March 2013 was (and I think I will always remember it this way) the longest month of my life ever. It feels like a year has passed. maybe two.
On the afternoon of February 19th I spent a great deal of time reading Scripture and praying alone in my bedroom. I had received very difficult news about my health, and I was waiting. waiting for further results – and in the midst of the delay, I was searching. Searching for hope and peace.
In my typical fashion, I searched for comfort in the Scriptures that I know well. I began with Isaiah 43… Who wouldn’t?
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I love this passage,even beyond these first verses in the chapter because He claims to be “your Savior” and “the LORD your God” many times over. He promises I won’t drown in the rising current, and I won’t get burned by the fiery trial…
But, I confess to you I had never read much beyond these first verses. On February 19th, I read beyond to these words:
Bring My sons from afar,
And My daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 Everyone who is called by My name,
Whom I have created for My glory;
I have formed him, yes, I have made him.”
8 Bring out the blind people who have eyes,
And the deaf who have ears.
9 Let all the nations be gathered together,
And let the people be assembled.
Who among them can declare this,
And show us former things?
Let them bring out their witnesses, that they may be justified;
Or let them hear and say, “It is truth.”
10 “You are My witnesses,” says the Lord,
This is what I gathered in those quiet moments: If you were blind and can see now, or if you were deaf, but can hear now – come out and be my witnesses. And in the stillness, I heard Him calmly say… “How about you? Do you want to be My witness?”
I closed my Scriptures and said, “No. I want to be healthy.”
I don’t feel guilty about it because even Jesus asked that His cup of suffering be taken from Him, right?
But, not long after I read this portion:
“And My servant whom I have chosen,
That you may know and believe Me,
And understand that I am He.
Before Me there was no God formed,
Nor shall there be after Me.
11 I, even I, am the Lord,
And besides Me there is no savior.
12 I have declared and saved,
I have proclaimed,
And there was no foreign god among you;
Therefore you are My witnesses,”
Says the Lord, “that I am God.
13 Indeed before the day was, I am He;
And there is no one who can deliver out of My hand;
I work, and who will reverse it?”
He was asking gently, “I’m choosing you. Won’t you be my witness?”
In that moment, I said yes, but honestly its a slow and tentative surrender. His daily acquisition has been calm and peaceful… And I can say now, (at least today) without reservation, or hesitation that I want to be His witness.
My realization? To be an authentic witness my experiences of Him have to be first hand. With my own eyes, my own heart, mind and body I have to see Him at work. To be His faithful witness, I have to step into the valley allowing Him to be my one true Savior, walking with me, delivering me. To be His witness I have to speak up when His salvation is at work, to testify of Who He is.
Let me be that witness now: He has completely consumed my thoughts, when I’m awake in the long day or the sleepless night. Daily, no hourly, He saves me from my own worst imaginations and nightmares, whispering His promises in my ear and singing His songs to my heart. While I wait for His complete healing, there is another healing of my heart and mind in progress.
He is the LORD and beside Him there is no other Savior.
May He continue to give me the strength to be His witness on this journey. amen.
daily portion 