It was along about Friday morning I became concerned. Maybe I wouldn’t see it again for a while, my daughter’s smile, that is. I’d spent all week long out of pocket; no time for cooking, for laundry, for blogging, for working out… Only medicine and comfort levels, a touch of worry, but mostly searching for that smile. That was all.
On Friday morning I had to leave for a conference, and my sweet girl was left without her mama. So, I drove and I thought and I thought some more. I was heart sick that she was not better yet. And her little mouth wasn’t healing as quickly as I had anticipated.
You know, as a mother, I can handle if I’m not well. I can manage if my hubby is ill. But, my babies – no. It is not okay with me. I began to question my Heavenly Father. Because that is what I do, when I don’t agree with His timing or His plan. “How can you do this to my girl? And why aren’t you making her body heal quickly?” And there are no answers for these questions this side of Heaven. Only He has the specific answers.
I realized as I drove to Atlanta that there could be many reasons for this brief trial with my girl… The foremost reason in my mind became very clear. If nothing else, this hardship was exposing my doubt in the goodness of my Heavenly Father. The moment things do not go my way, I question. It is embarrassing how it seems immediate. How fickle I am. How human!
Yesterday I read a quote that said something along these lines: My definition of good is anything that benefits me. God’s definition of good is anything that makes me more like Jesus. whoa. These words brought me to my knees. Oh Lord, let me embrace this short time of difficulty with patience and endurance and belief.
Here are words that are moving me closer to His heart, with belief:
26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
There is One who knows and is moving on my behalf, for my good, which is always His purpose. After dwelling on this passage, my heart began to endorse His will, over mine. His wisdom, over my earthly knowledge and His timing over my schedule.
Today, it appeared, for the first time in a week. I can’t tell you how happy I was to see it. I’m so grateful that we are finally on the mend. Her mouth, and my heart, both.
Thank you Heavenly Father for the work you continue to do in my heart. Let me be willing to accept every effort, willing to change my heart and mind. amen.
daily portion 