silver

I stood and stared for a long time.  in shock.  almost horror.  I thought if I looked long enough they would disappear.  In any other situation, it would seem rude.  But I was unable to turn my head.   What had grabbed my attention?

It was my reflection in the mirror.  In fact, my hair.  Six shimmering, silver strands to be exact.  glimmering shiny platinum- white hairs on my otherwise head of very thick dark hair.

disbelief.

I grabbed my tweezers and pulled each hair out carefully and interrogated myself.  Where had they come from? Was it the stress of parenting?  Could it be other worries at home?    Might my overwhelmed state, planning for the coming school year have done it?  My list of concerns and fears are long…

Some people have told me that silver hair can be beautiful.  distinguished.  a subtile mark of wisdom.  I dismiss those ideas, because I know myself.  And I know what those white hairs meant…

They were markers.  reminders.  Each one was representative of a piece of my life, places where I am struggling for perfection, for control.  And, instead of relaxing, knowing the grace my Heavenly Father has offered, I continue to work.  I would like to be the trophy wife, nurturing mother, excelling piano teacher, efficient home maker and clever homeschooling mom…. Oh my heavens the list goes on and on and on…

Clearly, this is not wisdom in action.  Its vanity.  I’ll admit it.  Often I strive for my own gain, my own success, my own reputation.  But its not how He wants me to live.  The Heavenly Father did not give His only son for me to continue this way.  And so, the reminders – staring back at me in the mirror.  But then, tender and gracious words for me as well…

This is Scripture that has the power to heal my heart’s condition, from Ephesians 2:

⁶ And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, ⁷ in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Truly, the story of my life is this: I have been redeemed by His grace, a work of His loving kindness.  Anything that turns out well in my life, can only be to His credit.  I am His handiwork, His creation.  This is what He wants me to remember.  This is how He wants me to live.

I suppose a few silvers now and again aren’t so bad, if they keep me on track.  Maybe someday they’ll be a sign of wisdom….