding in my hand was keeping me from it.

Needless to say, my husband (who did I mention is a patient saint?)  helped me through it and I am in treatment now, applying the gel four times a day.  It appears to be working,  which brings so much hope.

As I’ve thought about the situation since, I’ve realized how much I was living out my spiritual life in a similar way.  How often avoid reading Scripture or applying God’s Word!  And why?  Because to pick up God’s Word and read, means one thing:  I have to acknowledge my sin-sick heart.  To hold His Word up like a mirror to my life brings the realization of who I am.  Ugh!

Oh how easy it would be to live in denial of my true condition!

But, there is good news.  There is one sure cure for my heart. The very same Scripture that points out the disease and the ugliness of my heart, also offers the very medicine my heart needs:  forgiveness, healing and peace and other innumerable, immeasurable gifts from His Spirit.   There is blessing for those who are hearers and doers:

James 1 says this:

²² But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. ²³ For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; ²⁴ for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was.²⁵ But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

Thank you Heavenly Father, for all of the good gifts that I find in your Word.  Help me to continually look at myself in the mirror of your Words, and engage in the healing and forgiveness that you offer.  Keep me applying the medicine of Your Word, so that instead of denial, I’m living in the center of your will, forgiven and healed.  amen.

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One of my favorite songs, by Andrew Peterson is “All You’ll Ever Need” – and I thought I’d share it here today…   I’m realizing daily just how much I need Him more than anything else!