I sat at the computer and reviewed the album this morning. I’m not sure why. I just needed to hear it, I guess. It wasn’t long ago that Michael and I recorded it. Well, it doesn’t seem long ago – but it was several years ago when the leaves were changing colors that we played a few of our favorite worship songs in front of a microphone in our living room. I guess it was seven years ago…
Yes. It was seven years ago that I desperately wanted to belong somewhere. But no matter where I looked, I couldn’t find a good fit. We were searching for a church home, I was working at an insurance company (which felt so strange for this young musician) and I had just been through a miscarriage. I felt like such a misfit in so many ways.
And it hurt.
The album we recorded turned out quite nicely and we gave it as Christmas gifts to close friends and family. One of the simple tunes we recorded still resonates with me all of this time later. And particularly this morning…
My heart belongs to You. My heart belongs to You.
I’ll never give myself to another. My heart belongs to You.
It is simple, really. I want to belong. Doesn’t everyone? I want to feel like I fit in somewhere, that what I have to offer is special, important. and it is. I know it is because my Heavenly Father says so. But, when I heard the lyrics to this song this morning, they meant something so different.
I do belong to Him. I know I do. But there are moments I find myself trying fit in better other places by giving my heart away to other things. Its on days, kind of like today, that I forget and I run into trouble. When I give a small piece of my heart to perfection, or to envy, to self-promotion, to pride, bit by bit I’m removing myself from the place I need to be the most.
I want to be clear: I don’t lose my place in the palm of His hand; He doesn’t change. He isn’t elusive or on the run. Its my heart that is unfaithful. But He graciously whispers reminders, like this one:
from Psalm 73:
23 Yet I still belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.
And it is confirmed. He promises. Not earthly circumstances. Not my poor choices. No matter what, I will always fit right in the palm of His hand.
He is mine forever and I belong to Him.
daily portion 