I’m sitting on my bed in my pj’s. Heavens, there are a lot of possibilities for the day. People to see, places to go, things to do. So, what am I doing? I’m snuggled up under the covers. Not moving. Usually I take the bull by the horns. I look at what is on the calendar, itemize my to-do list in order of importance and we’re on our way. That’s how I do things. Simple, really. But not today. I’m still in my bed.
I’m frozen in place.
Today a friend is coming to my house to talk about home schooling with me. I’m looking forward to it; she’s a veteran – and I still consider myself a newbee. I’m trying to process all of the things we’ll be talking about, but I can’t. My brain is stuck.
I’m suspended in mid-air, with no apparent way back to my reality. Everything seems to be just out of my reach…
Even with my head completely submerged beneath my duvet, I’m reminded of something by a familiar voice (where can I go that He doesn’t find me?) : All motion, all thoughts need to come from God. So often its easy to create my own lists, my own activities, while requesting blessing on my plans.
Today is a perfect example of how I should be: pleading for mercy. waiting on Him. listening and alert for His guidance.
When I feel fluid and completely able, that’s a bad sign. It means I am too self reliant. Thankfully, on today, a day when I need to think clearly and make some thoughtful decisions about Emily and Isaac’s education, He has made sure I won’t mess it up. My Heavenly Father seems to have disabled me, just enough to render me helpless.
from Psalm 86:
5 You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.
6 Hear my prayer, LORD; listen to my cry for mercy.
7 When I am in distress, I call to you, because you answer me.
8 Among the gods there is none like you, Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.
9 All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, Lord; they will bring glory to your name.
10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.
11 Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
12 I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.
13 For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths, from the realm of the dead.
Here I am, Heavenly Father. I’m begging for your thoughts, your wisdom, your words, your life; will you give me a heart undivided, fully focused on You. That is what I need to be able to get out from under the covers this morning. Thank you for the great love that you continue to show towards me – for delivering me from myself. amen.
And now, I’d better hop out of bed – I’ve got lots of things He’s planning for me to do today.
md
written originally on march 28, 2011.
daily portion 