There we stood, staring at each other. I jiggled the handle again. It was locked. I looked at Em, “Did you lock the door?” Her eyes looked away, “I thought it would be safer while we were playing outside. You have keys, don’t you?” Well, of course I had keys…inside. And so it was. We were prisoners of our own backyard.
I called Michael from my cell phone and he promised to leave work as soon as possible; in the meantime we would be forced to stay outside on a chili afternoon. It seemed crazy to be outdoors – things were happening inside: the tv was on, a candle was burning, the list goes on – at least I hadn’t started dinner yet. As I took Mackenzie for a walk, I realized that there would be implications which He would remind me of later.
and He did.
“You lock me out sometimes,” and that was all He had to say.
As I began to really think about it, I knew just what He meant. Often, when I make a mistake or face consequences of my sin – I shut the door in his face and turn the lock. I’m embarrassed or I imagine there is a good reason to hide something from Him, which is a ridiculous thought in itself. Maybe He’s too busy for such a small matter. I pretend that by keeping Him out and holding onto the keys, I can find some sort of relief on my own. But, really – I’m keeping the only solution at bay.
I can remember times when I’ve opened the door to let Him peek in, shoving my shame into the shadows, tucking my guilt away, hoping He wouldn’t notice. As I dwell on it now, I realize its pride, nothing less. To open the door, is a sign of surrender. It’s the first step towards being vulnerable, preparing for a deeper relationship with Him.
The reality is He sees and knows all. And, while He is gentle and patient, He doesn’t want to be on the outside. He sincerely wants to come in and hear all of the intimate details and share the burdens of my heart. There isn’t a thing that is too small: no sin He won’t forgive, no wound He can’t heal, no need He won’t satisfy.
The Heavenly Father waits.
20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. (from Revelation 3)
Those are His words. I just have to open the door. Really, I think He wants me to give Him the keys…
daily portion 