the chair

It wasn’t long ago that I purchased a white set of table and chairs from IKEA.  They are just the right size for my littlest, Mackenzie.  My intention was that she would use them during our school time – to sit and look at books, or color.  That was my plan anyway.

But, you have to know my feisty little toddler.  In her mind the table and in particular the two chairs have many, many alternate uses.  If she’s anything, my little Mackenzie is bold and creative.  A take charge baby girl who knows what she wants.

Recently, on a cold afternoon, I was sitting in the living room, reading.  Mackenzie was pushing one of her white chairs across the room.  She had a lot to tell me that day, and so, repeatedly she would push the chair right up to my chair and crawl up to a standing, tippy-toe position to step into my lap.

Typically I’m not overly cautious when it comes to these maneuvers.  But honestly, on the third or fourth time of this rigamarole I said, “Mackenzie, really, you don’t have to use the chair.  I’ll pick you up – you can sit on my lap!” And I meant it.  She didn’t need the chair to get close to me.  But, she insisted.  “No mommy!  I must use my chair to stand next to you!”  and that’s exactly what she said, I promise.  over and over. every time.

I couldn’t get her to understand:  she didn’t need that chair.

That afternoon of shenanigans with my baby girl, has made me think.  How often do I use something, just like she used that chair, hoping to get close to my Heavenly Father?  And the more I’ve thought that question through, the more uncomfortable I’ve become. I have a lot of different “chairs” I’m using, up on tip toes, trying to get up close and personal with my Heavenly Father.  Thing like : church attendance, good behavior, false humility, oh heavens this list is long and embarrassing, I can’t bear to reveal them all…

But.  Here is the truth.  I don’t need any of those things.  No matter how often I push up close to Him to get His attention, clutching those things, insisting on them, He is saying, “No, no sweet girl.  You don’t need those.  Come close to me and I’ll pick you up and hold you – everything else is unnecessary.  I promise.  Don’t you know, I just want you?”

And I suppose I don’t.  I mean, I do in my head.  But, I forget in my heart.  He loves me.  It is unconditional.  His grace is unaffordable in the economy of my life, if I were paying with my own actions.  But time and time again He pulls me close to Himself when I’ve done nothing to deserve it.  How amazing.  How wonderful.

Since my memory is so terrible, I read these verses a lot, hoping it will settle permanently into the very depths of my heart…  I am so thankful for these words that Paul wrote in his letter to Ephesus:

Ephesians 2:

⁴ But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,⁵ even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), ⁶ and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Heavenly Father, How I need these reminders, these words of promise.  I have hope for each day because of your love and grace.  May I live with your grace at the heart of my words and deeds.  amen.

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the lyrics to a song by Sara Groves, are so true and real to me today…

Something Changed.

Something changed inside me broke wide open all spilled out
Till I had no doubt that something changed

Never would have believed it till I felt it in my own heart
In the deepest part the healing came

Something so amazing in a heart so dark and dim
When a wall falls down and the light comes in

And I cannot make it
And I cannot fake it
And I can’t afford it
But it’s mine