I stared at the computer screen, eyes narrowed. Surely, if I keep looking long enough the email will disappear. It won’t be there and that’ll be that. Everything will go back to normal and I won’t have to make the decision.
I blinked and squinted again.
It was still there. *sigh* Now what ?
I closed my laptop with a bit of a thud. Why? Why is someone asking this of me? Something so far outside of my comfort zone? My first, mostly human, response? No. Absolutely not! How could they even make a request so ridiculous? Surely there is someone else better qualified…
These days, I want to do what my Heavenly Father wants me to do, really, I do. But, sometimes I have a hard time knowing for sure what that is. In this case, even if I knew for sure it was Him tapping me on the shoulder, I’d still have to run a mile outside my comfort zone in order to agree to it.
And this new thing, it seemed so crazy to me, I was going to have to pray. A lot.
As I tried to let my brain connect with my heart and consider it all, my head felt cloudy. Sinful, proud thoughts intermingled with seemingly holy ideas and desires, all at the same time, swirling, in a thick, dense fog that wouldn’t clear. And I begged Him, “Heavenly Father, please ease my confusion… How can I know? I. just. don’t. know.”
It just so happened that I heard the words to an old hymn that I hadn’t heard in a long time, and as the lyrics went through my mind, I sang them like a prayer from the bottom of my heart…
Search me, O God,
And know my heart today;
Try me, O Savior,
Know my thoughts, I pray.
See if there be
Some wicked way in me;
Cleanse me from every sin
And set me free.I praise Thee, Lord,
For cleansing me from sin;
Fulfill Thy Word,
And make me pure within.
Fill me with fire
Where once I burned with shame;
Grant my desire
To magnify Thy Name.Lord, take my life,
And make it wholly Thine;
Fill my poor heart
With Thy great love divine.
Take all my will,
My passion, self and pride;
I now surrender, Lord
In me abide.
It was a simple prayer, requesting forgiveness, offering to surrender again. And within moments, literally it was moments, the Son began to shine on my heart, burning the fog away that had settled. And I knew. I knew what He wanted me to do.
Can you believe that ever since I agreed to do this thing that I never thought someone would ask me to do, I have had unimaginable peace? Actually, its been an incredible and unrelenting peace. Because I know He’s the one asking, I also know He will be the one to give the grace, sufficient enough to help me do the work. No longer is it just a nice thought, or pleasant platitude for me; it’s an amazing promise that I am watching Him fulfill in my heart daily.
2Corinthians 12:8-10 is still true today. I’m reading it again this morning and believing it more than ever!
8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
daily portion 
Good, Melody. God will give you the strength you need and the knowledge, and WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO SAY TO BE A BLESSING! Love, Mom (see you soon)