I am a pianist by trade. I play the piano. I teach it. I love it. For a long time growing up it was my life. Everything revolved around sitting on the bench at the keys. It was my first love. It was also my first real idol.
The more I practiced, the more I gained power, the more it shaped who I was, the better I became at playing, the more I practiced… you can see the cycle. I loved playing and I loved being good at it.
My parents raised me in church. Almost literally. And so, from an early age, as they realized my talent, they tried to teach me that I should use this gift for Him. He had blessed my fingers and I should play for Him in return.
Giving my idol to Him was complicated.
Wrapped around this beautiful gift He had given me, entwined with my fingers was pride, a haughty and power-hungry spirit. He wanted me to worship Him with my fingers. I was just worshipping my fingers.
As I grew as a believer, I became more and more aware of my sinful heart. I was able to lay down my love for the instrument and my prowess in exchange for my love of Him. The process was long and arduous, but over time I have learned to love Him more than the piano. Well, most days, anyway. Admittedly, It is ongoing.
All of this is a brief history that brings me to today. Over time I have become so aware of my responsibility to lay my gift at His feet, to play for His glory that I forgot something. I have not been thankful. I have been obliged, but not thankful.
For the first time in a long time all of that changed. Today I played in worship services. As my fingers passionately ran across the keys, my heart was full. I played things that the Holy Spirit ordained, right from my tips and I was completely out of control – only under His control. As I felt His anointing wash over me, I was glad. Glad that my fingers were worshiping, playing music from my heart to His. It was almost more than I could stand.
There have been times when I have used worship for my own purposes. However, today I was able to play and I was thankful. The journey has been long, but I can finally use something He has given me, something I love so much to show how much more I love Him. And I told Him, right there on the bench.
“Thank you for letting me worship this way. It is more than I could have ever hoped for...”
There is an old Dennis Jernigan that makes my heart swell every time I hear it, but in particular today it brings me to a new level of thankfulness. –
For all that you’ve done I will thank you.
For all that you’re going to do.
For all that you’ve promised and all that you are
is all that has carried me through!
Jesus I thank you.
He has brought me a mighty long way, to a new place of freedom in Him! I can’t wait to see where else this journey will carry me! Thank you Heavenly Father for letting my fingers worship!
(originally written August, 2010)
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