It’s day two for my sweet baby girl, Mackenzie. I’m afraid she’s down for the count. We won’t avoid a trip to our pediatrician this time around. We’ve gone from a high fever that seemed confined to bedtime accompanied by a polite cough to a chesty, productive cough, a runny nose and a consistent fever. It is safe to say she is sick.
I don’t love it when my little baby doll is ill. It is so pitiful to see her lethargic, dragging her passy and blanky around looking for some comfort. With almost no appetite, I have to work hard at getting her to eat a few goldfish. I keep her sippy cup filled with pedia light – but a little swig now and then is all she will do. It is 1:30 in the afternoon and I’m not sure she has even taken 3 ounces today. Oh my, it is so hard to see her miserable.
What I cherish is this: the long periods of snuggling; reading whole books together without her wiggling to get down and explore; watching Veggie Tales and Mickey Mouse Club House all the while cozied up on the couch under our favorite blanket. My girl wants me to hold her close when she is not feeling well, and I can’t resist indulging her.
Sometimes my heart is sick. Life can give me a good solid kick in the gut sometimes. And it hurts, no matter if it is a repercussion from my own doing or from another’s actions. Often I feel as though my heart is bruised, painful to the slightest brush of careless words or thoughtless actions. Its all a part of a bigger picture, you know, the one that depicts each of us humans as sinners who daily need God’ s grace. There is no way to be a part of this temporary earthly home without injury.
But, the good news I’m experiencing today is this: He does not take pleasure in my infirmity. Rather, He wants me to bring myself, wounded and worn, prepared to soak in His healing presence. Just the way I have such a strong desire to be a part of caring for my daughter in her sickness, all the more He longs to be at the center of my restoration. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. There are times where all I want, no, all I need is for Him to hold me tight and caress my heart and mind with promises of His affection, forgiveness and care. He always obliges. always.
The bright side of realizing my own messed up heart is the path to recovery. Its arriving at a new understanding of His constant, abiding, unfailing presence and peace. The process is ongoing; I will never be able to comprehend the fullness of the depths of His love and mercy until I reach eternity.
There is an old hymn that has been sneaking around in the background of life today – and the words draw me to a place of refreshment – I find reminders of His promise for healing and hope, that He is every bit and even more than I could possibly imagine.
O the deep, deep love of Jesus!
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me,
Is the current of Your love
Leading onward, leading homeward
To Your glorious rest above!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus!
Spread His praise from shore to shore,
How His love is never-ending,
And it changes nevermore;
How He watches o’er His loved ones,
Died to call them all His own;
How for them He’s interceding,
Watching o’er them from the throne.
O the deep, deep love of Jesus!
Love of ev’ry love the best:
‘Tis an ocean vast of blessing,
‘Tis a haven sweet of rest.
O the deep, deep love of Jesus!
‘Tis a heav’n of heav’ns to me;
And it lifts me up to glory,
With You evermore to be.
daily portion 