Time is not on my side. This is the reality that has settled in since Sunday afternoon. It is not my friend – there will be no alliances formed. What brought this to my attention? It was the riding lawn mower.
My father-in-law recently purchased a brand new (to him) beautiful bright orange Husqvarna mower. We spent Sunday afternoon with them recently and he brought it out to show us. And he said the words I dreaded hearing, “Emily, would you like to drive?”
Say what?
And it happened. Instructions were given, she hopped up eagerly into the driver’s seat and was off – maneuvering around the yard, with a big grin across her face. However, I had to work up a smile. I managed to snap a few pictures, all the while feeling just a bit light headed.
My oldest, still my baby, was driving. Let’s be clear : she will always be my baby.
But, watching her, sitting proudly, steering the mower, I realized something. She is not little anymore. She is a budding, beautiful, young lady, almost 10 years old. I don’t think it had really dawned on me this way before.
ALMOST TEN YEARS OLD.
Where has the time gone? I just don’t know. Honestly. I feel like she was just born a few months ago. I like to think that I have used the hours and days wisely that the Heavenly Father has given us – but when moments of this magnitude sink in, I begin to wonder. Have I done what I need to do? More importantly, have I, as Emily’s mother, done what He wants me to do?
These questions have brought me to a new place. I know there is limited time left – none to waste. And so, I’ve been asking Him even more pertinent questions. Lord, what do you want me to do as Emily’s mother? How can I fulfill this calling? All that I have heard Him whisper in my ears is this: “Teach her to love me. Show her how to do what is right.”
Oh, is that all?
Well, that seems like an impossible task to me. But, through the power of the Holy Spirit, and the fruit that He is growing in my own life, it is not totally a loss. As I live my life in front of her, it is my prayer that she will see how to follow Him. I don’t even remotely think I’m good at it – but it is a day by day consistent persevering.
Ecclesiastes 3: 11-12 says something encouraging for my heart today:
11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. 12 I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives,
As I use each day, one at a time, I know that I can not lose time because He has ordained my days with this precious girl. I can be sure that as I continue in love, just being her mama- we will have just the right amount of days and weeks together. Time may not be on my side, but thankfully the God of this Universe is!
It is my prayer that she will be beautiful in His time. and, I believe it’s happening, even if it’s when she’s riding a lawn mower!
daily portion 
Just today, when we were up there, as Emily was locking the porch gate for Burl, I looked at Johnny and said, “she’s getting so big.” Weren’t we just locking the gates for her???
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately since Adam will be going away to college next year and Emily is starting high school this fall. I haven’t been a perfect mom, but I’m hoping that they know I much I love them despite the mistakes I’ve made over the years.