Tonight I had to make a run to Target for a few things. It was getting late, so Michael stayed home and put kiddos in bed while I hit the road. There is nothing more beautiful to this mommy’s weary soul at the end of the day than a quiet ride in my little black van. alone.
It has become apparent that I should spend more time in my honda by myself. Driving “alone time” seems to be when I can have clear concise thoughts. I get to listen to the music of my choice and I don’t have to settle any squabbles. I can think about lesson plans or ponder the day’s events. Look out, I might even dream about the future for a moment. Its amazing what can happen when I’m alone. in my odyssey.
What truly happens is there is space and quiet for me to hear. Usually He speaks.
Those who aren’t from my neck of the woods won’t know about the intersection of Middle Valley road and Hixson Pike. For me to get home from Target, I typically take Middle Valley Road. Tonight, I was worshipping along with one of my favorite CDs when I prepared to turn off of Hixson Pike onto Middle Valley.
Important information: Once you turn left onto Middle Valley, the double turn lane immediately merges into one lane. My Christ-like attitude is always tested at this intersection. always. And tonight was no different.
As I made the turn, a large Lexus SUV sped along beside me, nearly running me off the road so he could get ahead of me and be first in the single lane. Of course I gave him a run for his money and sped up. I even said rather loudly under my breath, “Why does everyone always think they have to be first!?!?” Okay, I yelled. So much for worshipping. At least I didn’t have to be careful since the kids weren’t in the car; I was alone after all. Or so I thought…
“Why do you always feel like you have to be first?” That’s what He asked me in the quiet of my van.
I heard His question loud and clear – and had plenty of time to think about it. Something very important hit home while I finished the drive home in silence. I am the one who always wants to be first. Selfishness. My sin nature gets the best of me – and often I don’t even notice. First in line. Top of the pile. Best of the Best. That’s what I want for me and mine. Leader of the pack. In my little black van.
But that is not how believers are supposed to respond to life in the world, according to Scripture.
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. 3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. (from Romans 12)
and…
1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (from Philippians 2)
Why is this so hard for me? Why am I the opposite of how these Scriptures suggest I should act as a believer? I have to say that, I don’t think about it much. I try to reason it away and make excuses for why its okay to ignore the passages.
It blows me away how he speaks to me, right smack dab in the middle of my journey. With one question he brings me from unsuspecting, to understanding my sinful behavior. Then He ushers me from repentance to completely forgiven and rejoicing… all of this in my odyssey, when I’m alone, but with someone.
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for continuing the work in my Heart, for noticing when You need to ask me the hard questions. I’m glad You come along for the ride in my van. You’re always invited, especially when I think I’m alone. amen.
daily portion 