I sat in the waiting room. waiting. waiting. waiting. If I had finger nails, I would have been biting them. What was taking so long? I don’t have the nerves for waiting. Finally. The doctor appeared at the door; we’re half-way done and she’s doing well, he says. And he disappears down the hall.
more waiting. What else is there to do? Nothing, that’s what.
**************************
I am my mother’s daughter. My mom, Rose, has never been one to slow down too much. She’s always had the capacity for a high-powered, fast-paced life. In a lot of ways, I’ve patterned my thought processes by watching her, and I think it can be summed up with this statement: “Don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today.” Perseverance and hard work are highly appreciated, with a “let’s get this job done” mentality… There is nothing that can’t be included in a day’s work… and in a lot of ways, there is nothing wrong with this ideal…
*******************
He brought my girl out, wobbly legged and chipmunk-cheeked. Eyes wide open, a few tears welling – I knew we needed to get home ASAP. But, we couldn’t. There was waiting required at the pharmacy. Slow seconds ticked by and me, I was terribly antsy – almost jittery… I found myself begging the tech at the window for kindness, and could she hurry for on my sweet girl’s behalf?
20 minutes and we were on the road home.
We got home in record time, just in time for me to realize, we had all the time in the world. How had I not seen the future? We were going to have to slow down. No school work, no playing outside, no piano practicing. Everything needed to be put on hold so that my sweet girl could rest and relax- and let her mouth heal.
I found myself sitting nearby, she on the couch, me in my white leather chair, waiting. I did some laundry and other bits and pieces of housework. But mostly, I waited on her, keeping track of her medicine schedule, did she need a sip of something to drink? Was she okay, was she hurting?
On recovery day two, I found myself a bit uneasy trying to set aside my need to “do everything”, so that I could focus on just taking care of my girl. At the end of the day, I found I had spent many of my hours chasing my tail, trying to mind my other little ones, get house work done, spend moments with Emily, more work, a few meaningful seconds with my younger children and I was exhausted. Frustrated, I headed to bed. How could it be that I had done so much and at the same time, a lot of nothing at all!
It was then I realized, this was His way of helping me SLOW. I could look at these moments over the next few days as an opportunity, or a problem. Either I could continue in frustration and angst about not working as hard as “normal”, or I could relax and let myself off the hook and enjoy my moments with all of my children.
Examples of ‘new to me’ thought patterns: Is there sand on the floor? Sure, but let’s read our books first – I’ll sweep later. Are there a few dishes on the kitchen counter? Maybe, but Mackenzie won’t want me to play with her and the dollhouse forever; she’ll move on and forget she wanted me to play with her. Dishes will wait until I go into the kitchen to make lunch.
And maybe, this was how I should have been considering life anyway… moment to moment, my time with my kids first, then squeezing in my “work” as needed.
Obviously: Often there are many loads of laundry that need to be done, or the kitchen needs to be cleaned – those things are unavoidable, no doubt. But, maybe this, my here and now of waiting for Emily to get better, is also a place of transition; It seems permission has been granted for me to rethink how important those things are to me. Maybe those are the items that need to be squeezed into my day, rather than my children.
Let me add here : I homeschool, so yes, I spend almost all of my waking hours with my children… But, it is very easy to live a “separated life” where I invest in teaching my children – but don’t slow down to enjoy it. I’m consumed with completing the work that’s required, but I forget it is OKAY to stop, soak in it, love it- and love them in those minutes.
***********************
Work is good. I know that God gave me, as an individual, work to do. But here is the truth : when perseverance and faithfulness are overcome by an overachiever attitude and a prideful heart – I have made a wrong turn. And so, today, He’s started here, at the core – beginning His work first in my heart. Then, I can treat my children as I should, as a treasured gift that the Heavenly Father has given me. He has put me right smack dab in the middle of the big slow down to help me learn and be renewed in my thoughts! What a comfort to know He’s moving in my heart and teaching me what I need to learn. And tho’ I’m a slow learner, He is patiently guiding me one day at a time.
Thank you Lord, for giving me the time and a heart to slow.
*****************************
And these are His words of peace to me, from Scripture, today, from Isaiah 54… in His lovingkindness, He has reminded me of His promises today…His mercy on me, everlasting lovingkindness towards me and peace for my home as I continue in this calling as a mother:
10 For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,”
Says the Lord, who has mercy on you.
11 “O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
12 I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.
14 In righteousness you shall be established;
You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
And then these encouraging words from Galatians 6, taking heart, not growing weary in the middle of this good work… the Spirit will continue it thru me…
8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. 9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.
daily portion 