Today we attended Emily’s second ever piano recital. She played three songs from memory absolutely perfectly. It was amazing. I couldn’t have been more proud. The moments were captured on video and I’m sure we will watch it again and again.
You may know that there are many, many piano recitals in my history. Most of them I was playing the piano on the program. In fact, I don’t really know how to sit and fully listen at a recital. I’m used to focusing on my performance. But today things changed.
Previously, I’ve been the recital performer, anxiously waiting my turn, playing with enthusiasm and looking forward to compliments and encouragement at the end of the ordeal. This was my operating mode at recitals in the past. Always playing, never listening – I was the one being recorded, or photographed, rarely was I the one holding the video camera or microphone.
As a grown woman, who rarely gets to play my beloved instrument, I am not the pianist I was. What used to be such a huge part of me has been torn from my clutches. And not willingly, I might add. It has been a long road, but God in his rich mercy has worked at molding my identity, at changing my perception of myself.
In my earlier years I would have viewed my worth based on “Melody, pianist.” But as that title has been slowly stripped away, underneath He has shown me a new “Melody.” I am now “Melody, beloved of the Heavenly Father.” I am a daughter of the King – its a far better title than any that I had previously attributed to myself.
Today, I held my camera with shaking hands while videoing my precious daughter play her three songs. At this recital, I was “Emily’s Mom” and absolutely proud to be. Not many years ago it would have been so difficult to be anything other than the performer. But today, in this new role, I can tell you I was at ease. Who I am no longer has anything to do with what I can accomplish, or what sonata I can play. But, it has everything to do with the One who loves me. As I live and breathe and move, belonging to Him, I can be whoever He wants me to be.
Thank you Heavenly Father for the peace and rest that comes from being loved with such an everlasting, unconditional love.
I Am His and He is Mine…
Loved with everlasting love, led by grace that love to know;
Gracious Spirit from above, Thou hast taught me it is so!
O this full and perfect peace! O this transport all divine!
In a love which cannot cease, I am His, and He is mine.
In a love which cannot cease, I am His, and He is mine.
Heav’n above is softer blue, Earth around is sweeter green!
Something lives in every hue Christless eyes have never seen;
Birds with gladder songs o’erflow, flowers with deeper beauties shine,
Since I know, as now I know, I am His, and He is mine.
Since I know, as now I know, I am His, and He is mine.
Things that once were wild alarms cannot now disturb my rest;
Closed in everlasting arms, pillowed on the loving breast.
O to lie forever here, doubt and care and self resign,
While He whispers in my ear, I am His, and He is mine.
While He whispers in my ear, I am His, and He is mine.
His forever, only His; Who the Lord and me shall part?
Ah, with what a rest of bliss Christ can fill the loving heart!
Heav’n and earth may fade and flee, firstborn light in gloom decline;
But while God and I shall be, I am His, and He is mine.
But while God and I shall be, I am His, and He is mine.
md
originally written may 16, 2010.
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