It came time to get in the car, but I didn’t want to go. I had been planning, my suitcase was packed, I was ready. Things at the house were prepared for my little family staying behind. Clean clothes in the dresser drawers, a refrigerator full of food and ready to eat, things put away in their place and easy to find. Yes. Everything was ready.
Truth is, I needed to go. I was headed to a home school convention in Atlanta, meeting up with my sister in law, to get our plans finished up for the coming school year. Its what we do every spring and I always enjoy it. There are books everywhere to pick up and review. And there are consultants available for advice about particular curriculum.
But… There is always a tiny piece of me that hates to leave for several reasons. Michael had taken a day off to spend with the kids while I was away and, well, I hate to miss out on anything fun. I also worry about my kiddos missing me or needing me while I’m away. However neither of those were my problem early Friday morning. It seemed I was dreading coming home. I’ll explain…
When a housewife and mom, like myself, spends so much time preparing the house to be ready to leave, its difficult to think about coming home to find that house in disarray. Now don’t get me wrong… My husband does the very best job of any man I know keeping the kids on his own. Everyone is fed, gets naps, is clothed, even bathed and in bed fairly close to time. And the kids have a wonderful time. But there is a blow to our home that requires house keeping to resume immediately when I get home. and that is my least favorite part about it all…
Well all of these thoughts got me to wondering when I was driving alone in my car to Atlanta in the early hours of Friday morning. I wonder if this is how my Heavenly Father feels. Have I neglected the redemptive work He’s called me to, leaving such a mess that He would not feel welcomed to return? Is it possible that maybe He doesn’t want to come back?
I feel confident I’ve made ruins of some things… it seems, at times, like the life I have lived has been less than worthy of His return.
As my weekend progressed and I was away from my children, my heart grew stronger in its affection. The longer I was in Atlanta, the more I wanted to be in Chattanooga with my favorite little ones and my sweet husband. It did not matter if my house was disheveled, if there were dirty socks on the floor or dishes in the sink. I just wanted to feel their little arms around my neck and hear their voices call out, “Mama!” The drive home couldn’t go quickly enough. I needed to be with my family.
And so it is with my Heavenly Father. He longs to fully redeem the earth that He has created, and He desires to be with me and each of His children, knowing full well the mess that has been created. When the time is right He promised to return. Does anyone know when that will be? No. Am I relieved of the responsibility of living rightly before Him? well, no. But, am I holding Him back? I don’t think so. The times and seasons are His alone to know.
John 14:1-4 says this:
1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”
This is what I do know : Some day He will return, because of His great love, not because of what we have done. He loves us with a divine, unquenchable, unsearchable love. And, He will be back soon so that we can be with Him…
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One of my favorite songs, a reminder of His great love.
How He Loves Us… (by Kim Walker)
He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me
And oh, how he loves us so,
Oh how he loves us, how he loves us so
He loves us, Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves us, Oh how he loves
We are his portion and he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So, heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
He loves us, Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves us, Oh how he loves.
daily portion 