attitude adjustment…

They say that confession is good for the soul.  But, if it is all the same to you I hope we can keep this blog post just between us friends, okay?

I remember one of the first times I was offered an attitude adjustment.  I was little, maybe four… my dad was the one offering.  If my memory serves me correctly I had bitten my sister when we were fighting over something.  My dad, was preparing to spank me, in hopes of moving my heart and change my future behavior.  My heart was dark and sinful, I needed help seeing the light.

I’ve been given similar attitude adjustments all along the way in my life, but none like yesterday.  Nope.  Not even close.

It all began a few months ago.  Michael and I walked through the open house of a beautiful new house on the south side of Chattanooga.  We fell in love with it and immediately began thinking about selling our house and purchasing a new one.  But, after a meeting with our real estate agent, and a lot of thinking and praying, my husband wisely made the decision to wait one more year before we sell and move.  The reasons are many, but we both feel that this is what God wants.  And, the house we loved is now owned by someone else.

In the meantime, I have been making a mountain.  It is a huge gathering of reasons why I don’t like my house anymore.  It is too small, not enough bedrooms, I don’t have enough space in my kitchen, my home schooling nook is too crowded… the list goes on and on – reasons upon reasons piled high.  All helping me mount the case that I want something, that I “need” something different.

A few weeks ago my mom gave me a book… about receiving everything in life as a gift from God.  All is His grace. And, I’ve been believing it.  Or so I thought.  I’m so good at fooling myself.  As I’ve read through the book, I’ve been telling myself that I’m grateful for this house.  yep.

But, yesterday my startling attitude adjustment came when I realized this:  I am not truly being thankful if I say thank you, but turn my head to look elsewhere. Being grateful means I don’t have expectations of “better” or “different.”   From now on I need to meet Him here on a daily basis, with a thankful heart for this home, which continues to be His grace given to us.  And, if in time He takes pleasure in giving us something different, that will be His miraculous gift given to us.  For now, I will have to choose to live in the moment, thankful for this place.

When this understanding came flooding over me, in the quiet of my living room, the tears came, which turned to sobs.  The conviction was so strong, realizing my heart was so dark and sinful.  ungrateful. selfish.  greedy.    As the moments passed, I felt my attitude adjustment complete, my large pile of “reasons” swept away.  Joy in the knowledge of His goodness filled the void.  And my heart was changed.

Today I am so thankful for this place we call home.  And I am even more thankful for a good and gracious Heavenly Father who continually works, drawing me closer to Himself. It is more than I deserve, but the adjustment is always just what I need.

from Psalm 107:

⁸ Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
         And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
 ⁹ For He satisfies the longing soul,
         And fills the hungry soul with goodness.