mastery level

This is my super-smarty pants girl, Emily!  I’m so proud of her!

My palms were sweaty, a lump was in my throat. I’ve never liked test taking, you know.  Not once in my scholastic history do I remember saying, “Yes!  Its exam week!” or, “I can’t wait to test on this material!”  Nope.  Not my favorite.   Fourteen years ago, I was quite content to be finished with my formal education.

This week, here at the end of our fourth grade year, is the first time that I have done assessment testing with Emily in our home schooling.  We began today with the English Grammar and Composition tests.  In all sincerity, today’s test taking was much worse than taking a test of my own back in school, because really, the outcome of today’s test was an assessment of my teaching just as much as it was an overview of her knowledge.

gulp.

double gulp.

As she quietly answered questions at the kitchen table, I paced up and down the hall.  back and forth.  I tried to be patient.  I tried to stay out of it.  I tried to remain calm.  We spent the better part of our day, doing a section and then taking a break; completing another section and breaking again;  it was far too long to do continuously.

This evening as I sat down to grade her work, I was pleasantly surprised to find my sweet girl at Mastery Level in almost every area, with the exception of one or two small sections, and she came out on top with roughly a 91%.  I couldn’t have been more pleased.  She and I hugged and I kissed her on the forehead and hugged her again and told her how proud I was of her efforts and all that she had learned this year. It was a triumphant moment, to be sure!

mastery level.  I began to think about those words tonight after she went to bed and I had a few moments to myself.  There are so many places in my life where I am learning lessons.  I try to absorb God’s Word and then live it… but, no matter what I do, the test comes to try my heart’s status and I don’t pass.  Surely I’m not the only one in this place… I know what to do, but the smallest thing comes up and I’m not able to do it.

When dealing with my children, sometimes I find myself void of patience- it is one of the areas where I am regularly tested – and regularly, I fail.  Today a situation presented itself.  Gulp.  It was a test, and I knew it the minute it happened.  double gulp.   Two of my sweet little people, who will remain nameless, were pushing my buttons with disobedience and disregard for my warnings. But, I was able to maintain a calm and reasonable response.  My pitch was not tense, and I spoke from my heart firmly, but with love.

Afterwards, I felt the joy of success and the need to fist bump, or high five someone!  But instead, I turned my heart with thankfulness to my Heavenly Father.  “Did you see that!  Did You?!?  I did it!  We did it!”  And I knew He would have high fived me…Okay, I realize its not mastery level.  I’m barely at partial mastery.  Certainly not a 91. Definitely not 100.  But, its a start.  I feel like my heart and mind are beginning to pass the test.   And I’m thankful He hasn’t given up on me yet, the slow learner that I am.

good words to remember from Job 23: 10-11

But He knows the way that I take;
When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.
My foot has held fast to His steps;
I have kept His way and not turned aside.

The good news is this:  while I want to be the mother, wife, sister, daughter friend that is following Him with my whole heart, He loves me no matter what – imperfections, wrong answers and all.  Someday, when all is made right and we are with Him forever, the tests will be done – and there will be no more exams ; only Heaven-  the place of total and perfect mastery.  and no more gulping.

Heavenly Father, Thank you for the victories today, in the grammar test and on my heart’s test.  All success is from you, and I am so grateful for these results today.  It has brought so much joy to our family.  thank you.  amen.